by H. Maloney
He groans. “Shit. I’m trying to behave and you’re trying to kill me. This is not fuckin’ fair. I can’t keep doing this.” Suddenly, he stands up straight and eyeballs the crowd surrounding us before turning back to me. “You get a break?” I nod, enraptured by the look of pure lust in his eyes. He nods decisively. “Good. You’re taking it now.”
“Caitlyn! I’m taking my break!” I barely get it out before he throws me over his shoulder and walks through the courtyard to the back building. I giggle and get my ass smacked, which of course only makes me giggle more. So this is what it feels like, huh? When a guy goes caveman on you?
My laughter has barely subsided when he finally puts me down. My surroundings fade into black in the wake of Declan’s eyes—hunger so pure I should probably be worried. But I’m not. I know the hunger in my eyes matches his. I need him.
He slowly presses me back to lie down on the couch behind me. I watch him as he stands there, silent and still. He’s taking me in. I can feel every muscle in my body contract in anticipation of his touching me. I’ve come such a long way since three years ago. Declan’s coiled muscles standing over me only incites a fierce craving, one I feel physically and emotionally. It’s a craving for more. I never would’ve thought I’d be capable of feeling or even wanting this type of connection again, with anyone. But I already know I wouldn’t feel this way with just anyone. I know it’s only for Declan—sweet, thoughtful, funny Declan. He’s the only man to convince me to take a risk again.
And I know exactly how to thank him.
He’s still standing in front of me, staring down at me, when I sit up and scoot to the edge of the couch. I stand directly in front of him, leaning in close to push his flannel shirt off his shoulders. Declan registers a look of wonder at my actions. He’s always been the aggressor in our interactions—until now.
Conscious of his curiosity, I slowly run my fingers under his shirt, just above the waistband of his jeans. He groans and reaches for my hips to pull me closer. I lift his T-shirt over his head and trail my fingers down his chest as his shirt falls to the floor. When I reach the divots that define his delicious abs, I switch from the soft sensation of my fingertips to raking my fingernails down his warm skin to the fly on his jeans. At his rapid inhalation, I can’t hold back my smile. I love that I have such an effect on him.
I’m basking in the confidence his reactions give me. He makes me feel like Helen of Troy—irresistible.
Slowly, I release the button of his fly and his zipper, torturing him with the sound of each metal tooth coming undone. Declan’s chest is rising and falling harshly and I’ve barely even touched him. I push him back a step to give me room to kneel in front of him. I knew that would turn him on more to see me on my knees, and I’m proven right when he sinks his fingers into the back of my hair and says, “Fuck, Meg. You’re a goddamned wet dream.”
I don’t say anything; I think I’m as turned on as him, and I don’t even have a face in my crotch. I work his jeans and boxer briefs down his hips just enough to free his cock. Declan is now shirtless in front of me, cock jumping, just waiting for my mouth and… I’m in a genie costume. This is what pornos are made from, people. I can’t hold back a breathy laugh from my thoughts.
He controls my head by my hair and makes me look up at his face, his expression intense. “You laughing at my dick?”
I peek up at him through my lashes, watching his reaction as I wrap my hand around said dick firmly. I slowly pull my hand along his shaft to the tip, then all the way back down to his pelvic bone. Declan throws back his head and hisses through his clenched teeth, question forgotten.
He’s too distracted to press and that empowers me further. I keep my right hand at the base of his shaft and roll his balls around in my left. Slowly, I lower my mouth to his tip, swiping my tongue all the way around it before sinking my mouth as far onto his cock as I can go without choking. I watch his face the whole time, sweat breaking out on his brow. Backing off his cock, I drag the flat of my tongue along the sensitive underside all the way until my mouth pops off. His fingers tense in my hair. I know he’s fighting just shoving it in my mouth, and I’m grateful. For now. I want to torment him a little, the same way he did me.
I suck the tip back into my mouth and press my tongue into the slit at the tip. When he groans, I suck my cheeks in and take him to the back of my throat, swallowing so my muscles constrict on his head. I work my hand on his shaft as I pull my mouth back to the tip. It’s not long before he can’t take anymore, his breaths becoming harsh and irregular. Declan finally ends the torture and takes control, steadying my head and thrusting in and out of my mouth. The rough, unrelenting handling has my panties soaked. I look up at his face to see his jaw clenched and his nostrils flaring, staring down at me. “Your mouth is perfect,” he rasps. “I’m going to come, Meg.”
I know he’s giving me the opportunity to move, but I stay put, swallowing him all until I feel his muscles stop tensing beneath my fingertips.
I sit back and work on calming my own abused lungs. I’m still worked up, but I’m too gratified in my newfound ability to cause Declan to unravel.
I glance up at him, exhilarated and content, hoping to see my expression mirrored on his face. Declan isn’t looking at me though. His lids are still heavy and his gaze is everywhere around the room, except on me. Then I glimpse the muscle ticking in his jaw. If I didn’t know better, I’d say Declan looks almost…. angry? I have no idea why though. One of us just came and it wasn’t me; he should be nowhere near anger. He starts hastily putting his clothes back in place, further confirming my thoughts.
Confused, I stand up and place my hands on his forearms to still him, to make him look at me.
“Declan?” I feel more than see the colorful skin underneath my hands jumping, his muscles alternating between flexed and relaxed.
After a few seconds’ hesitation, he finally turns back to me, looking but not seeing. He leans forward and kisses my forehead lightly. I pause to enjoy it, but he doesn’t linger. He immediately returns to putting himself back together—putting unnecessary concentration into it, if you ask me.
I don’t understand what’s happened, but I do know I need to get back to work. I glance around, finally taking in our surroundings. At least he had the foresight for privacy; he led us to a small, fairly bereft room some of the fighters use to get their head straight before their fights. I’m just glad the door locks.
I decide to play dumb to his unexpected mood swing because it’s the safest. I lean up and kiss him quickly on the lips once he has his pants zipped.
“I better get back to work.” He nods. That’s it. He nods. I mean, I don’t expect a thank you card, but a word or two might not be out of place.
Rubbing the sudden ache in my temples, I make a quick getaway, wondering what went wrong.
CHAPTER 14
MEG
The next morning, I’m lounging on my couch and trying to get lost in the latest Skyla Madi novel. My mind still wants to wander to Declan, and I keep having to shut it down. It’s getting annoying. Stupid Declan.
I wonder what the hell happened. Considering the outcome, I’d say I had a flawless execution, or if not flawless, still pretty damn good. Ugh. They say men are easy to read, that they’re simple creatures, but I call bullshit. Also, I want to meet ‘they.’ To smack them.
My phone rings and saves me from imagining untold harm on a faceless ‘they.’ Thankfully. I pray it’s Declan as I turn the screen to read it. Not Declan.
“Hiya, Lillian.”
“Hiya, Maggs! Holy shit, I have such good news! But you have to guess! No, wait, that’ll take forever. I mean the chances—”
Oh, no. This could go on for a while. “Out with it!”
“Oh, yes, sorry. I saw Ben.”
My heart drops. “Are you okay, Lily? Do I need to call the police?”
“No, no, nothing like that. Geez, how shitty is your memory? I just said ‘good’ news, remember?”
“I saw Ben on a date!”
“On a date?” Is she being serious? Of course she is; Lily wouldn’t screw with me like that. But how? Is she sure it was Ben? How is she sure it was even a date? Has my stalker moved on to someone else? Am I finally free? Thoughts are ping-ponging around in my skull. Feelings of anxiety and euphoria flood through my system, battling for dominance. “On a date with who?” I ask, my throat constricting around the words.
“Another woman, Maggs.”
This woman is going to drive me to drink, I swear. My frustration helps me to find my voice once more. “I’m well aware it wasn’t me. I meant do you know who it was?”
“Never seen her before in my life, but she kind of looks like you—I mean, when your hair was brown. And while I get that that’s disturbing on a whole other level, I’m not going to stall on the creep factor, but instead move on to the celebration part of the program… Yay!”
“Wow.” Because really, I don’t know what else to say. Is it over… Or is it too good to be true? My heart races at the prospect, either one. “Lily, where did you see him? And how did you know it was a date and not a cousin?”
“He was at the PJ’s by the lakefront.” Which is located right by the university. Did Ben want her to see him? Was it planned? “And eww. Because he kissed her. I know Ben’s a lot of things, but he never did strike me as a hillbilly.”
“Do you normally go there?” I ask, ignoring her attempt at humor.
“Not anymore. I used to, but I got lazy and just decided to make do with the coffee that’s on campus.”
“How long since you’ve been there?” Did Ben not know she didn’t go there anymore? Or was it not intentional? He didn’t live too far from there, so it was feasible he had a date meet him there for coffee. I’m starting to hyperventilate. My brain is telling me to accept it, take it at face value so I can stop looking over my shoulder, but my gut says to be careful. I start pacing back and forth to direct some of my energy.
“Not since midterms last semester so… seven or so months ago? I was jonesing for a banana nut muffin though and the cart on campus was out, so I decided to make the drive.”
“Did he see you?” I collapse back on the couch behind me.
“No, I saw them sitting at a table outside when I was scoping for a parking space. When I realized it was him, I just kept driving and went right back to campus. I didn’t want to chance an interaction.”
I stand up and start pacing again. “That was smart… Wow, Lily. I don’t even know what to do. My mind is going in a million different directions, and I can’t seem to pin down just one.”
“Stop, woman! Listen to me. Stop pacing.” She knows me too well. I stop shuffling my feet. “Take a deep breath, in and out.” She pauses while I follow her directions. “Good, again... Now, there’s no reason to freak out, okay? I’m going to tell you what we’ll do, okay? Still with me?” I nod and she knows it. “Good. We’re going to keep doing exactly what we’ve been doing for the foreseeable future. There’s no reason to drop all our precautionary measures for one single event. Relax., Maggs.” I hear the smile in her voice. “This may be the beginning of the end.”
Finally getting my breathing under control, I say, “I know, Lily. I think I’m more worried that it’s not. What if it was a setup meant for you?” The weight of it all comes crashing down on my shoulders, “What if I never get my life back, Lily?” Tears start welling up in my eyes as the sadness takes hold.
“Stop it right now, Margaret Elizabeth Bergeron!” Her use of my real name makes me cry harder. “Maggs! Shut the fuck up!”
“You… shut… the… fuck… up!” My words are interrupted by my sobs.
She just laughs at me. “Come on, honey, relax. I’m trying to make you feel better and hand you a rope to pull you off the ledge, and you just keep trying to hang yourself with it. Come on now, pull your shit together. This will get you nowhere.”
I hiccup and gulp down some air. She’s right. Still! Why’s she got to be so practical? “Bitch,” I say when I’ve calmed myself down from my mini-meltdown. Although, I’m thankful she’s not letting me have this pity party. She has no patience for that kind of crap. She’s definitely a person who prefers to deal with problems head-on and not with tears.
She laughs. “Whore.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“Good… Now make me feel better,” I half-heartedly demand.
“Finally. I’m telling you that you need to chill the fuck out. This is a good thing, but we’ll be careful and keep up the same way we have been. For now. You will get your life back eventually. Maybe not tomorrow, but you’re happy with where you are and what you’re doing right now, aren’t you?”
“Yes,” I say slowly.
“Good, then we hope for the best and keep our fingers crossed. Everything happens for a reason, Maggs. You have to believe that.” I take a deep breath. I know she’s right. As usual. Dammit.
“I hate that you’re always right.”
She laughs maniacally. “That’s funny, because I love it!”
“I know you do. I miss you.”
“I miss you too. I’ll try to get a rental car and come see you for a long weekend.”
“I would love that. Really.”
“Then it’s settled. I’ll talk to you later, Maggs. I’ve got to get to class.”
“Okay, bye for now.”
I stand in that same spot, digesting everything she’s said. She’s right; I can’t freak out about something I can’t control. I’m safe and happy here, and there’s a very small ray of light at the end of the tunnel. That’s what I need to hold on to. Positive thoughts. Positive feelings… Maybe if I repeat it enough, I can make it true….
I walk to the bathroom sink and splash cool water on my burning face. After toweling my skin dry, I stare at my reflection critically. The girl staring back at me is not one I recognize. For one, her flamboyant red hair speaks of an invitation for attention and judgment—something only a confident girl would have. Her skin is smooth, if a bit splotchy at the moment. No bags under her eyes. No signs of sleeplessness or excessive stress. She is happy and healthy, nothing like the bruised and broken girl who first appeared in this mirror three years ago.
I’ve built a life here, one I love. Sure, it’s not the one I’d envisioned as a doe-eyed freshman in college, but whose is? This life may have been born from desperate necessity, but it’s developed into one I’m proud to call mine.
I’ve been able to flourish here, maybe even in a way I wouldn’t have been able to before. Lily’s right; I need to embrace this as my path for now and not worry about outside forces. Hell, I’ve even allowed myself to take a gamble on Declan. I have definitely come a long way.
Thoughts of Declan start to flood my brain, but I shut them down. I’ve been through the emotional ringer today; I need to focus on something that doesn’t bombard me with a million unanswerable questions. I need a distraction. And I know just who to call.
***
I’m sitting in a booth perusing the menu when Allie walks in. I asked her to meet me for lunch and I’m glad she did. I haven’t seen her in a few days, and I can see now she is absolutely glowing!
“I guess it went well?” I ask her as she slides into the opposite side.
“It did.” I think I can see her back molars her smile is so big.
“That’s great, Allie! I knew he’d be excited about knocking you up. So spill it, sister. How’d you tell him, and what’d he say?”
“Well, I just kind of blurted it out. I was so scared I couldn’t think of anything other than getting it off my chest. So I was in the bathroom washing my face that night and he walked in behind me to use the bathroom and was mid piss when I couldn’t contain it any longer. I was so afraid of his reaction.” She breaks down laughing. “And oh, my God, Meg, it was so freaking funny and awkward! I proba
bly should’ve waited, but there he is, face frozen, dick in hand and I thought, ‘Wow, he just got life-changing news and is still hitting the target. He’s never going to live it down if he misses the next time he’s drunk.’ It was such an obscure, ridiculous thing to come to mind, and I just erupted into giggles and couldn’t stop.”
I cover my mouth with both hands in an attempt to hide my own. “Holy crap! What did he do? You’re killing me, woman.”
“Yeah, no joke! So he finishes his business, right? Zips his fly, flushes the toilet, and just looks at me.” Her expression turns dreamy. “Then… Then the stunned expression just melts off his face and he rushes me and picks me up and spins me around. Laughing like a loon the whole time! It was amazing, Meg.” She sighs happily. “Just amazing.”
I knew it. There’s so much love between those two; there’s no way Wiley could’ve been upset by this. I just know they’re going to be amazing parents. “I’m so happy for you guys.” I lean forward and grip her hand, giving it a brief squeeze. “So, have you made a doctor’s appointment?”
We talk about her appointments and vitamins and dietary restrictions for the better portion of our hamburgers before she steers the conversation to a new topic.
“So, how’re things going with Declan?”
Hmm. How to answer that? “I’m not completely sure.”
“Huh? I thought you guys went out and got to know each other….” She wiggles her brows suggestively.
I laugh. “You stooge. We did, but he went kind of cold on me after I sucked his dick.” I take a sip of water and try to play it cool. Nope, it didn’t hurt my feelings. All good here….
I jump when her fist lands hard on the table. “That asshole! Don’t tell me he just wanted to get his dick wet?”
What the hell? I glare at her. “I hadn’t thought of it like that, but thanks.”
“Sorry! Just calling it what it looks like. Maybe it was just a fluke though? I’m sure he’ll be fine when you see him again. Wait, are you seeing him again?”
