Someone like him.
But not him.
A cool breeze blew through the trees, reminding Jeremy he’d left with just a t-shirt, jeans and boots on. Probably not a good idea during the evening in Wyoming. With a shrug, he blew it off. It wasn’t that cold. The enclosed porch light outside Lanie’s front door flickered a warm and inviting glow through rectangular panes of glass. A peek to the side of her cabin disclosed her parked car. So, she was likely home. Was he making a mistake? Damn, he’d become insecure. That had to change. There must be some happy medium between the arrogant prick he’d been and this waffling character he’d become.
With long, forced confident strides he approached the door. One firm knock. A curtain was peeled away from the window.
“Go away, Jeremy.” Lanie snapped.
Too bad he’d seen her red-rimmed eyes in the split second they’d appeared through the mirror. “I know you’re crying, Ladybug,” he told her through the door, falling back to her nickname.
The door opened, revealing a disheveled Lanie. Blonde hair, normally brushed to a perfect shine, was thrown up in a sloppy ponytailed knot, the ends sticking out every which way. Old gray sweatpants dragged to the ground, and she wore her senior t-shirt, a garment that should have been discarded a decade ago. Telltale signs of tears ran down her cheeks, and her eyes were puffy. What had happened after he left?
“I hate you,” she spat out, slamming the door back in his face.
He was too quick and intercepted it before it closed and latched. “And I’ve given you good reason to, but that’s not what’s going on, is it?”
She looked up at him through blurry eyes. “First, I slapped my own brother today because he implied I would stoop to your level and cheat on Clay. Then Clay breaks up with me after the fall festival. So excuse me if I’ve had a shitty day and don’t want to speak with the cause of it.”
“Hold on,” he said, putting one hand up and sliding one foot forward so she couldn’t slam it again. “I get that I’m the source of strife between you and Jase, but how am I the cause of your break up with Clay.”
“Because we have some fiery chemistry between us that everyone can see, apparently, that’s why,” she yelled. “Everyone thinks I still love you, even Allie. Clay says I need to settle my feelings for you before he and I can be a true couple. But you know what, I know how I feel. I hate you. I hate you for making me feel worthless. I hate that you cheated on me. I hate that you blew off our son for so long. I hate how you make me feel. I hate you for breaking my dreams. But most of all, I hate you right now for making me so damned confused.”
He’d been expecting this moment for years. The explosion, the anger. She’d been too eerily calm when his indiscretions had been exposed, too nice during the mediations. Yes, this was long overdue. And he deserved every hated claim she shouted, but something ignited inside him.
“There’s a thin line between love and hate,” he whispered, his voice dropping low and hoarse.
“Don’t you think I know that,” she murmured, her eyes filling with tears again.
For the first time, he truly saw how badly he’d hurt her, the damage he’d caused staring him back in the face with agonizing clarity. He’d do anything to wipe away those years, replace them with happy times of how things should have been. Tentatively, he reached out to touch her shoulder. Surprising him, she didn’t move away, but rather turned into his touch. Encouraged, he pulled her to him, enveloping her in his arms and cradling her to him. “I’m sorry, Lanie, I’m so very sorry.”
Embracing, they lost all sense of time. He continued holding her closely as her tears flowed, brushing soft kisses against her golden hair. Fire burned where her head rested against his chest. How he wanted to tilt her chin up and mold their lips together, but any move would have to be from her. Stroking her back in soothing motions, he continued being the pillar of comfort he’d failed to be during their marriage.
In slow motion, she lifted her head, looking at him and needing answers. “What did I do wrong?”
“Absolutely nothing, Ladybug,” he croaked before losing the battle not to kiss her full, pink lips. Tilting his head downward, he pressed his lips against hers in a feather light touch, giving her ample time to break away.
“We can’t go back,” she breathed, the vibrations of her words tickling his lips in very sensual tones.
“No, we can’t.” His lips met hers for a second kiss.
Her hands moved to his shoulders, massaging them in gentle kneads, as her lips moved against his. “But we can go move forward.”
He plunged into their kiss, holding nothing back. Lost moments melted away and the passion they’d once shared was unleashed. Probing her mouth with his tongue, she opened, letting him in. Reaching up with one hand, he tugged her hair free from its band, sending it flowing down her back. Tracing the curvature of her delicate spine, he ran a finger up her back, to the graceful line of her neck and wound his fingers though her beckoning hair. A moan of pleasure escaped from Lanie, as she filled herself of his kisses after years of starvation. Their mouths, their tongues blended together as they were always meant to be.
This is what he’d given up. This is what she was offering again.
He couldn’t take it.
Breaking the kiss took every fiber of restraint he possessed. Breathless, he simply stared at Lanie, wondering how he’d ever hurt her. From the look on her face, he’d done it again. With his palm, he held her chin, his fingers splayed against her cheek. “Not this way. Not after the day you’ve had.”
“I want this,” she pleaded.
“So do I. Hell, I want nothing more than this, but for once I don’t want to do what’s selfish. I don’t want you to wake up tomorrow hating me; hating yourself.”
“Then give me tonight. Tomorrow we’ll talk, we’ll figure this out. But tonight, I need you. Prove to me what everyone else can see. Show me that love can still exist.”
“Remember the first time we made love?” His words came out in ragged breaths. They’d been combustible, tireless in their love-making.
She nodded, her eyes hooded with desire. “Make me feel that again. Give me back that feeling.”
Neither said another word. He picked her up and carried her to the bedroom, covering her neck, her cheeks, her mouth with kisses as they went. Tenderly, he laid her down on the bed, brushing the hair from her face. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from her. Even with her lips swollen from their kisses, her eyes from crying and dressed in raggedy clothes, his heart still skipped a beat. She was everything he’d ever wanted.
Her eyes begged him to continue. Slowly, he slid the t-shirt over her head, discarding it on the floor. The peaks of her breast were pebbled and calling out to him. At first, he gently massaged them, taking the tips between his fingers. He had to taste her. Lowering his lips, he took a nipple into his mouth, hungrily sucking until Lanie gasped with pleasure. One hand lowered, guiding her pants down to expose the swell of her hips and well-toned legs. Heat emanated from her.
“It’s been so long,” she pleaded breathlessly, moving her hands against the planes of his chest, working to remove his shirt.
Her hands, gliding over his flesh, was taking away his self-control. He sat up, unbuckling his belt and removing his pants. She stared at him with unadulterated appreciation, reaching out, stroking him. With a moan, he lowered his body back over Lanie, pressing kisses from her navel upward, until his lips crashed against her mouth again, in a passionate entreaty. Her nails dug into his back and he couldn’t hold back. Entering her, he groaned with ecstasy. They made love with the passion of the first time but with the carnal knowledge of experienced lovers.
She made him complete.
For the first time in a very long time, he felt whole again.
The smell of eggs cooking crept into Lanie’s nostrils, waking her from a deep slumber and delicious dream. Mmm, but who was cooking? A glance to the right side of the bed displayed crumbled sheets and an indent on the pi
llow where someone had spent the night. Memories of the night before came flooding back as her mind became fully awake. She refused to think about how she felt about what had happened; for the moment only letting herself remember how right it felt to be back in Jeremy’s arms. When they’d made love, her world finally shifted back into the place where it belonged. Something like that couldn’t be completely wrong, even if it did create an entirely new set of complications.
Rolling out of bed, she slipped her robe on and followed her nose to the kitchen. Jeremy stood at her stove, bare-chested and wearing only a pair of jeans. Now that was a man with a chest to curl her toes, she mused with lust.
“Good morning,” he greeted tentatively, standing back and making no move toward her.
“You cooked breakfast?” In the last years of their relationship, when everything was going sour, he’d never once cooked for her.
“Thought you might be hungry, but I can’t guarantee it’s edible.” He took a step forward, then stopped. He seemed so unsure of himself.
Guessing at the problem, she sought to reassure him. “About last night…we’ll have to talk about it, but not right this minute.”
“Yeah,” he agreed.
“I just wanted you to know, I don’t regret it.”
“Oh, thank God.” Relief washed over him and he came to her, pressing a cheek against her hair.
Her arms automatically slid under his, hugging him, assuring him he hadn’t done wrong by making love to her. She’d wanted it, needed it more than she’d needed her next breath. And then it struck her. She’d first seen it that day last month when she’d went to his house. She’d thought it when he spent so much time with Cody. She’d felt it when he’d defended her against Jase. Now she knew.
This man, standing in front of her, embracing her, didn’t have it in him to be the narcissistic cowboy he had become at the height of his career. He wouldn’t cheat on her, have affairs that were played out in the tabloids. This Jeremy was the man she’d fallen in love with so many years ago and had never stopped loving.
“Let’s eat and then we’ll talk,” she told him.
Separating, Jeremy went back to the stove and Lanie went to the coffeemaker, preparing a pot to brew. She scooped three overflowing piles of grinds into the filter, poured water into the reservoir and turned the switch to the on position.
“Where are the plates?” Jeremy asked with a spatula in hand.
“I’ll get them.” She reached up and grabbed two plates from the cabinet to the upper left of the sink.
Jeremy took them from her, letting their hands entwine in the process. They shared a smile before Jeremy let go and served up breakfast on the dishes. Lanie grabbed a slice of bacon from her plate, took a bite and chewed it slowly as she mulled over what happened.
“Let’s talk now,” she found herself saying. “I can’t eat, pretending not to think about last night.”
“Okay,” he drawled. “Where do we start?”
“First, I need you to know that making love didn’t happen just because I’d had a bad day or was emotionally vulnerable. I wanted it. A lot.”
A cocky grin appeared. “You sure know how to boost a man’s ego.”
She couldn’t help but laugh. “Don’t let that head get too big or you’ll have to buy a new hat.”
“Small price to pay.”
“So what now? Does anything change between us?”
“That’s up to you, sweetheart.”
“It takes two to tango. It’s not my sole decision to make.”
Jeremy raked his fingers through his mussed hair. “Yes, it is.” He sighed deeply. “I lost any right when I ruined our marriage the first go around.”
“Why’d you do it, Jeremy? Why couldn’t I be enough for you?” She had to know. She’d refused to ask questions years before, too broken and hurt to hear them. Now she wanted the answers.
He pushed his plate away. She, too, had lost her appetite. His chest rose with each deep breath he took before answering. “I was stupid. I got caught up in the commotion, let the attention go to my head. I thought I was invincible.”
“How many were there?”
“Do you really want to know?”
She nodded her head weakly. If there was any hope of going forward, she had to know. It was the only way she could put it behind her.
He closed his eyes, his features drawn tight. “Three,” he whispered, rubbing the back of neck.
“Did they…did they make you…” She couldn’t bring herself to ask the question.
Jeremy looked at her through narrowed eyes. “Don’t do this to yourself, Lanie.” He reached across the table and took her hands. “It was sex. Cheap, meaningless sex and I’d give my last breath to go back and undo it; to never have hurt you.”
She’d heard enough, didn’t want to hear more. It no longer mattered. The damage had been done, the price paid and penance served. They were each different people; stronger and wiser, than they’d been back then. But the question remained, could the person who broke her heart be the same person to heal the shattered pieces?
“Do you think it’s possible for us to have a second chance? Is that even what last night was about, or was it just two people satisfying a craving?” She asked the question cautiously, needing to know what he thought.
Letting go of her hands, he ran his fingers through his hair again. “Hell, Lanie. You have to know it was more than that. Do I think we can have a second chance? I’d give anything to be a family again, do it right this time. But it’s not going to be easy. It’s going to take a lot of hard work and trust if we attempt it and there’s a lot at stake.”
“Hard work has never fazed us.”
“I have a question for you, and think carefully before you answer. I want the truth even if it hurts.” He paused for a second, taking a deep breathing then exhaling. His eyes shut, as though forcing away the memories. When he opened them, they were filled with a quiet desperation, a need for redemption. “Can you learn to trust me again; even after all I did?”
She reached across the table, covering his balled fist with her hand. “I’ve seen the change in you; I know you’re a better person. Do I think you’ll repeat past mistakes? No. Do I think there will be times when I struggle with trust? Yes. Those are the times we’ll need to fight through it together and remember that this is a new beginning.”
“It’s not going to be easy,” he reiterated.
“What in life worthwhile, is? Forgiving yourself is just as important as me trusting you. If we pursue this, we need to leave previous deeds in the past where they belong.”
She watched as he struggled to free himself from the guilt. Thin lines around his eyes relaxed. “Are we really doing this?”
“I think we are.” A shiver of contentment passed through her.
“Come here,” he said tugging on her hand and pulling her to his lap. “I promise you this time will be different. I’m going to be the man you deserve.”
She ran her fingers through his hair. “I know,” she murmured, then lowered her lips to seal their new relationship with a kiss.
When they ended the kiss, she remained on his lap, her arms wrapped around his neck. “I think we should keep this between us for now,” she advocated, hoping he wouldn’t take the suggestion the wrong way.
“Probably for the best. We need to be absolutely certain before bringing Cody into this.”
That he’d thought of Cody first, further solidified that he’d changed, his priorities in place. “Actually, I was more worried about my family; mainly Jase,” she confessed.
“That too,” he agreed with a smirk. “Otherwise, I might end up with some buckshot in my ass.”
“And it’d be a crying shame to mar that perfection,” she teased, nuzzling his neck. This is what she missed. The intimate conversation, the light banter. Him.
“Mmm,” he moaned as she covered the crevice below his ear with kisses. “Are we done with breakfast?”
“Do you have
to ask?”
“In that case…” he lifted her up, causing her to squeal and carried her back to the bedroom.
Later, as they still lounged in bed, Lanie rolled to her side, propping herself up on an elbow. “Do you realize you’ve carried me to bed twice now?”
“I guess so.” he said. “Too much manhandling?” He winked.
“Don’t you see? You’re leg’s getting stronger,” she said excitedly.
“I can’t wait for the day my leg will be normal again.”
“You have to have faith and patience. Look at us.” She ran a finger in circles around his navel. “Who knows, you might ride a bull again yet.”
His eyes narrowed, turning serious. “Actually, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Even if my leg, by some miracle, heals completely, I don’t want to go back to the rodeo.”
Lanie jerked her head back, not expecting his confession. For so long, that had been his life; all he’d wanted. “What made you decide that?”
“Cody. I don’t want to be on the road again, all the time, and miss out on more of my son’s life. I’ve even thought about selling the house and finding a permanent home nearby here. That and I’m too old for the dangers. The accident showed me how quickly a life can change, and I don’t need to tempt fate. I intend to be around long enough to see my son grow into a man.”
Her heart burst with love for the man who’d fallen so low and found his way back a better man.
When the Glitter Fades (Cowboys of Whispering Winds) Page 8
