Maybe it’s because I’m slowly beginning to believe in fairy tales again. Once the coffee is made, I perch on my couch. “I’m really glad I moved here,” I start. “And I love working at the Weekly Goat. Connor’s really made my transition easy .”
There’s that look of muted sadness again. “Yes,” she says, her voice quiet. “That sounds like Connor. He’s always been someone you can count on .”
“Can I ask you a personal question, Ms. Grantham ?”
She raises an eyebrow, and I almost lose my nerve, but I gather my courage and dive in. “How long have you known him ?”
Her lips twist. “Connor? It feels like he’s always been a part of my life. He’s a good friend .”
“If I may say so, I get the sense that he wants to be more .”
I’m fully expecting Elvira Grantham to give me a steely smile and tell me to mind my own business. To my shock, she doesn’t storm out. She stares into her coffee. “Do you trust men?” she asks, her voice a mere whisper .
Oh wow. How do I begin to answer a question like that? Two months ago, my answer would have been simple. No, of course not. Matt shattered my trust permanently .
But lately, I don’t know. In the last week, Sean and Nick have spent all of their spare time with me. We’ve worked on the cottage. We’ve eaten dinner together. Watched Netflix. We’ve talked about our lives, discussing Nick’s customers at the bar and his volunteer role on Elvira’s campaign. We’ve talked about Sean’s budget woes, about Girl Power’s slowly improving financial state, everything .
Things are good. Really good. So good that I’ve kept it a secret from everyone, even from Lana, afraid to jinx my happiness by talking about it .
My landlady doesn’t wait for my reply. “I learned at a very young age that men only wanted one thing from me .”
“You can’t believe that about Connor .”
I’ve pushed too far. She sets her coffee cup on the side table and rises elegantly to her feet. “Thank you for taking such good care of the cottage, Hailey,” she says. This conversation is clearly over. “I appreciate the hard work you’re putting into this place .”
Elvira Grantham has known Connor Perkins for more than fifty years. There’s nothing new she’s going to learn about him. She’s just afraid to trust .
I watch her leave, her back ramrod straight .
This is my future .
On the one hand, Ms. Grantham is not a lonely old lady. She’s the mayor of Goat. She’s got friends. Her social life is rich and busy. She’s involved in the community. I’ve got to be honest: In thirty or forty years, if my life is anything like hers, I’d consider myself lucky .
What about love ?
Elvira could have it all. The whole town knows that Connor Perkins is crazy about her. The only thing holding her back is fear .
Sadly, I can understand that all too well .
16
Sean:
T ammy Shepard contacted her insurance company right away, but it’s not until a week after the fire that their investigator drops by at the fire station. “Chief Keefer, thank you for meeting with me,” he says, shaking my hand. “My name is Brad Kowalski. I’ve been looking into the fire at the Shepard farm .”
I wave him into a seat. “I’ve already talked the guys from Bend,” he says. “Darren told me your crew was the first responder. Can you tell me what you can remember ?”
“Yeah.” I cast my mind back to that dark night. “The call came in just after two. By the time we got there, the stable roof was ablaze .”
“It was a stormy night, wasn’t it ?”
“It didn’t drizzle until the next day,” I reply. “But it was windy when we got to the farm, and that didn’t help matters any. The fire spread fast .”
“Perhaps too fast. Did you see anything suspicious in the barn? Smell anything? Natural gas? Gasoline? Another accelerant ?”
I shake my head. “It was a stable. It smelled like horses.” Insurance investigators are pretty tight-lipped, and I doubt he’s going to tell me anything, but I ask anyway. “What do you think happened ?”
He surveys me thoughtfully. “Darren told me you suspected arson . Why ?”
“Call it a hunch .”
“I’m inclined to agree with you.” He sighs. “The fire originated in the back of the barn .”
Tammy’s truck had smashed through the wooden sides of the barn. Unwittingly, in our attempt to save the horses, we’ve destroyed important evidence. “You can’t find anything, can you?” That explains why it’s taken Kowalski an entire week to contact me .
“Not a damn thing. I’m about to close out my investigation. We’ll pay Ms. Shepard’s damages, and that’ll hopefully be the last of it .”
Neither of us believes that. Firebugs rarely stop on their own. If we don’t catch this guy, the fires are going to keep happening .
B rad Kowalski isn’t the only visitor at the fire station this Tuesday. In the afternoon, there’s a knock on my door. It’s David Barlow, the town councilman in charge of looking into the fire station budget and operations .
I rise to shake his hand, wondering what he’s doing here. Last month, the two of us met extensively while he gathered the information he needed, but I thought he was done .
“I just dropped by to give you a heads-up,” he says, sinking into the chair opposite me. “I’m done with my analysis, and will be unveiling my findings to the council in three weeks .”
“Are you going to keep me in suspense ?”
He chuckles. “Come on, Keefer. It’s perfectly obvious what I’m going to say. I more or less revealed my hand last week. You’ve done a stand-up job with what you have, but you’re right. The fire station is overdue for a budget increase. I’ll hold it up until after the elections just so Eric Hardy can’t accuse me of taking sides, but once that’s done …”
“Thank you, David. I appreciate the vote of confidence .”
He doesn’t seem to hear me; he’s scrolling through something on his phone. “Unpleasant business, this election,” he says finally. “I thought we’d managed to stay clear of the bitterness that seems to be overtaking most of the country, but then I saw this.” He extends his phone to me .
I look at the picture on his screen. It’s Elvira, lying in a hospital bed, looking old and frail. “This photo was taken last year,” David is saying. “When Elvira had that bad bout of pneumonia. Remember ?”
I do. It’s not the picture that has me left me incandescent with rage. It’s the caption .
‘Time to put this old goat out to pasture .’
“Where did you find this?” I’m surprised how even my voice is. “Who’s responsible for this piece of garbage ?”
“It popped up on my social media feed. It’s anonymous, of course, but I have my suspicions about who’s responsible .”
“Hardy .”
“Or his backers at McDuff’s. They certainly have the most to gain if Hardy wins this race.” His jaw tightens. “I confronted Eric, and he denied having anything to do with it. I’m afraid I lost my temper. I told him that no matter what happens, I’d never let him go ahead with his plans to sell off the fire station .”
When I was in my early twenties, we were called out to deal with an apartment fire. It had been a bitter winter night. We’d put out the blaze, and two of us had gone into the building to make sure no one was still inside when a stray flash of flames had ripped across the ceiling and trapped us inside. Flashover. The one thing every firefighter dreads .
We thought we’d had it licked and we were wrong .
This situation with Eric Hardy feels like the same thing .
17
Nick:
“Y ou know the election is in two weeks ?”
We’re tackling Hailey’s badly scratched hardwood floors today, and I have to yell to make myself heard above the growl of the sander .
“What ?”
Sean turns off the machine, and I repeat my question. Hailey’s lips twitch
. “Are you being funny? Now that the county fair is over, the election is all anyone can talk about .”
I grin back at her. “Elvira’s throwing a party tomorrow to thank everyone who’s volunteered for the campaign. Want to come ?”
“I don’t think Elvira likes me very much,” she says wryly. “She dropped by last week, and I think I said something that offended her .”
“Really?” I stare at Hailey . “What ?”
She flushes. “I sort of hinted that she should give Connor a chance .”
Sean cocks his head to one side and gives her a curious look. “I didn’t have you pegged as an incurable romantic .”
“I’m not,” she mumbles, not looking at either of us. “Lana must be rubbing off on me. It just seemed sad, that’s all .”
She’ll deny it till she’s blue in the face, but Hailey’s got a soft heart. “She couldn’t have been that annoyed. She told me to invite you .”
“She did ? Why ?”
I chuckle. “You don’t know Elvira very well, do you? She’s the best-informed person in town. She probably knows we’re involved .”
“Oh.” Her voice is small .
That’s not the reaction either Sean or I am hoping for. “Is it the ménage? Are you afraid people will talk ?”
“No.” She won’t meet my eyes. “Of course not. I’m not going to let small-minded people judge me. I’ve done nothing wrong .”
“It’s still about your ex, isn’t it?” Sean’s voice is tight. “We’ve been together for six weeks. At what point are you going to start realizing we’re not him? What he did was horrible. Heart-wrenching. But Hailey, it was six years ago. Isn’t it time to turn the page ?”
“I don’t want to talk about Matt.” She crosses her arms over her chest. “I think you should leave .”
I look at her closed-off expression, at Sean’s look of pained frustration. “Forget we said anything. Let’s just finish off the floor , okay ?”
“No, it’s not okay.” There’s a tremble in her voice. “Please. Leave .”
My own temper rises. Fuck this shit. “Fine,” I snap. “Whatever .”
It might not be the most mature response, but it’s all I can manage right now .
* * *
Hailey:
In times of great emotional need, I turn to vodka. Unfortunately, Goat’s best bar, the Randy Goat, is off-limits for me .
I dial Lana’s number. “Can you hang out?” I’m aware that I sound a little pathetic, but I’m too miserable to care. Of course Nick and Sean left. That’s what Matt did. That’s what guys do .
“What the hell happened?” she demands. “You sound dreadful.” I start to answer, but she cuts me off. “Never mind. Get your ass here. I have booze .”
“I can’t. Tomorrow’s Wednesday. I have to be at the office at eight.” Getting shit-faced isn’t possible. Sugar is my next best alternative. “The Goat Morning serves pie, doesn’t it ?”
“Yes it does,” Lana replies. “See you in half an hour .”
“W hat happened ?”
Goat Morning is bustling. The tables in the back are overflowing with people, all wearing purple t-shirts that say ‘Hardy for Mayor.’ Great. Since I’ve decided to hate Eric Hardy on principle for all the bullshit he’s putting Sean through, I decline to sit next to them and move to a table by the window .
“Feelings,” I say gloomily. Seeing Lana’s mystified expression, I fill her in on everything that’s happened in the last two weeks. The fire, the increasing amounts of time that Sean, Nick and I have been spending together, and finally, today’s fight. When I finish, she shakes her head with a sigh. “Ah, Hailey,” she says. “I love you, but they’re right, and you know it .”
I dig into the slice of pecan pie in front of me. “You told me yourself that Nick’s a player .”
She gives me an exasperated look. “Stop twisting what I said. Has Nick cheated on you ?”
The red-haired woman seated at the table next to us is giving me a very strange look. She’s probably judging the three inches of whipped cream on my pie. Fuck her . “No .”
“Are you sure? Maybe he’s hiding it .”
“No, he isn’t cheating on me. That’s not his style. It’s not either of their styles.” I bite my lip. “I might have overreacted .”
“You think?” She rolls her eyes. “So, what caused the freak -out ?”
I’m starting to feel pretty damn stupid. “Nick invited me to a party,” I confess. “And he implied that Elvira Grantham knew about the three of us .”
“So?” She frowns at me. “Since when do you give a shit about what other people think ?”
“I don’t. But going public implies we’re actually in a relationship .”
She mutters something rude under her breath. “Hailey, sweetheart. By your own account, you’ve spent every waking hour of the last two weeks with them. Were you having non-stop sex during this time ?”
“No.” Damn Lana and her relentless, logical, bloodhound-like approach to problems. “We were doing other things too .”
“Like eating meals together? Like watching TV? Like having conversations ?”
“Yes.” I sound like a sullen teenager .
“I hate to burst your little fantasy bubble, my sweet little sugar bear, but whether you like it or not, you are in a relationship with Nick O’Sullivan and Sean Keefer .”
Despite my misery, my lips twitch. “Sweet little sugar bear ?”
The red-haired woman sitting at the table next to us throws some money on the table and gets up. Her blonde friend takes a look at the twenty bucks, winces, and surreptitiously pulls out a five-dollar-bill from her purse, before hurrying out after her friend .
Lana blushes. “I’ve barely seen Declan and Blake for the last ten days,” she admits. “I might be missing them just a little bit.” She takes a bite of her lemon chiffon pie. “Thank heavens for tomorrow. Nick was talking about Elvira’s election party, wasn’t he? We’ll be there. I’ll see you then .”
“I’m not going,” I say moodily. “I’m pretty sure Elvira hates me, and because of my freak-out, so do Sean and Nick .”
“Oh for crying out loud. Call Nick and Sean. Kiss and make up. Get your ass to the party .”
Lana’s getting pretty damn bossy. Unfortunately, she’s right. “Yes, ma’am,” I say meekly. I have some groveling to do .
18
Sean:
F or ten minutes, neither of us say anything. Nick drives back to town, his jaw tight and his face expressionless. Finally, he breaks the silence. “This is why I don’t date,” he snaps. “This is why I don’t get involved .”
“So you’re done ?”
I know he isn’t, and neither am I. We’re both frustrated, but that’s not going to change the underlying truth. We care about Hailey very much. She makes us happy .
He doesn’t reply .
“Going back to the one-night stands?” I needle him .
Silence .
“You should give Reva a call,” I quip. “She’s always happy to hear from you .”
Nick snorts. “The only reason Reva’s fixated on me is because I don’t want her. She’s got the emotional maturity of a toddler.” He looks chagrined. “I’m not sure if I’m any better. I shouldn’t have lost my cool in there .”
“Ready to turn back ?”
“You heard what she said. She doesn’t want to talk to us. What if she doesn’t change her mind ?”
When Hailey asked us to leave, it felt like someone had driven a spike through my heart. It hurt to breathe. This can’t be the end. I’m not ready .
This is just a blip, I reassure myself. Every relationship has blips. A week from now, we’ll be laughing at this fight .
But when we pull up in front of Hailey’s cottage, she’s not there .
19
Hailey:
N ick’s truck is in my driveway when I get back, and the two men are in my living room, sanding my floor .
My stom
ach flutters. With shaking fingers, I unplug the wire from the wall. Sudden quiet falls over the room as both men turn to look at me .
“Hi .”
Sean’s grey eyes rest on me. “You left your front door unlocked .”
“I didn’t mean to .”
“It’s not safe.” His lips curl into a small smile. “You live in the middle of nowhere. I worry about you .”
My heart is jack-hammering in my chest .
“I’m sorry.” I take a half-step toward them and then stop. “Not about leaving my door unlocked. I’m sorry I threw you out .”
Nick takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry about walking out .”
“You came back. I didn’t think you would .”
Sean gives me an intent look. “We’re not your ex, Hailey. We’re not going to leave .”
“We’ve made no promises…” I start to say. They don’t have to be here. I don’t expect anything from them .
“That’s bullshit,” Sean cuts in. “Of course we have. Every time I touch you, every time I breathe in the fragrance of your hair, I make a promise. You didn’t want to date, and I wanted to respect that, but Hailey, know this. I’m not going to leave. I’m here for the long haul .”
“Wow,” I whisper, not knowing what to say. Sean’s words warm my insides, and I want to hug them close to my chest. “That’s… honest .”
Nick’s lips twist. “You want honesty, Hailey? Six weeks ago, I was looking for exactly what you offered. Casual sex. No commitments. It sounded like a dream come true.” He runs his hands through his hair and stares at me. “It wasn’t. It was hell .”
They’re still here. They’re telling me they care about me too. I’m not the only one with feelings . My heart lightens, and I tease Nick, just a little bit. “Having sex with me was hell? Not flattered .”
He rolls his eyes. “Stop fishing for compliments; you’re perfect. I wanted to do things for you, and you wouldn’t let me. You kept talking about how you couldn’t pay me.” He glares at me. “It was fucking insulting . ”
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