by Ola Wegner
He did not allow it though, as he took her hand and brought to his lips, before placing it back on his chest.
“If you had had a choice, would you have chosen my cousin?” he asked out of nowhere. “Had he proposed to you back in Kent, would you have accepted him instead of me?”
“No, I would not,” she replied without a hint of hesitation in her voice. “I knew him barely a few weeks, how could I entrust my life to his hands?”
“But you liked him,” he insisted, his expression sad.
She sighed, praying for patience. “I like many people, both men and women. Colonel Fitzwilliam was kind to me, treated me like an equal.” she stressed. “Nevertheless, I had never had deeper feelings for any man, including your cousin. There was only one man whose presence and manners affected me strongly from the beginning of our acquaintance.”
He paled visibly, his face turning into unreadable mask. “Who?”
She cupped his cheek. “You. All the hours I spent thinking about my dislike for you and how disagreeable you were…” She shook her head, smiling. “I was never indifferent to you, far from it.”
“It is good then?” he asked slowly, searching her face.
“Well, I had met some rude and arrogant men before, and not one of them captured so much of my attention.” She smirked. “I was drawn to you when I saw you for the first time at the assembly, but you hurt my pride by refusing to dance with me, finding me not good enough for you. That is a capital offence for any woman, sir. It was easy to convince myself about my dislike for you, and you certainly fuelled my resolution with your later behaviour.”
He lowered his head, touching her forehead with his. “I ruined everything from the beginning. Forgive me,” he whispered, before kissing her.
“If you forgive me.” She looked down. “I should not have said what I did earlier today. It was unnecessary and spiteful.”
He wrapped an arm around her, pulling her closer. “All is well,” he whispered, rubbing her back.
“I was worried about Jane,” she explained. “I respect your cousin. I am certain that he is a good man, but Jane has suffered enough. I do not wish for her to be toyed with again. If he cannot make her an offer, he should not raise her hopes. He should keep his distance.”
“There may be a possibility that Aunt Catherine will allow Richard to inherit Rosings. Anne is very ill. The doctors say that there is little hope for her. Since there is no other immediate family, and my aunt will certainly not leave the estate to me. Hence Richard’s chance.”
“I am sorry to hear about Miss de Bourge’s condition. I cannot say I liked her, but to die so young… I do not wish that on anyone.”
He nodded. “My feelings are the same.”
Elizabeth bit her lip, thinking intensely. “Even if Colonel Fitzwilliam inherits Rosings Park one day, it may take years before it is all legalized. By then, Jane may be happily married to Mr. Bingley with a family of her own.”
“I do understand your point, but to be completely honest, I would prefer Jane to marry Richard. He deserves someone like your sister, so good and beautiful. We would be brothers at last, having sisters for wives.”
Elizabeth placed her head on his chest, thinking about Jane, Colonel Fitzwilliam and Mr. Bingley. She could not decide which gentleman she liked better, and who would suit her sister more.
“What about the swimming lesson?” he asked, bringing her from her thoughts.
She stretched lazily beside him. “Not today perhaps. It has been a long day and quite emotional too. I am tired and hungry.”
He sat up, pulling her with him. “Let us go downstairs then. Dinner is ready by now.”
“If it is not cold,” she noted.
He shrugged. “The cook will reheat it then.”
“You go first. I need to refresh myself,” she said, blushing as she referred to the sticky mess left in her undergarments.
“Hurry,” he asked, kissing her forehead before he left the room.
***
“May we move under the covers?” she asked as he removed her nightgown. She felt shy, sitting on the bed naked. The sun was setting, but the light coming from the window was still strong enough that he could see everything.
Silently, he stripped the bed down from the coverlet, uncovering the crisp white sheets beneath it.
“We do not have to do anything more than earlier today,” he assured her, bringing her closer. They laid down, and he pulled the covers over them.
“You do not wish to?” she asked, clenching the sheet to her front.
With one swift movement, he pulled her leg over his middle so she could feel his hardened manhood rubbing against her thigh.
Following his lead, she climbed over him. His capable hands on her hips helped her to straddle him.
His eyes roamed over her face and lower as he tugged the sheet down, his view of her body unobstructed. He cupped her breasts, covering them with his hands.
“I could stare at you for hours,” he murmured. “You have put on weight,” he noted with a bit of a smile. “I am glad. I was worried you would become ill from not eating.”
“The air here agrees with my appetite,” she admitted.
He rolled them so he was above her. First he kissed her face, before his lips descended down her body. His caresses were most pleasant, and she sighed and writhed under his touch, especially when he found sensitive spots on her body. However, she could not give in to the sensation entirely, as at the back of her mind there was the memory of the pain of the first time.
She stiffened involuntarily when his hand wandered between her legs. He seemed to sense her fear, because he shifted his body up, so they were able to see each other’s faces. His hand was still placed between her thighs, as if allowing her to accustom herself to its presence there.
His fingers began stroking her tender flesh, his eyes focused on her face as he touched her.
Slowly she opened her legs shyly. He wasted no time before rolling on top of her, still mindful not to crush her.
“Love, you are so tense,” he whispered worriedly, stroking the path from the inside of her thigh to her lower belly. “It should not hurt so much this time, as we are past your maidenhead.”
She nodded, ordering her body to obey, but to no avail. As his hard manhood touched her private place, she could feel her inner muscles tightening when she should be opening herself for him.
“I love you,” he whispered, kissing below her ear. “My dearest, loveliest, Elizabeth, I love you.”
At last he pushed inside but as she guessed not entirely.
The deep line appeared between his eyebrows as he cupped her hip, trying to manoeuvre himself farther inside.
“Lizzy, love, you must relax, you are not letting me in,” he grunted.
“I am trying,” she whimpered on the verge of tears.
The pain was becoming unbearable, as Darcy was panting over her supported on his arms, his eyes squeezed. It felt different than before, more like burning rather than tearing.
“Please, stop,” she cried miserably, pushing at his arms with all her might. “Hurts.”
He listened instantly, pulling out of her which made her wince in discomfort.
As soon as he was out of her, the pain was gone, and she could feel her inner muscles relaxing of their own. Clenching the sheet to herself, she curled into a tight ball, allowing the deep sob to overcome her.
“Are you still in pain?” he cried frantically, combing the hair away from her face.
She shook her head no.
“Shush.” His hands smooth over her back. “All is well.”
“How can you say that?!” she cried. “I am useless to you!”
“What are you saying? Do not ever think such a thing!” he ordered grimly.
“I cannot even… accommodate you,” she choked. “There must be something wrong with me, ‘tis the only explanation. You should find yourself someone else and annul the marriage.”
“Elizabeth, lo
ok at me,” he cupped her face, making sure their eyes met. “There is nothing wrong with you. I do not know how many times I have told you that you are the only one for me! Simply, you are not ready. You have been through so much lately, and it is perfectly understandable that your body responds to it in its own way.”
“You are very gracious to say that,” she whispered brokenly, allowing him to cradle her to his chest.
“Shush. All is well. No need to fret about this.” He spread kisses all over her face. “Everything will be well.”
Despite his assurances and the comfort of his arms around her, she fell asleep with heavy heart. She could not understand what was happening to her.
“Are you certain that you do not wish me to accompany you to see your mother and sister?” Darcy asked from the doorway.
“No, thank you,” she answered in a tight voice, putting her bonnet on. “It will be much better if I go alone.”
She tied the bow under her chin, thinking that Darcy and her mother in one room was not the best idea. She knew that her husband thought little of Mrs. Bennet, and to be truthful, she could not blame him, no matter how painful it was to admit that to herself.
He made his way to her, standing close. “If I am there with you, she will not dare to say anything spiteful to hurt you.”
“Fitzwilliam, she is my mother. I cannot escape from her,” she said with resignation.
“You know that you do not have to go to see her.” He placed his hands on her arms. “I can see how much it costs you to do that.”
“I have to go.” She looked up in his eyes, begging him to understand. “I deprived her of participation in my wedding, even though I knew all too well how important it was for her. Marrying her daughters off is the aim of her life. She must have been extremely disappointed not to be included. I should at least try to apologize for my behaviour.”
“You had your reasons not to include her,” he tried to convince her. “It is good for one’s peace of mind to be selfish from time to time. You always put the needs of others above your own, and that is not healthy.”
“She is my mother,” she repeated. “I have to go to see her.”
“You do not have to if you do not wish to,” he repeated with force. “You have your own family now, one that loves and accepts you.” She was about to respond to his words, opening her mouth, but he placed a gentle finger on her lips, silencing her. “I do not ask you to break bonds with your sisters. They are welcome to visit us, I assure you. Georgiana would certainly like the company of the girls her own age. But your mother… she is spiteful, cruel even. I cannot calmly abide witnessing as she intentionally hurts you time and again with her heartless remarks.”
“She does not do it on purpose,” Elizabeth protested. “We are so very different, that is why it is difficult for us to find common ground.”
“Nonsense, she does not care for anyone but herself. I have had enough proof of that. Let me accompany you.”
She lowered her head down, staring at her pointy, soft skinned shoes. “I prefer to go alone,” she murmured.
“As you wish,” he agreed with a heavy sigh. Taking her hand, he led her towards the window. “I observed you many times from this window.”
She looked up at him, confused, her mind still engrossed in the previous topic of their conversation to catch his meaning. “When? Since we came here yesterday evening, we have not left the house.”
He shook his head with smile. “It was my room when I visited here last year. When you stayed at Netherfield for those few days when you nursed your sister…“ He paused to touch her cheek. “I could watch you safely from here as you strolled down the lane or played with dogs.”
She frowned. “You spied on me… why?”
“You cannot guess?” His hand moved from her cheek to the back of her waist, bringing her closer.
“I would have never believed it if someone had told me at that time that you had been interested in me.”
“You had no suspicions, truly?” He viewed her with a degree of shrewdness. “I have always thought that women could feel a man’s interest? All the times you caught me staring at you… I do know that you noticed my eyes on you too many times to ignore it. You must have explained my behaviour to yourself in some way.”
“I noticed your staring,” she agreed. “However, you rarely said anything to me… Moreover, you seemed so very cold, distant and disapproving… I thought that you looked at me for amusement just to find a fault with me.”
He gave a short laugh, pulling her to his chest. “Only a complete innocent may think something like that. Perhaps my jealously over other men is truly unfounded… How could you be so naïve, love? I had to bite my knuckles not to throw myself at you, and you noticed nothing of that?”
“This is the most shocking intelligence, Mr. Darcy.” She raised up on her toes, a small smile curling her lips as she placed her arms around his neck.
Their lips met for a slow kiss, which was soon interrupted with a muffled cough, coming from the direction of the door.
“Bingley, come in, please,” Darcy cried jovially in a rich voice, keeping Elizabeth firmly to his side, his arm around her waist.
Elizabeth smiled brightly at their host as he walked in, his expression obviously embarrassed at what he had just witnessed.
“I hope you rested well,” he said, standing in front of them, his hands clasped behind his back.
“Very well,” Elizabeth assured quickly. “We apologize that we were not such amiable company last night.”
“Oh, that is perfectly understandable,” Bingley spoke smoothly. “You arrived so late, you must have been tired.”
Elizabeth nodded. “Yes, indeed. Travelling in such heat is tiresome, even in the most comfortable carriage. Let us hope that the rain will come today; it is so sultry, nothing to breathe with.”
Bingley shifted from one foot to the other, before his eyes locked directly at Elizabeth. “Mrs. Darcy, if I may be so bold to ask…” he cleared his throat. “Your elder sister… Has she any immediate plans of returning home? Or does she plan to prolong her stay with your aunt and uncle in London?”
Elizabeth fought hard not to show an overwhelming joy on her face, caused by Mr. Bingley’s enquiries.
“I had no opportunity to ask her, but I believe that she may stay in London for the next several weeks, at least,” she answered animatedly.
“Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner are expected at Pemberley this summer, together with their children, and I dare say Mrs. Darcy would like Miss Bennet to join them,” Darcy explained, looking down at Elizabeth for confirmation of his words. “In that case, Miss Bennet may very well not return to Hertfordshire sooner than September.”
“We have not yet discussed the summer plans in detail with my sister, but I would dearly wish for her visit in Derbyshire,” Elizabeth added.
Bingley nodded his head slowly. “A trip to London is in order for me then. Would she mind if I called on her there?” he asked unsurely, looking from one Darcy to the other.
Elizabeth openly beamed at him. “I think she would be very pleased, the same as our aunt and uncle. You will be most welcomed there. I shall write down their address for you.”
Bingley thanked her profusely, before excusing himself from their company.
“Is it wise to encourage him like that?”Darcy asked, as they were left alone.
“He seems very much decided to make her an offer,” Elizabeth spoke excitedly. “Why should I not encourage him? He is a decent young man of sufficient means, and he is very much taken with her. He is your friend too.”
“What about Richard?” Darcy asked uneasily, frowning.
“Jane barely knows your cousin, and I know that he is a good man, and I understand your point, I truly do,” she answered patiently. “You wish him happiness with someone as kind and beautiful as my sister. However, there is no guarantee that Colonel Fitzwilliam would ever be in position to afford to marry Jane.”
Darcy said nothi
ng to that. She was right, after all. Still, he thought that Richard and Jane would make an excellent match.
Elizabeth stepped away from him, walking to the side table to gather the presents she had put aside for her mother and younger sisters.
***
“Oh, Lizzy, it is so beautiful!” Lydia exclaimed as she turned in her hands a wide rimmed, straw bonnet adorned with bright blue ribbons.
Elizabeth smiled at her youngest sister. “I am pleased you like it, Liddy. I picked it for you thinking that it would match the colour of your eyes quite well.”
“Tis perfect! Thank you!” Lydia rushed from her chair to give her a hug.
She joined her sister who stood in front of the mirror hanging over the mantle. Kitty was modeling her own new hat, similar to her sister’s but with yellow ribbons.
“I knew you would not forget about us, Lizzy,” Kitty said, admiring her reflection. “Mama said you cared nothing for us since you were such a grand lady now, but I always hoped that it was not the case.”
“I could never forget about you,” Elizabeth assured, glancing at her mother, who was sitting stiffly on the sofa next to her. “Mama, will you not open your present?” she asked timidly, pushing the elegant parcel in the direction of the older woman. “It is a lace shawl like the one you have always wished for.”
Mrs. Bennet took the package in her hands, only to put it aside without opening it.
Elizabeth reached for her mother’s hand, but Mrs. Bennet pulled away.
“Mama, please,” Elizabeth whispered, the instant tears standing in her eyes.
Mrs. Bennet’s round eyes narrowed as she examined her second daughter. “You think that some scrap of cloth is enough for me to forget about what you have done!?” she screeched. “I prepared everything for your wedding, every detail, and you did not show up! You made a fool of me! I can barely face my friends after what you have done. How can I explain this to them? My own daughter refused her mother to participate in her wedding. You invited Jane, but left all of us behind.”
“Mama, I did not do it on purpose,” Elizabeth spoke slowly, her voice trembling. “I was not feeling very well at that time, and I had no will to travel to Hertfordshire. I know you must be disappointed, but please try to understand my feelings. I did not do it to spite you. I wanted a quiet wedding. I am not certain whether I would be able to say yes with the church full of strangers. I—”
