by Pam Uphoff
:: You stole a girl?::
He nodded numbly. "I think she's a princess." He fumbled around and had to check three bubbles before he found her.
She was still unconscious. "They drugged her. Something with poppy in it. Nasty." He laid her down on his bed roll and brought out the ubiquitous flask. "This ought to help, or at least keep her from any addiction." He got a few drips between her lips and left her to sleep it off. He had to tend his dinner, anyway. Bad form to burn it when you had a guest.
:: She doesn't look like a princess, with no hair and that plain black robe.::
The girl blinked sleepily. "Umm a schalllar. Thaz why the . . ." She blinked again and recoiled from the large black muzzle examining her.
Speed nodded. :: Not a princess. Told you so.::
The girl's eyes got round and her mouth opened, closed. "Did that horse say something?" She clutched her head suddenly. "Oh no, oh no. I have to get away, I have to . . . "
She staggered to her feet and around in a circle, taking in the twilight desert, the fire, Kevi. She sank back down. "Must be the Poppy. What God are you?"
"Umm, I'm the God of Thieves. I rescued you. Uh, that is, under the circumstances, I thought you needed rescuing. I hope you don't mind." Kevi looked at her anxiously.
:: Why would she mind?:: Speed snorted and turned away to check her bucket for any oats she'd missed.
"Cause this is such a screwed up country, they worship those horrible creatures and then turn around and breed them deliberately."
"You heard the horse too?" She looked around the desert again. Pinched herself.
Kevi grinned. "Yeah, we're old friends. Umm, she's Speed, I'm Kevi."
"I thought you said you were the God of Thieves?" Her pupils were huge and dark.
"Yeah, umm, I think you're still drugged. Your eyes look funny."
"So you're not the God of Thieves?"
"Well, yes, but not _your_ kind of god. I'm from Comet Fall."
"Comet . . . _That_ World, the one that's trying to control everyone?"
"Umm, not control them, just get them to stop attacking each other."
She made a rude noise. "Nobody does things just because it's the right thing."
"I, err . . . Would you like some dinner?"
She staggered back to her feet, and looked around. Looked up. "First quarter! But it was two days past . . . You! You've taken my memory of the last month away, haven't you? Or has it been even longer?"
Kevi retreated from her venomous look and outstretched finger. "Well, see, what with the troops chasing us all over, we had to dodge around a lot and well, I sort of . . . well, forgot you. I forgot I had you . . . safe. Safe in a bubble. See?"
"You are, without a doubt the stupidest human being I've ever met. You a god? Ha! Yes! You've the brains for it."
Speed shook her head. :: At least she knows you're a bad guy.::
"Well, yeah, but that's not actually the sort of Bad Guy I want to be. That I am."
"Stop arguing with the horse. I'm not hearing the horse! I'm not! They kill women who can do magic!" She backed away, and turned in a helpless circle.
"Uh, what do they do to men who can do magic?"
She burst into tears. "They torture them until they go crazy, and then they turn them into gods. They took Warric. When I was Called, I thought maybe Warric . . . I thought it wouldn't be so bad, because I could pretend it was Warric that . . . but then they brought that, that, horrible . . . I passed out. What happened?"
"Well, I figured that was quite enough, so I tossed some sleep and stun spells and grabbed you and ran for it."
"Oh? Now give me the version with all the details, like, where were you and why were you there?"
"I . . . see, I'm the God of Thieves. When something ought to be stolen, I go steal it. So I went to the Temple and stole these colored sands. And then I followed this red-robed guy, and he and his friends were, well, drawing straws to see who deflowered the virgin, so the God couldn't escape – there's power in deflowering, see, and the God could break his Chain Spell. Well, that just sounded nasty so I followed."
"Without them noticing?"
"I was invisible." He jumped up and warped light around himself.
She backed up further. "Little gods! You really are one!"
"I am not your kind of God." Kevi made his voice firm, and let the warp go. "Anyway, I followed them to your room, and well, like I said, I tossed some stun and sleep spells . . . well, the God, Joker they called him, he umm, took the old guy's knife and cut his throat and ran off. I grabbed you and followed, except you were pretty heavy so I stuck you in a bubble—a multidimensional phenomenon with several uses—and backtracked and got out. Then the alarm went up, and I couldn't get near the Gate there, so we ran for it. The troops were very determined. And I sort of . . . forgot about sticking you in a bubble. Sorry."
She flapped her arms in exasperated disbelief, and looked around the dark, flat landscape. "Where are we? I wasn't stuck someplace for a month. I would have noticed."
"Two months. Umm, the bubbles don't experience much time inside. It's like thousands to one or something like that. I don't know what this desert is called. We're probably about two thousand miles west of Paree, and nearly a thousand north. I figured I'd skirt the desert all the way up to Arrival."
"And then cut back a couple of thousand miles to the east to the Gate in the City of Arrival?" Her voice had gone all nasty and sarcastic. "No doubt this will take you another week or two on your magic horse."
Kevi shrank back. "I figured another month or six weeks. I don't actually happen to have a map with me."
She squeezed the bridge of her nose as if with a headache. "Listen, Thief. No horse can travel three thousand miles in two months. Stop lying to me."
:: I'm not an ordinary horse.:: Speed sounded quite smug.
Kevi nodded. "This is Speed. She is the fastest, most enduring, smartest, best jumper and all round bad horse in the whole Multiverse."
"Sounds pretty good to me."
"Ah, but that's just because we're good at being bad." Kevi smirked. This was his level of argument.
"You are burning your dinner."
"Unfair debate tactic." Kevi turned and removed the rabbit from the fire. It was a bit blackened on one side. He put it on the plate and raked the corn out of the fire. Rummaged in his larder bubble and produced butter, knives and forks, and another plate.
The princess came in warily to take half and backed off before sitting down.
"Umm, I could take you back, at least part way, some place where you can get a ride or something." Kevi gulped, and babbled. "You wouldn't really want to go back, would you?"
She eyed him. "What are you offering me instead?"
"A ride to Arrival, or Comet Fall, if you want to really escape."
"And what is it going to cost me?" her voice was chilly now.
"I am not that kind of Bad Guy. Umm, how about you wash the dishes? I hate washing dishes."
She threw up her hands. "You are weird."
Kevi nodded, and gnawed at his overdone rabbit. At least the corn was edible.
He cast around for a subject to converse on. "So, umm, have any family? My parents aren't on speaking terms, my big brother was the wrong kind of bad guy and got killed, and I have three sisters who consider me essentially worthless. How about you?"
She glared. "My mother conceived me about the same way as you saw me about to conceive a baby. She couldn't stand the sight of me, so I was put out to a poor family to raise, and then stuck in a girl's school, until the Presentation, when I was accepted into the House of Wisdom. It's a school, too, but it was . . . it was the first real home I had. There was a group of us. We called ourselves the Death and Destruction league, but really we mostly helped each other. Cared about each other. Warric, Farester and Jack were the leaders. Warric . . . cared about us. I think he was the first person to ever hug me, just because he liked me. " She started crying, and got up angrily and stomped ov
er to his bedroll. She kicked it apart, took the outside oiled cloth and the inside soft blanket around to the far side of the dying fire. "Touch me and I'll gouge your eyes out."
Speed snorted. :: No you won't.::
She frowned at the horse. "Can I punch him?"
Speed swiveled her ears. :: Yes. That should be sufficient to let him know you aren't in season.::
"People are different than horses, Speed." Kevi blushed. "But of course, if she doesn't want to, I won't." He shrugged out of his long black oilcloth coat and used it for a ground cloth, reassembled what was left of his bedding, took his shoes and socks off and crawled in otherwise dressed. The nights were cold on the desert, and it was still winter.
He started a fire early, and put on tea. Wished he had brought coffee, it seemed badder, somehow. He rather wistfully thought of hot cocoa, but that was completely soft. The blankets across the fire seemed to be shivering. Well, no surprise, really, she wasn't dressed for this. He dumped his blankets on top of her and put his coat back on. Clean socks, then boots. He rummaged deeper in his bag. Pants were the main thing, and a sweater wouldn't hurt. Ah. A light jacket, so finely woven it was windproof. Perfect.
"Here's some clothes, a bit more suitable for riding. I'll get you some rope to use for a belt."
:: And oats?::
"Right." He poured oats into Speed's bucket as she ambled back into camp, then tea into a big mug.
A dark eye glared out at him.
"Would you like some hot tea?"
"I would kill for some hot tea."
She sounded like she wanted to kill for it, so he put the mug within reach and retreated quickly. And then walked off away from her, and around some sticking up rocks to take care of some personal business. He buried the results, and didn't rush back to camp. She was up, and in fact just returning from somewhere on the far side. He washed his hands, face, brushed his teeth, then looked around to find her close, and staring at the faucet in consternation.
"What is it connected to?"
"One of those transdimensional bubbles." He stepped aside politely. "Help yourself. Bacon and eggs for breakfast?"
"Sure." She eyed his saddle bags dubiously.
He forebear to repeat 'transdimensional bubble' and just pulled out his frying pan. When he'd made his usual mess, only larger, she was there, holding out the clean, wet, plates.
"Sorry. I forgot to wash them last night."
"No problem. I mean, here they are, clean." He split the bacon and scrambled eggs with her and then started packing up the camp. The princess added soap and dumped the rest of the hot tea on the plates, and then reheated water to rinse them. He stowed everything in their proper bubble, buckled the bags to the saddle and then heaved the whole thing up onto Speed. Kicked sand over the remnants of the fire, and jumped up to get his foot in the stirrup and the rest of the way up on top of Speed.
The princess looked up at Speed, finally intimidated. "She didn't look so big in the dark."
Speed radiated smugness. Kevi reached a hand down. "Give me your left arm, jump to get your foot on mine, and swing up behind me."
Fortunately she was a lightweight. He didn't quite drop her the first try, nor could she pull him out of the saddle. Finally up, she sat on Speed's broad back and full saddle bags like a child on a fat pony, with her bare feet sticking out. Kevi grinned and didn't say that out loud.
Speed walked for a bit, then trotted, walked, trotted, got to a long flat stretch and galloped. Trotted. Relaxed and walked up a long incline. At the top they looked all around. Nothing and no one in sight.
"Excellent. Let's get out of this wind and take a stretch break." Speed trotted down to an outcrop of rocks, and they climbed off stiffly. He got Speed water first, then the princess, and then drank some himself. The princess headed around the rocks and he called out for her to watch for snakes.
"Oh, thanks. That really helps."
"Well, they like to sun themselves on rocks, sometimes." Kevi wondered if she had any camping experience at all. But she'd understood the basic of dish washing—apply soap and boiling water. Maybe he should stop worrying. He wandered off the opposite direction to pee, and then wandered back. Waited. Should he go check on her? She walked back, looking embarrassed. Wouldn't look at him. Scowled out over the desert.
"Do you have any rags?" she blurted, turning bright red.
After growing up with three sisters, he translated that one with no problem at all, other than probably turning as red as she was. He dug into his saddle bags, and proffered his last pair of clean socks. "I guess tonight I'd better wash socks." His face heated even more, but she'd already disappeared back around the rocks, so maybe she hadn't heard him.
However, out here in the middle of nowhere would be a good place to get rid of his odd loot.
He pinned the bubbles the powders were in to pebbles, and buried them, smoothed sand over them so they weren't at all obvious.
He memorized the look and feel of the rock outcrop. Just in case he ever needed the powders, or found someone who'd pay for them.
Speed obliged with more speed on the next stretch and an earlier stop at a dry creek with pools of tepid water spotted along the curves. There must have been a cloudburst sometime in the last few days. The water was a bit green and buggy, but it enabled Kevi to unload all his dirty clothes and scrub them, rinse them with his clean water, and lay them out on rocks in the last of the sun. Then he built a fire and warmed up a pot of stew he had stashed while he shifted the clothes closer to the fire. Huh, it'd been awhile since he'd washed himself, for that matter. He slipped down to the creek and out of the firelight and dealt with that matter.
The princess did too, after he came back.
He sorted out her bedding, donated another of his blankets and slept on top of Speed's saddle blanket. As he settled down and warmed up the blankets, he hesitated, then dared. "Do you have a name?"
"Katrine. My friends called me Cactus, because I'd get prickly when I went too long without shaving."
"Oh. Umm, what color is your hair?"
"Kind of lightish brown. It's been a long time since I've seen it. How old are you?"
"Twenty . . . umm, what's the date? I may have just turned twenty-three."
"I'm twenty-five."
"Really? Wow. I guess it's the hair. I'd have guessed about sixteen."
She snorted disbelief and just grunted when he wished her a good night.
Chapter Thirteen
Romance and Murder
"Bad weather for star gazing, isn't it?"
Marius nodded politely to the Senior Priest. "Yes, but once through the gate . . . well, we have no control over the weather, but we can generally move between worlds and find one with good viewing conditions. We have everything ready, and we'll head out tonight if there's a break in the rain. No point in waiting until the ground is a muddy morass."
Brekely nodded indifferently, and turned to the young priests.
Newly ordained. Getting the Grand Tour to impress them with the importance of their new station. Demonstrate how the Priesthood is in control, no matter the façade of the King and the Cabinets. They just employ them to keep the kingdom running. The king and the cabinets have no real power, and everyone knows it.
Marius smiled politely at the nearest little leech. And I'm here because of the "Lord" in front of my name. Because my father is one of the better known nobles, and spends half or more of his time in Paree these days.
He sipped absently at a drink and pretended he wasn't overhearing the pair of young priests behind him.
"I'm surprised he isn't parading the God of the Sun in front of us."
"I'm not. Brekley's not very strong. I'm shocked he was ever given a god." A faint snigger. "Give me a couple of years to practice with the little gods, and I just might think about stealing the god."
"Hush. No more alcohol for you, if you're going to say things like that out loud."
Good advice for me, as well. A worse group to slip up aroun
d would be hard to imagine. Especially if Brekley leaves early and I have to try to delay him.
A soft chime and they all moved toward the dining hall. Brekley strode in, nose in the air. Glowering a bit as he was seated two down from his usual spot next to the ambassador. The young pups would be wined and dined, and no doubt invited to the ambassador's reception room for brandy and cigars after.
Then I head for the wagon, with the main doors just a few feet away.
And what I'll do if no one else comes . . . I don't know.
***
Trill chewed her fingernails as Trace sweated over the locks on the door. Who puts three locks on a door? A Priest holding his greatest treasure safe . . . or keeping a dangerous being from escaping? At least there was only one guard. She glanced nervously toward the small storeroom. The guard was bound and gagged . . . She was pretty sure he'd been breathing when Trace dragged him in there.
I hope we're gone before he wakes up and remembers me flirting with him before Trace hit him over the head.
"I don't believe I'm letting you do this!" Trace kept his voice to a whisper.
"Don't go stupid and act like a noble or something! I'm a servant girl. By rights I ought to have seduced Warric a decade ago, to secure my position in his household. I ought to have three bastards by now, so I'd be assured of an income for life."
"Oh shut up. Warric isn't like that. Wasn't . . ." Trace was dressed all in black, with the guard's coat and hat, so he could guard the corridor while Trill tried to free Warric.
"And a darn good thing. I . . . really hope Macaw is right, about the virginity thing."
The last lock clicked, and Trace pressed the lever, the heavy door swung silently open.
Trill swallowed. I'm going to be badly burned.
***
Warric started to his feet, stumbled in sheer shock.
Trill!
She dropped a big black oil coat and hustled up to him, reached, paused as he flinched back . . . "Warric . . . we've been studying magic. Deflowering a virgin may break the Chain spell. I . . . we're . . . "
