“Yeah, it sounds pretty great.” I chime in, trying not to get too lost in my own thoughts.
“It is. We did one as a family last year for my cousin’s school district to fundraise for their school’s music and arts department. It was awesome!” he says happily.
“Practice over Bud?” she asks.
“Almost”, he says as he is chugging down water. “We still have twenty minutes, but Cody wants to know if I can go over to his place after because we have a paper due next week.”
“Can you work on it this weekend?” she asks.
“No. We have the tournament in Santa Monica remember? His mom is taking us.”
“That’s right. Tell Pam I’ll drive you guys for the next one ok?”
“Ok, so can I go?”
“Yeah, just be home by nine.” She says and he comes over hugs her and she kisses the top of his head, and surprisingly he lets her.
“Okay mom see you later, it was nice meeting you Mike.” He says waving goodbye with a smile on his face, as he heads over to where his team mates are meeting back up.
“Bye Mark” I say, and I look at her. She is staring out towards the field, her eyes following her oldest son as he heads over to where the coach is now talking to the team and she slightly sighs. Her expression is soft and loving, but shadowed by something else, something sad, and for some reason this tugs at my insides a little.
“They are a traveling little league team,” she starts to explain. “Cody is one of his best friends. His mom is a great lady, she helps me out by driving Mark to them, with my line of work, sometimes I miss them because of weddings or other events especially on weekends.”
Games she wouldn’t miss, if I hadn’t called Patrick that morning and rode his ass about going into the office that day. Games she would be at because her husband would have been alive, and she wouldn’t have to be solely financially responsible for her children, three fatherless children because of my fucking brother and me. For a moment I had been contemplating asking her to dinner, how could I be so stupid? If she ever found out who Patrick was, if she knew I knew who she was and I was acting like a complete stranger, she would hate me. Dread and panic sweep over me in a split second.
“It’s getting late, I should probably get you to your car,” I say gruffly. I know I sound pissed,and I am, it just isn’t at her. She looks at me, and I feel like she can see right through me.
“Okay. Sorry I had to drag you out here.” She says as she stands and starts walking to my car. I feel like a jerk. I know I must seem like an asshole to her, going hot and cold.
“No problem, your ideas are on the money about the 5K.” I say as I unlock the car. I want to open the door for her, bring her in close, feel her small warm body pressed next to me, so much I ache, but I don’t. I can’t. My decision had turned her life upside down. If she only knew the truth, she’d look at me with eyes filled with hate and disgust. I know I need to get my shit together, but my emotions are getting the better of me as I drown deep in my thoughts as I drive us. Before I realize it, I had driven us back to the little Starbucks off of Colorado Blvd in complete silence. I park and we get out walking side by side to her car.
“It was nice to meet you Mr. Crown.” She says formally, sounding almost cold with her calling Mr. Crown instead of Mike, and God help me but I wanted my name on her lips again. I knew I had messed up by staying quiet in the car.
“It was fun Sabrina,” I say trying to speak in a softer voice.
“If you want, I’ll e-mail you the list of contacts. Either way, I hope SPARK is open to the mud run idea.
“That sounds great.” I mumble as I reach for my wallet for my business card.
“Here is my business card. My numbers and email are on it, both business and personal ones” I slip in, but I know she isn’t the type to call me.
“Oh okay, here let me get you my card.” She says sounding as if I had caught her off guard. Then she starts to dig into her bag. From the looks of that massive thing, it’s filled with everything you can imagine. Finally she brings out her wallet and takes out her card.
“Here, sorry, I swear this bag sucks everything to the bottom. My kids call it the Mary Poppin’s bag.” Her unexpected comment makes me laugh and I look at her as the sun is starting to set behind her. Her smile is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. Something about her always catches me off guard, something I never liked, but with her I don’t seem to mind.
“Can I call you?” I ask without thinking, and she stares at me confused at first, then surprised.
“I mean, would you like to hangout sometime, maybe have dinner?” Part of me is yelling at me for being an idiot, what am I doing? Patrick had killed her husband! The other part of me was holding his breath, holding hope close, to hear her response.
She raises an eyebrow, tilting her head slightly.
“I have three kids.” She says catching me off guard.
“I know you told me. I even met one of them” I say trying not to smile. “Mark’s twelve, Penny is nine and Chris is the youngest at six, obsessed with football.” I repeat to show her I was paying attention. She is still staring at me in shock.
“You sure you want to, umm hang out? I mean with a single mom with three kids?” she asks almost as if she is trying to warn me off.
“I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t sure.” Her being a mom of three wasn’t the issue, just the whole my brother is an idiot fucked up soul and you have no idea that I was partially to blame, that’s the part that I wasn’t sure.
She stays silent, just staring at me, and she opens then closes her mouth, almost as if she is trying to come up with the right thing to say. Then finally she says, “Okay. Call me or text or whatever. My information is on my card.” She says.
“Okay. Sounds good. I will. Be safe getting home Sabrina.” I say as I lean in before being able to help myself, and kiss her cheek. I hear a tiny gasp and damn if I’m not dying to know what she would sound like in other scenarios.
“You too.” She says surprised, lightly licking her lips with her tongue.
I look at her and wave. My heart is heavy with the fact that I didn’t tell her who I was, that I had lied, yet it was light because somehow meeting her had shed a sliver of hope into my darkened heart who had forgot what hope had felt like.
Sabrina
It is a rare quiet Sunday morning in the house. I sigh as my thoughts veer to Mike Crown. It had been four days since I had met Mike, and we had talked every day, we’d even hung out for coffee and lunch almost every day, with the exception of yesterday, and that was because I was coordinating a wedding. I smile as I think about our late night phone calls, his whispered voice telling me stories of when he was a kid or in college. Over the phone our conversations were broad; no topic had felt off limits. I told him about the kids, what I had done that day, the events I was in the middle of planning, brides I was trying not to clock upside the head, and he always listened intently, almost hanging off every word. He told me a little of his day, mostly about the monotony he felt day in and day out. It was nice. No it was better than nice, it was wonderful being able to share the little things of everyday life. I still hadn’t told him about Sean, and it was nagging at me, making it seem like Sean wasn’t there for his kids by choice.
The day after I met him, I had gone out to breakfast with Emmi. I had needed to tell someone about him, to see what she thought, if maybe it was too soon. Emmi had been my best friend since birth. We had had our own ups and downs, but at the end of the day we knew no matter what, we could count on one another, that we had one another’s back. After Sean died, her, my sister and Nick helped me not fall apart at the seam. Our houses were only a ten minute walk from one another, and she was a huge part of why I had moved back home.
To my surprise as I spoke she stayed quiet listening, watching me intently with her soft green eyes, as I told her about how I had bumped into tone of the sexiest men I had ever laid eyes on. I told her about how I fe
lt like I could drown in his baby blue eyes; his sexy voice. How that same night he had called me to make sure the kids and I had got home safe and we stayed up talking till midnight. Completely divulging every detail possible about Mike. When I asked her what she thought, low and behold my beautiful friend just sat there calmly sitting quietly almost as if getting her thoughts together, and then she did the last thing I would have ever expected her to do; She cried. My heart plummeted with thoughts that maybe I was moving too fast, somehow betraying Sean’s memory by sounding too overly excited about a guy I had just met. I got up to go hug her as I apologized and she shook her head, calmly putting her hand over mine, her green eyes lighter because of her tears.
“There is nothing to say sorry about. I am sorry I am crying. It’s just. Oh babe I have been so worried about you for over three years, and this is the first time,” a sob stopped her words as I scooted my chair closer to her wrapping my arms around her as she let out another muffled sob.
“First time what Emmi?” I asked her worried about her reaction. Her tears were so out of the norm for Emmi.
“First time it’s really you.” she said her head came up from my shoulder as she looked at meat me, my eyes opened wide trying to understand what she was trying to say. “Rin we have been so worried about you. Cara, Nick, your parents. Hearing you talk about this guy, it’s like having you back. Who you were before. It’s like there is a light back in your eyes, and just for that alone I give the guy thumbs up.” she said as she sniffled, wiping away her tears and I stared at her dumbfounded. I looked down, and I could slowly feel panic creeping into my chest.
“It’s too soon.” I whispered and she looked at me and grabbed my hand.
“Babe it’s been over three years, closer to four. It’s okay to reach for your happy sweetheart. Sean would want you to be. He would have hated seeing the shell you’ve been the last three years. He loved that most about you you know? One time, I probably told you this,” I shook my head wanting to hear what she was going to say, “We were all at my house, the kids were playing in the pool, Chris was just born and you were holding him and laughing with Dan at the grill, and he was just staring at you, like you were the most precious thing. He caught me watching him and he smiled shyly and told me how he loved how full of life you were, he said you shined you were so bright with life.” My eyes got watery at the thought.
Yeah, that sounded like Sean. He never had a problem telling me how he felt about me, telling anyone. It didn’t matter to him if others thought he was whipped, because he used to say that when it came to love, pride had no place in it. I loved that I never had to dig to know where he stood on things, how he felt about things. You’re my bright star in a dark night baby, he used to whisper to me. How had I forgotten that? No I hadn’t forgotten it; I just hadn’t let myself remember because it used to hurt so much thinking about how our time had been cut short. I hadn’t thought about those things in an attempt of self preservation. I sat quietly. Did it still hurt? Yes, not excruciating pain like before, it was just a dull ache, but now my heart and mind didn’t grab onto the pain but instead it clawed onto his words- all the good times. That made my shoulders feel a little lighter.
At Emmi’s urging we Googled Mike. She had said she was happy to see me happy, but that at this time in age a single woman could never be too careful. He was indeed VP of Edward’s Automotive. Sole heir to the huge corporation, his grandfather William Edwards was known to be a shark.
Mike’s picture had been splashed in society pages at charity events, movie premieres, and celebrity weddings; at all of them he was in tailor made suits or tuxedos that made him look even more devilishly handsome than how he had looked when we had bumped into one another. In each and every picture, Emmi and I had seen he most definitely had a type… tall leggy model types and that worried me. I wasn’t a complete hot mess but I wasn’t anything you wrote home about. I was average height, if not short at my five foot three height, curvy, just average I guess is how I would have described myself. What was he doing talking to me? He obviously could have his pick of the litter. Why deal with someone so average with a ton load of baggage? Every time those thoughts plagued my mind, somehow he knew, because at that moment he would call. My phone ringing, I went to grab it and sure enough it said MIKE CALLING and I couldn’t hide away my smile,letting me forget my insecurities fade into the back of my mind.
“Good morning.” I answer cheerfully into the phone as I go to the kitchen to start up breakfast.
“Good morning.” his voice rumbles as my insides do a little flip, “Did you sleep okay?” he asks.
“Mostly… I keep getting these late night phone calls from one of the sexiest voices I have ever heard.“I tease, smiling sipping my coffee.
“Really?” I can hear his smile on his lips as he lightly chuckles.
“Yeah.” I almost whisper as I smile, biting my lip.
“Maybe you should ask him to stop?” he says almost sounding a little serious, but I shrug it off thinking he was probably just joking around.
“Why would I do that? I like when he calls.” I say with a small laugh, “Did you sleep okay?”
“Yeah… So what are you doing today?” He asks, something sounds off, but I don’t know what it could be.
“Not sure yet, kids are pretty tired from yesterday.” Cara and my wonderful brother-in-law Jerry had decided to take the kids to Marks’ games and afterwards they had gone to Disneyland. Thank god for annual passes, they had returned late, hence the quiet morning at the Miller house, “So maybe just a quiet night in. Why what’s up?”
“Oh. Nothing, I was just going to see if maybe we could hang out.” He asks a little coldly. Throughout the past couple of days I have noticed he tends to do this, but almost as if he turns cold when he shies away or gets nervous only to warm up a little bit after.
“Would you like to come over? Nothing fancy, I’ll probably just make spaghetti and meatballs, maybe go out for ice cream.” I ask nervously.
“You sure? I meant won’t the kids be there?” he asks trying to hide his nervous tone.
“Yeah. I do have male friends Mike,” I say smiling, “plus you met Mark the other day, they can tell you about the mud run we did last year, you can hear a little more about why my idea is awesome.” To this he chuckles, then he gets quiet clearing his throat which shocks me.
“Is that what we are doing here Sabrina, being friends?” I freeze when his words hit my mind. Is that what this is? I talked to Nick quite a bit, maybe not as much as I have with Mike the last couple of nights, but I did. But did I flirt with Nick? No, that was almost gross, because I only saw Nick as a friend, almost like a brother. God who was I kidding? I knew that wasn’t what I wanted from Mike. I mean at some point friends would be nice, but something about him, threw me for a loop. Made me want him, want things that had been dormant for so long.
Every lunch date we had been on had been nice. Sweet. I smile thinking about how excited I was every time we said goodbye and he would kiss my cheek goodbye. How his arms would hold on to me a little longer every time, and how much I liked him holding me close. He hadn’t tried to kiss me yet so that’s the part that always left me a little confused.
“I… I umm, I’m not really sure Mike.” I say stumbling over my own words. I had been gone from the dating game for so long I didn’t know how to play it, and honestly at thirty-six, juggling three active kids and a busy flourishing career, I was too tired to try to play games, so I decided to lay my cards on the table and be completely honest. Staring towards the living room to make sure the kids weren’t up, I walked to the kitchen and went through the double French doors that led to the backyard. “I have to be honest Mike,” I start.
“Okay.” He says hesitantly.
“I was never very good at this,”
“This?” he asks almost sounding amused.
“The whole dating-game playing thing, I wasn’t good at it at twenty-two much less at thirty-six after having taken a fourt
een year break.”
“Okay.” He says cautiously.
“So here goes. I like you. I think you’re interesting and funny in a dry witty way, when you laugh it does things to me that shouldn’t be allowed, plus you aren’t tough on the eyes.” I say trying to lighten the mood and stop myself from making a complete idiot out of myself. “You are really nice, and to be honest sometimes I catch myself thinking about you. I liked meeting up for lunch this week. I liked looking at my phone and reading that you were calling or reading a simple good morning text from you.
“I’d like to get to know you, hang out. With that said, I am also a single mom. Yes I have a great support system, my friends and family are beyond amazing, but Sundays are usually my only complete day all week to spend with my kids. I know it might be weird but dinner might be nice to just hangout. There’s no pressure, no strings, just extremely casual early homemade Sunday dinner maybe go out for some ice cream afterwards. I’ll introduce you to them as if you are a potential client, a friend. They have met my friends and my clients before. It wouldn’t be more than just that to them. It’s better for you to see what being with me in my life entails now, rather than later when emotions or sex cloud our judgment of what we can put up with and what we can’t.”
“Sex?” his voice sounds strained and I giggle nervously. GOD I am a nerd. I don’t even know what I am saying, my face heating up, I cover my face with my hand.
“I mean like later if we were to… you know? Take this further…” He stays quiet and I just want a dark hole to swallow me up so I can disappear. What if he isn’t even interested? I mean he dates freaking models, what the hell is he doing with me? His silence makes me nervous.
“Or maybe I totally misread this…” I mumble closing my eyes tilting my head back on the chair.
“No you didn’t.” His voice deep answers quickly, “I guess I’m not use to a girl like you.” Like me? What did that mean? Plain? Not his usual cup of tea? Not a freaking model?!
Crown's Chance at Love Page 5
