by Lisa Shelby
“Not a doll, an action figure.” He corrects me.
“Oh, well then that makes me feel a little better. I guess you’re never too old for an action figure.”
“Never. Here, open this one,” he says as he pushes a square box my way.
“Hmmm…it’s not big enough to be a doll house…. I wonder what memory from my youth this gift will evoke?” I peel the paper off and see the silver Nordstrom box underneath. I lift the lid off of the box and pull the tissue back and see proof, yet again, that he does know me. “Mick, this is the hat I tried on when we were shopping the other day. I can’t believe you remembered. Thank you, I love it!” I’m sitting on my knees so it’s easy to lean forward and throw my arms around him and thank him with a hug.
“I know that you were playing around when you tried it on at the mall but…damn, Alex…you just looked so good in it. I may or may not have dreamt about you wearing that hat, and only that hat but I cannot confirm nor deny that.” He takes the hat out of the box and places it just so on my head. “This one’s a little sexier than the one you had on at the Heathman. Just sayin’.”
Did he really just say all that?
“Thanks, Mick. It really does mean a lot that you remembered and that you may or may not have thought of me in it. See the mall isn’t so bad after all. I bet you can’t wait to go back again.”
I can tell he’s surprised by my reaction but he recovers well. “For you, I will brave the mall yet again.”
He slides a larger box over to me but doesn’t say anything.
“Mick, you’ve done way too much. Please tell me there aren’t any more after this one?”
“Just open the box, Alex.”
This gift isn’t wrapped in paper but instead is in a beautiful red box with a sparkling, gold bow on top of it. I take the bow off the top and gently place it on a snoring Frank, who’s lying next to me. It doesn’t phase him and he continues his deep Christmas slumber.
Slowly, I lift the lid and peel back the tissue paper. I gasp when I see what’s inside. I lift my eyes to the radiantly proud man sitting before me.
“Mick.”
I can only whisper his name. I can’t believe he’s done this for me. Why has he done this for me?
“Did I do good?”
“Did you do good? Mick, this is a Nikon F2 Titan 35mm. You did too much.”
“Nah, it was my pleasure. I thought you’d like it. There’s a bunch of information about it underneath. It was made in 1979 and…”
“Mick, this is too much. I can’t accept this. I can’t even imagine how much it cost or where you found it.” I cut him off while I continue staring into the box like the Hope Diamond is inside.
“Hey,” he says trying to get my attention but I can’t look at him right now. I’m suddenly overwhelmed with emotion and I’m not sure how to deal with it. He repeats himself when he says, “Hey.” This time he gently uses his finger to lift my chin so that my eyes meet his. “Alex, you haven’t even touched it yet. Pick it up. It’s yours and it’s not too much.”
“Mick, I’ve researched these and I know that this had to cost you a pretty penny. You didn’t spend this much on your entire family put together.”
Still speaking softly and sincerely, he brushes his thumb over my cheek to catch the lone tear that I didn’t even know was falling. “Alex, please don’t take offense when I say this but…what I do with my money isn’t really your concern.” Searching my eyes to make sure that I haven’t taken his honest reply personally, he says, “Okay, sweetheart. I work hard for my money and seeing your reaction when you opened your gifts was worth every penny. Nobody deserves to be happy more than you do. There is nothing in this world that I want more than to see you happy. Now. Please. Pick. Up. The. Camera.”
Once again unable to find adequate words to express myself in this beautiful moment, I do what I’m told. I feel like a kid in a candy store as I hold the classic camera in my hands. I examine every lever, button and feature that I can find. It is a true thing of beauty.
“Mick, it’s beautiful! And it’s in mint condition, too! Thank you so much!”
I jump up onto my feet and start pacing the room holding the camera up to my eye and checking the view of everything in the room through the antique lens. When I finally stop moving and take the camera away from my face Mick is standing in front of me with an alert and awake Frank at his heel. The smile that lights his face mirrors that which is on mine. We just stand there and smile at each other. We look like two grinning fools.
“Thank you again, Mick. Hey, can we run to my place real quick and get your gift?”
“No can do, Alex. You aren’t going anywhere near your place tonight. There’s just one thing I want to end the day.”
Cautiously, I ask. “What’s that, Mickey Jacobs?”
“Get your mind out of the gutter, woman! I’m not asking for sex, we aren’t there yet, but what I want does involve you and my bed.”
Relieved, disappointed and yet excited all at once he has my curiosity peaked.
“Does it now?”
“It does.” He takes the camera from my hands and places it back in the box and then places the box on the dining room table. He motions for me to follow him as we walk down the hall to Emily’s room. He lifts a finger as a signal for me to stay where I am and he reaches into the room and grabs my bag. He throws the bag over his shoulder and leads me past Emily’s room and up the stairs to the loft that turns into his master suite. The room is filled with big, masculine furniture, but just like the rest of the house, there isn’t anything on the walls. I sure would love to help him decorate this place. He heads to his dresser and pulls out a pair or boxers from his top drawer and a gray V-neck t-shirt out of the next drawer down.
Walking over to the master bathroom he places my bag next to the door and hands me the items he apparently has selected for me to wear. “Take your time getting ready for bed. Your toothbrush is in your bag and you can help yourself to anything you might find in there,” he says with a thumb pointed over his shoulder. “I’m gonna go let Frank out once last time and close the house up for the night. Alex, I don’t want anything more than to hold you in my arms. I promise I won’t cross any lines. So, get that deer in the headlights look off of your face and relax.” He brushes past me and not letting me down he leaves me with a smart-ass comment. “Besides, I don’t bite. Well, not too hard.”
That was two nights ago. And true to his word all he did was hold me. I said that I was worried that another night sleeping in his arms might be crossing a line and to that he simply pulled me even tighter to his side. With my head on his chest he kissed the top of my head and said, “Merry Christmas, Sweet Thing.”
Sunday morning I woke to an empty bed and decided to help myself to a shower. After, I found him serving up our breakfast and acting as though this was our normal every day routine.
We didn’t talk about us, but we did talk about Kevin and the fact that if I wanted to see that he got prison time I would have to be willing to testify against him. Mick was worried that I wouldn’t be up for it, but now that I realize how strong my support system is, I feel strong. I tell him so and I can tell that he’s proud of me.
Even though Kevin is currently in custody Mick still won’t let me go home. He insists that I wait until the new security system is in. Because of this, I do convince him that we need to go back to my place so that I can get my make-up and other things that I simply can’t be without. While we’re at it I make sure we grab his Christmas present as well. We also have to go by the police department to fill out some paperwork. It’s not a fun task, but if it keeps Kevin behind bars I’ll do whatever I need to.
Mick didn’t leave my side once, but he also didn’t give me any more of his Christmas night kisses. I know it’s for the best but it’s also all I can think about. His kiss was perfect. I know that I will never be kissed like that again.
We spent the evening with Emily, Ireland and Jonathan and had a great time.
After Jonathan left for the night we all start getting ready for bed. Emily gets Ireland tucked in and then addresses the issue that I know has been on her mind all day.
“So, where are you sleeping tonight, Alex?”
She doesn’t sound angry but she does sound concerned. Before I get a chance to reply Mick steps in and addresses his inquisitive sister.
“Emmers…don’t start with Alex. This is all me. There is no parental guidance needed. I will sleep better with Alex next to me while she’s here. Don’t go thinking there is any sort of debauchery going on. I know she isn’t interested in that and I would never push her to do something she didn’t want to do.” Emily and I both start to speak but he stops us both. Still looking at his sister but grabbing my hand he says, “We are both grown adults, and I don’t get up in your business and your sleeping arrangements with Officer Kelly so I would appreciate the same courtesy from you.”
Sheepishly, Emily replies. “You’re right, Mickey. I’m sorry. Seeing you together like this is just new for me.”
Finally, finding my voice I say, “There’s nothing to be sorry about. I understand how it looks, Em, but I promise there isn’t anything going on.” I can feel Mick’s grip on my hand loosen when he hears my statement. He doesn’t let go but he does pull me towards the stairs to his room with only our fingers still touching. I guess our conversation with Emily is over. I’m handed another t-shirt and boxers combo and he disappears behind the master bathroom door and leaves me to change without a word. He comes back out in just his boxer briefs and gets in bed without saying a word.
After washing my face, brushing my teeth and changing into my assigned sleep wear, I slip under the sheets but stay on my side. As much as I want to find my place on his chest again tonight, I don’t think I’m welcome. My words to Emily hurt him. How could I hurt a man who has done so much for me? I know that I haven’t made any advances or said anything to lead him to believe that we’re more than we were before our kiss, but it’s clear that I’ve hurt him. I can’t go to sleep with his pain thick in the air.
“Mick…”
“Don’t, baby. Just get over here and let’s get some sleep. I know where I stand. I may not like it, but you haven’t made me any false promises.”
“Mick, I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Then, get over here.”
I can’t help but feel confused as I take my place tucked into his side, with my head on his chest. I can’t help myself when I turn my lips to his chest and kiss him. I can feel his beautiful heart beating under my touch and I want nothing more than to keep his heart for mine forever. I know how this will end. And I don’t think my weak heart could take it. If I can continue to compartmentalize him as a friend and companion I can hopefully keep him in my life.
This morning he was nothing but sweet, but down to business. There was a lot to do with my security installation and moving the girls. We didn’t get much time to talk, but he seemed fine. I wish I felt the same. I don’t like things down to business like this. I miss the flirty and fun Mick. If only I was a speed-reader and could catch up to him. I want to be on the same chapter as him more than he knows.
If only I wasn’t so far behind.
Mick
I feel sick to my stomach.
I’ve just gone over the instructions to Alex’s new security system with her and I know it’s time for me to leave. I keep finding every reason I can to draw out the evening. Right now, I’m having a conversation with Blazer.
“Now, listen Blaze. If anybody comes near this place, I need you to scratch their eyes out. You take care of our girl and make sure she locks the doors and sets the alarm every time she comes or goes. Got it?”
“Mick, I’m twenty-seven years old. I’ve lived alone for years. I got this.”
“I know you do, but Blaze and I have an agreement. I just need to make sure that he’s holding up his end of things.”
“Mick, stop being ridiculous and get back to your life. You’ve given up the last three days to my stupid drama. I appreciate it more than you know, but I’m really starting to feel guilty.”
Letting Blaze go, I brush my hands over my clothes to wipe the cat hair off—and to delay my inevitable goodbye. “Alex, I don’t know how many times I have to tell you, but you weren’t an inconvenience and I loved having you around. Also, what went down with that prick wasn’t stupid drama. I need to know that you’re taking all of this seriously. What he meant to do to you…it wasn’t stupid. It was serious. Please tell me you understand that?”
She steps closer to me and takes my hand in both of hers and says, “I understand, Mick. I don’t mean to make light of the situation. I know that your confrontation with Kevin was horrible and you put your career at risk doing what you did. I will forever be grateful to you.”
She’s referring to her discovery of my bloodied knuckles the morning after my ‘conversation’ with her ex. Thank goodness I had the smart thinking to clean up before I came back to the house. If she had seen all the blood on my hands after our ‘talk’ well, I don’t even want to think about her reaction.
“Oh my God, Mick! Look at your hands! How did I not see that last night? What did you do?”
“Don’t worry about it. It’s all hunky dory.”
“Mick, tell me what happened. Now!”
Now, if bossy, feisty Alex isn’t sexy as fuck then I don’t know what is. I want to laugh at her but I can see how serious she is. I don’t think my amusement would be appreciated right now.
“Listen, when I found him outside your house, stalking his prey, I might have lost it just a little bit.”
“What do you mean, Mick? Please tell me you didn’t attack him…unprovoked? Mick, you could lose your job.”
“The long and the short of it is that I knocked on his window and reminded him about the restraining order, and he found that to be humorous. I may or may not have badged him and asked him to step out of his car. Because, he’s an arrogant fuck, he got out of the car and chose to spit at me. I may or may not have then pushed him against his car to make sure that he knew that I wasn’t okay with his behavior. He then tried to get away from me and took a swing. That was all I needed to get legal permission to swing back.”
“How many times did you swing back, Mick?”
“Enough,” I answer.
What she doesn’t know is that after the arresting officers arrived and we opened his trunk to find what we found, I somehow got my hands on him again and may have grabbed him by the throat, hit his head against the car a few times and then proceeded to try and choke him to death. Kelly, and the other officers on the call pulled me off of him. I proceeded to beat the shit out of the hood of his car, and that’s what did the real damage to my hands.
“And you didn’t get in trouble?”
“Nope.”
“What if he decides to press charges?”
“Let’s not worry about that right now.”
“Mick?”
“Alex?”
“Thank you.”
“Once again, it was my pleasure.”
“As long as we’re on the same page. You think you got all of this? You need anything else while I’m here?”
I don’t want to leave. Playing house with her these last couple of days was better than I could have dreamed it would be. Everything with her is so easy. Her presence makes me feel lighter in some strange way. Having Emily, Ireland and Alex under my roof at the same time reminds me that there is still good in this world. At work, I deal with that 1% of people that aren’t good, but when that becomes your norm it’s hard to remember that not everybody is that fucked up.
“We’re on the same page and I don’t need anything else.”
She gives my hand a squeeze and goes to let go, but I pull her into a hug. “You call me or text me or FaceTime or carrier pigeon me if you need anything at all.”
“Mick, go. Go be Mickey Jacobs and rule the world. I’ll see you at your place on Friday night to ring in the New Year.
If you change your mind and I can bring anything just let me know. And don’t forget I’m gonna be late because I have to work the first half of Olivia’s party that night. I’ll be there before midnight though.”
“All you need to bring is yourself. Make sure you come straight from work so you don’t miss the countdown.”
“Will do. Now get out of here.”
I pull her into a hug and find my spot in the curve of her neck and take a big inhale. I let her go and let myself out. The entire drive home I’m on autopilot. I don’t even know which route I took to get there.
When I enter the house, the cloud of loneliness that I feel looming over me as I walk through all of the empty rooms of my home is immense. All of my girls are gone, and I’m back to life with Frank. I don’t want my old life back. I want a house full of noise and important people.
It’s in this moment that I realize that it’s been months since I’ve had sex. Since the night that Alex climbed into my lap at Riley’s I haven’t been interested in anybody else. How do I make her see that I can change? I’m not my father. I refuse to be him.
There’s a reason I don’t go by Michael, Mike or Junior. I don’t want to be associated with his reputation. He’s an alcoholic womanizer. I watched him break my mom’s heart, and in the process, my baby sister’s. I may have gone into his line of work but I will never be him.
Walking through the house I’m surrounded by reminders of my girls, thanks to Alex. I’m not sure if she realizes how much her Christmas gift meant to me. Well, it was more than one gift but the way she packaged them together as one was pretty great.
“What the hell is that?” I ask as Alex brings a huge stack of wrapped packages out of her room.
“It’s your Christmas present,” she says with a silly grin. Oh, this woman and her face. Every expression she makes fills me with a new emotion. I don’t do emotions, so it’s getting a bit exhausting to keep up with myself, but I don’t ever want it to stop.
“What in the world is it?”
