He wasn’t sure he could tell Max this part, but they were alone in the room and had quieted down enough that none of the nurses had come in to check on them.
“And?”
“And this morning, I saw her naked. Felt her naked. She saw me naked. Felt me naked. It was a whole lot of naked, and a whole lot of touching, and I don’t even know what to think about it.”
Murphy explained the events of that morning and everything that had been said. He even told Max about what Tessa had said about his piercing. It was way too much information and pretty mortifying, but he had to tell someone. It wasn’t like he could tell his brothers about something like that. Not when it came to Tessa anyway.
Max didn’t laugh, nor did he shake his head and look disappointed. Instead, the other man looked thoughtful.
“What?” Murphy asked, suddenly worried about what his friend would say.
“Do you like her?” Max asked quietly. “And not just because she’s hot. But do you like her?”
“Yes,” Murphy answered quickly, not even stopping to think about his answer.
“We only live once, Murphy. You, above anyone, know that. It's why we’re here. Because no matter how many times you want to reboot, how many times you want to start over, we only live once. So, if you like her, and you can't stop thinking about her, then maybe you should go for it. I’m not saying make it all about sex or even make it a serious relationship. But you should talk with her. Because there’s something in your heart that’s telling you that you need her in some way. You might not know what it means exactly, and she might not have the answers, but you deserve to find out. Don’t let life pass you by because you’re scared of what might happen if you take the chance. Not all of us are blessed to live as long as we’d like. So take what you have, live with what you have, and see if she is for you.”
Murphy’s stomach clenched at the reminder of exactly why they were in these damn chairs to begin with. He honestly didn’t know what he was going to do about Tessa, but he couldn’t spend so much time and energy worrying in the dark over what could amount to nothing….and everything.
Before either of them could say anything else, however, a petite blonde woman with a tiny baby bump and a bright smile walked into the treatment room. Though Murphy had never seen her before, between the bright smiles on both her and Max’s faces, he knew exactly who this woman was.
“Abby,” Max breathed, reaching out for his fiancée.
“I know I said I’d be here later, but they said I was allowed to bring you lunch, and I wanted to eat with you rather than alone in the waiting room.” She smiled again at Max before turning to Murphy. “And you must be Murphy. It’s so nice to finally meet you after hearing such great things from Max.”
Murphy chuckled. “Glad he only told you the good things.”
She waved him off and grinned. “He’s a great guy like that.”
“Nice to meet you, too, Abby. Max has told me so many great things about you, as well.” And he wasn't just lying to make her feel better. Max went on and on about how amazing Abby was and how much he was looking forward to their upcoming child and marriage. These two were seriously perfect for each other, and while Murphy could have felt a little jealous, he knew that no one deserved this more than Max. Maybe it was time for Murphy to figure out his own future. He’d spent so much time recently trying to figure out exactly who he was in a life where he had a future that he’d forgotten to live his present. Or maybe it wasn’t as deep as all of that and he was just too much of a coward to do anything about Tessa.
Abby took a free chair next to Max, and the two of them talked quietly while eating their lunch. Murphy, meanwhile, leaned his head back and waited for his blood transfusion to be done. Thankfully, there weren’t that many people in the clinic that morning, so Abby wouldn’t have to sit on a folding chair, and Murphy wanted to give them as much privacy as possible since his treatment would be done far sooner than Max’s.
“Murphy?”
He opened his eyes, unaware that he’d actually fallen asleep while waiting for his transfusion to be over. “Tessa?” He had to be dreaming because he had never seen her at the clinic before. She stood in front of him, two to-go cups of coffee in her hands, and a weary expression on her face.
“Hey. I came to drop off coffee for Liz since she and I talked this morning.” She clamped her mouth shut at her words, and Murphy knew from the blush in her cheeks and the heat in his groin that they were both thinking about what else had happened that morning. Since this wasn’t exactly the place or the time to talk about the shower incident, Murphy was grateful when she brushed right over that uncomfortable subject and continued her other train of thought. “Since I was here, I figured I should bring a decaf latte for you, as well. I noticed you have been drinking decaf instead of regular at the house, so I didn’t know if that was just your favorite thing, or if you couldn’t have caffeine right now. Either way, I have a regular and a decaf latte. I’ll take whichever one you don’t want. But I figured since I was here, I should bring something for you, too.”
Murphy smiled and waved her over to the empty seat on the other side of him. “I'm trying to cut back on my caffeine while I'm on treatment, though I don't necessarily have to. So, thank you for the latte. I'm going to drink all of it right now.” He winked, trying to bring everything back to normal. It wasn’t easy, however, when she was so close that he could smell the peach scent of her shampoo and bodywash. Now he smelled like peaches, too, since he’d used her body wash that morning. He’d brought in his own shampoo but had forgotten soap. Now, every time he scented peaches, he was going to get hard.
It would be hell.
She smiled at him, and Murphy caught Max’s wink out of the corner of his eye.
Yep, Murphy thought, I am in trouble.
10
Tessa was a mess. But considering she’d been a mess for far longer than just the time Murphy had lived with her, she couldn’t totally blame it on him. She couldn’t keep Murphy out of her brain, nor could she keep thoughts of work and her family off her mind. Everything jumbled together, and she could barely keep a straight thought. It was so exhausting.
She’d done a ten-hour shift that morning at the hospital and was now finally home. All she wanted to do was veg out in front of the television with junk food. Of course, that meant she would probably have to spend time with Murphy because he hadn’t been going out as much as he used to—or at least as much as she thought he used to. In all honesty, she hadn’t been going out as much as she used to in the past either. Considering she and Liz had met Owen and Murphy at a bar one night when Tessa had had too much to drink, her life had gotten a little more sedate since then. Most of her friends, okay her only friend, Liz, was now settled down, happily pregnant, and about to get married. As she really didn’t like going out drinking alone, contrary to how she’d first met Murphy, she was stuck at home most nights. Not that she truly felt all that stuck anymore. She was now in her thirties. Maybe going out to bars every night wasn’t exactly what she wanted to do. Sitting at home with Netflix was sometimes the best evening of all. But now she’d have to spend that time with Murphy because she wouldn’t force him to spend all his time in his room.
Alone.
Naked.
Touching himself.
Oh, God.
Stop thinking that.
Stop it.
All that naked flesh. Those tattoos. Those piercings.
“Are you okay over there? Your face is really flushed.”
Tessa looked up from where she’d been standing in the open fridge for who knew how long and coughed at Murphy’s question.
“Uh, I’m fine. Just uh…I made Jell-O.” Oh, good, Tessa, now you sound like you’re going off the deep end. Keep talking about Jell-O.
Murphy raised one gorgeous brow and gave her a look. “You made Jell-O?”
She nodded. “Well, I was in the mood for shots. Or I thought I was. Then I remembered that you really aren't
drinking right now. So, instead of making Jell-O shots, I just made virgin Jell-O shots, which is really just Jell-O.”
Murphy grinned and leaned against the wall next to her. “Really? You made virgin shots?”
Tessa winced. “And really not even that. Because I wasn't adding the tequila or vodka or any other alcohol to them, I didn't really feel like wasting my little cups, so I just made a batch of Jell-O.”
He laughed and moved to stand by her, their shoulders brushing ever so slightly. Somehow, neither of them visibly reacted, but she knew he was just as nervous about tonight as she was.
It was their first night alone in the house after the incident. He’d spent the night before with his brothers after treatment before coming home when she’d been locked in her room, avoiding him. It had been less than forty-eight hours since she’d pressed her naked body against his equally naked form, and she had no idea what she was going to do about it. So, a sugar high it was.
“You made a bowl of Jell-O.”
“Uh-huh. I figured if we really want to do sugar shots, then we’ll just call them Jell-O spoons.” She let out a groan. “It sounded cute in my head when I thought it. Now, it just sounds stupid, and I want to go hide under the covers.”
Murphy wrapped his arm around her shoulders, and she tried not to lean into his hold. What was wrong with her? This was Murphy. She’d been around him long enough not to swoon like some teenager around him. Yet she couldn’t help herself or stop her body’s reaction to his presence.
“Jell-O spoons sound perfect. Let’s find a movie and call it a night.”
She swallowed hard, trying to sound normal when she spoke. “Sure. Sounds like a plan.”
She was in so much trouble.
Tessa grabbed the bowl from the fridge as well as two spoons while Murphy got them each a glass of water. Since she wasn’t about to drink around him when he couldn’t, and they were about to inhale way too much sugar, water was the best option. They moved into the living room, each taking a seat on opposite sides of the couch.
They each took a spoon and dug into the dessert, barely watching the movie and not quite talking about anything important. Sugar pumped into her system, and yet she didn’t feel hyper. No, she was beyond antsy and had no idea what she was doing.
“This feels weird,” Murphy said after a moment since neither of them had spoken for a bit.
Tessa let out a breath and set her water down on the table in front of them. “It is weird.” She hadn’t wanted it to be weird. But she didn’t know how to move on with things so tense and them both trying to be overly polite. Murphy scooted closer, and Tessa sucked in a breath. She could feel the heat of him, and a small part of her knew doing anything tonight would change everything. Yet the other part of her wanted to move even closer and feel every inch of him. There was something truly wrong with her, and yet right then, she didn't care.
“I know you told me to forget what happened after I got out of the shower, but I don't think I can.” Murphy turned toward her, and she moved her head so she looked right into his eyes. She almost gasped at the heat she saw in them, and at how dark they’d become, but she stopped just in time.
“What are you saying?”
“I can’t get you out of my head, Tessa.” Murphy raked his hands through his hair, and Tessa watched as his muscles bunched up deliciously at the action. “We’ve always flirted, but we made sure to stay on the side of friendship.”
“And that was a good choice,” Tessa said quickly, afraid of what was being said, and yet knowing there was no turning back now.
“Was it? Because I’m so happy that you’re in my life. I love that you’re my friend. But every time I look at you, I see something more. I see something that we could be.”
“Are you talking about just sex?” She wasn’t sure she wanted to hear the answer, but she needed to know. “Because I’m not going to ruin what we have. I’m not going to ruin what our friends have just for sex. I might be damn good at sex and, hell, I’m pretty sure you’re damn good at it, too, but no amount of sex is worth ruining everything else.”
Murphy snorted. “I am damn good at sex. And I have a feeling you’re even better than you think you are, but that’s not what I’m talking about. Or, at least, that’s not all I’m talking about. I like you. I think I’ve always liked you. I don’t know what’s coming for me—or anyone else for that matter. But I’m tired of standing by and doing nothing because I’m too afraid of what might happen.”
Tears filled her eyes, and Murphy reached out to wipe them away before she could. “Murphy…”
“I didn’t mean to make you cry. I don’t ever want to make you cry. I want to feel your skin beneath my fingertips. I want to know what you feel like against me when we both plan on it, and not when it’s by accident. I want to know who you are beyond the woman that I know now because I have a feeling that woman is fucking amazing.”
“Murphy…you’re going to have to explain to me exactly what you’re saying because, right now? Right now, I’m seriously confused.” Or rather, she was afraid she was reading too much into his words and getting it all wrong.
Murphy moved closer again, this time, so close that their thighs touched, and she could feel his breath on her neck. “I’m saying you only live once, Tessa. I want to know you. I want to feel you underneath me. I want to go back to your bedroom and make love to you, fuck you hard into the mattress until we are both sweaty, panting, and spent. What comes after? That’s something we’ll have to figure out as we go on, but I’m tired of holding myself back because I’m afraid. I’m tired of not doing what could be the best thing for us because I don’t want to take the chance.”
He cupped her face, and she sucked in a breath. The heat of him was unreal, and all she wanted to do was lean forward and brush her lips over his. But she couldn’t. Not yet. Tessa might have always been a risk taker, but what they had was far too important to risk. Murphy was far too important to risk.
“Are you saying all of this because you’re sick?” She asked the one question she knew he might hate her for. But it was also the question she needed the answer to most.
“Maybe. But I’ve been feeling this need for you since before I knew I was sick again. So, maybe me looking into the hourglass made me actually give in to what I’m feeling. But knowing that isn’t the reason I want you in the first place. I want you, Tessa. All of you. Not because I’m afraid of what might come, but because I don’t want to lose what we could have because of fear.”
She had no idea what to say. She had no idea what would be a good answer. She had been battling her attraction to Murphy since the beginning, and she knew he’d always been attracted to her, as well. But now, she felt as if they were both at the tipping point. So instead of talking more, instead of worrying, instead of thinking that she was possibly making a huge mistake, she just felt.
And damned the consequences in the morning.
Murphy’s hand tightened in her hair, and she leaned forward and finally brushed her lips along his. He sucked in a breath and parted his lips. Their tongues tangled as they deepened the kiss, moaning into each other’s mouths. Tessa slid her hands up Murphy’s sides and over his chest to brush her fingers along his jaw. She didn’t think, she’d promised she wouldn’t. She just kissed him.
He tasted of sugar, sin, and Murphy. The rough stubble of his beard tickling her fingertips just turned her on even more. Somehow, he moved, and she found herself on her back with Murphy hovered over her, their mouths never leaving one another. She wrapped her legs around his waist, arching her back to press her breasts into his chest. The memory of the last time her breasts had pressed against him made her even wetter. This time, they weren’t naked—yet—and they weren’t impacted by surprise. This time, it would be actions of their choosing, and she wanted to remember every feeling, every moan, every taste.
She wanted to remember Murphy.
Murphy’s fingers skimmed over her skin as he slowly stripped off her shirt
. She shivered as the cool air of the house touched her skin, but before she could even process it all, his lips were on her body, licking, sucking, and kissing every inch of bare skin within reach.
He looked like a man possessed, and she knew her own face mirrored that. She craved him with such intensity that it scared her, so she slid her hands through his hair and pushed all thoughts of what could happen later out of her head. She would live in the moment and relish his taste and touch. He was already far better than even her wildest dreams, and they were still mostly dressed, and no one had come.
Yet.
With her help, Murphy undid her bra, and she threw it behind her, knowing she needed his lips on her nipples.
“Your tits are fucking amazing, babe.” He cupped her breasts together, squeezing them ever so slightly, brushing her nipples with the pads of his thumbs. Since she’d lowered her legs so he could position himself better, she couldn’t press her thighs together like she wanted to, so she pressed her legs into his thighs instead.
“You’re going to make me come just like that,” she breathed.
“Yeah?” Murphy asked, his eyes bright. “Have you ever come by having a man suck on your nipples without touching your clit?”
She shook her head. “Never…but…but I’m already so close just by having you on top of me.”
Murphy leaned down and sucked her nipple into his mouth, keeping his eyes on hers. It was the sexiest thing she’d ever seen in her life, and she’d seen the man naked and wet. She gasped when he bit down on one breast while plucking her other nipple with his fingers. When he added his tongue, twisting and sucking, she closed her eyes, the sensation of seeing his dark head above her too much for her to handle. She’d always had sensitive nipples, and used them along with playing with her clit often when she masturbated, but all of that was nothing compared to what Murphy Gallagher did to her.
When he hummed and sent shivers straight to her clit even though she was still wearing jeans and he hadn’t even touched her there yet, she came, arching into him and moaning his name at the same time.
Hope Restored (Gallagher Brothers Book 3) Page 9
