by Lisa Shelby
“Sweetheart, a guy like that, has a girl like you, and he’s never gonna let you go. I don’t like the way he manhandles you. You need to break the cycle, Alex. You’ve been through enough with your dad, You don’t need to take any shit from anybody. You are worth more than that and I don’t ever want to see you like I did that night at your house.”
“Mick,” she whispers.
“Shhh…don’t worry. Your secret will always be safe with me, even though I think you should tell Cami and Emily. But it’s not my secret to tell. That asshat inside is a different story though. I will not let him hurt you, Alex. The fact that I didn’t tear him limb from limb just now, from what little bit I saw in there, is a miracle in itself.”
“Mick, please don’t cause a scene. Those guys are my co-workers and I really don’t need the drama.”
“Alex, if they have eyes they saw what I saw and you are already giving them plenty of ammo for the rumor mill.”
She pulls away from me and now she’s the one pacing. “Shit! I don’t even know why I’m with him. The first time we went out I didn’t think it was a big deal because he lives in Maryland. The next thing I know he’s working on some project with the HR team here and now he’s here all the time! I know that you’re right, Mick. It’s just that I really love my job. I need my job. I don’t know that he would do anything to get me fired, but he is a bit intense and he works in HR.”
“You don’t need your job bad enough to put up with that.”
“Yes, I do Mick.”
“Well, maybe start looking elsewhere then. Any company would be lucky to have you.”
“Mick, I really lucked out and got a position that I shouldn’t have so early in my career. I need the money.”
“Get a roommate!”
“I don’t need a roommate, Mick!”
Are we yelling at each other right now?
“Then what is it?” I ask but try to lower my voice and calm the situation down a bit.
“It’s none of your business, Mick,” she replies with her back to me.
I walk up behind her but make sure to put my hands in my pockets. No need to cross any lines tonight. “You know you can tell me anything, Alex.”
“It’s my dad, Mick. I have to help pay for his care in the assisted living facility that he’s in.”
This takes me back a bit. I knew that he had never recovered from the stroke that he had that night years ago, but I didn’t realize his care rests on Alex’s shoulders.
“Why you? He doesn’t deserve it, Alex.”
“He might not, but my mom does.”
What do I say to that? She turns around and is standing in front of me with the most beautiful, yet saddest eyes I have ever seen.
“She can barely afford the little one-bedroom apartment she moved into. She works but she doesn’t make enough to support herself and the costs of my dad’s care. Even after all the misery he put her through she’s still loyal to him. She never divorced him and still visits him several times a week.”
“Okay, I get it. You need your job. You don’t need him though. Your mom wouldn’t want you falling into the same life that she led for all those years. I can’t tell you what to do with your life, but Alex…if I see so much as a scratch on you, he’s a dead man.”
With that I lean forward and place a light kiss on her forehead. I place a hand on her low back to lead her in, but she doesn’t move.
“What is it?”
“Mick, why do you care so much?”
“I think you know why, Alex.”
“No, I really don’t. I haven’t seen you in ages and when I do see you, there is always some girl hanging on you. We never even talk. So why, Mick?”
“I told you once before, Alex. There is something about you. I will always be here if you need me. Always. In fact, give me your phone.” I take her phone from out of her back pocket—I couldn’t help but look at her ass when she had her back to me—and enter my digits. I wonder how long it will take for her to find it under the name I gave myself?
“Thanks, Mick.”
“Of course, Alex.”
CHAPTER
TWO
Color
Alex
I can’t believe I did it. I finally grew a pair and broke up with Kevin last night.
Luckily, last week was the final week he was going to be in Portland working on his project. The timing couldn’t have been better. As we drove to the airport I put it out there that long-distance relationships were too hard. I made it clear that I was going to be too busy with my family to make time to travel to see him and that maybe we should just end things while they were still good, before we drifted away from each other.
He surprised me by agreeing and he didn’t seem angry at all. I dropped him off at the airport, he gave me a hug and we said our goodbyes.
Sitting here at my desk this morning, I feel like I have a weight lifted off of my shoulders.
Just as she does every Monday, Olivia, our other event manager, walks in and places a coffee and a croissant on my desk.
“Thanks, Olivia. You know you don’t have to do this every week…” I take my first sip of the sweet, caffeinated goodness. “But I love that you do. Mmmm…so good.”
Olivia and I met in group therapy years ago when we were still teenagers. After my dad’s stroke—and our family secret was out to all of those involved that night—I finally decided that I needed help. After a year or so my therapist recommended I try group therapy. That lead me to Olivia and we’ve been friends ever since. When a job came open here at the hotel I didn’t hesitate to put in a good word for her. It’s been great and I couldn’t be happier to work with her every day.
“I know I don’t but it’s our thing. Besides, you always get the first drink at happy hour so we’re even. Now, tell me how was your weekend with Kevin? Sad to see him go?”
Keeping my eyes on my computer screen, I confess nonchalantly. “Uh, we broke up yesterday.”
“Oh, Alex, I am so sorry. Are you okay?” She asks with genuine concern.
“I’m fine, Olivia. He wasn’t the one or anything. Besides his project is over and it would be even more of a long-distance relationship than it is already. No need to drag it out,” I say with a shrug of my shoulder. It’s the truth. I’m fine. More than fine.
“Well, okay. If you say so. He was pretty cute though.”
“He wasn’t that cute, Olivia. Enough about me, how was your weekend?”
“It was good. Tom and I drove to the beach and it was the perfect beach weather…”
I am such a horrible friend. As soon as she starts talking my mind wanders back to my conversation with Mick outside of Kells. It took hearing him say the words to remind myself that I didn’t want to become a cliché. I needed to break the cycle of the women in my family being in abusive relationships. Kevin may not have hit me…yet, but I knew it was coming. It was in his DNA and his fist would have connected with my face eventually. It’s best to get out while I can and while he’s on the other side of the country.
That conversation also reminded me that I needed to get to a meeting. I’m feeling free, independent and brave but I know enough to know that my relationship with Kevin was a setback. I need to find time for a meeting.
“…And we were talking about the fact that maybe it’s time to move in together. We’re always together anyway; we might as well save the money. What do you think?” Thank goodness I actually heard her last sentence and question because I didn’t hear anything else she said.
“Well, do you love him? You don’t want it to be a roommate situation, do you? It’s always risky to live with a guy if he’s not the one. I’m not telling you what to do, but just remember it’s not a normal roommate situation.”
Who am I to give advice? It’s not like I have some great love life. I’m a twenty-six-year-old event manager who just got out of a not so healthy relationship with a co-worker. Throw that on top of that the fact that I have been in love, yes love, with my
best friend’s brother since I was twelve and my place in the list of people Olivia should go to for advice plummets.
“You’re right, Alex. I do need to really think about it.”
“No, Olivia. Don’t listen to me. I don’t know what I’m talking about. It’s not like I’ve ever lived with a guy or even gotten close to that point in any of my relationships. Just do what feels right and safe for you. Just remember what we say in group…follow your heart, but bring your brain with you.”
“Oh, stop it, Alex. You know I value your opinion and I know you’ll find the right guy. Look at you. You’re supermodel beautiful and the nicest person I know. I don’t know who out there could even be close to good enough for you. You’re gonna need some kind of Superman to knock you off your feet. He’s out there though. I know he is.”
“Thank you, you’re sweet, but you sure do exaggerate. I do hope you’re right and Superman is out there somewhere. I wouldn’t mind a little bit of the reigning man of steel in my life. Mr. Cavill can take me flying over the city anytime he likes,” I say with a giggle and effectively end the conversation about my love life. In the blink of an eye Olivia is off talking about Cavill vs Affleck and who’s hotter.
She has no idea that my Superman doesn’t wear a cape but he does wear a badge. I’ve already had the best night of my life with him and nothing else will ever compare. My blond hair and brown eyed superhero ruined me for all men when I was a mere nineteen years old.
Mick
I slowly open my eyes and realize that yet again, I have no idea where I am. Not that this is anything new but waking up in random bedrooms is getting old. I’m twenty-eight years old for fuck’s sake.
Wishing I could blame being drunk on my current situation, I look over at the body lying half covered by a sheet and take inventory. Sure she’s hot, but she’s also so damn fake. She’s blond, but it’s clearly not her natural color. She has big tits, but those are far from real—God I hate the way fake tits feel. Her eyelashes are way too long and are clearly not hers. She’s unnaturally tan—almost orange. I am generally an equal opportunity kind of guy, but she’s just really not my type. What the hell was I thinking?
Flashes of last night come back to me and it’s then that I remember exactly what I was thinking. She was at the bar with a bunch of other fake looking blonds but she was tenacious. She wasn’t taking no for an answer. She stuck to me like glue and I finally asked her to dance. After a little bump and grind we had a little make out session back in the hallway by the bathrooms.
Classy.
It didn’t take much persuading to get her back to her place and naked in her bed.
I have no idea what her name is. Come to think of it I’m not even sure that I asked her what her name was.
I am such a dick.
How is this the life I had always dreamed of? I thought a lifetime of not settling down and getting laid whenever I wanted it would be the ultimate way to live. Who knew that I could be so wrong? I’ve always told myself that I don’t do relationships, and that men weren’t made to be monogamous, but is that just my dad talking?
My dad always said that in nature animals aren’t monogamous, and that we are really just animals too. He says that relationships committed to one person, and one person only, aren’t realistic and that he hoped I didn’t follow in his footsteps. That I didn’t make the same mistakes that he did. He had convinced me that marriage and being tied down with a family weren’t the way to go, but the older I get, the more I’m not so sure I agree with him.
After watching my dad hurt my mom for years, I have always vowed to myself that I would never make somebody feel the way he made her feel. I’m sure I’ve broken a few hearts along the way, but I am always up front and honest and I have never cheated. It’s not possible to cheat if you’re never committed to somebody. The problem is the more tail I get, the lonelier I feel.
I know that I take too many risks in life. I always say that because I don’t have the responsibilities that my married friends have, that I’m living for them as much as I am myself. I do stupid shit like sky diving, rock climbing and the occasional cliff diving—when I’m on the right kind of vacation. Not to mention I don’t have the safest job in the world. The truth is, those brief moments of adrenaline replace the empty feeling deep inside me. After those moments, for just a small bit of time, I feel more like myself.
The only other time I’ve felt like that was one night seven years ago. What I wouldn’t give to feel that way again. The only problem is she’s the only person to ever make me feel like that. I think that’s why I keep chasing that rush. I can’t have Alex so I try to find that feeling anywhere else I can.
We may have had the best night of sex that I’ve ever had but it was everything else that made that night so memorable. After the hottest, yet sweetest roll in the hay that I have ever experienced—who knew sex could be both of those things at the same time—we talked. We sat and talked until the sun came up. I have never sat around and chatted it up with a girl after sex. I will never forget the way she threw her hair up into a ponytail while wearing my green PSU Vikings t-shirt. It was the hottest thing I have ever seen. Not only was she hot, but she was funny and surprisingly a smart ass. We raided the kitchen, ate whatever we could get our hands on and laughed all night long.
The next morning when she got out of my truck, she made me promise not to tell anybody. She said that she knew not to expect anything and that she was thankful for the great evening. It was the first time I hadn’t gone into the night having to tell the girl that she shouldn’t have expectations of seeing me again after the night was done. The thing is…when Alex said she knew not to expect anything from me…it felt like a punch to the gut. It was the one time in my life I had wanted somebody to expect more from me. If only I hadn’t been so stupid. And so twenty-one. If only I could have a do-over.
I’ve replayed that night over and over in my mind thousands of times. We had sex one last time that morning and it felt almost solemn to me. I knew this was it and I wasn’t going to get more. I cherished every moment of it. Then with my body reeling with turmoil over never having her again, I drove her home.
As we sat in my truck outside the house she still shared with her mom we agreed that we would still be friends. We were both glad we got to have our night. A night it was clear we had both fantasized about. Friends it was and friends it has been ever since.
She doesn’t need to know that after the incident with her father, I have driven by her house at night when I’m on duty. Almost every night I can. She doesn’t need to know that after she moved out and lived with roommates I continued to do drive-bys of her new apartment. Shit, I still do drive-bys of her townhouse. She has no idea I have always watched her from afar when we’re in the same place. We’re just friends. That’s all she wants us to be, but it doesn’t mean I’m not going to be there if she needs me. That’s what friends are for.
Enough laying here in this strange bed while I fantasize about Alex. Alex, deserves better than that. I need to get the hell out of here before, No Name wakes up.
Quietly, I pull my naked ass out of this mystery woman’s bed. I gather my things off of her floor—as a courtesy I toss the used condom in the bedside table trash can that I clearly missed last night—and get dressed as fast as I can. I don’t put my shoes on until I’m out the front door. No need to take the chance of waking her up. I don’t leave a note, a goodbye or a fuck you very much. Nope, instead I live up to my reputation and just walk out the door.
Something’s got to change.
I am too old for this shit!
CHAPTER
THREE
Dreams
Alex
September
“No regrets. Live today like it’s your last and along the way kick some ass!” Emily, Cami and I chant our best friend’s motto and then clink our glasses together and in unison say, “Cheers!”
“I’m so glad to have you two back home! It was nice to visit you in Ca
lifornia, but this is where you both belong.”
“Agreed,” Emily says. “It’s so good to be back. You’re right, Portland is home. I’m glad we came back before Ireland got any older. This is definitely where I want to raise my baby girl.”
“I still can’t believe that Jonathan has been here all this time and knows Mick and your mom. What a small world! I mean seriously, what are the chances?” Cami breathes out while staring out at the river as if she’s in a dreamlike state.
It is somewhat hard to believe. That Jonathan has been here in Emily’s hometown all this time. It’s like some sort of second chance romance novel taking place right in front of us. I can tell that Emily has mixed emotions about the whole situation. As much as Cami and I love to see the possibilities that are there for the two of them, and are anxious to watch it all unfold in front of us, I don’t think Emily is ready yet.
“Can we not talk about Jonathan today? Please?” Emily begs. “So, how are the plans for the wedding going, Alex? Tricia hasn’t turned into bridezilla or anything has she?”
As it turns out it really is a small world. The girls, as well as Mick, will all be at a wedding I’m helping to coordinate. One of Mick’s co-workers and good friends, Wesley and his fiancé, Tricia’s wedding reception is taking place in my hotel. Mick will be in the wedding while Emily and Cami will be in attendance as guests. This will be the first event that I’ve planned for work that my friends will get to take part in. Now that I’m working my way up in the company, I’m hoping to move on to more large-scale high profile events. I really do love my job and getting to share it with the girls is pretty cool.
“Not at all, she’s one of the most chill brides I’ve ever worked with. Wesley and Tricia have both been super easy during the entire process. I hope we can give them the day that they’re both dreaming of. I think it’s gonna be pretty amazing though. Tricia has great taste.”
