“We used to live up north in Berkeley before dad died, everyone’s a Giants fan there,” Penny says and I completely freeze as I am filling a pot of water to boil the pasta. I look over to Mike. He looks a little surprised but doesn’t say anything.
“Well I guess that explains the Giants fascination, but you guys live here now… on the better part of California! We have the Dodgers and the Angels… even the Padres are better than the Giants,” he says teasingly.
“Don’t let Mark hear you say that.” Penny jokes with him and I just stare at the interaction between them.
“Mom! He won’t change it back.” Chris comes into the kitchen heading to the fridge, grabbing an apple he sits at the breakfast bar watching Mike and Penny make meatballs.
“Chris it’s okay. How many times have you seen the Harbough brother’s special?”
“That’s not the point Mom, I was watching first. Then his big head comes and changes it.” Chris pouts.
“Baby watch your words.”
“Big head isn’t a bad word.”
“Chris! We have company please be nice,” I say as he starts to try my patience, but it really wasn’t what Chris was doing that was irritating me. I had irritated myself by not having been upfront with Mike about Sean.
“Mike what would you rather watch? A special on one of the most interesting set of coaching brothers in the NFL, future football coaching legends OR watch the stupid Giants play?”
He chuckles. “Bud I agree with you but I’m making meatballs. Want to help us?” he asks and I look over at Chris and he nods. Again I can’t seem to hold my smile back as I watch Chris wash his hands and head over to the mixture and start rolling meatballs.
“This is what brains must look like,” he says and we all laugh.
“That’s so gross Chris,” Penny chimes in.
We cook and once the meatballs, sauce and pasta are all done, the kids go back to the living room to watch a movie.
“Would you like something to drink?” I ask Mike, nervously since we have been left alone in the kitchen.
“I’ll take another bottle of water.” I nod and grab us two bottles out of the fridge, and hand it over to him, “Want to go out back?”
“Sure,” he says and he follows me, my heart’s beating hard. I know I have to explain about Sean and I am not sure how.
We sit at the porch swing, his thigh touching mine and I look at him and smile.
“So I should explain,” I say looking at him in the eye.
“About?” he asks raising an eyebrow.
“About the kid’s dad… my husband,” I say softly.
He takes a deep breath, “Okay.”
“Sean, that’s his name… was… anyhow umm… he died three and a half years ago,” I say nervously, staring out to the tree house. “He was a paramedic, and his rig was hit by a drunk driver head on.” I feel his hand cover mine and lightly squeeze it, almost as if giving me strength to keep talking, “He was a really good man. You would have liked him, I mean everyone loved Sean. He was really laid back and funny. Anyhow, when you and I met and you asked me about him, I don’t know why I just didn’t tell you the truth from the start. I hated not telling you or insinuating that he wasn’t in the picture by choice. I just… I guess I didn’t want to see what I saw in everyone else’s eyes when I tell them I’m a widow.”
“What’s that?” his deep voice asks almost in a whisper.
“Pity,” I say and look at him. His pale blue eyes look almost gray and I can’t seem to read him.
“I don’t.” His voice is a little gruffer than I had heard it before. “Those kids in there Sabrina are pretty great. You would never think something so huge happened to them, and that has a lot to do with the type of mom you are- hell the type of person you are,” he says graciously, and I shake my head.
“I shouldn’t have lied Mike. I am really sorry I gave you the wrong impression about Sean. It’s just we met and when the subject came up I realized you were the first person in over three years that I wanted to get to know me as me and not a widow, or as someone with a sad story attached to her, and honestly I did it without really thinking about it. My friends have tried to set me up on dates and when I say that they were all disasters I am putting it mildly. Especially when they find out I am a widow and not a divorcee or just a single mom. I don’t know why it is. I had honestly only gone on those dates to appease my friends, because I know they worry about me. Then by chance that day we met I felt something click… like I would really like to get to know you. If that makes sense?”
He stays quiet still holding my hand and I look at him as he stares out at the tree house, and I realize at that moment that I must have completely read things wrong. A wave of self doubt washes over me and I stare out towards the tree house too. A strong need to push him away, to have him leave hits.
***
Mike
This is my chance to either tell her, or walk away.
“Sabrina,” I start to say and I clear my voice as I look at her; I can see something in her eyes. Embarrassment and something else.
“No. I get it. I’m not your type, and I bring a lot to the table. Honestly it’s not a big deal. Let’s have lunch and then you can leave. It’s okay,” she stutters out quickly, completely taking me off guard. I had been ready to tell her. The words were about to come out… hadn’t they been? Now she was pushing me away, insinuating things I was no where close to thinking.
“Sabrina.” I start to say but the kids come out.
“Mom, we are hungry.” Penny says smiling. Mark looks amused as he notices I’m holding his mom’s hand and she notices it as well because she jumps up letting go of my hand as she stands up. When her hand leaves mine, it is as if my body and heart already miss her closeness and touch. I shake my head as I stand up and stare at her. She is mesmerizing as she stands there with a deer caught in the headlights look on her face. Her cheeks slightly pink, her hair down past her shoulders looking like a fountain of creamy chocolate silk. I could see that a million thoughts were running through her mind per minute and none were good, at least for me.
“Ok, it’s all ready. Why don’t you and Chris set up the table, Mark serve drinks please. Mr. Crown can go wash up and I’ll start to serve the dishes,” she says hastily to Penny and hurries into the kitchen. It didn’t go unseen to me that she had called me Mr. Crown instead of Mike to them, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. Chris is standing in front of me frowning at me but doesn’t say anything other than, “I can show you where the bathroom is so you can wash your hands.”
I walked into the half bath, and looked at myself in the mirror. What the fuck am I doing? I think to myself. I know the right thing to do would be to have lunch and leave. Yet for the life of me that was the last thing I wanted to do. I had been ready to tell her who I was, to lay everything out on the table like she had, but she had cut me off. Unknowingly, she had handed me the out that if I was a better man I would take.
We ate lunch. The kids driving most of the conversation, Sabrina barely looking at me, but even then the meal wasn’t tense or awkward. The kids were funny, and genuinely get along with one another, and I enjoyed watching the interaction amongst them.
I found out that Penny is in ballet, which surprises me since Sabrina had said she wasn’t a girly girl, but it came out she’d been in ballet since she was four. She is a sweet kid, who will one day undoubtedly break hearts. She looks alot like her mom, same maple brown hair but where Sabrina’s was straight, Penny’s is curly and a bit wild, and her eyes seem darker than Sabrina’s at moments and then at others they looked green. I don’t know if it is because of the lighting in the kitchen or thats just how her eyes are. Out of the three she was definitely the most animated and talkative. Something I noticed the boys were more than okay with.
Chris is probably my favorite out of the three, mostly because of his extensive knowledge about football. He seemed to be the most serious when I had arrived and Sabrina had ment
ioned that, but with me he had been extremely laid back and talkative. He was excited about being able to play pee wee football this upcoming season for the first time. I liked hearing him talk football with Sabrina. It showed what kind of woman she was. She probably wasn’t interested in the sport, but because her son was, she had read up on it.
Mark is the oldest and the quietest of the three. You think because being a teenager, he is the quietest because he is probably not paying attention, but he is watching everything like a hawk. Kid was beyond observant, and every emotion played out on his face just like it did on his mom’s face. He was fairer than the other three, and from what I remembered about what Sean had looked like from the file the investigator had done, Mark looked most like him. He asked me about Edwards Automotive, and made it a point to talk up his mom’s event coordinating abilities. Kid is wiser than his years, and from the looks of it, he had taken the role of the man of the house without even having been asked to. Something I wasn’t sure Sabrina might have noticed.
When we finish eating, without having to be asked, Mark wrangles the other two to help pick up the dishes and the three of them start to wash and put them in the dishwasher. The way they naturally work together amazes and impresses me. They weren’t putting on a show because they had company, this was just what their routine was. Sabrina had done an extraordinary job these last three and a half years.
“Thanks for coming over,” she says as we walk towards the living room.
“Thank you for putting to cook, it’s been a while since I’ve made meatballs,” I say lightly and my heart does a bit of a flip when a smile brightens her face. I wanted to be the reason she smiled… shit where had that thought come from?
“Of course, though I have to admit you did the part I hate doing- mixing all the gooey ingredients. I have to agree with Chris, it always reminds me of what brains must look like,” she says and we both chuckle.
“I had fun. They are really good kids Sabrina,” I say sincerely and she nods. A soft look drapes over her face, something I couldn’t read. When her eyes met mine, whatever she was thinking about, made her look almost a little bit sad.
“Hey kids, Mr. Crown has to get going, say goodbye,” she says and damn it I want her to stop calling me Mr. Crown. But that wasn’t all that was bothering me. Hell, it was that I genuinely didn’t want to leave. Yet I know that leaving would make things better and easier for her life in the long run.
“Wait, I thought you were going with us to go get frozen yogurt later?” Penny brought up, almost sounding disappointed, and I notice Mark frown.
“Yeah, but some work stuff came up, I have to make some calls. Maybe another time,” I say trying to take the heat off of Sabrina, and I notice her frown. She was giving me an out, I knew that, she had made it clear. But I didn’t want an out damn it.
“Oh okay,” Penny says not only sounding disappointed but also looking it, and damn it if I seriously disliked the feeling of letting one of her kids down somehow.
“Bye Mike… maybe next time we can watch the Harbaugh special,” Chris says as he extends his little hand and I shake it smiling. Yup definitely a cool little kid.
“Yeah bud… maybe,” I say smiling at him. He is a pretty serious little guy. Out of the three, he was the one I had hit it off with the most. His knowledge of football, being six years old it is interesting to watch.
“Well nice to see you again Mr. Crown. Have a good… night,” Sabrina says and we awkwardly hug. A hug very unlike the hugs we had been sharing this week after lunch or coffee and I hated that. I want to say something to her I just couldn’t get the words together. Part of me wanted to whisper it in her ear, or grab her close to wash away the awkwardness that had somehow blanketed over us, but the moment is fleeting. All I was able to do is look at them and wave.
As I walked out towards my car, I noticed Mark come out after me.
“Hey Mike.” He says and I turn to face him.
“Yeah?” I ask, as the kid walks towards me closing the space between us.
“If you finish your work stuff early, we go to Tutti Frutti off of Colorado, usually around seven after Chris watches his stupid football stuff,” he says and I stare at him.
I had pegged him on the nail. He had been quiet, but was extremely observant. When I don’t say anything he sighs, putting his arms on his head, and surprises me by what he says next.
“She gets nervous and worries about bringing people around us, so she tends to push people away. Especially guys. Aunt Em and Nick try to set her up, but she tends to brush them all off. Since that day at baseball practice that I met you, there’s something different about her,” he says in a quiet way, and damn if that isn’t moving in itself. He is the man of the house, giving me the green light, because he cares about his mom. “Don’t let her push you away. I mean if you are into her, don’t let her.”
I nod, “I’ll see what I can do,” and get in my car and drive away.
I get to my condo, which is only fifteen minutes away from Sabrina’s house. I walk into the space, and it feels lonelier than ever. The stark white walls, dark furniture is nothing like the cozy warm home that Sabrina and the kids have made out of their house. I sit on my oversized couch as a Dodger game plays in the background that I am not paying attention to. My thoughts are deep in Sabrina and her kids.
This afternoon had been fun. I would have never thought I would have enjoyed something so domestic, but maybe it had to do with the fact that I was almost forty, or maybe it was just the company I had been around, but I hadn’t felt that comfortable in my own skin in what felt like a lifetime.
I close my eyes and think about how serious she looked as she told me about Sean. I had felt like a real bastard letting her have to tell me all about it, when I knew the truth. Shit the whole thing was my own damn fault! I’m not sure what gave her the impression that I wanted off the hook though. Right after she told me all about it, it was like she was self conscious about the situation, and like an idiot I let her give me the out.
I look over at the clock and it taunts me, saying its six thirty. I throw my arm over my head and try to pay attention to the baseball game as my heart and mind fight over what to do.
***
Sabrina
Once Mike leaves I make a pot of coffee and I head to the laundry room. As a single mom of three busy kids, laundry was one of the many household chores that had to be done no matter what, and one I could do without having to think much about anything other than my own thoughts. After starting a load, I folded the load of towels that had been left in the dryer. As I did all of this and put away clothes in the kids’ rooms that had been left folded in the laundry room I thought about what an idiot I was. I had basically thrown Mike out. I had enjoyed having him over and the kids had seemed to like him. Even Chris had been cool about him and had helped make meatballs with him. Chris had made an effort to include Mike in the conversation throughout dinner as well, and I had liked that my serious little guy had softened up around Mike.
When I started to tell him about Sean, I hadn’t wanted to see the pity or sympathy in his eyes. But I had to fess up. I had felt like such a fraud, having insinuated that Sean just wasn’t around because he was some sort deadbeat dad. After I had told him the truth, I pushed him away. I knew I had done this and had immediately regretted it. Then when we all ate lunch… watching the kids interact with him, I had almost asked Mike to stay and watch a movie with us. But I hadn’t. I had given him an out and now I probably won’t be hearing from him again. But its better to know that now, rather than later. Especially with how I am feeling only after a few days of meeting him. Yeah, its definitely better to know that he would take the out now, rather than later.
I go to the living room, sitting down next to Penny, and a while later Chris comes over and cuddles with me on my other side as we watch a movie. After about an hour, I get up to switch the load of laundry into the dryer and start up a new load.
“Mom, are we going to get froze
n yogurt?” Chris yells from the living room as I am walking back to sit on the couch with them.
“Sure, sounds good. Put shoes on and let’s go,” I say as I run upstairs to put away the towels I had folded earlier.
As I head back down stairs I see Mark is frowning at me.
“What’s wrong?” I ask him, taking in how tall he is getting.
“Your hair,” he mumbles and I laugh.
“What’s wrong with my hair?” I ask. After Mike had left I had thrown it up into a messy bun.
“You should fix it. It looks better down,” he says frowning shaking his head. He walks over to the living room and starts putting on his shoes. I roll my eyes at him and glance at myself in a mirror in the hallway. Okay so maybe my hair is a little crazy looking, so I throw it down and run my fingers through it. It’s a little wavy, but doesn’t look horrible.
“Better?” I ask him and he smiles, then rolls his eyes.
“Yeah mom,” he says smirking in a way that reminds me of Sean. God he looked so much like his dad, my heart tightened a little as I watched him throw on his baseball hat and we head to my car in the garage as I smile and shake my head thinking damn pre-teens.
I drive us to our usually frozen yogurt place, even though I suggested we try out a new place, all three of them had complained and said they wanted to go to Tutti Frutti off of Colorado Blvd. I park us a little bit away so that we can walk off some of the frozen yogurt after we eat. As we approach the little shop painted in bright neon colors, I see a familiar face sitting on one of the bistro tables in the front of the frozen yogurt shop. My heart beat picks up it’s pace as butterflies start to flutter in my stomach.
“Hey,” I say as I look up at Mike, completely surprised he’s here.
“Mark mentioned you guys come here, and I finished my umm calls early,” he says quickly. He looked a little nervous. His pale blues first on me then looking at the kids.
“Really?”I ask softly, noticing the kids are standing quietly next to me grinning like little chimps. I bite the inside of my lip trying to hold my smile. The kids had set me up.
Crown's Chance at Love Page 7
