Damian raises an eyebrow.
“Can I come in, at least? Or would you rather do this in the hall where anyone can interrupt us?” I let out a nervous laugh.
As though to prove my point, laughter and talking comes from the direction of the elevators. He looks me over, his expression dark and unreadable, then steps back and pushes the door open in silent invitation.
Okay, invitation might be overstating it, since he’s obviously still upset. Would his reaction have been this bad if I’d gotten to tell him on my own terms? Not that it matters now. This reality is the one I have to deal with. What-ifs have never done me any good.
Damian stands in front of the door, his arms still crossed, staring at me and not saying anything.
Nerves zing through me, and it’s not the good kind like I get before a performance. My hands are clammy and trembling, and I twist my fingers together in an effort to control them.
“Can I sit?”
“If you like.”
I pull out the heavy armchair in front of the desk and turn it to face him. Smoothing my skirt under me, I sit and fold my hands in my lap. Raising my chin, I give him my best professional face. “So. You said earlier that you don’t feel like you know me. I would argue that you know me better than everyone here except maybe Jonathan, and that’s only because we’ve known each other for years. But how I feel about it isn’t the point right now. Your feelings are.” I swallow hard. “Ask me anything you want, and I’ll answer as fully and completely as I can.”
He snorts.
“I will,” I insist quietly.
“And what’s the point of that?”
My mouth opens, working briefly before I come out with words. “To help you feel like you know me. Because you do. But you want more details. So I’ll give you all the details you want.”
He studies me for a moment, and hope swells inside me. I don’t really like answering questions, but I’ll do it. For Damian, I’ll answer any question, no matter how painful the answer. He has to see that I’m serious about this.
But he lets out a heavy sigh and shakes his head. “I can just Google you if I want details, can’t I? What difference does it make? And I don’t know if you could give a complete answer anyway. You’re too used to holding back and deflecting. I didn’t realize that’s what you were doing before, but looking back, I see it. Everywhere. Every interaction was full of deflection.” He waves a hand at me, encompassing my entire person. “Even now, you’re putting on that face, the closed one you get when you’re forced into talking about something you don’t like.”
“I don’t know—”
He gives me a sad smile. “Yes, you do. I’m sure you’ve had years of media training, and it’s second nature now. But me? I don’t have that kind of need to hide and deflect and hold back. I’ve been all in from the beginning. To find out it was one-sided? That I invested everything, and you’ve only invested, what? Maybe fifty percent? Less?” He shakes his head. “I can’t do it, Charlie. I can’t do this anymore.”
“No, Damian. Please.” I stand up, taking a step toward him. “It’s not like that. I’m just as invested as you are. You have to believe me.”
He closes his eyes and turns his face away, taking another deep breath. “Believing you is too risky, Charlie. Being with you is too risky. For me.”
My heart freezes in my chest. It’s a lump of ice, painful and cold, and with each beat, it cracks. And cracks. And cracks. Soon, it’ll shatter into a million pieces.
If I’m too risky for Damian, then I can’t be here when that happens. I won’t shatter in front of someone who doesn’t care enough about me to listen. To let me try to make this right.
I manage to suck in a breath, wheezy and harsh. But I swallow, closing my eyes for a second, willing myself to stay calm enough not to scream or sob or break. I won’t break. Not here. Not yet.
When I open my eyes, Damian’s solemn face stares back at me. I give him a small nod. “Okay. I’ll pack my things, then. I already upgraded our tickets home to first class, but I’ll …” I give him my best impression of a smile and wave a hand in the air. “Never mind that.”
Turning, I unplug my charger from the bedside table first, and when I turn back around, he’s moved out of the way, standing in the corner by the TV, giving me free movement around the room to gather my things. That small act of heartless courtesy almost makes me start sobbing. But I blink back my tears and swallow down the wail that wants to wrench free of my throat.
Quietly, calmly, I gather my clothes and pack them in my suitcase, then move into the bathroom, pack everything there, and gently press my toiletries case into my suitcase as well. The whole process only takes about ten minutes.
Zipping my small suitcase, I stand it on end and pull out the handle before picking up my garment bag and draping it over my arm.
Damian has his glasses on now, and he’s standing in the middle of the room, his hands in his pockets.
I give him another smile. “Goodbye, Damian.” I’m proud of myself for how calm, how steady my voice sounds. Turning to the door, I pull it open and pause, taking a breath.
All hope that he’d stop me dies as the door closes hard behind me. The only thing missing is the sound of the bolt clicking into place.
I’m sure he’ll wait a few minutes before doing that. He’s nothing if not polite. Even as he devastates me.
But I’m still not in a safe place. I need to get away. Away from here. From prying eyes and ears. I head for the elevators and pull out my phone. I’ll hire a car and head for the airport. Change my flight and head back to Spokane tonight. Or call my assistant and have her get my plane ready.
That.
That’s what I’ll do. No reason not to use it now. The story that I’m out of hiding will hit the internet tonight if it hasn’t already.
My ability to hide in plain sight is over.
Time to face whatever my next steps need to be. But first I need to have a good cry and put myself back together.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Caesura: break, stop; a complete break in sound
Damian
It takes everything in me not to wrench the door open and call Charlie back. There were cracks in her mask. Tells that deep emotion swirled under her outward calm.
But I don’t know if she’s more upset about being found out or me sending her away.
And what about the way she acted like nothing was wrong when I said I needed time and she went back to the party? I saw her laugh with someone seconds after she looked like she was on the verge of tears.
Who does that?
And how?
I shake my head, taking my glasses off and pressing the heels of my palms into my eyes.
The way she can turn that on and off like flipping a light switch is too much for me. I have limits, and Charlie’s life and the crazy that goes with it is beyond them.
I saw what dating a star did to Gabby. I can’t do the same thing—quit school and go on tour with her. That’s not the kind of music I do. And while I’m happy for Gabby, as she’s obviously happy with her choices, I have no desire to change my focus. I love the cello. And I love the music I play.
Switching off the lights, I fall onto the bed.
It doesn’t matter, anyway. I sent her away. She’s not coming back. I can’t bring myself to go after her.
Tomorrow I’ll go home. And I’ll spend the rest of Christmas break preparing for my recital and competitions next semester. I’m used to relegating my feelings for someone to a compartment in the back of my mind. Now it’s time to do that with my feelings for Charlie.
Because no matter what I implied to her, they’re still burning as fiercely as they were before the reception changed everything I thought I knew. I just can’t act on them anymore.
Seeing her next semester will be awful. I’ll have to barricade those feelings as firmly as I can. Stuff them down. Keep them locked away. Maybe they’ll fade with time.
Maybe she won’t
come back, and it won’t be an issue.
My stomach turns at the thought of not seeing her again. But really, it would be easiest. It worked to get over Adriana. Hopefully time and distance will work its magic on my feelings for Charlie, too.
Dear Reader,
I hope you’ve enjoyed the first half of Charlie and Damian’s story. You don’t have long to wait for the second half, Counterpoint and Harmony, where they continue to work out how to ask for what they want and make it happen.
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Until next time!
Jerica
Taking a book from idea to completion is always an interesting journey, no matter how many times I’ve done it before.
I actually got the seed of the idea for Broken Chords before I even started writing Double Exposition. I was still finishing up the Players of Marycliff University, and I knew I wanted to write about musicians next. The washed-up-one-hit-wonder meets classical violinist idea had already been born, and I had a few sketched out conversations, but that was it. And then, in the shower of course, I thought, oooh, what if a super famous pop star—a girl—decided to go hide out in college. That would be fun.
And here we are.
Deb Markanton and Leslie McAdam are equally sounding boards and my editing team, and for both of you I’ll be forever grateful. Thank you again for all your time and assistance and inside jokes. Yes, Deb, I do need that word, and Leslie and I both know that commas and hyphens are the devil.
To my wonderful Book Junkies, your love for my characters rivals my own. You’re the best.
And of course, my family makes this all possible. Without my husband’s unfailing support and my parents who watch my kids twice a week so I can have uninterrupted writing time (the rest of the days of the week have interrupted writing time), I don’t know if I’d be able to produce this many books in so short a time. Thank you.
And to you, veteran readers and newbies alike, thank you for choosing to spend hours of your life with figments of my imagination. Together we make fictional characters come to life. Thank you.
Ditmas by Mumford and Sons
I Knew You Were Trouble by Taylor Swift
Brave by Sara Bareilles
Everything Has Changed by Taylor Swift
Secrets by One Republic
The Scientist by Coldplay
Starving by Hailey Steinfeld & Grey
Something Just Like This by The Chainsmokers and Coldplay
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Jerica MacMillan is a lifelong reader and lover of romance. Nothing beats escaping into a book and watching people fall in love, overcome obstacles, and find their happily ever after. She was recently named a semi finalist in Harlequin’s So You Think You Can Write 2015 contest.
Jerica is living her happily ever after in North Idaho with her husband and two children. She spends her days building with blocks, admiring preschooler artwork, and writing while her baby naps in the sling. Sign up to receive updates on her reading and writing life at www.JericaMacMillan.com.
Songs and Sonatas Series
Double Exposition, Book 1
I never expected that day to change everything ...
The day I met the girl of my dreams in the campus coffee shop.
She schooled me about music, saying my popstar background didn’t teach me what I really needed to know.
She became my muse, my inspiration, and my cowriter. Polishing my songs and making them shine.
And when a video of me playing one of my new songs goes viral, my life explodes in a second chance at the dream I thought was over six years ago.
But if I take this opportunity, will our relationship survive?
You’ll love this sweet and sexy story that’s part rockstar romance, part coming of age story, because who hasn’t fantasized about meeting their first celebrity crush and falling in love?
Start this epic series now!
Development, Book 2
Summertime … and the living is easy.
Unless you’re dating the next big pop star, and your meddling parents are holding you hostage more than a thousand miles away.
Okay, so maybe that’s a tad dramatic, but after spending all the time I want with Jonathan during the school year—playing music and helping him fill out the rest of his album—being separated is harder than I expected.
We manage to convince my parents to let me visit him in California for two weeks. But they have stipulations. My older sister has to come with me as a chaperone, and if we’re staying in Jonathan’s apartment, then he has to stay at his parents’ house.
Two weeks isn’t nearly long enough when I’d been pushing for the whole summer, but I’ll take what I can get.
Jonathan’s dad is friendly and welcoming, his brothers are warming up to me, but his mom … Well, let’s just say that I thought Dallas was the home of sugar-coated venom. I guess we don’t have a monopoly on that after all.
Despite parental interference on both sides, our time together is almost everything I hoped it would be. Unexpected opportunities come my way that make it impossible for my parents to drag me back home, extending my stay and forging valuable contacts in the music industry.
But all the good doesn’t cover over the fact that Jonathan’s mom and manager both think I’m a distraction. Their thinly veiled barbs make the city of angels feel more like the city of vipers.
Once our summer together ends, I’ll head back to Marycliff University while Jonathan goes on a North American tour to promote his new album. How am I going to handle it when we spend more time apart than we do together?
Picking up Jonathan and Gabby’s story, Development is the second installment in the Songs and Sonatas series. If you love coming of age stories about finding yourself and standing for what you want in the face of opposition, don’t miss this hot new take on the rockstar romance genre!
Recapitulation, Book 3
Jonathan:
Exhilaration. Elation. Triumph.
Launching my North American tour is everything I ever dreamed it would be.
Except …
I only see Gabby in weekends shoehorned around shows. Stolen moments where she can come to me or I can take a break to visit her. Holed up together in a hotel.
It’s better than nothing, but it’s a far cry from my ideal. Without her none of this would be happening. It seems wrong that she’s not with me.
Gabby:
Depressing. Stressful. Lonely.
Returning to school without Jonathan is everything I feared it would be. Even surrounded by friends, there’s no one who understands the difficulties of juggling all the demands on my time.
I want to quit and join Jonathan, but how can I give up on my own dr
eams? I know I wouldn’t be happy just as a rockstar's girlfriend.
But my punishing schedule, jet lag, and distance all strain our relationship and communication. And I’m afraid that if we continue like this, something will eventually break.
Part rockstar romance, part coming of age story, Recapitulation brings us full circle, back to Marycliff University, but with a twist. It’s a story of staying true to yourself and following your dreams in the face of pressure on all sides. The stunning conclusion to Jonathan and Gabby’s tale gives you everything you want in a romance novel—sizzling heat, heartfelt emotion, and most importantly, the happily ever after. One click now!
Broken Chords (Songs and Sonatas Book 4) Page 20
