by Lisa Cardiff
Her mother’s reckless search for love left so many broken hearts and lives in her wake that Bre swore she would never be like her. She wanted to be realistic, loyal, and stand by the people she cared about through anything, and that meant Cam, because for as long as she could remember, Cam was the center of her life, first as her childhood friend and then as her boyfriend. Ironically instead of being Cam’s loyal girlfriend, she found herself wrapped up in twisted love triangle that was so reminiscent of her mother’s behavior that she struggled to swallow due to the unfamiliar constriction in her throat.
Not wanting to dwell on Cam and Jax or her screwed up life, she dragged several blankets out of the linen closet, intending to make up a bed on the sofa. Even in her depressed state, she knew sleeping in Cam’s bed wasn’t an option. She didn’t correct Jax when he accused her of going back to climb in Cam’s bed after what happened in that room, but she knew even then that she could never do that. She had to tell Cam the truth, anything less would be an insult to their friendship, their history. She had to face the facts. She didn’t love Cam like he was her whole world anymore, maybe she never did.
Laying back on the mass of blankets stretched over the lumpy sofa, she stared at the ceiling for what seemed like an eternity. When she realized sleep wasn’t happening anytime soon, she pulled out her phone to call Sara, hoping that she didn’t wake her. It was nearly midnight with the time difference.
“Hello, Bre,” Sara yawned. “What are you doing calling me so late? Don’t tell me Cam left you alone again.”
“No, I mean yes. He’s not here right now. We went to some charity event, but he disappeared and I didn’t wait around for him.”
“What? Where are you now?”
“At his house, alone.” Bre rolled onto her side.
“Did you two fight?”
“No. Not exactly,” Bre replied, pulling a blanket over her shoulder.
Sara didn’t respond for a few minutes. “Then why do you sound so… unhappy?”
“I slept with Jax.”
“Excuse me. I’m still half asleep.” Bre could hear the sheets rustling. “Did you just say something about sleeping with Jax, as in Cam’s friend, Jax?”
Bre hesitated before confirming what she’d just said. Saying it again made it real and inescapable. “Yes.”
“I knew there was something there. And how did that go?”
Bre closed her eyes and covered her face with her hand, suddenly feeling as if a thousand eyes were on her. “Which part, during or after?”
“Either, both.”
“During seemed to go well. I don’t have much experience, you know,” Bre said, and then she lowered her voice to a whisper. “The after part, I would say that didn’t go so well.”
“When did this happen?”
“The first time?”
“There was more than one time?” Sara’s voice was high and alarmed.
“Yes.”
“Aubrey Keaton. You better tell me when.”
“Last weekend when he delivered Cam’s plane ticket.” Bre ran her fingers nervously through the yarn dangling from the edge of the blanket
“Wow, okay. I’m not sure how to respond to that. It seems wrong to deliver a plane ticket to someone’s despondent girlfriend and then have sex with her.”
Inexplicably, Bre felt fiercely protective of Jax at that moment despite everything that had happened between them earlier. “It wasn’t Jax’s fault. I had too much to drink, and he tried to push me away, but I was persistent. Technically, Cam and I weren’t together.”
“Okay. So then you slept with him again? When did this happen?”
Sickened by the confession on the tip of her tongue, she momentarily regretted telling Sara the truth. Just picturing the words falling out of her mouth to describe the encounter in the conference room caused a red blush to stain her cheeks. She knew it wasn’t her finest moment, but actually saying the words to Sara made it seem more vulgar than the act alone.
When Bre didn’t respond, Sara prompted her to continue. “Come on, Bre. It can’t be that bad. Most people do things they’re ashamed of. It’s about time you joined the club. Besides, you were becoming too saintly on that pedestal all alone.” Sara laughed lightheartedly.
“Fine. We had sex tonight at the charity event in some empty conference room in the hotel,” Bre spat out before she changed her mind and hung up the phone. She needed to get this off her chest.
“Holy crap! Are you serious?” she breathed. “Good god, Bre. I didn’t think you had it in you. I’m impressed, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.”
“Well, thanks, I guess. I’m starting to realize that you think I’m really boring.”
“Not boring, just predictable. When there’s a choice between doing something for you or someone else, you always make the choice that’s best for others. It’s nice to see that you aren’t a robot after all and you actually make impulsive decisions.”
“I don’t think you’re cheering me up. That’s your point, right?”
“In a round about way, yes. I just want you to see that you can reach out and grab what makes you happy sometimes. Of course it’s nice to think about others, but it’s okay to do things for yourself, too. Doing the right thing for you is sometimes the right thing for other people too, even if it hurts them a little.”
“Theoretically, I understand that, but usually when the time comes to grab something I want, I start to feel guilty.” Bre held her breath for a minute and then she let it out in an exaggerated exhalation. “I don’t ever want to be like her. She doesn’t care about anyone.”
“You could never be like her. Stop living your life trying to be her antithesis. Live your life being you.”
Bre laughed. “I guess I’m not worried about being like her when I’m with Jax. I’m just me.”
“And how do you feel when you’re Cam?”
“Like we have a bunch of baggage weighing us down, and when I say that, I don’t mean just our recent issues. He went through so many of my childhood problems with me, and sometimes that’s a little overwhelming. When I’m around Cam, I feel as if I’m stuck and unable to grow as a person. It’s stifling and comfortable at the same time.” She let out a shaky sigh, staring unseeing at the dark television set hanging on Cam’s wall. “Does that make me crazy? Wanting to hold onto my past and run away from it at the same time.”
“No. That makes sense.” There was a long silence. “So what are you going to do? Are you going to tell Cam?”
“I wasn’t, but now, I think it’s only fair. I owe it to him to be honest. I feel like I can’t stand being in my own skin with all these lies hanging over me.” When Sara didn’t comment, Bre said, “What is it, Sara? I know you’re holding back. It’s not like you to be so silent.”
“Do you think Cam has always been faithful?”
“I have no reason to believe otherwise,” Bre said immediately.
“Are you sure about that?”
“Sara, what aren’t you saying?”
“I don’t know, Bre. I know you and Cam have known each other for a long time, and in your mind, you guys are totally honest about everything, but I wouldn’t be judging yourself too harshly about what happened with Jax. There have been plenty of rumors about Cam. Nobody has ever said anything to your face, but I’ve heard things, and while everything may not be true, that doesn’t mean there isn’t any truth in them.”
Bre pushed herself into a seated position on the sofa and braced her head with one of her hands. “What did you hear?” Her voice was hoarse.
“Well, I heard Mia bragging that they hook up when she goes to his gigs.”
“Those were just rumors. Nothing was ever confirmed, and Mia would say anything to separate us. I think she truly believes that if I were out of the picture, Cam would date her. Have you heard anything else?”
“Yes, there’s always a rumor or two floating around.”
“That’s to be expected. He’s like a local celebr
ity, so people like to gossip about him, but I’m the guilty party.”
“So you’ve heard some other rumors about Cam, too?”
“Some, mostly bits and pieces when people don’t think I’m listening and…” Bre looked down and started fiddling with the yarn dangling off the end of the blanket again.
“And what?”
“Jax made a few heated comments that made me think they all aren’t rumors. He didn’t come out and make any direct accusations, but he alluded to some stuff that made me think I close my eyes to things because I want to trust Cam.”
“So what does your heart tell you?”
They both sat on the phone in silence, neither saying a word. She honestly didn’t know what she believed. She had ignored the rumors, pretended as if she didn’t hear the whispers, and tried to pretend Cam hadn’t changed even though she knew they both had.
A few moments later, Cam opened the front door and turned on the lights in the entry. Bre stared at Cam with her red-rimmed eyes as he walked toward her and sat next to her on the sofa. “Sara, I have to go. Cam’s home,” she said softly.
“Good luck, Bre,” Sara replied before disconnecting the call.
“What’s going on, Bre? Why does it look as though you’re planning to sleep on the sofa?”
Bre shifted to the end of the sofa, leaning over the side table to turn on the lamp. She hastily grabbed a pillow and clutched it to her chest as she studiously avoided looking at Cam. “I thought it might be better if I sleep out here tonight.”
Abruptly standing up, Cam headed to the kitchen. “Do you want something to drink? I have a feeling this is going to be a long night.”
“Coffee would be great,” Bre replied, ignoring Cam’s commentary.
As he spooned coffee grounds in the coffeemaker, Bre swung her legs off the couch and followed him into the kitchen.
“So Bre, what’s on your mind?”
Bre pulled two red mugs out of the upper cabinet and slid them adjacent to the coffeemaker. “I think I made the right decision when we broke up last week. I know you hoped that once we saw each other things would work out, but I can’t be with you right now.”
“What does that mean?”
“Right now, where we are in our lives, it makes more sense if we’re just friends. The long distance thing is too hard, too much maintenance. We’re both so busy trying to get our careers off the ground, and our relationship is an unnecessary complication.”
“What brought this on? Did something happen that you aren’t telling me?”
Leaning back against the countertop, Bre turned her head, watching the dark liquid fill the carafe. “A lot happened, but mostly I realized that we need a break.”
“Can you be more specific?” Cam persisted.
Cam filled the mugs with coffee. Nervously, she rubbed her hands together, and she tried to smile reassuringly. “I don’t think the specifics are imperative.”
“Okay, let me tell you what I think is going on instead,” he said, his voice harsh. “You’re still angry that I cancelled my visit last weekend. Now you’re even more pissed because I’ve been so busy we’ve hardly spent any time together this weekend and I disappeared this evening, trying to prevent Jax from messing up our potential record deal by toying with Anna. Tonight you paid me back by leaving without a word, and now you’re trying to end our relationship. Does that sum it up?”
Bre smiled faintly. She always admired people that didn’t mince words. “Not entirely. I’m disappointed, not angry, that we haven’t spent much time to together, and I didn’t leave tonight to pay you back. I left because I realized that… we aren’t the right people for each other at this time.”
He froze in the act of raising his mug to his mouth. “What does that mean?”
She inhaled deeply. “You’re the only person I’ve ever dated, and I think I need to see what else is out there. Maybe in a roundabout way, seeing other people will bring us closer together.”
He slammed he mug down on the counter without taking a sip. “What? You want to see other people?”
“I’ve been out with someone else a couple times in the past week… and I’ve come to the conclusion that it isn’t fair to either of us to be so wrapped up in this relationship when we’re so young.”
“When did this happen?”
“Well, I’ve been considering it for a while, but being with the other person happened last weekend.”
“Did this happen when Jax visited? Does he know about this? Is that why he left early?”
“I don’t want to talk about Jax. This isn’t about him. This is about us, our relationship,” Bre whispered, looking away, hoping Cam couldn’t see the guilt twisting in her stomach at the mention of Jax’s name.
“Fine. Then explain to me how you could throw away our lifelong friendship and our future for this man. Do I know him?”
“I’m not talking to you about him. It isn’t about him. We’ve been drifting apart for a long time. You can’t deny that.”
An expression of incredulity froze his face. “My God, you slept with him, didn’t you, and I know him. That’s what this is about. You made a bed up on the couch. You don’t want to give me details. It all makes sense now.”
Bre pushed away from the countertop and walked in the direction of the bedroom. “I think it would be best if I went home. I’ll get a hotel room tonight and catch a flight in the morning.”
Cam grabbed her arm as she walked past him, his fingers biting into her wrist. “Tell me who it is so I at least have a name for this backstabbing bastard. You owe me that.”
Bre saw no reason to let him know that she slept with Jax. It wouldn’t happen again, and it would escalate his anger unnecessarily. “I don’t owe you anything, Cam. Let me go.”
“Are you serious? We’ve known each other for a long time, and I’ve stuck with you through everything, but I guess I never really saw you for who you are. When it comes down to it, you’re just like your mom. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, does it? It was only a matter of time.” Cam flung her wrist away from him.
Anger exploded in her like nothing she had ever felt. She stared indignantly at Cam through the tears now streaming down her face, and without thinking, she flung the coffee at his shirt. “How dare you say that about me! Don’t think for one moment that I have remained blissfully ignorant of all your indiscretions in the past year or so. People talk, Cam, and just because I never confronted you doesn’t mean that I didn’t realize that there could be some truth in the gossip. The more I think about it, the more I realize it’s probably true, given all your disappearances and last minute cancellations. I don’t believe for one second that you have the moral ground in this argument.”
Momentarily stunned, Cam gawked at the coffee staining his bright white shirt. Finally, recovering his wits, he said, “You’re wrong, Bre.”
“Really? So you’re going to stand there and tell me you’re totally innocent, and you have never once cheated on me.” Utterly frustrated, Bre ran her hand through her hair. “I mean, if I listened to Mia—”
“Mia’s crazy. She won’t leave me alone. Maybe I crossed the line with her once or twice, but she means nothing to me. She knows that. I don’t know why she still comes around. She’s just another stupid groupie that comes to our shows.”
Bre’s jaw dropped. “Oh my God, it is true,” Bre whispered.
“Oh please,” Cam said, shrugging his shoulders. “It didn’t mean anything. You know that.”
She flung her body at him, slapping his chest. “I hate you, Cam. I can’t believe you would touch her. You know how much she hates me.” The meaning of Cam’s words suddenly hit her and her rage faded into a sickening realization that repulsed her so much it caused her words to tumble out in an unsteady whisper. “Oh, I get it now. She’s not the only one, is she? There are others, too.” Her stomach rolled. “I’m an idiot. I can’t believe I actually felt guilty for being with…” Her voice trailed off, and she looked at the
floor.
Cam grabbed her chin, forcing her to look at him. “With whom, Bre? Give me his name.”
Pulling his hands off her face, she swatted the tears off her face. “Okay, Cam. You want a name? I’ll give you the name as soon as you give me each and every name of every faceless girl you’ve slept with during our relationship.” Bre stormed out of the kitchen, only to stop abruptly when a yellow notepad on the countertop caught her attention. She picked it up and threw it in Cam’s direction. “You’ll probably need some paper, because I have a feeling your list is much longer than mine. Descriptions aren’t acceptable. Take your time.”
Without waiting for a response, she ran into Cam’s bedroom, frantically stuffing all her clothes and personal items back in her suitcase. After stopping in the bathroom to toss her cosmetic case into her suitcase, she walked to the front door, refusing to look at Cam.
“Bre…” Cam murmured from the barstool in the kitchen.
She halted without turning or saying anything, her hand tightly gripping the door handle.
“I still love you. I always will. Even if you don’t believe it right now, you’re the girl I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. Nothing changes that, not those other women, not that guy. Nobody can come between us. It may not be tomorrow or even a year from now, but I will get you back. You’re mine.”
For some incomprehensible reason, hearing Cam’s words caused a wave of hysteria to burst inside her. She clutched the door handle until her knuckles whitened, trying to calm her unnerving reaction, but it was too late. A bubble of laughter escaped from her lips, and once it started, she couldn’t have stopped it even if she wanted. Overcome, she bent at her waist, bracing her hands on her knees, laughing so hard that tears streamed down her face. Funny, she felt better than she had in weeks. The rollercoaster of her emotions collided together in such a way that it felt like freedom.
“Bre?” Cam questioned, obviously unsettled by her behavior.
“Un-fucking-believable,” she said between gasps of air. “There hasn’t been an us for a long time. I just didn’t know it.”
