“Well, you knew it was coming,” she says. Nicky is half realist, half dreamer, and you never know which one you’re going to get when you speak to her. To be honest, I probably need her to be the realist, because I’m a dreamer and hopeless romantic myself. I think that love should conquer all, and that it can. So does Nicky, but unlike me she looks at the facts of the situation.
“Yeah, I know,” I say, sounding grumpy. “It just sucks, is all. You know how rare it is for me to meet someone I actually like and want to spend time with?”
“I know,” she says, sounding sad for me. “But there will be other guys, Taye. You will miss him for a while, but then you’ll get over it.”
I sure as fuck hope so.
*****
I roll over in bed and look at him. “I’ve never had a one-night stand before. You were meant to be it.”
“I definitely don’t qualify anymore,” he says, amusement lacing his tone. “And I’m pretty fucking happy about that, actually.”
“You better be.” I smile into the darkness of the room. “I have a list of all the things I want to experience.”
“What kind of things?” he asks, sounding curious.
“Sexual things, mostly,” I admit. “I’ve always acted how I thought I was meant to, not how I secretly want to, if that makes sense? Only now am I really exploring my more… wild side.”
“I knew you had a wild side from the second I saw you, Taye,” he says to me.
“How?” I ask, intrigued. Men I’ve dated and spent a lot of time with have never picked up on anything like that, have never known the real me, yet he does after just meeting me? Drunk and in a club?
“The look in your eyes. The way you were dancing. I knew it straight away.”
I reach for him, because in this moment I don’t have a choice but to. I just want to be near him, closer, as close as I can.
“You liked my dance moves, didn’t you?” I grin, resting my head on his chest. “Yet still challenged me to a dance-off.”
“I’ll always challenge you,” he says in a low tone.
“And I’ll always accept the challenge,” I say, placing a kiss on his stomach.
“I know,” he says, fingers running down my bare back. “You’re stubborn and don’t like to lose. I don’t think there’s many things you wouldn’t be up for.” He pauses. “Well, except one thing.”
“What is that?” I ask, eyes narrowing.
He barks out a laugh, and then murmurs, “Never mind.”
“Fuck off, you have to tell me now,” I say, wondering what it could be. When it hits me, I start laughing. “Is this about the anal thing? How I said no to you on the first night? By the way, who the hell tries to fuck someone in the arse on the first night anyway?”
Or ever.
I’m a butt virgin, so obviously I wasn’t going to give that up to a one-night stand.
“I’ll have you know, some women even prefer it,” he says, not sounding fazed. “I don’t really see the big deal about it, though.”
“Says the man who wanted it on the first night,” I tease, body shaking in silent laughter. “You’re used to getting anything you want, aren’t you? You said that about me, but you’re the exact same. I’m sure not many women say no to the famous Eli….” I pause. “I just realised I don’t even know your surname.”
“I told you on that first night we met,” he says, sounding smug that the tables have turned a little, the focus now on me. “Don’t you remember?”
“No,” I admit, cringing.
“Well,” he says, running his thumb over one of my nipples. “That’s not my fault now, is it?”
“Eli,” I growl.
“Is that not on your list then?”
“What?” I ask. “Anal?”
“Yeah.”
“No, it’s not,” I tell him. “Why?”
“Just curious. What is on there then?” he asks, fingers wandering down to my thighs.
I clear my throat as his finger starts gently running over my clit. “Ummm.”
“Yes?” he prompts, tone gone husky.
“Sex on the beach, on the sand and in the water,” I start, licking my lips. “In other public places, maybe. Like a restroom.”
“Classy,” he teases, and I bite down on his nipple, silently telling him to be quiet. “What else, miss?”
“I want you to come in my mouth,” I admit in a low tone. “You haven’t done that yet.”
“Okay,” he says, voice a deep growl. “What else?”
“I want you to tie me up, I want you to dominate me completely. I want to experiment in bondage. I want to be your plaything.”
“Fucking hell. Everything on that list, Taye, I’m going to tick off for you.”
“We don’t have time—”
“We’ll make the best of the time we do have,” he says, kissing my neck. “I want you again.”
“Then take me,” I whisper, bringing his lips to mine.
How am I always wet and ready for him? I’ve never been like this with anyone else, so easy with my affection and my body, so giving without him even having to ask for anything.
He kisses me softly at first, then deepens the kiss, cupping my face with his hands and moaning at the taste of me.
“Fuck, Taye,” he grits out, moving his mouth down my jawline, then lower, to my breasts, then even lower than that. He makes that mmm growling sound, that if possible, makes me even wetter.
I love his mouth on me almost as much as I love him inside me.
“Eli,” I breathe, fingers clasping the bed sheets.
He might not be mine, but right now, in this moment, he is, and that’s going to have to be enough for me.
Because it’s all I’ll be getting.
*****
Now and again I like to sing karaoke at the pub. I’m not an amazing singer, but I’m not bad either. I used to sing in front of my school a fair bit growing up. My family are very musically talented, and most of us can sing to some extent. Drunk me likes to think I’m much better than I am.
“Is someone singing my song?” I ask Ellen, scowling as I hear ‘Ironic’ by Alanis Morissette.
“Yes,” she says, frowning. “What are you going to sing now?”
“I don’t know,” I say, then mutter, “I would have sung it better.”
“Yes, you would have,” she says, placing a bet. I’m not a gambler. I don’t have luck, so I don’t bother. While she’s busy gambling, I order us two more drinks. Eli said he would meet me out tonight, but he’s having dinner with his boss first. “When is Eli meeting you?”
“Not sure,” I say, paying the bartender. “Waiting for his message.”
“You know, I didn’t like him when I first met him,” she says, eying me. I’ve noticed that people are very careful when they talk to me about things, because they never know how I will react. I could be completely fine with it, or I could explode.
“Why not?” I ask, curious.
I’m not one who judges someone based on others’ opinions, but I do listen, pay attention, and see for myself what I think. I’m not stupid.
“I don’t know,” she says, looking into her drink. “The way he told the cab driver to stop, I didn’t like that, and then he just disappeared. And Keisha thinks he’s a bit full on too. He was walking around the house shirtless while we were there, isn’t that a bit weird?”
I consider her words, seeing where she’s coming from. At the same time, I didn’t feel weird about him walking out of my room without a shirt. I don’t feel like he’s into anyone except me, at least when I’m there, and I don’t feel threatened in any way. He’s just a person who is comfortable in his skin, and wouldn’t have thought anything of it, just like I didn’t.
“Noted,” I say, flashing her a smile. I know she’s just looking out for me. I’ve been hurt in the past, and although I act tough, I’m a fucking marshmallow on the inside. I love hard, and I give the people I care about everything I am. Ellen once asked me how I
can be one of the most kind-hearted, generous people she knows, yet at the same time be an ice queen. My answer was simple. The people I care about see a different side of me than everyone else does.
“He’s different for you,” she says, glancing at me. “He’s not like any of the other guys.”
No, he isn’t.
And she’s right—it’s a very, very dangerous thing.
I should be running. Fleeing. Saving myself. Leaving with my heart intact, but instead, I’m almost running towards future heartbreak. Because the time I have with him now is worth it.
How fucked up is that?
I just don’t know what else to do. He’s leaving soon anyway, so it’s not even important. I’m here, I’m in it, I just need to enjoy myself and move on after he leaves me. Probably more easily said than done, but I’ve survived much worse.
Everything will be fine.
I’m glancing at my phone and walking towards the karaoke area when I hear Ellen call my name.
“Yeah?” I say, turning to her, then smiling when I see Eli standing there. I literally walked right past him. I see him give me a once-over, lingering on my knee-high black boots. I’ve paired them with a little black dress, a black cardigan, and red lips.
“Hey,” I say, wrapping my arms around him.
“I thought you were singing?”
Did he come here just to hear me sing? I sent him a message saying I was going to.
“I was going to,” I say, considering it. “But someone just sang my song.”
Ellen and I share a look when ‘Who knew’ by Pink is sung next. That’s my backup song. Well, shit. We order drinks, and again, Eli doesn’t let me pay. I haven’t paid for a single thing any time we’ve gone out together, and I know this isn’t something I should be complaining about, but it’s turned into a game, and I’m losing. When I’m with my friends or family, I’m usually the one who pays, so I’m not really used to this. I like being in control and I don’t like feeling like I owe people anything. Not that he makes it feel that way, he doesn’t at all. I try and hand the bartender some money, but he refuses to take it, taking Eli’s instead.
“Is this because I’m a woman?” I ask the bartender. “Because that’s sexist.”
He nods at Eli. “I’ve served him before. I remember him. I’ve never seen you before.”
My jaw drops open. Okay, so I don’t usually come to this pub; karaoke nights only recently moved here, but still. “I’m the local here! He’s only been here for a few weeks! He’s not even from here.”
I look at Eli, who has an infuriating smirk playing on his perfect lips.
Another loss.
Goddammit, the hits keep coming with this one. He always wins. No matter what. I’ve finally found a worthy opponent, someone who is possibly more stubborn and talented than me. Talented in every damn way. I’m impressed—although I don’t know if I’d admit it out loud.
I look at the man in question. We have chemistry, and a connection. The sex wouldn’t be so good if we didn’t, but at the same time none of that matters, and I need to let it go. I don’t know how he does it, but whenever he’s around, I’m always ready for him. I’m always wet, and I always want to fuck him, no matter where we are. I’d let him have me anywhere. It works when he’s not around too, his draw is so powerful and magnetic, even thinking of him turns me on.
That fucking mental and physical connection.
It’s everything.
At least to me it is.
It doesn’t seem to affect him like it does me, another area in which he wins. He’s protected his heart, while I’ve practically given him mine. A sobering thought. I grab my drink and swallow a mouthful. There is this feeling in my gut though, one I can’t shake, that he’s just meant to be in my life. How can that be? He was a one-night stand, yet he’s become so much more. I actually care about him and want him to be happy.
If he was happy, I’d be happy, whether I was in his life or not.
And that’s how I know it’s something real, and not just lust or a crush.
If he could hear my thoughts, he would probably run.
Chapter Ten
Ellen meets some of her other friends, and Eli and I are left alone. We stumble through the streets, arm in arm, smiles making a permanent appearance. From the outside, you’d think we were together, that we were in love, but that isn’t how it is at all. I think that Eli is very free with his affection; to him it doesn’t mean what it does to me. I’m rarely affectionate with anyone, to get that from me, you have to mean something to me. With him, I think it’s just a part of who he is. He’s a gentleman, he’s chivalrous—he’s just a good man with a heart of gold. He’s a very giving, loving person to be around. Nothing fazes him, and he just goes with the flow, never overthinking anything. I can learn so much from him, but at the same time I know I can never be like that. I’m a completely different person to him. He complements me, balances me out. I wonder if he thinks I have any qualities that do the same for him.
“I’m leaving tomorrow,” he says, glancing down at me. I avoid his eyes, turning to look straight ahead. “Don’t do that,” he murmurs, so I glance back at him.
“Do what?” I ask, schooling my expression.
“Your eyes are a dead giveaway. And you know it. That’s why you look down or hide them whenever you’re up to something, or whenever you don’t want people to see what you’re thinking. Don’t hide them from me.”
He wants me to give him everything, but will give nothing in return.
“I like them most when they’re filled with mischief,” he continues, smoothly changing the subject. “And paired with that Cheshire cat smile and batting lashes, you’re a hard woman to resist, you know that?”
Yet resist is all he does.
“You can’t tell me that you’re leaving, then say all that cute stuff, Eli. It’s not fair,” I huff, looking away from him again.
I knew the time was coming, but fuck if it doesn’t suck.
“We have one night, Taye,” he says softly. “We should make the most of it.”
“Then we need to be in bed, not out here,” I say, stopping on the sidewalk and facing him. “It’s how we started, and how we should end, right?”
Blue eyes soften as he looks down at me.
They tell me that he will miss me, but I know he won’t say the words. He’s never once made any promises to me, or anything like that. He’s been honest about what this is and what this isn’t.
And if I fall…
That broken heart is on my hands.
*****
We need to get home, now.
We’re in the cab, and we can’t keep our hands off each other. It’s so bad. So bad that it’s good. Amazing. Fuck, his lips taste mine, and his hand is on my bare thigh, inching closer and closer… Lucky it’s dark in here. I’m wearing the most expensive boots I’ve ever purchased, and this is the first time I’ve left the house in them. I sent Eli a picture of me in them once, and I know he wanted to fuck me in them, so I’m glad that I wore them tonight. I can see in his eyes how much he likes them, how turned on he is, and I know how bad I want him. When his fingers start inching closer to my panties, I stop them and glance around. He wants to touch me, right here and now? What if the driver sees?
Fuck.
The thought of him touching me right now excites me, so why am I stopping him? I let go of his hands, and when they inch closer again, I don’t stop them. I hike my dress down as far as it can go so the driver won’t be able to see, and keep my eyes locked onto his. I barely breathe as he slips his index finger inside my panties and runs it along my wetness. When his finger slides inside me, I grit my teeth. I’ve never done anything like this before, and I feel so turned on, I don’t think I’ll say no to anything right now. I don’t want to. I want everything. I want more than just fucking in bed with no lights on. I want to release my wild side. Eli calls her and trains her. She responds to him. He’s what the secret part of me has been yearning for
.
And just as I found him, I’m going to lose him.
I sink my teeth into my bottom lip, and his eyes follow the motion. He gives me a deep kiss, then murmurs, “You taste so good,” against my lips. I want to say something back, but I can’t. I can’t form any words right now; I have nothing. He starts to stroke my clit just as the cab stops at my house. For the first time since we met, when he pays, I don’t complain. I don’t say anything. I just sit there, trying to control my breathing, then get out of the cab when he opens the door for me. With his hands on my hips, he leads me to my front door. I search in my bag for my keys, almost desperately, needing to get inside. I finally find them, and am pushing the key into the hole when he pulls me back against his body.
I let go of the key.
He pushes my hair to the side and starts kissing my neck, his fingers lifting up my dress, the cool breeze hitting the skin of my upper thighs and lower back. He picks up where we left off in the cab, stroking my clit, then sliding his fingers inside me, except this time, his lips on my neck are sending shivers up my spine, and making my thighs tremble. I brace my hands on the glass of my front door, holding myself up. When he slips my panties down and slides into me from behind, I don’t stop him. No, I bend over for him, giving him more access as he fucks me outside my house, where any passing cars or neighbours can see. It’s dark, sure, but the streetlights are on and we aren’t invisible.
If anyone were to walk or drive by, they’d see everything.
And I’m too fucking hot, wet, and horny to care.
I hear a noise, a moaning sound, and it takes a few moments for me to realise that the sound is coming from me. I make another sound then, this time one of complaint, when Eli pulls out of me. However, he lifts me and pushes me back against the wall, slides back into me, and starts fucking me against the bricks. I wrap my arms around his neck, kissing his lips and groaning with each thrust. I can feel how wet I am from how easily he slides into me, and from the dampness around my inner thighs. I’m going to come soon, but I don’t want this to end, so I fight it. I think this moment is my hottest sexual encounter ever, and I’m fucking speechless with how hot I am for the man inside me right now.
The List Page 7
