by Ana E Ross
There was no dealing with it. There was no fixing it. He could not build a life with Michelle knowing her father had killed Cassie.
“We can’t fix this, Michelle,” he said in a hollow voice. “It’s too big. We can’t go back, and we can’t go forward. You deceived me. I can’t ever trust you again. I can’t be around you.”
“Erik, we’re husband and wife. We took vows for better and for worse. We love each other. You can’t just toss us aside as if we never happened.”
He turned and gazed down at her, the hurt in his eyes tearing at her heart. “I don’t know who I married, Michelle, or with whom I fell in love. All I know is that you’re not the woman I thought you were. It’s a good thing no one else knows we’re married, especially Precious. At least she’ll be spared the pain of losing another mother.” With that, he turned and walked out of the room.
The finality in his words was so debilitating that all Michelle could do was waddle back to the bed and lie down on it. She curled up into the fetal position as deep moans came from the darkest, deepest parts of her soul.
Dwight Carter had completely destroyed her life this time. There was no climbing out of this pit. There was no escaping the anguish that would plague her for the rest of her life. Her father had finally killed her last glimmer of hope.
She dragged her body off the bed, across the floor, and into the bathroom. Her heart was as heavy as lead as she stood under the shower sprays and somehow managed to wash Erik’s scent from her body.
It was almost dawn when she finally descended the stairs and roused a disgruntled Yasmine from sleep. Her dear friend asked no questions. She just held her while she cried, then helped her into the car. Michelle sat silently on the ride to Manchester, huddled against the door, feeling cold, shaken, and so alone.
***
Three days later, Michelle finally mustered up enough courage, and borrowed Yasmine’s car to go back to Erik’s house for the rest of her clothes. For three days, she had been calling, and each time he picked up, he’d just remain silent, listening to her begging, pleading, and apologizing. At least he hadn’t hung up on her, nor had he blocked her calls from his cell or the house. That alone told her that he still cared about her in some way. It gave her hope.
Dwight Carter was in jail waiting to face charges on first-degree manslaughter, fleeing the scene of a crime, theft, and for driving while under the influence. And she was left to, once again, salvage the life he’d ripped apart. Robert had stopped by yesterday to talk about what he’d discovered about Dwight, but she was in no mood to discuss him. The damage was done. Whether or not, Dwight was their biological father was not important at the moment. What mattered was that Dwight had killed Erik’s wife, and she’d lied to Erik about him.
Her lies, not Dwight, had torn them apart.
Michelle felt a powerful throbbing in her head as she got out of the car and looked up at the house. Memories of the first day she set foot on this property assailed her.
She recalled, vividly, the first time she saw Erik, sitting behind his desk in the library, all virile, potent, and dangerously male. She remembered the sharp brilliance of his piercing eyes, and how her heart had lurched as her female hormones had soared to an all-time high. It was definitely love at first sight.
As she walked up the stairs to the porch and rang the doorbell, Michelle tried to control the shivers that ran through her. This was probably the last time she would set foot in this house. She hoped Precious was home from school. She longed to see her. She wondered how Erik had explained her absence, and the fact that she wouldn’t be her nanny anymore.
Erik might not want her in his life, but at least she had Precious, and in spite of what might happen between her and Erik, Precious would always be a part of her life. She would not turn her back on her.
“Michelle, sweet child.” Mrs. Hayes opened wide arms and Michelle fell into the motherly embrace.
“Hi, Mrs. Hayes. How are you?”
‘Don’t worry about me, honey. I want to know how you’re holding up under this mountain of trouble. I pray day and night to the Good Lord to lay His mercies on you.”
“Thanks. I need all the prayers I can get.” She glanced warily around. “I came to get the rest of my stuff. Is Erik here? I didn’t see his car in the driveway.” She was actually surprised he hadn’t packed them up and mailed them to her.
“He went to get Precious from her music lessons.”
“How is Precious?” she asked, her heart aching with longing for the child.
“She misses you. She cries for you every day. I don’t understand why the doctor is punishing you for what your father did. You had no part in it.”
“He knows that,” Michelle defended her secret husband. “He’s just hurting. I should have told him that my father was a drunk and a possible suspect. I can’t blame him for feeling betrayed. You, Robert, and Yasmine warned me that my lie would backfire. I have no one to blame but myself.”
“Give him time,” Mrs. Hayes said, touching a cool frail hand to Michelle’s cheek. “I’m sure he’ll come around and realize how important you are to him and Precious.”
Michelle stared at the older woman who’d brought her into Erik’s life, and wondered just how much she knew about Erik’s and her relationship. She was certain she didn’t know they were married, but did she know they’d been intimate? “Maybe he will,” she said, “and if he doesn’t, I’ll have to live with it.” Needing to escape the wise woman’s scrutiny, she headed up the stairs.
Michelle packed hastily, trying not to think about the life she was leaving behind. As she opened the walk-in closet and gazed at the dress she had worn to the party in Boston, sweet memories of her one-night honeymoon echoed in the black stillness of her mind. Memories were all she had now. Nothing would ever erase those feelings of completeness, of oneness with Erik.
For once in her life, she had been truly happy. She would cherish those moments forever.
Leaving the dress where it was, she turned and gazed at the bed where they’d made love. Erik might try to make himself believe that he hated her, she thought, but deep, way down deep in her soul, she knew he cared for her. The way he had cradled her in his arms after the passionate storm was over was all the evidence she needed. She would cling to that thought.
Michelle was halfway to the door to load the suitcase into the car when she heard Erik’s car come to a stop in the driveway. Her stomach clenched and her body broke out in a cold sweat.
The key rattled in the lock. The suitcase fell to the floor with a loud thud. The door opened, and his muscular, irresistible frame came walking through it.
Michelle froze as her eyes caught and held the piercing ones of her husband.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Before Michelle could react to Erik, Precious pushed past him and raced into the house.
“Michelle!” She flung herself into Michelle’s arms. “You’re back. You came back!” Precious wrapped her arms about Michelle’s neck, and showered her with kisses, hanging on like she never wanted to let go.
“Oh, Precious.” Michelle squeezed the bundle of joy to her breast. She buried her face into the soft mass of brown curls and sobbed silently. “I missed you so much, so much.”
Precious unraveled her arms from around Michelle’s neck and looked into her face. “Why are you crying, Michelle? Aren’t you happy to be back?”
“I’m not staying, sweetheart. I just came to get my things. I don’t live here anymore.”
“Did I do something wrong? I promise I’ll be good. I promise.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Precious. You’re the best little girl in the whole wide world.”
“Did Daddy do something wrong?” She looked at her father. “Tell Michelle you’re sorry Daddy. Tell her you’re sorry and she’ll stay.”
Michelle glanced at Erik, still standing at the opened door, a watchful fixity on his face. “You’re daddy didn’t do anything wrong, Precious. In fact he did eve
rything right. He’s a good man, and you’re lucky to have him for a daddy.”
“Then why don’t you want to live with us anymore?”
“I do, honey, I do. It’s just that…” She didn’t know what to say. It felt like someone was holding her heart in a padlocked grip and was choking the life out of her. She fought the raw need to collapse right there on the floor. She felt so weak—physically, emotionally, and psychologically.
“Please stay, Michelle. I love you. Please live with us.” Tears spilled down Precious’ face.
Michelle choked at the pain in the child’s heart and the sadness in her eyes as she placed her on the floor. She looked at Erik again, her unspoken requests rushing across the distance between them.
“Go on up to your room, Precious,” he said.
“Please, Daddy. Don’t let Michelle leave.” Precious wrapped her arms around Michelle’s waist and began to cry.
“Erik, please,” Michelle begged in a broken whisper. “Can’t you see she needs me?”
Erik swung away from the door and covered the distance in four long stealthy strides. He forced Precious’ hands from around Michelle’s waist. “She needs her mother. But her mother is dead, Michelle. Dead. And your—”
“Not in front of her, Erik,” Michelle whispered. “Don’t involve her in this.” She knew that eventually Precious would be told the truth about the man who’d killed her mother, but now wasn’t the time. Michelle was grateful that Erik had decided to keep the news of Dwight’s capture private for the moment. And she knew that once it was made public, she might have to go into hiding. The media would be all over her. Erik’s prudence, once again, demonstrated that he still cared about her.
Erik inhaled deeply then exhaled slowly. “You’re right. Mrs. Hayes,” he bellowed.
Mrs. Hayes immediately came rushing into the foyer with a wooden spoon in her hand. “Yes, Doctor.”
“Would you kindly take my daughter to her room?”
“No, Daddy, no!” Precious threw herself on the floor and clung to Michelle’s legs. It took all Mrs. Hayes’ energies to pry her loose and escort her away.
“I’ll come back to see you, Precious. That’s a promise, sweetheart,” Michelle called in a tear-choked voice.
Erik waited until Precious and Mrs. Hayes were out of eyesight and earshot. “You have to stay away from her. I don’t want you calling or coming by here anymore.”
“I wouldn’t abandon her, Erik. I love her. I love her like my own child.”
Her sadness ate away at his guts, but he had no choice. He was torn. He didn’t know what else to do. “She’s not your child, Michelle. She’s Cassie’s child.”
“Erik, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the pain my father caused you and Precious. But please don’t punish me for what he did. Don’t punish Precious. Please.” She wiped at the tears blinding her.
He opened his jacket, pulled out an envelope, and handed it to her.
“What’s this?”
“Annulment papers.”
“Already? Erik, I love you.”
“And I love you, Michelle. God knows I do. But love isn’t enough this time.”
“You once told me that when you truly loved someone, you could forgive them anything.”
“Yes, I did. But a marriage also needs trust to survive. Cassie’s failure to trust me is what really killed her. That day when you told me your father was still alive, I asked you if there was anything else you wanted to share about him. You lied. You didn’t trust me enough to tell me the whole truth. Your not trusting me destroyed our love. Maybe in time, I’ll get over your deception. But for now… Erik’s heart ached at the agony in her eyes. He took a deep breath and turned away from her. “You have to forget about us, what we shared.”
Dear God, he didn’t want to hurt her. But what her father had done was too appalling for him to forgive. All the raw wounds she had helped to heal had been ripped wide open and were bleeding profusely again. He had to forget her. He had to wash her completely out of his mind. And the only way he knew how to do it was to stop seeing her. Period.
“Just sign the papers and mail them to the address on the envelope.”
Michelle watched, broken and defeated, as Erik walked out of her life.
***
Michelle glanced at her ringing cell phone lying on the sofa table. Her heart jumped from fear, hope, and uncertainty when Erik’s name flashed on the LCD. It had been two days since she last saw him and Precious. Had he decided to forgive her? Did he want her back? Or…
“Are you going to answer that?” Yasmine asked, coming from the direction of her bedroom.
“It’s Erik.”
“Then answer it, girl. He might be calling to say he wants you back.”
Or maybe he wants to make sure I signed and returned the annulment papers. Yasmine still didn’t know they’d been married.
“You want me to talk to him? ‘Cause I’m dying to give him a piece of my mind.”
Michelle grabbed the phone. “No. I’ll handle it.” She walked slowly into her bedroom and closed the door. She took a deep breath, pushed the answer button, and raised the phone to her ear. “Hello,” she said in a shaky voice.
There was a long tense silence.
“Erik,” she said.
She heard his sharp intake of air. “Hi, Michelle.”
Michelle bit into her lower lip to stop the sharp cry of longing from bursting from inside her. Too weak to remain on her feet, she collapsed on the edge of her bed.
“I just called to warn you,” he said.
“Warm me about what?”
“The news about your father has been leaked to the press.”
“Oh, no. What—”
“I’m taking Precious out of the country for a few weeks until the commotion dies down.”
“Where—”
“I suggest you… go somewhere… far… if you don’t want to be eaten by the media vultures. They will be circling soon. They may be on their way as we speak. Use the money I deposited into your account when we got married.”
“Erik—”
“Goodbye, Michelle.”
Long after the phone went dead, Michelle kept it pressed against her ears while her other hand crushed into her chest in an attempt to quiet her thumping heart. Did Erik call to warn her about the impending mayhem because he was really concerned about her, or did he fear what she might divulge to the media vultures about their relationship? It would make him seem like a real jackass for marrying the daughter of the man who’d killed his first wife. She couldn’t blame him for being cautious, concerned. But did he have to be so cold, so abrupt? They had been closer than any two human beings had the right to be, and yet he’d just spoken to her as if she were a mere acquaintance he felt obligated to warn about imminent doom.
Time. He needed time.
“So what did he want?” Yasmine asked from the opposite side of the closed door.
Michelle pulled herself together and went to open it. “I have to leave town,” she told Yasmine.
Yasmine shook her head in confusion. “What? Why?”
“Somebody leaked the news of my father’s arrest for killing Cassie to the press. Erik called to warn me. He and Precious are leaving the country, and he suggested I go into hiding.” She glanced at her suitcase on the floor in a corner of the unkempt bedroom. “Good thing I didn’t unpack yet.”
“Where will you go?”
“I don’t know. But I can’t stay here. I have to leave Manchester. New Hampshire. Tonight.”
“I don’t think you should be alone in your present state of mind.”
“I’m not going to hurt myself, Yas.”
“I know. I’m just saying. I’d go with you if I could.”
“Where am I supposed to go?”
“Why don’t you call Ryan?” Yasmine suggested. “You guys are still friends, right?”
“Well, we haven’t spoken in months. For all I know, he may have a girlfriend, be engaged or married, and
want nothing to do with me. I mean I did reject him.”
“Be realistic, Mich. Nobody gets married in that short a time.”
I did. And I’m about to be divorced.
***
“I know I didn’t give birth to an idiot,” Felicia said, staring at her son across the coffee table.
“Darling, give the boy a break.” Philippe squeezed her hand that lay on his thigh. “He’s been through a rough patch. It’s a terrible thing that happened between him and Michelle.”
“I know he’s been through hell and back, Philippe. But it’s been two months since the media has left him alone and gone in search of fresher news. He should have been back with Michelle by now, but he continues to punish her, and my… our grandchild.”
Erik looked from his mother to his father. They had summoned him to Granite Falls for an intervention, as they called it, but he’d been in no mood to discuss his relationship with Michelle. He had spoken to no one about her. He couldn’t. It was just too damn painful.
“Erik,” his mother said, turning her eyes on him, “Precious needs Michelle, and so do you. Why don’t you go out and find her, bring her back to us?”
Erik pushed himself out of the recliner, shoved his hands into the pockets of his slacks and walked to a floor-to-ceiling window. He stood gazing out at Mount Washington, a massive, impenetrable symbol of the agony in his heart.
Of course he knew Precious needed Michelle. He needed her, too. But when he’d returned from Europe to learn that she’d gone running back to her ex, it had crushed him. He’d advised her to leave town, to go someplace far away to escape the frenzy of the press until the news about her father died down. He never for the life of him ever thought she would run right into Ryan’s arms, and be so insensitive as to mail the annulment papers and a check for the money he’d given her from Ryan’s address in South Carolina.
He’d been ready to forgive her, to ask her back into his life, and beg her to forgive his stupidity for cutting her out in the first place. There were a lot of things he could forgive, but knowing she’d returned to her ex-lover wasn’t one of them. The thought of her in another man’s arms, in another man’s bed, was nauseating.
