Meeting Mathew’s gaze, she saw worry and pain there.
“I’m so very sorry,” she said.
He nodded, then looked away, his jaw set firm.
“And you haven’t told her this,” Nelle said, mostly to herself.
“The doctor thinks if she knows, she’ll give up.”
Nelle thought this over. “Has the doctor…given a timeline?”
Mathew scrubbed a hand through his hair. “Months…years, perhaps. He’s even seen people live for twenty years with this type of condition.”
Nelle let out a breath, feeling relief pulsing through her. Mrs. Janson’s death wasn’t imminent. She just had to take care of herself. Nelle touched Mathew’s arm, wanting to comfort him as much as she could allow herself to, and asked, “What can I do to help?”
His eyes focused on her hand, but he didn’t draw away. If anything, he seemed to lean toward her. Nelle wanted to wrap her arms about him and hold him against her.
“Her coloring has returned in the short time you’ve been here,” Mathew said. His words brought Nelle back to her senses, and she dropped her hand. “I like the drapes open as well,” he continued, his voice soft. “Perhaps, together, we can stand up to the nurse.”
“I’m willing,” she said, hiding a secret smile. “If…you and Alice are in agreement.”
His gaze was focused steadily on hers, questioning. “Is that why you haven’t come over until now?”
“You know it is.” Her voice was faint.
He turned and looked out over the staircase, shoving his hands into his pockets. When Nelle glanced up at his profile, she saw only resolution. But, resolution for what?
“Despite all of the complications between us, I would love to have you in my home for my mother’s sake and…” He let these words float before her.
The air between them seemed somehow charged—with wistfulness, with dreams out of reach. “If it will bring your mother comfort,” Nelle said at last, “then I would love to visit with her often.”
Nothing, she realized, nothing could keep her from honoring Mathew’s request, even if it was at the cost of her own heart. She would do it in the name of Mrs. Janson’s heart, and Nelle would willingly pay the price for it later.
Chapter Nineteen
The days passed, followed by weeks, and Mathew’s mother progressed from staying in bed all day to taking short walks throughout the house while leaning on the nurse’s arm. On the days Nelle came to play the piano, there was a marked difference in his mother’s spirits…And, he had admitted to himself, a marked difference in my own.
Alice proceeded to make the wedding arrangements, and Mathew felt as if time were slipping through his fingers. He was engaged and about to be married…and Nelle would turn twenty-one and leave for the city, leaving his mother and leaving him.
Sometimes, when he thought of this, a tightness formed in his chest as if someone were pressing a stone into the flesh above his heart. As he entered the house today, to help his mother into the parlor for her expected guests, the Greenwoods, Mathew heard the calm tones of Nelle’s voice floating down the staircase.
Mathew stilled, listening for a moment. He hadn’t known Nelle was coming today, or perhaps he would have come home sooner. His mother’s dry voice responded to something Nelle had said, and Nelle laughed. Mathew smiled to himself. It was nice to hear her laugh.
Slowly, he ascended the stairs and walked along the corridor to his mother’s bedroom, not wanting to interrupt their conversation too soon. As it was, he stopped to the side of the half-open door as he heard his mother say, “You’ve a beau in the city?” not able to avoid hearing her speak.
Mathew stiffened, waiting for Nelle’s response. He hadn’t considered that Nelle might have a beau, which was foolish of him. Wouldn’t she have told him? Or, at least, wouldn’t Alice have known and told him?
“Mitch Barlow was in earnest, yes, but there was nothing real behind my initial interest,” Nelle said in a voice so quiet that Mathew found himself taking another step closer to the door.
Did that mean she didn’t return this Mitch Barlow’s affection? He could only hope so, although why, he refused to admit. He knew it wasn’t fair to expect her to remain unattached just because he didn’t wish to imagine her with another man.
“I daresay he became frustrated with me,” Nelle continued, “and we haven’t corresponded since…well, not since my parents’ deaths.”
“My dear,” his mother said, “you’ve been through a tragedy, and people don’t always know how to respond. When you return to the city, things will be made right. Perhaps you’ll even see your Mitch with new eyes.”
Nelle said something so softly Mathew couldn’t hear it. He strode toward the room, not wanting them to step out suddenly and see him there, listening.
His mother looked up in surprise as he entered. “You’re back early,” she said.
“Hello Mother,” he said. He looked over at Nelle. “Miss Thompson.”
Her smile was fleeting, but she quickly averted her eyes and said hello.
It had been like that between them, spending time in the same room, though not exactly speaking.
“Patrick is coming with his mother and sisters too,” his mother said. “Would you stay and act as chaperone?”
“Chaperone?” Mathew asked. “For who?”
“Why, for Nelle. He’s sweet on her, you know?” his mother said.
Mathew couldn’t help looking at Nelle now. Her face had pinked, and Mathew wondered if it was because she was starting to care for Patrick as well. His jacket felt too tight and the room too hot.
“Last time he came over with his mother, you weren’t here, and he asked to walk with Nelle in the garden. I said yes, but I wasn’t too pleased about it.”
“Mrs. Janson,” Nelle said. “He’s not sweet on me. He’s only a friend.”
Friend or not, Mathew was having a hard time stopping himself from pulling Nelle into another room and asking her about what had happened on her walk with Patrick.
“I’m so pleased you’re early,” his mother was saying to him. “It will give me time to get settled in the parlor. I hate it when everyone fusses over me.”
Mathew nodded, even though he knew his mother loved to be fussed over. He held out his arm so his mother could link hers through his. Nelle moved to the other side of his mother and did the same. All three together, they walked slowly along the hall then down the staircase. At one point, Mathew and Nelle paused to allow his mother to catch her breath.
“Are you sure you’re up for this, Mother?” he asked, trying to keep the concern out of his tone.
She smiled up at him, and he knew he couldn’t let her down. They continued forward and got her settled in the parlor. Mathew wondered if there was any way he could speak to Nelle alone for a few moments, but she’d gone straight to the piano and had started playing softly.
“Are you all right?” his mother said, startling him.
He sat near her. “I am fine. I’m more concerned for you.”
“You fuss too much,” his mother said. “If I take things any easier, I might as well be dead.”
Mathew tried not to flinch at her observation. Maybe he should allow himself to relax. His mother had turned her head to watch Nelle play the piano. Soon, his mother would have her company over for a visit—something she’d looked forward to all week.
As the sounds of a carriage reached them, Mathew rose to greet the Greenwoods. He opened the door for them and ushered them into the parlor, watching Patrick and Nelle. Nelle had stopped playing the piano and now stood to greet everyone. She didn’t seem to swoon or any such thing over Patrick, but she gave him a nice smile, and Patrick smiled back.
I’m being ridiculous, Mathew chided himself. Yet, his senses were alert to every word, action, and expression of Nelle’s. He and Patrick talked while the tea was served, then his mother drew everyone into a general conversation on the latest news about town—who was getting married, w
ho was having a baby, and who was traveling where.
Again, Mathew found himself watching Nelle to see if she paid Patrick any particular attention. She was only cordial, not flirtatious. Nelle glanced at Mathew and shook her head a little as she looked over at his mother. Mathew followed her gaze and noticed his mother was still smiling, but her complexion had paled.
It was time to get his mother back to bed, and Mathew was relieved Patrick hadn’t invited Nelle into the garden for another walk. Although, he knew he couldn’t prevent this forever and he had no right to anyway.
“Mother, I think it’s time for you to get some rest,” he said, standing and crossing over to her.
She protested at first, then Mrs. Greenwood said, “We should be going anyway. Lucien is visiting again and will be arriving in time for supper. I want to make sure everything is in order.” She paused, looking at Mathew. “If you are able to get away, we should like to have you as well. Alice is coming with her mother and Nelle.”
“Thank you, but I should stay here with my mother,” Mathew said. So Lucien was in town again? And Alice would be spending time with the poet tonight? Mathew shook these thoughts away and helped his mother to her feet.
When the Greenwoods had left, Nelle said, “I can help you get your mother to her room, then I should be leaving as well.”
“You are a dear,” his mother said, “to spend all of this time with me. I cherish it, especially since my body is not behaving properly.”
The three of them started up the stairs, taking them slowly. As soon as his mother was settled into her bed, the nurse sitting beside her, Mathew walked with Nelle to the front door.
“My mother is right,” he said as they paused in the doorway. “I can’t thank you enough.” He was surprised to see her eyes were filled with tears.
Nelle quickly blinked them away. “I’m sorry,” she said, dabbing at her eyes. “I enjoy spending time with your mother too. It helps me, somehow, with losing my own parents. No matter how hard of a night or a day I’ve had, when I leave your home, I feel better.”
She looked up at him, and Mathew had the strongest urge to pull her into his arms and let her cry there again.
He also realized didn’t want her to leave. But she did leave, and Mathew could only stare after her, feeling one regret after another.
Chapter Twenty
One, two, three, one, two, three, the voice echoed inside Nelle’s head as she opened her eyes in the violet light of dawn. It was her father’s voice, she was sure. It was fading fast. This dream had been nice, even pleasant. She and her father had been in the music room back home, and he’d been counting tempo for the piece she was playing. Nelle wished she could dwell inside the lovely dream for a moment longer, instead of waking to another day with a hard pain in the pit of her stomach.
For she’d spent the evening at the Greenwoods’, watching Alice flirt with Lucien. Without Mathew around, Alice had been quite open with her interest, so much so, that she and her mother had even gotten into an argument on the way home in the carriage.
It seemed, for once, Nelle and her aunt agreed on something—Alice was being too flirtatious and that would hurt her relationship with Mathew.
“You know I don’t love him, Mother,” Alice had retorted. “It’s practically an arranged marriage.”
Aunt Corinne had gasped. “You’ve been chasing after Mathew Janson since you were out of short shirts. Don’t you dare throw away the best opportunity you’ll ever have.”
Alice had folded her arms and glared at her mother. “If you would let me travel more or stay in the city, there would be plenty of successful gentlemen that I could meet.”
“Plenty of poets, you mean,” Aunt Corinne had said. “Men without a penny to their names, only pretty words and empty promises.”
“Lucien’s not like that,” Alice had said. “He’s published. And he’s been offered a teaching position at the university. He’ll only grow more famous with time.”
Aunt Corinne had leaned forward then. “I’ll not hear one more word about this, you understand? You accepted Mathew’s proposal. And if you know what’s good for you and your family, you’ll not jeopardize it in any way.”
Alice closed her mouth and turned her head to look out the dark window of the carriage.
Nelle had felt sick—sick for Mathew, sick for her, even sick for Alice. To think she’d pushed Mathew to follow through with his proposal to Alice and that, all the while, Alice had not been trying to make Mathew jealous but was truly pining after other men.
Now, in the stillness of the morning, with dreams of her parents becoming memories, Nelle felt trapped. Should she tell Mathew? That would only make things worse, she decided. And even if Mathew and Alice did call off their engagement, it wasn’t like Nelle would be able to marry him. If that happened, it would be unclear who the villain was in the relationship, for all judgment would point to Mathew. And Nelle couldn’t imagine his mother surviving such turmoil.
Unable to sleep more, Nelle rose and pulled on her robe. She sat at the tiny desk in her room and wrote down what she could remember of her dream. On her last visit, Pearl had encouraged Nelle to not only write down her memories but also record her dreams.
“More memories may come through your dreams that way,” she’d told Nelle.
By the time Nelle had finished writing, she was feeling tired again. The sun had risen by now, and she knew it would be that much harder to sleep that night if she took a nap. So she dressed and made her way down the stairs toward the breakfast room.
As she approached, Nelle heard the housekeeper saying something to another maid about Mrs. Janson. But the housekeeper fell silent as Nelle entered.
“What were you saying about Mrs. Janson?” Nelle asked her.
The housekeeper flushed and said, “I didn’t mean to spread any rumors.”
“Rumors about what?” Nelle persisted.
“Mrs. Janson apparently had a bad night, and the doctor was called in early this morning,” the housekeeper said as she shook her head. “I don’t know much more than that, except for what Mrs. Janson’s maid said when she delivered the eggs this morning.”
“Go on,” Nelle said, starting to feel anxious. If the servants were passing along news, then there must be something to it.
“Mrs. Janson has taken a turn for the worse,” the housekeeper said. “But with the doctor there, I’m sure things will be set right again.”
“Can you tell me anything more?” Nelle asked. The housekeeper shook her head.
Nelle tried to quickly eat a piece of toast; it was like dry grass in her mouth. She left the table, knowing her aunt and cousin could be sleeping for hours yet…sleeping off their argument. Nelle pulled on her shawl and told the housekeeper she was going to visit the Jansons. If the housekeeper was surprised at the early hour, at least she didn’t say a word.
Nelle hurried across her aunt’s property and opened the gate in the stone wall that separated the two estates. She’d come this way many times before, but it seemed longer this morning. Finally, she could see that the doctor’s carriage stood waiting in the driveway, so she knew he hadn’t left yet.
As she approached the front door, it opened, and the doctor stepped out. Nelle didn’t like the grave expression on his face.
Mathew came out after the doctor, and he looked surprised to see Nelle, but he didn’t say anything to her until the doctor had climbed back into his carriage.
“I heard your mother had a bad night,” Nelle began, unable to wait a moment longer. “How is she now?”
Mathew rubbed his face. Dark circles framed his eyes, and he looked as if he hadn’t slept at all. “The doctor says there’s nothing more he can do. Mother needs to rest. She could very well continue to have nights full of anxiety.”
“What is she anxious about?” Nelle asked. “Is there something I could do to help?”
“It’s part of the disease,” Mathew said. “The doctor says that because she is mostly bedridden,
she will become anxious about always relying on others. So a small problem becomes a large problem very quickly.”
Nelle nodded. “I can understand that. Can I see her?”
“She’s sleeping now…finally.”
Nelle touched his arm, wishing she could offer more comfort. “You should sleep, too.”
“I wish I could,” Mathew said.
“If there is anything I can do, please let me know,” Nelle said, holding his gaze. “I want to help in any way I can.”
“I know,” Mathew said quietly. “I know.”
She turned away, for the air was becoming two warm between them. If she stayed any longer, she knew she’d end up in his arms, comforting him. Or he, perhaps, would comfort her.
As she set off toward her aunt’s house, Nelle changed her mind and followed the lane out to the main road to go to Pearl’s shop. She didn’t know why she hadn’t thought to enlist the help of Pearl before. Surely, the woman had something that could help Mrs. Janson—a restorative tea, perhaps. The tea she’d given to Nelle had helped her sleep longer and more deeply at night.
By the time Nelle reached Pearl’s shop, the wispy clouds in the sky had grown thick and dark. She stepped inside as the wind rattled the shutters on the windows. Pearl was standing on the other side of the room, holding a ledger in her hand. She turned and greeted Nelle.
“What a pleasant intrusion,” Pearl said. “What brings you here so early in the morning?”
“I’ve come to see if you have any type of tea that might strengthen a weak heart,” Nelle said.
Pearl’s gaze grew contemplative. “For you?”
“No,” Nelle said. “It’s for Mathew Janson’s mother.” She had told Pearl about Mathew, in general terms, so she explained his mother’s health issues, from her most recent turn for the worse. “She’s under a doctor’s care, but I thought…Perhaps I’m asking too much.”
Pearl patted Nelle’s arm. “I understand your concern,” Pearl said. “And while I’m not a true apothecary, I’ve been around a long time and know some things that might help.” She moved past the shelves and walked into the back room, leaving Nelle second-guessing herself again. Even if Pearl had some sort of concoction or tea, how would Nelle convince Mathew to give it to his mother?
Love is Come (Power of the Matchmaker) Page 12
