“Julia?”
He lifted me up and I moaned again as my back straightened, my skin screaming. He turned me around in his arms and I saw his bloodshot, widened eyes. The drug finally left his system and he returned to normal. Whatever the fuck that was. There were dots of blood all over his abdomen. My blood. I wanted to vomit.
“I lost control. I didn’t want to take it that far.”
I would never get an apology from him. I was afraid to look at him with a challenge in my eyes.
He loved every minute of it.
“Come on, let’s take a bath.”
I flinched horribly as he touched my face and a spike of fear pierced my heart.
His eyes hardened. “I see.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—I’ll do whatever you want. Just don’t hurt me, please.”
Something battled in his eyes. I could tell that my response did not satisfy him.
* * *
The night was spent in agony as I lay beside Cain in bed. I burned. I bled. I consumed myself with thoughts of running out the front door. Sliding out of bed, I fished through his nightstand and found the bag of powder that would take me away from all this. Then I sat in the kitchen and lit a cigarette as I did line after line over his glass table. Eventually, I felt numb.
Maybe I’ll get lucky and OD.
The dark thought stunned me. I was never a suicidal person, but it struck me that overdosing on coke wouldn’t be a bad way to go.
I don’t want to go at all, but I don’t want to live like this, either. I never felt so low in my life. The taste of the outlaw life was sweet, but I never wanted this.
I just wanted a taste.
I wet my finger and mopped up all the bits of powder until they clung, and then I wiped them vigorously over my gums. Suddenly, I heard him moving in the bedroom. I clenched my teeth.
“What’s this?”
I looked behind me and saw him standing in boxers and a wife beater, clutching a pistol at his side.
“What’s it look like?” Inwardly, I cringed. I can’t believe you’re mouthing off to him.
While he had a gun.
I must have a death wish. The coke made me uninhibited and I didn’t give a fuck.
He slapped the gun on the table and sat down next to me, running his hand through his white-blonde hair as he stared at the mess I made.
“That’s at least three hundred dollars worth of blow you just snorted. You’re a fucking junkie.”
“If last night is going to happen on a regular basis, I’m going to need this. Care to explain the gun?”
He glanced at it. “I thought you left.”
Another sliver of fear managed to slip into my numbed brain. Me, sprawled on the ground with a bullet in the back of my head, red staining my hair. Just like Bryan.
“Whatever,” I shrugged. “This is my life. As long as I’m numb, I can’t feel pain.”
My hand reached for the bag, but he took my hand in his and squeezed. “Julia, I don’t want a ghost as my old lady. It was a mistake.”
He pulled me into his lap and I felt sickened with myself as my naked thighs lay across his. He was my captor and my abuser, but I needed the comforting heat of his body.
My arms wrapped around his neck as I buried my face into his chest, allowing myself to feel better by a man who—moments ago—repulsed me. His hands stroked my thighs to avoid the wounds on my back.
Already feeling the growing hardness, I wrapped my hand around his cock and squeezed. I wanted to fuck him now because maybe it would cancel out the horrible experience of last night. I could pretend that I wanted it.
I raised my body, flattening my breasts against his face as I tugged his briefs down to his knees. He grabbed my chest and his tongue swirled around my nipple, setting off a million pleasure nerves. I grabbed his pulsing cock and sank down swiftly. He gave me a wide-eyed gasp as I moved up and down, bouncing on his lap as I clutched his face to my chest.
His tattooed arms grabbed my face and he kissed me hard as I was suspended over him. I sank down and he gave another gasp of ecstasy. I let my body give in to the pleasure pounding inside me. As long as I was in control, it was fine. Closing my eyes, I kissed him back and imagined that a certain lanky, curly-haired man sat under me instead of Cain.
It was wrong, but I didn’t care anymore. His hands snaked up my waist and grabbed my shoulders as he began to thrust into me, taking control. I met his thrusts by plunging down, both of us sighing as our bodies joined together in a satisfying smack. Spike, Spike, my mind kept crying out.
“Julia.”
He pulled me down and thrust hard enough to jar my body. I lost it. I moaned into his hair as my body clenched all over him and then he gave out a satisfied groan. I sank down, my legs still straddling him as a warm wetness started to drip down.
I opened my eyes, half-expecting to see a surly grin and brown hair, but relaxed, grey eyes stared at me, framed by the blondest hair.
The deepest shame I ever felt spread through my body like poison.
SPIKE
Often, when I was a kid, I thought that there wasn’t a more beautiful sight than a cloudless night sky strung with stars.
Smoke spiraled into the crisp night air, rising until it dissipated into a thousand molecules. I imagined it rising to space, suspended in the vacuum like a small cloud. Many nights, I stopped my bike along the deserted highways to admire its beauty.
As Victoria gradually became more scummy and the hills filled with boxes, lines of smog choked the air and obscured the beauty over my head. It was getting cloudy and fucked up, just like everything else in the world. Soon, there wouldn’t be a scrap of clean air to view the sky.
I wanted to blow the corruption away and yet, I was part of making it worse. I accepted it. Maybe because I couldn’t live a straight life, but maybe because the MC was strong enough to finally bring justice to those who had none. Like my folks.
I dug the cigarette in my boot and dropped it on the ground. I didn’t want to think about them because they would be goddamned ashamed of me if they saw me now.
Because of that woman. Julia.
A swooping feeling like missing a stair on a staircase shot up my stomach. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. When I saw her crying in the bar, it was like a punch to my gut. It brought out an instinct inside me to destroy the motherfucker who hurt her. I couldn’t stand seeing her upset, and she looked at me with wide eyes for help. What did I do? Nothing.
I’ve done so many terrible things in my life without feeling any real remorse. I lived my life on the edge, never caring about nothing, completely numb to pain.
Until that day.
When I realized Crash was going to kill her, I realized how low my life was. Eventually, there will be a day when I can’t hide from the things I’ve done. I was a deadbeat criminal, a destroyer of life, a thug, a mercenary, but I lived by a certain code. No women. No children. And then I was being asked to violate my code, and I almost followed through. I never felt like such an asshole in my life.
Still, she was so brave. She stayed calm and cool during the whole thing and made the eight on the break, making the whole club look like a bunch of assholes. I loved it. At the pool hall, too. She just always looked so cool.
I pushed off the column and walked inside the clubhouse. Rock music crashed on the speakers but I had given up trying to persuade Crash to change the music. Members lifted their hands in greeting and I gave them a cheery wave.
A curvaceous, beautiful blonde stood by the pool table, quietly sipping a rum and coke. Julia was dressed in a more casual outfit with a leather jacket and skinny jeans. Surprise quickly shot up my stomach and I wheeled towards her.
“Hey.”
“Hey, yourself.” She nodded stiffly, her arms crossed firmly over her chest.
“Oh, baby it’s cold inside,” I sang the jazzy tune and laughed, but Julia’s eyes slid away from mine with indifference.
Ouch.
/> She turned her back on me and walked down the length of the table, cradling her drink. Clearly, she wanted nothing to do with me. Failing to keep her attention felt like a personal failure. It shouldn’t hurt so badly, but it did. I gave her a crooked smile to let her know that her attitude didn’t affect me and then I meandered to the bar. At 11 am, Crash already nursed a whiskey.
Goddamn alcoholics, the bunch of us.
The only one who didn’t seem to have a problem was Cain, but his back turned and I noticed that his eyes looked a little bit red.
Spotting me, he gave me a small, rare smile. Behind him, Crash looked annoyed.
“Spike.”
“Hey, brother.”
I grabbed him in a one-armed hug and slapped his back. The conversation I had with Julia last night still bothered me. I couldn’t look at him the same way.
“Listen, I’ve got a tip on a possible shipment of Red coming through the valley. We’re going to try a heist.”
Fucking great. More drugs in this town. That’s exactly what it needs.
“I need you to escort Julia to the pool halls and protect her.”
Why me? A different sort of excitement shot up my back as I realized I would spend the whole day with her. Stop thinking about your brother’s girl!
“Will do, brother.”
“I trust that you’ll keep her safe.”
His penetrating stare caught me off guard and I was suddenly extremely glad that he couldn’t hear my thoughts.
“Of course.”
He slapped me on my back and swept aside, calling for other members to join him. I watched him leave and sat down on a stool next to Crash.
“Isn’t it a little early for drinking, pops?”
Crash’s lined face looked even more tired than usual. He turned his head to the side and looked at me under hooded eyes.
“I need to talk to you privately.”
I raised my eyebrows. “All right.”
He stood up from the stool, looking a little shaky on his feet as he walked into the office. It was dark inside and the tiny window afforded little light. I waited for him to turn on the lights, but it was as if he wanted to stay in the darkness.
The leather-padded doors slammed shut. Crash’s eyes moved up and down as if he was sizing me up.
“Everyone likes you, Spike. Why do you think that is?”
Completely thrown by the question, I reached up and raked my fingers through my hair. “I’ve stunning looks and charm.”
He gave me a sharp look. Whatever he wanted from me, it wasn’t laughter.
“I’ve no idea. I’ve always been good with people.”
Crash nodded. “You’re a natural leader. Cain, on the other hand…” A shadow went over his face. “He inspires no love. No one will follow him unless they fear him.”
“What are you saying?”
“Tell me, what do you want this club to mean for you? Are you in it for the money, the access to the club whores? Do you like the lifestyle?”
That made me laugh. “I don’t need a club to get easy pussy. I joined because—I dunno. I grew up here. I wanted to make Victoria a safe place again and since law enforcement is all in the club’s pockets anyway.” I shrugged again and then looked at him seriously. “What the fuck are we talking about, here?”
It was too much of a complicated question. The reason why I joined was personal, and Crash knew it. I didn’t even want to think about it.
“I’ve watched you since you were a kid, Spike. You didn’t know, but I had guys checking up on you, making sure you were safe. I always believed you’d make a great member, someday.”
He checked up on me? All those years and he never said hello?
“You’re a good man and you have a heart capable of mercy. Cain does not.” He stood closer to me as my eyes widened in the dark. “You’ve got to watch over Cain for me. He’s going to completely fuck over this club.”
An uncomfortable laugh left my throat as he continued to stare at me. “What? Where the hell is this coming from?”
His arm draped over mine with the warmth of fatherly affection. “Listen, kid. You know that I care about you, right? You know that I would give my life for this club, don’t you?”
“Yeah, of course—”
“One day I’m going to be too old for this shit. I want to retire knowing that the club is in good hands. If it’s in Cain's hands, he’ll sink the goddamn club. All of this bullshit distributing Red is like a burning neon sign begging the Feds to RICO the shit out of our club. This chapter will be finished.”
He was an old dog and Cain was a young wolf. He wanted to sink his teeth in people and tear them apart. Cain wasn’t interested in longevity. It was all about the present. Yes, we needed to control Red distribution. We needed to keep it out of our town. It would bring more money, but more violence also and more innocent deaths. The fear in his voice resonated deep inside me. I cared about Crash. Christ, he was like an uncle to me. I respected him more than anyone in the world, but I worried about him drifting off when everyone else was committed to change.
“Honestly, Crash, you’re overthinking it. This is Cain we’re talking about. That motherfucker doesn’t make mistakes.”
“The guys who make the least mistakes should worry you the most. Usually when they fuck up something, it’s major.”
A smile spread across my face as he grabbed his drink. “You’re drunk off your ass and not making any sense.”
His arm shot out and grabbed me before I could leave the office. “I still remember when you came to the club after your parents were shot. You came to the club and demanded for help. Half of the club laughed at the skinny kid in raggedy clothes, staring daggers at me, but I saw something inside you.”
I swallowed hard as I slumped into my seat and remembered that day. How could he remind me of that now?
I took a bus and walked through seedy streets to get to the club. Both of my parents were shot dead at home while I was at school, and coming home to their bloodless bodies was the worst day of my life.
It was a miracle that I was at school, really. I skipped a lot of school because I was a little shithead. It drove my parents crazy. For some reason, I went to school that day. I hated myself for that. If I were home, maybe I could have helped them. Maybe I could have saved them.
A part of me died along with them. I never let myself get close to anyone again. What was the point in getting attached to someone when they were just going to get ripped away from you? People died all the time. Only a few months ago, a shopkeeper I knew since I was five was shot in her stomach as her convenience store was robbed. They never caught the motherless fuck who did it.
Nothing matters.
The world was unfair and there was no justice in the world. The cops wouldn’t help me; they could barely pluck up the courage to show up to my apartment and remove the bodies. I lived in a shitty neighborhood where it was common to have drive-by shootings as gang initiations. My parents got blown away and I learned that I could not count on anyone, ever. Except the MC.
When Crash caught the man responsible for my parents’ murder, he handed me a gun. “Here, kid. Go ahead.”
The gun almost jumped out of my hand when I pulled the trigger, but I didn’t hesitate. That was the first time I did anyone. I was sixteen. He shit his pants before I pulled the trigger and then his head shot back as his brains blew out of the back of his head. The anger rustling in my chest didn’t disappear. It was done, but nothing and no one could ever replace the void I felt from losing my parents.
“You didn’t let me stay in the MC.”
At the time, it felt like another cruel blow. My parents were gone and the man who gave me justice refused to take me in.
“You were sixteen,” he grumbled, taking another shot of whiskey. “You needed to learn what it meant to be a man before I could accept you into the club.” His voice took a somber turn. “Besides, I was already grooming a kid to replace me and look how he turned out.”
He restlessly wiped the table with his thumb, clearing the dust away.
“What’s wrong with Cain?”
“He doesn’t listen to me anymore.”
That made me sneer. You groomed him into a killer and now you’re disappointed that he’s gained a bit of independence.
“Well, I don’t know what you expect from me. If you can’t tell him what to do, I sure as shit won’t be able to.”
“Just watch him.”
I grudgingly agreed to keep a close eye on Cain and left the office. Then I walked towards the gorgeous blonde sulking near the exit.
“You ready to go?” It was hell forcing myself not to flirt with her. She’s Cain's old lady. Still, every instinct screamed inside me to find any excuse to touch her.
She blinked wordlessly before she headed out the door. I sighed. It was going to be one of those nights.
* * *
“Just stay out of my way and let me work.”
“All right.”
Julia didn’t even stay long enough to hear me agree to her demand. With one small bounce of her golden hair, she was gone.
For whatever reason, the girl was determined to hate me. I was determined to get her to like me. I thought back to the strange conversation we had the other night and my chest tightened. Since when did I become such a coward?
All night I watched her do her thing in the dimly lit pool hall. My MC jacket made the customers give me a wide berth, but it also made the cute waitress bring me drink after drink. I grew steadily drunk as I watched the blonde bombshell out of the corner of my eye.
Goddamn. What does she want now?
The waitress, a cute and spunky brunette, pushed another shot into my hand. Those curves. Those eyes. My gaze lingered a little too long down her low cut shirt.
“If I didn’t know any better, I would say that you’re trying to take advantage of me.” I downed the shot to be polite and smiled through wet lips.
“Maybe I am. You’re cute and you seem a lot nicer than the rest of those Dragon guys.”
“I’m not that nice, hon. Don’t be fooled by the smile and the charm.”
Ruthless (Dark MC Romance) Page 10
