What did I want? I had no idea. I thought I had wanted Jet, but we had been together at that point for about four seconds, and it was too soon for us to be having any kind of problems. We should have been living in bliss. The first year of a new relationship was always the honeymoon stage, and already we were having problems. They weren’t little problems, either. I should not have had to deal with another woman so soon into our relationship. It wasn't right, and I felt sick about the fact that it was there.
It hit too close to home from me. The fact that Tom had cheated on me; the thing he had done for so long. I had spent years with Tom, and still he had betrayed me. That's why this bothered me so much. I didn't think I could deal with another relationship where I couldn't trust the guy I was with. How could I be with Jet after what had happened? Katie would always be around, because she was one of his teammates, and apparently part of his family. So if we stayed together she would always be around, I would have to deal with that girl forever. Screw that; I didn't have to do anything. I deserved better and I wanted to be with a guy who understood that.
I was intensely insecure; I knew that. I knew that my feelings had a lot to do with the fact that she was so beautiful and so fit, and everyone on the team loved her. Even Jet's own roommate had wanted Katie and Jet to get together. So how was that supposed to make me feel? Fucked up, that's what. I felt fucked up. That one kiss had brought out every insecurity that I had, and I didn't know how to deal with it. Someone whom I had deemed better suited for Jet had kissed him. He hadn't pushed her off. He hadn't done anything, and it had made me feel like shit.
I was better off with someone more like me―not the most popular guy on campus, because when it came right down to it, there would always be hot girls after Jet. Always. He was a handsome guy, my guy ... or so I thought. But I would have to always deal with situations where other girls were trying to get a piece of him or try to steal him away, and I didn't think I could handle it.
Class ended, and I couldn't remember one thing that the professor had talked about during the whole class.
“Hey, do you want to go grab a coffee and talk about things?” Brenda asked.
“No, I don't. In fact, I have to go home and work on my creative writing project. I'm starting to get behind and I don't want to.”
“Natalie, you really don't seem like yourself. I think it would be good for you to talk about things. I know you're upset about Jet, but talking about it can really help.”
“I understand, and I do thank you for your concern, but right now I don't want to think about Jet at all. I have stuff to do, and right now Jet is just getting in the way of that.”
“Well, if you change your mind just give me a call, okay? You know where to find me.”
I smiled. “Thanks Brenda, I really do appreciate it. I just can't deal with it right now.”
I walked out of class and walked back to my apartment. When I arrived, I could hear the shower running and knew that Julie was home from class as well.
I went to the kitchen and poured a glass of wine. I took a slow sip of it, and wished that I could run a bath and relax in some hot water. But that was going to have to wait.
Heading to my bedroom, I heard the shower stop running. I opened my door and closed it behind me. I went and lay down on my bed, trying to get focused on writing my project. It had been really stupid of me to put so much of my focus on Jet when it came to my art projects. Now I was in distress over Jet and yet I had to work on projects that involved him. I didn't know what I was thinking, and the funny thing was that Julie had warned me against doing just that.
I pulled out my notepad and reviewed what I had written a few days ago. I had been writing for a few days, and I had written everything right up until the Thanksgiving dinner. I had included everything that had happened so far, and the whole thing just made me sad. I considered ripping it up and starting from scratch, but it would be too much work. I would have to come up with a new story, and I didn't think that I could do it. Especially with my current state of mind. It was too much work. But I didn't think that I could deal with the ending that I had, either. I wanted to change it―not have the ending be as it was. This was my work of fiction and I wanted it to be incredible, not just another lame ass story about a guy who cheats on his girlfriend. So I went to work on it. I changed how the Thanksgiving dinner ended; there was forgiveness. There was love at the end, and the guy never strayed again. He stayed with the girl he was with, and eventually fell in love with her. They lived happily ever after, as they say.
Too bad reality didn't work the same way. Ugh, I was already sick of my own attitude. I had to get out of the funk I was in. Really, what was I going to do? Was I going to grab Julie once again and return to the bar to drown my sorrows away in drink? No, I was done with that. I would move on, and I would grow from my experiences. In the end everything would work out just the way it was supposed to.
I set my story aside and sipped the wine. I loved Julie's choices of wine; they were speciality wines and types I never would have chosen myself had I gone to the wine store.
My phone chirped, and again it was Jet, asking if we could talk. I shut my phone off and leaned against the pillows on my bed. There was a knock on my door, and Julie peeked in. She was wearing a black silk robe, and her hair was tied up in a towel.
“Hey, how ya holding up?”
I smiled. “I'm okay.”
“Are you really?”
Tears welled up in my eyes and spilled down my cheeks. Julie hurried into the room and sat on the bed beside me. She took me in her arms for a big hug, and it was the perfect tight hug to make me feel better.
“It's okay, Natalie, everything is going to be okay.”
I sobbed into my friend’s shoulder, feeling a combination of foolishness and relief. When my tears finally stopped falling, I pulled away from her and wiped at my eyes. I could just imagine what I must look like.
“God, I'm sorry.”
“Don't be silly, Natalie, it was probably the best thing for you. I don't think I saw you cry even once over Tom. It's okay to be sad, but it's also okay to forgive and move on.”
“Do you think I'm being an idiot about Thanksgiving?”
“Of course not. What happened that night was wrong. You definitely shouldn't have had to deal with that sort of nonsense. And Katie? That girl just needs to get slapped.”
I laughed. “Well, it just seems like you are on Jet's side.”
“No, darling. That isn't the case at all.”
“Then why do you want me to talk to him?”
“Look, Natalie. What happened was shitty; there is no doubt about it. But I think maybe you're being a little too hard on Jet. Katie, I think, is the one who is at fault here, and maybe Jet shouldn't have let her fawn all over him, but I don't think this is a case of cheating at all. She did something wrong, Jet just happened to be there. You haven't directed any of your anger toward her at all, even though she did the kissing. Instead, you won't even talk to Jet. Don't you think you have tortured him enough? Let's be honest, all guys make mistakes, but I think he's paid his penance, don't you?”
“I don't know. I just don't want to go through what I did with Tom again.”
“I don't blame you, but I don't think that's what happened here at all. I think that you have this picture in your head of walking in on Tom and Lisa, and you think it’s the same thing as Thanksgiving, and it's not. Tom was a willing participant in that, and he stayed with Lisa afterward. Jet didn't cheat on you, and he's still trying to work things out with you. Isn't that worth something?”
I put my head in my hands. “Oh God, I just don't know what to do. I'm so messed up.”
“It's okay, Natalie. You don't have to figure everything out right now. It's okay to wait until your head clears. I'm just worried you're throwing away a good thing for the wrong reasons.”
“What do you mean?”
“Jet is crazy about you, and I think you know that. Do you really want to lose
him over the fact that some girl he doesn't even like kissed him?”
“She's so beautiful. I don't understand why he doesn't want her.”
“Natalie, you're beautiful too. He wants you because you are beautiful, and you're smart and talented. Katie doesn't have anything on you. Yeah, she may be a tough girl that all the boys like, but she isn't you, and I think she learned that the other night.”
I smiled. “Thanks, you're the best.”
“Anytime, girl. Just remember that you deserve to be happy, and that means you deserve to be with a guy like Jet. Cut the guy some slack. At least hear him out, and give him the benefit of the doubt. Now I was kind enough to run you a hot bath after I got out of the shower, so grab your wine and go relax.”
“That's the best thing ever. Thanks, Julie.” I hugged her again and picked up my wine glass. I was going to sit in that hot bath and not think of a single thing for the rest of the night.
The second round of the nationals for Jet was that night and it was all I could think about. I knew it was a special night for him, but I just couldn’t bear to go and watch him with things the way they were between us. I didn’t know what I to do, and I struggled all day during my classes. At that point I was not even sure it would do him any good to see me there; it could throw him off his game, confuse him so that he missed something important. But I was also torn by the idea that if I didn't go, he could lose as well. People are under stress behaved far differently than usual, and maybe Jet wouldn’t be able to concentrate properly without me ringside, cheering him on. Those were the thoughts that haunted me for an entire day.
As I was crossing campus on my way home, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned to find Katie standing behind me, looking guilty and rather stupid.
I lashed out immediately. “Oh God, what the hell do you want? Don't you think you have done enough?”
“Take it easy, Natalie.”
“No, I am not going to take it easy. You have no right even coming up to me. What could you possibly have to say to me at this point?”
“How about, ‘I'm sorry?’”
“I couldn’t care less. Sorry from girls like you hardly ever means anything.”
“What do you mean, girls like me?”
I rolled my eyes. “I mean the kind of girl who would pursue a guy when she knows he has a girlfriend. The kind of girl who would kiss him at a dinner he was at with his girlfriend. That's the kind of girl I'm talking about.”
“Okay, maybe I deserved that. But I really am sorry, and I'm not the bad person that you think I am. I have just been in love with Jet for half my life, and to be honest, I thought at one point we would get together. When you came into the picture, I sort of lost it and the idea of losing him completely really hurt me. So I was determined to do anything I had to in order to win him from you.”
I was shocked by her honesty and I couldn't help but feel terrible about the fact that she loved someone she could never have. That wouldn't have been a very good feeling, and maybe Katie was right. Maybe you could go crazy at the idea of losing someone you really wanted.
“Look, I know that you hate me, and I understand that. Maybe you will never be able to forgive me and that's fine. But I just wanted to tell you how sorry I was for my behavior.”
I nodded. “Okay, you told me. Thank you.”
“Natalie, you really should go to the fights tonight. I know you and Jet haven't been talking yet, but I know he would really like you to be there.”
“And how do you know that?”
“Because every time I have a conversation with Jet, you are all he talks about, especially right now, since he is worried he lost you forever. You are all he talks about, Natalie, and I know he would want you to see him get the chance to be the national champion. You and I both know he has a great shot at winning it, so you really should be there.”
I didn’t know what to say to her, so I decided to stay silent for the time being. I was emotionally exhausted from the whole ordeal, and I really wasn’t sure what to think of her apology or her remarks about Jet. The truth was they were still talking, and although it was obvious they weren't together, it was clear that she would always be a part of his life, and that would be something I would have to be okay with.
“Look, I have to run. I'm actually fighting tonight as well, and I need to prepare. Just think about it, okay?”
I nodded, turned, and walked away from her without another word.
I walked into the arena and the fights were already all well underway. The fact of the matter was that I was really late. I had thought about the fights all day, and had come to the conclusion that I just wasn't going to go. Julie had given me a really hard time about it, to the point where I thought maybe I should go. It didn't mean I had to get back together with Jet; it just meant that I was going to go support him during a time when he needed me.
So I headed over there, but I knew I was really late. So late, in fact, that when I walked into the arena Jet was already in the cage fighting to be the national champ. I slowly made my way up to the cage down one of the aisles as the crowd was going insane on either side of me. Jet was swinging a high kick at his opponent and he connected it, causing the guy to drop. I noticed his corner was cheering him on, and Katie was there like she had been the last time, screaming no less loudly than the coach was. I went up to the front row, but I stayed in the aisle, I didn't have tickets for the front row because there were no tickets left, but I wanted to be close. Jet went in for a four-punch combination, and then pulled back. When he did so, he made eye contact with me. The look on his face said that he had just found a fresh new breath that was going to get him through the fight. That was all it took for him to send off another spinning back fist that connected with his opponent’s face, knocking him out cold.
His corner went nuts, as well as the crowd, and I smiled hugely for him. He didn't even wait to hear the decision from the judge. He flew out of the cage and headed right for me. I was shocked, as was everyone else in the room. When he got to me, he pulled me to him and kissed me passionately―so passionately that I could barely catch my breath. He put his forehead against mine, and it caused tears to well up in my eyes.
“Natalie, my God, you came. I thought you weren't coming. This means so much to me.”
“Katie apologized and explained everything to me. I want to move on now.”
He kissed me again, and I felt safe in his arms once more.
My eyes drifted closed as Jet tilted the shower head toward my face. The shampoo washed down my body and into the drain. He slid his hands down my hair to help the soap trickle down my body. I could barely keep it together with him so near. I seized the soap, made lots of bubbles, and started to wash his chest. His skin hard and smooth. He jerked at my touch, and his eyes flickered up to mine. I felt weak in the knees.
“Is this what you wanted when you were out there getting hit?”
“I want you. I want you to put your lips on mine.”
Jet pressed his lips to mine and kissed me roughly, withdrawing only to let me catch my breath.
My chest was heaving, and my heart was pounding in my chest. Without thinking, my fingers pushed into his hair and I pulled him towards my lips. His tongue found mine first, and he lifted me up in the air so that we were level. His closeness set me on fire; he was exhilarating as he pushed into me. I sucked his tongue hungrily, and he turned off the shower, lifting me to carry me to his bed. He draped a towel over me as I clung to him. He lowered me over the comforter and rubbed the towel over my skin while he smiled and said, “Let me go get dry.”
I didn’t’ want him to go; he looked delicious hot and wet before me. My teeth started to chatter as I watched his ass flex as he disappeared into the bathroom. I absently dried myself with the towel as my eyes were trained on the door. Jet finally returned, filling the threshold of the door with his enormous frame. His eyes were on mine as he walked back over to the bed.
He parted his mouth over mine, our breaths mi
ngled together, and a delicious shiver ran through me as our tongues found each other. My breasts rose and fell as he ran his fingers up my leg, then possessively cupped my ass.
I shuddered as he caressed my pussy, briefly opening my lips with his thumb as he sucked on my nipples. I bucked underneath him, and he laughed softly as he continued to lick my nipples.
He ran his hands over my body, growling, “God, Natalie. I'm coming inside you, now.”
“Hurry,” I said.
He eagerly spread me wide, his cock hard as he flattened me on my back and covered me with the heat of his body.
He grabbed my legs, pulled them around his hips, and then pinned my arms above my head, looking down at me like he wanted to devour me. His cock was right there, ready to push inside me, and every cell in my body knew that Jet was mine. There was need written all over his face, and he was easily the sexiest man I had ever seen. I could see his muscles clench, his body working as he pushed himself deep inside me. Thrashing as a sound of pleasure ripped through me, I tilted my hips up to meet him. He cried out my name as he brushed kisses along my face. He pumped inside me as I moaned his name over, and over again. I came as he rocked inside me, and I was panting as he followed suit, filling me up. He slid out of me, and held me tight against him, like he never wanted to let me go. Jet bit the back of my neck, holding me tighter than I had ever been held before.
Broken #4 (The Broken Series - Book #4) Page 7
