by Barb Shuler
As she stood up and screamed in pain I shifted my body and kicked, catching her in the stomach. She fell back hard against the table behind her. It was only a moment of glory. Nicole jumped up and staggered over to me. Her fist connected with my jaw and I winced, screaming for help, knowing no one would hear me.
“Please stop!”
I never stopped tugging at the bindings that held my hands above my head. Every time I shifted it tugged at my shoulders, causing me more pain. Maybe that was her plan. She pulled at my hands, setting them free. I tried to roll off the bed, only to have her grab my hair and tug me back against it hard. She put her face next to mine as she spoke.
“I like it when you play rough.”
Rough?!? Who was playing rough? I tugged at her wrist, the one keeping me pinned to the bed by my hair. My spirit broke more and more as she ran her nose along my jaw. I closed my eyes and laid there limp, my body, my mind. It all gave up on me. I started to sob and whisper Drew’s name. I needed him now. He was my heart. I wasn’t going to make it without him. I felt her hands move from my body and when I sat up she was walking away. Once at the door leading from the bedroom closet she turned and looked at me. Her eyes looked black from here as she spit her words at me.
“You will never see him again. You belong to me.”
I got myself up after lying there sobbing. My body shook in fear and pain as I prayed for someone to find me. I didn’t know what I had done to deserve this, but I would do anything to fix it. To do it over. Everyone deserves a chance to repent. I slowly made it up off the bed and out of the room. I stumbled blindly into the bathroom and collapsed against the wall of the shower. Here I sat now, in the shower floor. The hot water had scorched my skin at first, but it’d run cold. Now the cold was freezing my skin. My body was shivering even though my skin felt as if it were on fire.
My legs lifted me up as I struggled to keep myself conscious. Stepping out of the shower I grabbed a towel and pulled it around me. Looking down at my thighs I could see the red lines. They were short and looked to be shallow. What had she done? My wrists were swollen from being tugged on. The skin had been peeled back where I had struggled to get free and my face, sides and my back were covered in bruises. It looked like I had been in an MMA match or something.
I bent down and pulled the first aid kit I had used before and moved back to sit on the closed toilet lid. I applied a small bit of alcohol to each of the cuts on my thighs and whimpered. I had to keep them from getting infected. God, that was all I need. Yes, let’s let the psycho bitch make my limbs fall off. They didn’t look as red as they had before, the blood had made them worse. I pulled out a few Band-Aids after pressing a small amount of antiseptic to the cuts. Looking in the mirror again, I sighed and went back to the bedroom to get dressed. At least that was something I could control… for now.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Midnight Mornings
Dani Lynn
Day 7
6/16/11
DEAR DIARY,
So... it’s been seven days now. The isolation is getting to me. Today has started off better than most of them have. It’s now midnight; time to get my day started. I have some of the crackers and other little things Nicole brings with my lunches that are in packages that she can’t contaminate. This being sick in the mornings and then again during the day after I eat is for the birds. I can’t let her keep me down. If I’m weak...I’m no good to anyone. Writing is going to be my outlet. It has always been a way to keep myself out of my own head. Right now, that is definitely needed. Otherwise I may break.
If Nicole wants a story I’ll give her one, just not the one she thinks she wants. I’ve masterminded a little plan here. Granted it came to me while I puked my guts out yesterday... but still. It’s a plan and I will use it to the best of my abilities. I seem to be able to avoid her if I am asleep. So, for now, until I see it’s no longer a valid fool proof plan I will be staying up into the wee hours of the mornings. Therefore, I will be sleeping part of the day away. Let’s just hope there is nothing that goes awry in that plan.
I feel sick again. All I had was crackers. Maybe it’s just my nerves causing my stomach to hate whatever I put in it. I really wish I had been able to get the test results back from the doctor before this happened. Maybe that would have eased my mind… but then again, I don’t need the doctor to voice something I already know. I feel it. Our baby is what is keeping me going.. I wish none of this had happened. I just want it over; all of it. Drew’s arms would make me feel warm, loved and safe. That is what I ache for the most. I wish I could tell him where I am...the more days that pass the worse my heart aches for him.
Well I best be off to ‘work’ now, or my diabolical plan will be flawed.
Dani Lynn
I sat my notebook down and rolled my neck, feeling the tightness start to ease off. With any luck I have an award winning… oh, who am I kidding? This story wouldn’t be that good. Then again, it would be based off of facts. Well, some facts at least. It didn’t matter I- I just want a good story that I can say in the future I wrote with as much emotion as this situation allowed for. It would be a way to record what I went through without me having to say it aloud. Though I knew it would have to be spoken, documented and recorded. That was if… if I made it out of here.
My stomach tightened in a knot, my eyes closed and I had to swallow back the bile that threatened to escape. Even the thoughts of what had been done to me made me want to hurl. I hate being sick. Always have. I had already been to the doctor for this. My body, my female issues had stopped. I couldn’t stomach lots of the things I normally eat… It was just too much to take after being sick over Christmas. Doc G said it was me stressing myself out. Though he did a few tests and we were just awaiting the results. I had to agree with him this time. With the book coming out, and all the traveling. Missing my dad. Missing Drew. It was all a lot to keep up with. Even my body couldn’t deal with it. But… well now... I wasn’t so sure anymore.
I shook off the thoughts that were starting to form in my head. There was no way I was going to let this get to me. I had to be strong. I mean… Jesus Christ… My head slammed down on the table and I started to pant, my air was leaving my body but I couldn’t get it back. I had to calm myself down. I moved slowly to my bedroom and dug through the dresser drawer to find my Xanax. Thankfully it was in my makeup bag in my purse. Apparently she left no signs of me being at the book signing. Thank God the stupid bitch hadn’t seen it, or I am sure she’d have snatched it up. I popped one in my mouth and swallowed it down.
“Relax, Dani Lynn. Slow breaths,” I whispered. I heard Drew’s voice in my ear, the way he’d do every time I would start to panic. He always was the one that could calm me down, even as teenagers. Seeing him in my head and wishing to hear his voice made the sobs start again. My fear was not just for me now but... the fact that I could be pregnant with... with his baby… our baby. I sank to the floor and wrapped my arms around my knees as I rocked back and forth. Praying if it was true to not let me lose my baby. I wouldn’t be able to handle it. I moved one hand to lie on my stomach and tried to calm my breathing as the dizziness started. My meds were kicking in. I would be able to calm down, any minute now.
I apparently zoned out and lost track of time. After being on the floor for so long my butt started to hurt. With a groan I got up and stretched. My knees and shoulders popped as I looked at the clock. It was 2:00 a.m. according to the bright red numbers. Two hours. Shit. I went into the bathroom and washed my face off to wake myself out of my blurry daze. I gave myself a small smile as I looked at my belly sideways in the mirror. My hands moved to push my shirt out so I could see what I would look like as my pregnant belly grew. I had to keep this a secret. I couldn’t let Nicole know. If she had any idea… I didn’t know how she may react. One thing was for sure, I wasn’t letting her harm my baby. So far, I had been able to take her abuse and not do too much damage. Yes, I had bruises and cuts, but I would be ok
ay. I had too much to fight for.
It was obvious to me now that she was the one sending me the cards and letters that had made my skin crawl. Though... my money had been on her to start with. Katie was sure it was her, but we had no proof. “Anyone could write like her. Chicken scratch is a common thing now days, you know.” The cards and letters always contained something vulgar or just... things that made me blink hard and gag. There were times it seemed as though the person writing them was watching me. And I’m sure she was. Even some of the anonymous emails that came in were just disgusting. I shuddered as I walked to the library, office, whatever you wanted to call it and sat down. Cracking my neck, I sighed. I hit the power button on my laptop and let myself into the document center. I opened my folder for the story I started and scanned what I had already written.
“Alright, Lizzie, let’s see what trouble we can cause now….”
~*~
That first morning ran through my mind. I could see it like I was sitting there again, looking into his face. The face that I wanted to smash with the tire iron. The body I wanted to trap between my truck and a fucking tree. The bastard thought I would let him do this to me again and again without fighting back, which I didn't do for months. But enough is enough.
I am not that same girl anymore. I will kill the stinking bastard. I cackled as I arrived at the house. I ran inside and grabbed one of my dad, Andy's, shotguns, a knife and a rope. I shoved them, along with two t-shirts, jeans and a new pair of trainers in a duffel bag. I ran back to the truck with a CD in my hand. I popped it in and hit the repeat button. Driving back to the store, I planned his demise in my head.
As I pulled up in front of the Bart’s Pro Shop, my heart was racing. My adrenaline was pumping and it was go-time. It was now or never. I just had to pounce. If I gave him a chance to stop me, he would. I couldn't allow that; the fucker had this coming. No one takes advantage of Lizzie Annabelle Crenshaw and gets away with it. Martin didn't, and this stupid little no good piece of shit wasn't either. I smirked as I remembered that day after school. The words of the song made it all come flooding back to me.
I came home and avoided Martin. He knew my routine and was already in my room, waiting on me. He expected his daily dose of 'let’s beat Lizzie'. Well not today. I moved away from him and slowly backed out of my room. He, of course, followed and I turned to run. He grabbed my hair and threw me down on the floor.
~*~
“Tsk, Tsk, you jackass, now ya gonna pay.” I snorted out a laugh and shook my head. The voices in my head were alive, and things would be getting interesting now. Or that was my hope, at least. I pulled out my headphones and slipped them on. I flipped through my iTunes until I found my writing playlist. Disturbed, Nirvana, Creed, Korn, Shinedown, Metallica, NIN and many others were there to greet me. “That’ll do, that’ll do.” I hit repeat and mix and let it go, blaring away in my ears as my fingers went back to typing. I let my words help me forget where I was and why. As they say, I was getting lost in the words. Anything to give me that needed distraction.
~*~
"You dirty little bitch. Did you think you were going to get away from me that easily?" he snarled. I kicked at him, as he kicked me in the side. I felt the pain race through me and cried out. He laughed, grabbed me by my hair and drug me back to my room. Damn you, Mary Jane! Every time she went out of town on business, I would get treated like shit. He'd beat me, rape me and do anything he wanted. Martin slung me onto the bed and by the time my head hit the headboard, he was dropping his pants. I tried to fight him off, but he was too strong for me. Fat weighed more than my skin and bones.
Every thrust of his hips made me cry out in pain. He made me feel like this was all I was good for. It was my fault. He would pound into me, until he'd lose his load. Then I'd get beat because I didn't get off. Why in the hell would my body give that fat rat bastard the satisfaction? He gave me no pleasure, only pain. A pain that was comparable to nothing I had ever been through before. It was my fault if I didn't enjoy it, he would say. Was he fucking kidding me? I mean, that was a disturbing thing for any woman to go through, and for him to say that just made me feel lower than dirt.
The next month when Mary Jane left for her trip, I was ready for the pig bastard. I had it all planned, and he was going to regret fucking with me; literally. I came home as I always did and went to my room. I was in the closet changing my clothes, when he came up behind me. Gripping my hips tight, he ground his erection into my ass.
~*~
“Maybe you should hack that wiener off, girly... Hmmm...”
I went into my notes page and looked at what I had on it. I nodded my head as ‘Bodies’ by Drowning Pool started to play. My smile grew slightly as I sang along. Well, not really sang along, just spoke the words as they came to my ears. My fingers not skipping a beat as I did it a little louder this time.
“Let the bodies hit the floor,
Let the bodies hit the floor,
Let the bodies hit the floor,
Let the bodies hit the floooooor.
Beaten why for (why for),
Can't take much more.
Here we go! Here we go! Here we go!”
This was the song. It was saying what I needed to hear. The right words to channel into my writing. I moved to the iTunes box, hit repeat 1 and moved back to the document. The song was now on repeat. If I could channel the words I could help my character Lizzie get her anger, fear and dark side out. I smirked as I went back and re-read what I had before I started to type again.
~*~
"You little whore, this is your fault. You make me do this. You should be punished," he said, as he slammed me into the wall. I needed to get him into the bedroom, so I could get to my bag. Before I could register what was happening, he had my panties down and was thrusting inside me. I screamed out for him to stop, but as usual, it fell on deaf ears. The tears ran down my face, while I wished I could catch a break, even if it were only this once.
Then I saw them. My hand stretched out as he thrusted. I felt my body hit the wall hard. I grabbed the scissors and gripped them tight. Taking a deep breath, I swung my hand backwards. I didn't care what I hit. I just wanted him to get off me.
"You stupid little bitch," he screamed, slamming my head into the wall. I dropped the scissors as I fell to the ground. He kicked me repeatedly and then everything went black.
The next morning when I woke up, I was still on the floor, half dressed and sore as shit. I made it to the bathroom and saw the bruises on my body. My face was bloody and bruised from hitting the wall. It was still dark out when I jumped in the shower to get his stink off me. I washed the blood off and thought of what I could do to get this to stop.
~*~
“Dude, we need to work on your vocabulary…” I snorted again as I shifted in the chair, pulling one leg up under me as I stared at the screen. I went through the last section and made a few minor changes and nodded to myself. “Much better… much better.”
As the next song came on I smiled and closed my eyes, taking a couple of sips of my water. Yep, this was going right where I wanted it. Little Lizzie was gonna make this asshole pay.
“Hmmm...”
I tilted my head as I read back over it again. I made a few more small changes and nodded as I started to sing along with “The Monster” by Eminem and Rihanna. It seemed to be so perfect for Lizzie. The devil was alive in this poor kid. Maybe I could pull a Lizzie and get Nicole before she got me again? No one could blame me or Lizzie. She was tortured. Hurting. And so alone in her pain. As was I. I needed my Drew to come and save me.. I sighed, my fingers starting to move again as I sang along with the words to the song.
“I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed,
Get along with the voices inside of my head,
You're trying to save me, stop holdin' your breath,
And you think I'm crazy, yeah, you think I'm crazy.”
~*~
Mary
Jane still had four days before she'd be home. There was no way I could go to school with the excuse that I had tripped and fell down the steps. I mean, it is so me, but I got tired of that fucking lie. You’d think though that by now someone, Mary Jane included, would have figured out I was lying. No one cared though, not really. After my shower, I dressed and made my way downstairs. That is when I saw him, sitting at the kitchen table. Something inside me snapped, and I ran back upstairs, grabbing the handcuffs Tyler had stolen from his dad for me. I tip toed across the living room and grabbed his arms, pulling them behind him.
"I have a surprise for you. I think it's something you'll never forget, you sick, twisted fuck," I whispered in his ear, as I snapped the cuffs shut on his wrists. I had them wrapped in the spokes of the chair and he was stuck.
"You get these off me now, whore, or else," he yelled, trying to stand up.
That's when the voice in my head started. She was an evil little bitch and she was ready to teach Martin a lesson. I walked over to the kitchen cabinet and grabbed the sharpest knife I could find, before walking back over to him. "Now, you filthy pig... I'm going to gut you. You will learn who to fuck with and who not to. But then again. You won't be able to do anything when I'm done with you," I said, smirking.
He mumbled as the fear took him over. I cut open his t-shirt and slowly ran the knife down his front.
~*~
“That ’a girl.”
My face was getting hot, a side effect of the Xanax. It was one of those things you learn to deal with but when I’m writing it makes it hard to concentrate. I wrote a few more words and shut the laptop. It was almost 6 a.m. now. I had been writing for hours. I needed to get in bed and sleep some. Hopefully I could avoid Nicole as long as humanly possible for the rest of the day.
