by Terri DuLong
“So how’re you feeling, Miss Berkley? Starting to come to grips with why your mother came here?”
“I am, and I’m doing great. Thanks for asking.”
“Yeah, sometimes the past can be difficult. But I still think it’s better to know the truth.”
I rang up the sale and smiled. “I agree with you on that one.”
At twelve noon I turned my sign to Be Back After Lunch and headed across the street to the coffee café for lunch.
“Hey,” Suellen greeted me. “Not that I don’t love your business, but a muffin and coffee isn’t a very nutritional lunch.”
“You’re very right. Give me a piece of that cheesecake instead.”
She laughed as she went behind the counter.
“How’s the mother-to-be doing these days?” I asked.
“Well, not much longer now, and Grace said it won’t be soon enough for her. I swear she’s carrying around a ten-pound baby. Poor thing, she’s so uncomfortable.”
We both looked up as Grace came in the door accompanied by Chloe. Suellen was right. Since I’d last seen her, Grace’s tummy had increased in size. She waddled over to the table, leaned back, gripped the edge of the table, and sat down.
“Whew,” she said. “That was an effort.”
I shook my head. “Are you as uncomfortable as you look?”
“I positively am. I gave up trying to tie my shoes weeks ago. If I drop something on the floor at home, it stays there till Lucas gets home. Sleeping? Forget it. Out of the question.”
“How much longer?”
“My due date is April fifth, but I got the great news yesterday from my doctor that I might be late. Isn’t that jolly?”
I suppressed a giggle. “Just the news a pregnant mother does not want to hear. Sorry.”
Chloe laughed. “Hey, I keep telling her it’ll be worth it.”
“Hmm,” was all Grace said.
Suellen placed my cheesecake and coffee in front of me.
“I’ll have a double of that,” Grace said, pointing to my cheesecake.
“Really?”
“No, not really. Give me a low-fat, low-calorie, low-taste muffin and some decaf. Boy, am I ever gonna splurge when I deliver this baby.”
All of us laughed.
“And we’ll all help you,” Chloe told her. “So, Berkley, how’s it going? You’ve sure been hit with some surprising news.”
Grace attempted to adjust her position. “Oh, gosh, I know. Everybody has been filling me in. What a story, and your mother certainly went through a lot.”
“She did, and I’m doing fine. Actually, probably better than I have been in years. I wanted to find out why she came here, and I wanted all the answers. I’m not sorry that I went searching. I think it’s allowed me to get to know a side of my mother that I never knew.”
“I can understand that,” Grace said. “I’m not sure any of us daughters ever really know our mothers. I mean, we know them as mothers. But as women? I’m not so sure about that. Maybe we don’t want to dig that deep, but you did and I applaud you for that, Berkley.”
“Me too,” Chloe said. “Gosh, if not for Aunt Maude I’m not sure we’d ever have understood about our mother. I resented her for so many years, but you know, I finally came to see that she did the best that she could. I don’t think any child can expect more than that.”
Grace nodded. “I can only hope that someday Solange will feel that way about me. I know I’m going to make mistakes, cause her to be angry with me, but I hope she’ll see when she’s older, I did the best I could for her.”
“Exactly as my mother did for me,” I said.
Suellen pulled up a chair and joined us. “Hey, I really hate to bring this up . . . but . . . now that you have your answers and figured everything out, will you still be staying here in Cedar Key?”
Without hesitating, I said, “Oh, gosh, yes. Definitely. I can’t help but feel that Cedar Key is the legacy that my mother left to me. If she hadn’t come here, I’m sure I wouldn’t be here.”
“Oh, good,” Chloe said. “We’ve been talking about it and were concerned that you might go back to Salem.”
“Yeah, and take your chocolate shop with you,” Grace replied, which brought forth laughter.
I shook my head. “No, the chocolate shop is safe, I assure you.”
“Not to mention Saxton,” Suellen said. “I mean, I can’t see him leaving the island, but if you were to go . . . well . . . no doubt he’d follow.”
“We both plan on staying right here, so not to worry. Any further word on Dora purchasing the shop next door?”
“Actually, yes. She’s meeting with Pelican next week to discuss the details. I think you know that Marin’s house is up for sale, and for right now she’ll be staying with Dora permanently. She’s pretty excited about a needlepoint shop where she can help to run it.”
“That’s great,” I said. “I know it must be difficult for her losing Andrew, but it seems she’s trying to go forward.”
“Aren’t we all,” Chloe said.
I looked over at her and saw the unhappy expression on her face. “What’s up? I feel like I’ve been out of the loop here during the past month.”
“Cameron and I have had a . . . what would you call it? Parting of the ways. Our relationship was going nowhere. I knew that. But now he’s decided to sell the jewelry shop and move to California to be near his daughter and granddaughter.”
“Oh, no,” I said. “I’m really sorry to hear that.”
“Hey, it might be for the best. You never know what’s around that next corner,” she joked.
“I like your attitude. Well, I better get going. I have to take Brit for a short walk before I reopen the shop.” I placed some bills on the table and got up to leave. “Be sure to take it easy, Grace, and keep us posted on that baby.”
“Will do,” she hollered as I left.
I returned from Brit’s walk, unclipped her leash, and made myself a cup of tea to bring downstairs with me.
Standing in the middle of my living room, I looked around. I still found it eerie that my mother had lived in these very rooms during that summer. She must have felt so lost, so alone, but being here had allowed her to regain her strength, deal with her choices, and come home to me.
My eyes fell on the urn that contained her ashes. I went over and touched the cool marble. It was time. The time had come to release her back into the universe, and I had an idea.
Picking up the phone, I called Saxton. “Any chance you could come over for dinner this evening?”
“Absolutely. What’s up?”
“Do me a favor and call Doyle too. I’d like you both to be here. I’ll see you at six,” I said, hanging up with a smile on my face.
45
I hummed along to an old sixties song that was playing on the radio as I prepared a salad to go with the Swedish meatballs that were simmering and scalloped potatoes that were in the oven.
Saxton arrived a little before six with a bottle of red wine in one hand and a gorgeous bouquet of spring flowers in the other.
I leaned over to kiss his cheek. “You’re too good to me,” I told him.
“Ah, then my mission in life is being accomplished,” he said, returning my kiss. “Smells good in here. What can I do to help?”
“Open the wine and light the candles on the table. Thanks.”
Doyle arrived a few minutes later carrying a rum cake that I knew came from Island Girl Cakes.
“Oh, Doyle, you shouldn’t have. But thanks for the great dessert. I didn’t have a chance to make anything.”
“My pleasure,” he said, setting the heavy box on the counter.
Saxton filled three glasses and I lifted mine first. “Here’s to great friendship,” I said. “And especially to our friendship, Doyle.”
“Thanks,” he said, touching the rim of his glass to mine and Saxton’s. “So what’s this dinner all about?”
“Hey, can’t a girl cook for two special
men in her life?” I joked.
“No complaints from me,” Doyle said. “It was just sort of last minute, so I thought something was going on.” He looked at Saxton, who shrugged his shoulders.
“I have no idea what she’s up to.”
“Well, what I’m up to is . . . I think the time has come for me to let go of my mother and spread her ashes.”
“Okay,” Doyle said, waiting.
“I’d like to do something a little special. You know, have it be meaningful. I didn’t have a formal wake or funeral, and I think my mother deserved that. When I came to Cedar Key with her ashes, I felt when the time was right that I’d do something.”
“Sounds like a good idea,” Saxton said. “What have you got in mind?”
I let out a deep breath. “Well, I was wondering if we could go out on your boat, Doyle? You said she loved it out near North Key. Maybe we could go there and spread her ashes in that area over the water. I’d like to have my aunt come down and be here for that. I’m not sure if Jill could get away, because it’s almost shearing season, but at least my aunt could join us. And then maybe a dinner or something after.”
“I think that’s a wonderful idea,” Doyle said. “It would be an honor to assist you. Just let me know when and if I can do anything in particular.”
“Great. Well, I want flowers on the boat. I want the flowers to follow her ashes in the water. And maybe some music would be nice. I wonder if I should invite Suellen and Chloe? Suellen has a great voice and plays the guitar. Maybe they’ll come too.”
Saxton nodded. “I’m sure they will. I think they’d like to be invited. When were you planning to do this?”
“I was thinking early May. By then, The Arts Festival will be over and hopefully poor Grace will have had the baby.”
“Sounds good to me,” Doyle said, and I looked up to see a strange expression on his face.
“Something wrong?” I asked.
He shook his head and pointed toward the radio. The Righteous Brothers were singing “Unchained Melody” and the words filled the room.
“What is it?” I whispered, although I had a pretty good idea.
“That was our song,” Doyle said softly. “It played on the oldies station on the radio that entire summer. Wherever we were. In the restaurant, in the car, at my place. And since Jenna died, I hear it and can feel her close to me. Silly, I know.”
The haunting lyrics continued to fill the room.
I went to hug him. “It’s not silly at all, Doyle. Many people don’t believe that after somebody we love passes on their spirit can communicate with us in many different ways. But I do. It could be the wind or maybe a butterfly, and sometimes it’s via the airways.” I felt goose bumps on my arms and had no doubt whatsoever that my mother’s spirit was with us. “She’s here, Doyle. I believe she’s trying to let us know that she loves us, and she’ll always be close, if we’re open to it and pay attention. I’ve felt her spirit in this way only a few times since she passed, but maybe that’s because I’ve been too busy trying to discover her secrets.”
He returned my hug and nodded. “Thank you for understanding,” he said as the song ended. “I think she approves of your farewell for her, and I’m glad that I can be a part of it.”
“Me too,” I told him.
I hadn’t been to knitting night since I’d returned from Maine, so I was looking forward to the gathering the following week.
I walked in a little after seven to see everybody seated except Grace.
“No,” Chloe said before I could ask. “She has not had that baby yet. Four days late and counting. She’s home with Lucas praying for labor to start.”
I laughed as I sat down. “I’m sure it won’t be much longer. Today’s the ninth.”
Flora placed a pink cardigan sweater in her lap and looked up. “We’ve only gotten bits and pieces of your story, Berkley. You have to fill us in on your trip to Maine with all the details.”
“Yes,” Dora said. “I was so sorry to hear your mother was a victim of domestic violence.”
I nodded. “Yeah, it was quite a surprising story,” I said, and went on to share the information that I’d learned.
The women shook their heads as comments flowed.
“I remember those times well,” Flora said. “We had our share of wife beating here too, but like you said, most of the time it just wasn’t talked about.”
“Right,” Dora said. “At least now it’s out in the open and women have resources and help. Forty years really isn’t that long ago, but it was so much different back then regarding women.”
“Oh, I can vouch for that,” Maybelle said. “Being a Copa Girl and looking back, I sometimes feel we were really owned by the club. Don’t get me wrong, we weren’t treated badly and the owner made sure the patrons behaved themselves. But still . . . it wasn’t an easy time for women.”
“True,” I said. “I feel we still have a way to go, but so much has been accomplished since then with women’s rights.”
“My goodness, how scary that must have been for your mother. The morning she met your father at the motel and realized he really did have a gun with him. I can certainly understand why she wouldn’t want to tell her daughter about that,” Dora said.
I nodded. “Right. Instead she let me believe that he’d been killed in Vietnam. I’m not sure that I’d have been able to cover for him like that. He wasn’t a good person, and yet she protected him.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that, Berkley.” Dora looked up from her knitting. “As a mother, I have to say, I think she was protecting you.”
I heard the murmurs of agreement. She was right. What child wants to grow up knowing her father had threatened lives and did end up shooting a police officer? Had I found this out when I was younger, to be honest, I’m not sure how I would have dealt with it.
“You’re right, Dora. And Flora, I wanted to thank you.”
Her head popped up. “Me? Whatever for?”
“For being so nice to my mother when she came here. You rented her the apartment and I know you were kind to her. She certainly needed some kindness shown to her at that stage of her life.”
Flora nodded. “She was a sweet young woman. Quiet but personable. I’m glad she found what she needed on this island, especially Doyle.”
“Oh, I wanted to tell you. I’ve decided to spread my mother’s ashes on the water. Over near North Key, where she and Doyle used to go a lot.”
“What a great idea,” Dora said.
“When do you plan to do this?” Corabeth questioned.
“The beginning of May. We’re going to go out in Doyle’s boat.” I looked at Chloe and Suellen. “I’d love you both to join us, if you could. And I’m going to have my aunt come down and maybe Jill. We’ll probably do a dinner after.”
“I’d love to come,” Chloe said.
“Oh, me too. Thank you for including me.” Suellen shot a smile my way.
“But wait,” Dora said. “Your mother was a part of our community, even if it was only for a summer, and now you’re a part of this community. I think we’d all like to help you with your farewell. I have an idea . . . Grace should certainly have delivered that baby by the end of the month. Why don’t we all gather at my house after you go out on the boat? We’ll have a celebration of life. For your mother and also for Grace’s baby.”
“Oh, Dora,” I said as my vision blurred with tears. “I couldn’t let you do that. That’s so much work.”
“Work?” Raylene piped up. “How can it be work if all of us pitch in to help?”
“Right,” Flora said. “It’ll be a labor of love and we’ll enjoy every minute of it.”
“Then it’s settled,” Dora said with a smile. “A celebration of life at my house early May. That is, if you approve, Berkley.”
I got up to hug Dora. “I approve. I wholeheartedly approve, and thank you.”
I was awakened the next morning by the ring of my cell phone and answered to hear Chloe’s
voice.
“I’m an aunt,” she said, and I heard the excitement in her voice. “Five days late, but I have a niece. Solange Genevieve Trudeau made her entrance into the world at two-thirty this morning. And Suellen wasn’t far off on the weight. Nine pounds and five ounces.”
I sat up in bed laughing and crying at the same time. “Oh, my God! I’m so happy for all of you. Are they okay?”
“Perfect. Lucas said they’ll both be home tomorrow, and Cedar Key has another new resident.”
Yes, life was good. Very good indeed.
46
As I sat in Grace’s living room holding Solange in my arms, I thought about motherhood. Not in relation to myself—instead my thoughts flowed to my mother. I pictured a girl in her early twenties, holding her newborn daughter. I tried to imagine the fear and concern she probably had about raising that daughter alone. I stared at Solange peacefully sleeping away, and yet she was so vulnerable—dependent on Grace for every single need—and for the first time, I fully understood how brave and strong my mother had been.
“She’s gorgeous,” I whispered. “So perfect.” I held her awhile longer before giving her back to Grace.
“Thank you,” Grace said, and gazed down at her daughter. “She’s our precious gift.”
Even though the circumstances were much different, I knew without a doubt that I had been a gift to my own mother. A gift that she protected and loved. I glanced up and saw Saxton send me a smile.
“You need to get your rest,” I said. “So we’re going to scoot along. If you need anything at all, just give me a call.”
Grace laughed. “Thanks, but between Chloe, Lucas, and Aunt Maude, I think they have everything covered. And thank you so much for the gorgeous knitted crib blanket.”
I nodded. “Take care, and I’ll see you soon.”
When we left Grace’s, Saxton and I headed back to my apartment. I made a fresh pot of coffee and we settled on the sofa with Brit beside me.
“You’re quiet,” he said. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah. Holding Grace’s baby made me reconsider motherhood.”
