“What the hell is this?” I gasped.
“Turn it off,” Mary screamed at Bob. “You cretin, I’m going to kill you.”
Bob looked like he wanted to hide.
I took the movie reel off the projector and told Red I wanted to talk to him alone and dragged him into my bedroom and closed the door. I shook the reel in his face.
“Have you seen this before? Did you know this is what he brought?”
“No, I thought it was their vacation pictures, just like Bob said. Libby, I would never dis-respect you like this. I didn’t know about it.” I believed him.
“Come on, let’s go find him,” I said. He sadly followed me out of the room.
But Bob and Mary were nowhere to be found, they’d left, leaving behind the huge bucket of chicken, cole slaw and biscuits.
Red said he wasn’t hungry and went to his side of the house. I put the food in the refrigerator, pulled out a beer and sat at the kitchen table. A short while later I heard his car start up and saw him drive away. As I sipped my beer, I tried to make sense of him. He was caring and sweet this morning; distant and non-communicative in the afternoon and now couldn’t wait to get the hell out of here. What was going on in his head? I worried about Bob and Mary too. They’d always had a rough marriage and this movie thing wouldn’t help matters.
I finished my beer, threw away the empty, and grabbed another one. Taking it into my living room, I locked the door behind me and leaned on it. I wondered where he was. Did he go on his date? Or was he out getting drunk?
I went into my bedroom and turned on the TV. It was some kind of music program. Roberta Flack was singing The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face with tears running down her face.
I sure didn’t need to hear that song or think about the first time I saw Red so I turned it off. If he wanted to be here, he would. Tomorrow would be another day and I planned to spend it out at the ranch with my horse and as far away from Red as I could get. I snuggle under the covers with my little Zip dog but sleep is a long time coming.
CHAPTER 29
Sunday morning I wake up early. I dress in my usual riding clothes, jeans, t-shirt and roper boots and head out the door bringing Zip and his crate along with me. I don’t even bother to see if Red came home.
My sweet white Arab is waiting for me at Chris and Barb’s ranch. I hug his neck and breathe in his horsey smell. Animals are the best thing for what ails you. All of my therapists whinny, bark, bleat, and meow. After grooming and tacking up, I put Zip in his crate under a shady tree and then Danny and I take off for the hills. We spend over an hour trotting and cantering through the wild beautiful countryside.
When we get back, I see a strange car in the parking area and then I see Red. Oh, god, what is he doing here? He watches me dismount and then comes over and puts his hands on my shoulders. “I’m sorry about last night,” he says. “I’ll make it up to you.” I nod but I don’t say anything.
I un-tack Danny and wash him down while Red goes over to talk with Chris and some other guys. They’re all laughing and joking around. One of them is holding up a pair of breeding hobbles. I hear him say to Red, “Here you can use these on Libby.” I quit working with Danny and walk over to them. “Nah, those won’t work, Red likes his women wild, kicking and screaming.” I hope I’ve embarrassed him. With shocked looks on their faces, they all stare at me in disbelief and then everyone bursts out laughing.
Chris asks me to come back later that night for a barbeque but I don’t want to. I don’t really want to be around Red. I finish my grooming with Danny and kiss my sweet white Arab good-by. After loading up Zip, we head home leaving Red there still horsing around with the guys.
When I get home, I call Mary to see how things are. She said Bob got down on his knees and apologized. He’s taking her out to dinner tonight. I ask her if they want to come over tomorrow and eat the chicken. She said she’d get back to me, as Bob may not want to because Red is really pissed at him. After they went home yesterday, Red came over and reamed him out. He told him that if he ever dis-respected me again, he would knock his block off. Wow, I guess chivalry really is still alive and well. There’s a knock on the front door. It’s the florist with a beautiful long stemmed yellow rose, my favorite. The card reads “For the most beautiful girl in the world. I’m sorry. 143.” How sweet.
143, the universal code for I Love You. “I love you too,” I whisper. “But you’ve got to stay away from me.” I just can’t let him back in my life and risk getting hurt again.
I put the rose in my living room, then get some chicken, cole slaw and a glass of wine, and settle in on the couch. I eat my food and drink my wine. Barbra Streisand’s The Second Album is on the stereo and before I know it, I’m asleep.
I wake up to someone pounding on my door. It’s Red and he’s been drinking.
“I could use a friend,” he says.
I let him in, thank him for the rose, and give him a hug. He holds me so tight I’m afraid he’s going to break my ribs.
“What’s going on?”
“Nothing really, I’m just having a bad moment and I don’t want to be alone. Can I stay here for a while?”
“Okay, do you want some food? There’s still all that KFC stuff left.”
“Sure, that would be good.” So we go into the kitchen and I fix him a plate. After he’s finished eating, he wants to go back to my living room and talk.
“There’s so much I want to tell you and I know you don’t want to hear it but it’s tearing me up inside. Please say you’ll think about it, when you know the whole story I think you’ll understand. I know it will make all the difference in the world.”
“Okay, I’ll think about it.” He puts his arm around me and pulls me against him and we fall asleep that way. The next thing I know he is shaking me awake.
“Come on, let’s go to bed. Let me stay with you tonight. No funny stuff. I just want to be with you and hold you.”
“That’s not part of the deal.”
“I know, but just this once, please.”
He looks so sad that I don’t refuse him. “Okay, but just this once.”
I show him into my bedroom and he starts taking off his clothes and gets into bed naked. I go out and make sure the house is secure, turn off all the lights, then put on my sleeping shirt and crawl in bed with him. I turn my back to him and he wraps his arms around me and spoons against my back just like we used to do. He kisses the back of my neck and tells me that he still loves me. He’s asleep in minutes but I’m awake for a long time, wondering what kind of fool I am. I can’t even live up to my own rules.
CHAPTER 30
Monday morning I wake up alone. It’s early, 6:00 a.m. What’s that smell? The wonderful aroma of coffee and bacon cooking is filling the air. I grab my bathrobe and go out to the kitchen. He‘s there cooking breakfast. Bacon, French toast, scrambled eggs, and hot coffee are ready and waiting. I didn’t know he knew how to cook. There’s probably a lot I don’t know about him anymore.
“Good morning, beautiful,” he says. “Are you ready for some breakfast?”
“What is this? You’ve made breakfast. I didn’t know you could cook.”
“I can do breakfast and steaks on the grill, but that’s it. I’ve got an early sales meeting this morning that I can’t miss. They told me I have to get my act together and stop coming in all hung-over.”
The food that he’s cooked is delicious. I love French toast and he’s made it with vanilla and cinnamon just the way I like it. After we eat, he goes to his side of the house to get ready for work and I clean up the kitchen. When he comes back out, he’s dressed to kill as always. He’s always had great taste in clothes; he should have been a stylist. He leans over, kisses my cheek good-by, and says he’ll see me tonight.
I go to work at my real estate job and manage to secure two new listings. The girls in the office keep looking at me funny, especially Victoria, the wife of Red’s cousin Ron. Finally out it comes. They ask me if I’m living with
him. I tell them no, that I am renting out one half of my house to him but we’re not living ‘together’. I ask them where they heard this and Victoria said he was drunk in the bar one night and was telling everyone he was living with me. You just can’t trust a drunk to tell the complete truth about anything. I guess I’ll need to have a chat with him about this tonight.
He gets home at 6:30 and changes into casual clothes, jeans, Led Zeppelin T-shirt, beaded necklace and an earring. He looks like a hippie, and is dressed the same way he was the night we went to Mountain View Lodge back in 1968 when he almost got us killed.
“Are you going out? There’s something I’d like to talk to you about,” I say.
“Yeah, I have a date. Can it wait until I get back? I won’t be gone long.”
I get an instant sick feeling in my stomach. The guy who slept next to me naked last night has a date. And it isn’t with me. Okay, so nothing happened between us and it’s not as if he’s my boyfriend anymore. So why do I feel like someone just stuck a knife in my heart?
“Yeah, no problem. Have a good time.”
“I’ll see you later. Wait up for me, you won’t be sorry,” he grins.
‘You stupid, stupid bitch,’ I say to myself. ‘You’ve really set yourself up for it again. If you get hurt, you’ve got nobody to blame but yourself.’
I’m sitting at the kitchen table when he comes back at 9:00 o’clock. I hear him come in through his door and then he says to someone, “Go on in, it’s okay.” Oh, God, he’s brought someone home with him. He said he had a date so it’s probably a woman. I don’t want to meet any of his women. I don’t think I can stand to live here with him anymore. Maybe I should just let him have the whole place and I’ll move back into a trailer at Chris and Barb’s. He walks into the kitchen and stands there with a big grin on his face. “There’s someone here that I want you to meet.” He walks over to me and following behind him is the cutest little thing I’ve ever seen, a small miniature goat.
‘“Where in the world did you get that?”
“I guy I know from hippieville raises them. It’s the last one he has. He’s moving back to California and can’t take it with him so he said I could have it. It’s your housewarming present.”
I get down on the floor and the little goat trots over to me. I pet him and pet him, and kiss his little face. He is just so adorable. How did Red know I’ve always wanted one?
“Well, what do you think? Do you like him? You’re going to have to think up a name for him.”
“I love him. I’ve always wanted a miniature goat. How did you know that I’ve always wanted one? Right now, I don’t know what to name him. Most people name their male goats, Billy, but I want something more original, so I’ll have to think about it. He’s the best gift you’ve ever given me. Thank you so much, I can’t wait for Earl and Clara to meet him.”
“Oh, man, I didn’t think about those two. That should be a real 3-ring circus. Let me know when you’re going to introduce them, I can’t wait to be here for that. Come on, let’s go out to the barn and I’ll help you fix up a place for him tonight.”
I never do come up with an original name for the little goat. I just call him Billy G.
CHAPTER 31
I think Red’s drinking is getting more and more out of control. He’s not going out to the bars much anymore but he’s drinking heavily here at home. The garbage bin is full of empty beer cans and whiskey bottles. I told him I was not going to put up with any drunkenness so he stays out of my way.
One Friday night he comes home and tells me he’s invited Chris and Barb to go out to dinner with us. He’s asked them before he’s asked me. Good one, Red, you know I would have said no; but since they’re my best friends I can’t very well turn you down now, can I? We arrange to pick them up at 6:00 and then head for our favorite steak house.
When we get to the restaurant, he is in rare form. He ogles the waitress, asks her for a date and tells her not to pay any attention to me; I’m not his girlfriend, just some old broad he lives with. He’s acting so crazy I think he might be on something other than booze. I know he smokes a little pot occasionally and that he keeps a stash in the glove box of his car, but pot doesn’t make him act like this. He behaves himself during our dinner, which was lovely, but afterwards he starts table-hopping. He seems to know most of the people who are here. He’s boisterous, laughing, telling dirty jokes, and making a complete ass of himself. Chris and Barb think he’s a hoot. I think he’s an embarrassment. I tell Chris we need to get him out of here before we’re all 86’d. Chris finally manages to corral him, tells him it’s time to leave, and then gets him out to the parking lot and into the car.
“Let’s go to Canada,” he yells. “My treat, we can stay all week-end, get drunk, get stoned, get laid. I know a strip joint where the girls dance with those porn poles and shoot ping pong balls from their who-ha’s.”
“We’re not going to Canada,” I tell him. “You have to work tomorrow and besides your pot stash is in the glove box; we can’t cross an international border with a stash.”
“We’ll smoke it now,” he screams and reaches to open the glove box. “Who all’s up for a good fatty?”
“Put that back, we’re not smoking it now. If I should get pulled over by the cops we’ll all get hauled in for possession.”
Barb and Chris are cracking up in the backseat. “I’d like to have one,” Barb says.
“That’s my girl,” he cries. “I like a woman who knows how to have a good time, not like little Miss Stodgy here,” and he reaches for the glove box again.
“No way. Wait until we get home, we’ll smoke it then and afterwards I’ll screw your brains out.”
He stares at me. “Well, well, well, I didn’t think you had it in you. I may just have to take you up on that one.” He leans over, puts his arm around me, lays his head on my shoulder, and passes out.
“Thank God. I hope he stays that way until we get home. I’m sorry, you guys, he’s never acted like this before.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Chris laughs. “We haven’t had this much fun in a long time.”
When we get home, Chris helps me get him out of the car and into my bedroom where he collapses on my bed. I don’t know the combination to his door locks so it looks like I’m stuck with him for the night. I drive Barb and Chris home and wonder what he’ll be like for the rest of the night. Thank goodness, he’s still passed out when I get back home so I put on my sleeping shirt and get in bed, leaving him fully dressed on top of the covers.
The next morning he wakes up wondering why he’s in my bedroom. “Don’t you remember what I told you we’d do when we got home last night? Oh, baby, you’ve gotten better with age, just like a fine wine. Last night was really something,” I tell him.
“I remember what you said, but I don’t remember doing any of that. Why do I still have all my clothes on?”
“You put them back on to discourage me. You told me I was too much for you, you couldn’t take it anymore.” I can barely keep a straight face.
“Bullshit, you’re putting me on now, aren’t you?”
“That’s because you blew it, cowboy, you missed your chance. You passed out, and now you’ll never know just how much fun little Miss Stodgy can be.”
“Oh, to hell with it, I’m going to work.”
Later that day I get a damn traffic ticket and he gets drunk again.
I was just getting ready to take Billy G and Zip to the vet when his boss called and asked if I could come and get him. He’d gone out to lunch with some guy he sold a car to and they got to drinking. His boss won’t let him come back to work or drive home. He’s wasted. Earl and Clara were spending the day so I had to take them with me. I put Earl in his little car seat, set him on one side of the backseat, put Zip on the other side, and fastened his harness to the seat belt. Little Billy G stood between them with Clara perched on his back.
We collected Red, who could barely walk or talk, and I started out for th
e vets. We’d only gone a few blocks when I saw the flashing lights in my rear view mirror.
“Oh, shit, I’m getting pulled over.”
Clara looks out the window and watches the cop come up to the car. “Here come the cops, here come the cops,” she squawks.
“Shut up Clara.” She flies up to my headrest, sticks her head out the window, and peers at the cop.
The cop does a double take, and then stares at the menagerie in the back and at Red who is slumped against the passenger side door.
Zip is growling and snarling, lunging against his restraint wanting to get loose and attack the cop.
“I need to see your license, registration, and insurance, please.”
I dig them out and hand them over. “What’s the problem, Officer?”
“You were doing 45 in a 35. Where are you going?”
“I’m taking these animals to the vet.”
“Then I’m gonna get shome more dreers to bink,” Red slurs.
Earl scrambles out of his car seat, climbs up the back of Red’s seat, and sits on his shoulder, his tail curling around Red’s neck.
“Shut up, Red. Get down Earl.”
The cop writes out the ticket, has me sign it, tears off my copy, and tries to give it to me but Clara rips it out of his hand with her beak. “Give it here, Clara. Good lord, it’s for a hundred dollars.”
“A hundred dollars, a hundred dollars,” she screams and flies out the window, landing on the patrol car. Earl gives the cop the finger. Zip is still snarling and trying to get loose. Billy G bleats and poops on the backseat. I’m afraid the cop may want to pull his gun.
“Now lisshen, Ossifer, that’s a little shteep doncha think, maybe we can work shomething out here.” Red reaches for his back pocket to get his wallet.
I slap his hand away. “Thank you, Officer, can we go now?”
Where Does My Heart Belong? Page 10
