by G. Benson
And Hayden tried to ignore the twist in her gut at the reminder that she and Sam still hadn’t talked.
Luce eventually left her on the bus for the rest of the trip home, and Hayden let the rumble of the engine soothe her as she sat near the front, shoulder against the cold window. There were only a few stops until home. Sam would be working late that night. Slipping out of bed that morning, leaving behind a sleeping, naked Sam for work, had not been easy.
The house was deathly quiet when Hayden got in, went to her room, dropped her bag on the floor, and flopped on her bed. She had too much to think about, but Hayden could feel sleep pulling her under. She was so tired. But a good tired, in a lot of ways. She hadn’t gotten as much as sleep as she’d needed the night before. Snapping her eyes open and sitting up, she shook her head. She shouldn’t sleep.
Shower first.
Frank glared at her for no reason. Back to normal, then.
She showered quickly and crawled into bed without clothes, tugging the covers over herself. For a second, she thought Frank would ignore her, but he walked over her back and lay down in the middle of it. The pressure was weirdly therapeutic.
It must have been hours later when something woke her up.
“Hayden?” The word was whispered, no urgency in it.
Sam.
Hayden didn’t move her face from the pillow. “Mhm?”
There was a weight on the bed, legs on either side of her own, the blanket tugged away.
Soft lips trailed down her spine, and Hayden’s breath hitched in her chest as Sam’s fingers followed the same path. Her tongue was added, light and wet on her back. Sam didn’t stop, slowly tracing her fingers over the sensitive skin of the planes of her back, her shoulder blades, up her spine, and finally the back of her neck. Hayden’s nipples were taut against the fabric of the sheet under her, and she arched up as Sam’s teeth bit into her neck and grazed over the side of her ribs. When Hayden groaned, she could feel the smile Sam gave against her skin, her chuckle rich and content.
Warm breath blew over the tips of her ear, and Hayden shuddered, her hips rocking, which matched the torturous rock of Sam’s hips where she ground down on Hayden’s ass.
“Are you awake?”
Hayden grinned, even as she gasped at Sam’s tongue running over the shell of her ear. “Definitely.”
Sam made a humming noise, and Hayden could feel her breasts against her back. The room was still dark, her body overloaded with sensation. Sam’s hand spread over the back of her neck, her fingers digging into her hair, almost roughly.
Hayden’s “fuck” turned into another low moan when Sam’s other hand slid between her hip and the mattress, her fingers sliding down. Hayden’s hips were moving in a rhythm that was completely devoid of Sam’s. “Please.”
Sam didn’t move her hand, just left it still. “You do it.”
She breathed the words into Hayden’s ear and finally slid her hand low enough, and at the pressure of her fingers, Hayden pressed her forehead into the pillow, Sam’s other hand still in her hair, tugging. When Hayden rolled her hips again, her clit rocked against Sam’s fingers, and Sam moaned louder than Hayden at the sensation.
Heat. That was all Hayden could feel—heat spreading throughout her body and heat in the very core of herself. Every time she rocked her hips, Sam’s fingers pressed against her, the hand in her hair clenching. Soon, Hayden was nearly a sobbing mess into her pillow.
“Sam.” She choked the word out. “Please.”
She didn’t know what she wanted, had no idea. Her hips moved of their own accord, the fingers of one of Hayden’s hands gripping the mattress, the other reaching up and behind her to dig her nails into Sam’s thigh.
“Please what?”
“Please.”
The hand in her hair disappeared, and Hayden actually whined, Sam’s chuckle into the back of her neck fading as Sam sat up. The warmth over her back was mostly gone, and Hayden would have missed it, but the fingers were still there, and Hayden ground down even harder. And then she knew why Sam had sat up, because her hand slid down Hayden’s back once more, over her ass, down the back of her thighs. She ran them back up, and now fingers were inside her: curving, curling, thrusting.
It built leisurely, a wave that built higher and higher.
Hayden saw stars.
She came back to earth slowly, her breathing too loud and ragged. Sam’s fingers were smoothing through her hair, her leg thrown over the backs of Hayden’s. There was no way Hayden could move. She barely managed to turn her head. The room was still so dark.
“I can’t see you,” Hayden murmured.
A rustling sound, the feeling of the bed dipping, and the bedside lamp clicked on. When Hayden finally stopped squinting, Sam’s face came into focus, at her side. Her head was pillowed on her forearm.
“Hey.”
Sam brushed hair out of Hayden’s eyes. “Hello.”
Hayden licked her lips, her brain still fuzzy, limbs heavy. “What time is it?”
“After midnight. My surgery ran long.”
“You must be tired?” Hayden asked.
“Not really.”
“If you give me like, ten minutes, I’ll regain control of my body and return the favor.”
Sam’s laugh was something Hayden wished she could bottle and carry around with her. “I don’t think it needs to work like that.”
“How does it need to work?”
Again, Hayden hated how her words spilled out. Like her brain and mouth weren’t connected.
Sam raised her eyebrows, and Hayden wanted to pull her closer, even though her face was less than a foot away. “Sex? From my experience, you seem to have a fairly good understanding of how that works, Hayden.”
Hayden pushed up a little, moving onto her side and propping her head up with her hand. “Fairly?”
Sam smirked. “You’re extremely easy to wind up.”
“And you’re cruel.”
“I didn’t hear you complaining a few minutes ago.”
Hayden’s cheeks burned. “Maybe you have a fairly good understanding too.”
“Good to know.” Sam had pulled her shirt off at some point, and Hayden ran her hand over her shoulder and down her back, her fingers running over the waistline of her jeans. Sam closed her eyes, her face smooth and relaxed.
“And is that all this is?”
Sam’s eyes snapped open, her eyes intent on her. “Is all what is?”
Hayden shrugged, feeling fifteen. “This. Us. Are we just…having The Sex?”
“The Sex?”
“Yes. The Sex.”
“Are you sticking with that?”
“I am.”
Sam sighed and pushed herself up so they were at eye level, her head propped on her hand too. Hayden’s hand splayed over her waist, the curve of it under her palm. “Hayden, what do you want this to be?”
“I—” Why was Sam so calm and able to ask these questions without wanting to hide? Hayden already wanted to pull the blanket up over her head. “That’s not fair. You go first.”
And now she sounded fifteen.
“Right. Should we write it down on slips of paper and pass it to each other at the same time?”
“You’re an asshole.”
Sam was looking insanely sassy. “I was under the impression that this was…something. Not just sex. Is that true for you?”
“I—well. Yeah.”
Why was Sam making this sound so simple?
“The first time, I thought maybe it had just been an accident,” Sam said. “A slip. I was a little bit of a…well, a mess that night, and we’d been drinking. So I assumed that maybe that was all it was for you. And you?”
“Uh, yeah.”
“And then it happened again, but no alcohol was involved, and you spooned me all night.”
Well, pointing that out was just rude.
“I’ve never done that with someone when it was just about sex,” Sam said.
“Me neith
er. And you spooned me back.”
Sam deigned to ignore that. “And then there was last night. Hayden, only the most insecure person has to be unsure at this point.”
“Um…”
Sam’s hand fell over Hayden’s own against her waist, her thumb swiping over the digits. “I understand being unsure after that first time. But are you still?”
And that was when Hayden realized it. “No. I’m not.”
Sam’s pushed at her hand and entwined their fingers. “Were you unsure the first time?”
Hayden dropped into the pillow, hiding her face before turning it to look at Sam who was staring down at her, amused. “Shit, yes. I had no idea what was going on. Weren’t you?”
“You hide in your pillow a lot.”
“Do not.”
“Once at your family’s house, the other day, and just now.”
“Okay, fine. I do. I feel safe.”
Sam looked at her as if she thought Hayden was kind of adorable and it left a flutter in Hayden’s stomach.
“You’re ridiculous,” Sam said.
Which Hayden knew meant she was adorable. “I really am. And you didn’t answer my question.”
Sam swallowed, and if she had been anyone else, Hayden thought Sam might have looked away. She didn’t, though. Her eyes stayed on Hayden’s, a steady well of green. “You weren’t there when I woke up the first time. Which I think is a pretty clear sign of regret. And then you avoided me completely.”
Hayden sucked in a breath, not expecting the fragile edge to Sam’s tone. She tugged the hand linked to her own, rolling onto her back so Sam was pulled on top of her, her legs falling between Hayden’s and her weight comfortable. Hayden brushed the bangs out of Sam’s eyes. “I’m sorry. I completely panicked. I thought that, well, you were sad, and…”
“You thought I was using you.”
Hayden swallowed. “Maybe? Not in a really bad way. So I thought I’d save you the trouble of having to get rid of me and just…”
“Completely avoid the topic, like an adult?”
Hayden bit her lip. “Well, yeah.”
Sam sighed, then wriggled down and dropped her chin onto the back of her hand on top of Hayden’s stomach. Hayden put her forearm under her head to see her better. “I followed your example. I told you at the very beginning that I was not the best at all of this; at, well, people.” Sam blinked up at her. “I generally take my cues from others.”
“So you avoided me because I was avoiding you?”
“I thought it was what you wanted. I did try. You can be extremely frustrating.”
“You only realized this then?”
“No. But more so after. Every time I went to the ER to try and start a conversation, you disappeared. And you were never home.”
“Sorry.” And Hayden meant it. Hayden bent her legs, and Sam pillowed herself between them. Hayden liked her there, her eyes calm and looking up at Hayden, all honesty and open questions.
“Have you thought about what this means?” Sam asked. “Us actually being together?”
Hayden’s breath caught. Sam looked at her like silence was exactly what she expected. So Hayden said, “I never really thought it would happen. So, uh, no.”
“We aren’t exactly in the most uncomplicated situation.”
“Not the most complicated, either.”
The fingers of Sam’s other hand were tracing patterns over her sternum. “True. But, Hayden, you’re young, and—”
“I’m not young.”
Sam’s eyebrows shot up, and Hayden’s cheeks went hot. Sam looked smug.
“Okay, I’m aware the high-pitched denial made me sound young. But that’s not fair. Age isn’t important.”
“I’m fifteen years older than you.”
Hayden gasped, throwing her hand over her mouth and widening her eyes. “No? Are you? I had no idea.”
“I may be an asshole, but you are maddening.”
“It’s probably because I’m fifteen years younger than you.”
Sam huffed again and sat up. Which she should always do shirtless, Hayden decided then and there. Hayden pushed herself up to sit against the headboard, pulling a pillow into her lap. She was a lot more naked than Sam.
“Hayden—”
“Sam, look. Yes, you’re fifteen years older than me. I don’t care. Can I say I’ll always not care? No. But right now, and as far as I know myself in the future, I really don’t care. Do you care that I’m younger?”
“No,” Sam said instantly. “I feel I’m getting the better side of the deal, though.”
Hayden laughed and let her gaze rove down Sam’s neck, her chest, over her stomach. “You aren’t sitting where I’m sitting.”
Hayden pushed the pillow away and sat up on her knees, putting her hand on Sam’s shoulder and pushing backward until she gave in and lay down. Hayden straddled her thighs, her hands on either side of her shoulders and her hair falling down around them. Slowly, she bent down, running her nose over Sam’s, grazing it over her cheek until she finally kissed her once, slowly.
Hayden bit her lip. “I kind of like you.”
Hayden was breathless, and she traced her fingertip over Sam’s cheek. Sam huffed through her nose as if she wanted to say Hayden was ridiculous, but her smile betrayed her. By now, Hayden knew Sam’s eyes, and the way they’d softened as Hayden said it spoke volumes. She felt giddy with everything exploding within her at that moment.
Against her lips, Sam murmured. “Me too.”
And Hayden let herself swallow those words, in the hopes they’d nestle deep within her.
CHAPTER 27
It was still dark outside, yet the kitchen was filled with the smells and sounds of eggs and bacon frying on the stove. Hayden took a sip of her coffee and wove her foot around the rung of her stool, watching Sam move things around the pan with a spatula. She yawned as quietly as she could.
“You really didn’t need to get up to make me breakfast,” Hayden said. “You could have had an entire extra hour of sleep.”
Sam didn’t even turn around. “Well, it was me who prevented you from sleeping.”
Hayden put her elbows on the counter and kept her coffee cup near her face. Even the smell helped. “I really wasn’t complaining.”
“I know.”
The arrogance that had once driven Hayden up the wall was less annoying now. More kind of sexy. Okay, less eye-roll inducing. Still, when Sam winked at her and went back to the stove with a slight flick of her hips, Hayden almost melted into a puddle.
“I don’t want to work today,” Hayden said. “Let’s just stay home all day. In bed. Naked.”
When Sam turned around with empty plates in her hands, she caught Hayden staring at her ass. Hayden grinned shamelessly. Sam put the plates down on the counter across from her. “And what about our patients?”
“To be fair, I don’t have specific patients. Another nurse can cover.”
“I do.”
“They can wait?”
Sam leaned over the plates, across the counter and Hayden met her partway, the kiss lingering. Then Sam shook her head and pulled away, and Hayden groaned. “No. I have things that can definitely not wait.”
“Someone else can do them?”
Back at the stove, Sam picked up the pan, carried it over, and dropped the eggs and bacon onto the plates. “And deny them my genius?”
“You’re full of yourself.”
“Partly, yes.” The pan now in the sink to soak, Sam grabbed the pieces of toast she’d kept warming in the oven and placed them on the plates as well. “But also, every time I walk in that OR and know I have to open someone up, I have to believe I’m the best.”
“Okay.” Hayden took a bite of her toast. “And besides, you are the best.”
“Now you’ve noticed.”
“I always had. You’re the best neurosurgeon in the state. It’s not really debatable.”
“Yet—” Sam stood opposite her, picking up a piece of crispy bacon
, and Hayden strangely loved that she wasn’t using her fork to eat it “—you didn’t like me at all.” She took a bite and chewed it like she had all the time in the world. It was kind of hot, actually.
“Maybe I was secretly harboring pent-up sexual feelings for you?”
“Were you?” Sam looked particularly interested in that answer.
“I did stare at your collarbones the first time we went out. And I kind of have a thing for those, so…”
“I hadn’t noticed.” Sam’s voice was extremely dry. “Each time we’ve slept together, I’ve had to wear shirts that go up to my neck.”
“Stop having biteable body parts, then.”
Sam hummed in response, and they ate in silence. When Frank appeared and meowed loudly at Sam’s feet, Sam dropped some bacon in his bowl. Hayden could hear his purr from where she sat.
“There’s something else we have to talk about,” Sam said. She put down her knife and fork, her plate clean.
“We’re married,” Hayden supplied.
“That, yes. We’re married—and now involved. That is something we also need to talk about at some point. But I was thinking about the money.”
“I don’t want it,” Hayden blurted out.
“I knew you were going to say that.”
“Well, I don’t. I have the original forty, which I also don’t want, by the way—”
“You’re keeping it.”
“I knew you wouldn’t take it back. So I have that. I don’t want the rest.”
“Yes, well—”
Then something occurred to Hayden and her mouth dropped open. She swore she could feel the blood draining from her cheeks as a memory hit her. How had she not told Sam about this yet?
Sam’s brow furrowed. “What?”
“Um, I forgot to tell you something.”
“Hayden?”
Hayden winced. “Luce told me at the gallery, and then—well, I forgot. Some investigator was asking them questions about us.”
Sam had looked as if she’d been waiting for a bomb to drop. But at Hayden’s words, she relaxed and waved a hand in the air. “Oh, I already know.”
