Nah, probably not. It would take all the comfort food in August County and then they’d eventually have to lift her out of the house on a forklift.
“Violet,” Phillip looked like a frazzled parent telling a child ‘no’ for the fiftieth time. “I’m meeting a colleague at the clubhouse at eight.”
“Okay, how about lunch then…or dinner?” She really needed to end this charade called their engagement and adding the element of food just might help soften the blow.
Phillip’s shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry, but my schedule is booked for today.”
Violet didn’t back down. “How about tomorrow?”
“I’ll have to check my schedule.”
Violet narrowed her eyes at him. “You’re telling me you have absolutely no time for me?”
“I’m merely telling you that I have a full schedule.”
“Well, Phillip, that’s not gonna fly with me. I won’t live my life with you penciling me in to yours. If you can’t make time for me then…I don’t want to be with you.” There. She said it. Not that it was any big surprise.
“I don’t know what to tell you,” Phillip replied. “This is just how it has to be. Between work and my family and—”
“And what? Where do I fit into all of that Phillip? What number am I on your priority list?”
She was fourth at best, but he wasn’t about to tell her that. He rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I don’t know, but I have a feeling you’re going to be upset with me no matter what I say.”
“You’re damn right I’m upset! And I have every right to be. Here I’ve been for the last two years sitting around on my ass waiting for you to make time for me so that we can start our life together. Well, I’m done waiting for something that’s obviously never going to happen.”
“I’m sorry,” Phillip said and he meant it. She hadn’t deserved to be put on the back burner, but he honestly didn’t know it had bothered her that much until now.
“Not as sorry as I am for wasting years of my life on a man who clearly has more important things going on in his life than me.”
“I…I don’t know what to say.”
Violet searched his face for some flicker of emotion or attachment. There wasn’t any, but the guilt gnawed at her just the same. She was human after all and there had been a time when Phillip was too.
It was time to come clean. Any connection they might have had before had dwindled into nothingness long ago. All this time she’d just been wandering around her relationship with Phillip looking for the door she came in.
“I haven’t been faithful to you,” she said softly.
Phillip shrugged and she saw no reaction on his face. Where she thought she would see disappointment, hurt or even anger, something, she saw nothing but a blank face staring back at her.
“I presume you’ve been discreet about it,” was all he said.
Violet was horrified. “That’s it?! You’re only concern is whether or not I’m being discreet about it?”
Phillip frowned and his eyebrows formed a squiggly line like the symbol on her keyboard below the Escape key. “Well, yes,” he replied. His tone made him sound like the only logical one in the room.
“I cheated on you, Phillip,” she reminded him sternly.
He blinked. “Yes, I understand that.”
“You’re not going to fight for me?”
“Violet, whatever are you being so dramatic about? I’m not opposed to devising some type of…of arrangement with you,” he said reasonably like he was discussing his taxes or 401k plan. “I think we have a good thing going here. I’m comfortable with you and our relationship is satisfactory.”
Her jaw dropped and the air deflated from her chest. Comfortable and satisfactory. They were the two words she was happy to describe her relationship before, but now…now it wasn’t nearly enough. Jace had shown her that there was much, much more to life. And sex. And passion. And love.
Comfortable and satisfactory? Huh!
“How can you say that?” she squeaked. “We haven’t even had sex!”
Phillip shrugged. “And when we do, it will probably be…good.”
“And you’re content with good sex and being comfortable?”
“Of course.” Phillip looked at her like she had sprouted a third eye in the middle of her forehead.
She made a disgusted sound and threw up her hands. Phillip was about as comfortable with her and her body as an Amish family at a 30 Seconds to Mars concert. “Well, it’s not good enough for me!” she cried.
She marched over to the other end of the closet and yanked her suitcase down from the top shelf. It landed with a thud on Phillip’s foot and she began throwing clothes into it. Dust went flying because she hadn’t used it in so long, but she didn’t care. “I want more, Phillip. I want excitement. I want passion!”
“Violet, wait.”
Something in his voice made her stop packing and turn around to face him. “What?” She rested her fists on her hips. This had better be good.
He sighed. “I just assumed you were having physical relationships on the side already.”
That infuriated her. Her eyes bulged out of their sockets and her jaw dropped down to the suitcase on the floor. “Well, that’s just dandy! Here I’ve been beating myself up about being with someone else and you’ve just assumed that’s what I’ve been doing all along.” A primal sound bubbled up from her throat and she clawed at her hair in frustration.
Phillip’s shoulders slumped and he squeezed the bridge of his nose. This was the conversation he’d been preparing himself for, but he was weary of having it all the same. “I think it would be best if you sat down for what I have to tell you.”
“Right,” she spat with sarcasm. “Now you have something to tell me? This ought to be great.” Just great.
“Violet, please…”
Sure, Phillip was serious one hundred percent of the time, but his time he sounded even more grim than usual.
Violet mumbled her way over to the bed, sat down on the edge of the mattress and waited for his big news.
Phillip stood in front of her. Was he actually slouching?
“I haven’t been exactly honest with you, either,” he admitted.
Violet braced herself. Okay, here we go.
“I have been…,” he searched for a better word, but couldn’t find one, “using you, for lack of a better word. I needed to create the illusion that I’m a heterosexual man for the sake of my career and my reputation. If people thought otherwise, it could be… problematic at best.”
“What are you talking about? Cut the bullshit, Phillip.”
It only took a few seconds for one of his words to jump out from the rest and slap her in the face. “Wait, heterosexual? What is that supposed to mean? Heterosexual?”
“Yes,” he said patiently and searched her eyes.
“Does that mean…?”
“I’ve been living a lie, Violet. I’m…gay.” He let out a huge sigh. Those words had been weighing on his shoulders like a five-ton elephant.
Violet blinked and bit down on her lip. “First, I appreciate your honesty,” Violet said calmly, “and second how the hell could you do this to me?!” she screamed.
He shrugged. “Frankly, you never seemed to object to the arrangement.”
He was right. For some reason, before Jace came along, Violet had been content with the way things were with Phillip. She wanted to be more surprised at his confession, but it all made sense now. Which was both a relief and an outrage.
She’d take a dose of the relief first. She took a few deep breaths to calm her nerves and thought about it. That’s when it dawned on her. They had both been using each other. Phillip to keep up appearances for his career and her for the façade of security and to appease her mother.
“Why put on a front for appearances sake, Phillip?” she asked. “Why not just be honest and come out?”
Phillip half snorted at the notion. “Red Valley isn’t exactly San Francisc
o, Violet.”
“Well, it isn’t freakin’ Mayberry either. Why keep it a secret?”
“My sexual orientation complicates things.”
“What do you mean? There are lots of gay people in Red Valley. Take for instance that guy at the real estate office last year when we went—”
Phillip averted his eyes and that one action said more than his fancy Ivy League sentences ever could. No wonder he’d been so excited when Marcus showed them the bungalow! Phillip hadn’t been in the market for a house, he’d been shopping for a boyfriend!
“Phillip!” she screeched. “Don’t tell me he’s one of the guys you’ve been screwing around with.”
A pained look fled across his face and he shook his head. “Not one of. Marcus is the only one.”
Aha! Phillip had been unfaithful to her, but hadn’t been unfaithful to Marcus. What an honest gentlemen.
Violet rubbed her hands over her face. “I don’t think this conversation could get any more bizarre, so I’m going to ask this anyway. What does this guy Marcus have besides the obvious anatomy that I don’t?”
Phillip smiled at the thought of Marcus’ qualities and it didn’t go unnoticed by Violet. “Marcus loves fashion and he’s smart and witty—”
Violet put her hand up to stop him from saying anything else. What was truly bizarre was imagining Phillip with a fashionable, smart and witty man. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“I…I’m a coward, Violet. The longer it went on, the harder it was to find a way to tell you the truth.”
She took a deep breath. “I guess I can understand that. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I understand where you’re coming from. I suppose it’s not entirely your fault. I should have known something was wrong a long time ago. Maybe I was scared, too. Of being on my own.” Of disappointing her family.
“Thank you for understanding,” he said sincerely.
“We were friends once, right?”
“Of course. I hope we still can be.”
“You really thought I’d be happy to sit back and play faux fiancé while the years just ticked on by?”
“I wasn’t aware of your unhappiness.” He hadn’t taken the time to notice. He’d been too wrapped up in his work and with Marcus.
“How long have you…you know…known you were gay?”
Phillip’s eyes scanned her face. “I think I’ve always had an inclination. However, I tried to disregard it. It wasn’t logical to pursue it. What are you going to tell your parents?”
“The truth.”
“I guess that means I should tell mine, too.”
“Do you want me to come with you?”
“No. You’ve stood by me longer than you should have. It’s something I need to do alone.”
“I can’t believe you’ve been keeping this a secret.”
“Things were working out the way they were. And to be honest, I didn’t want to put you out on the street.”
“The street?!” she shrieked. Great, now she was pissed again. “Phillip, I’m perfectly capable of getting my own place! I started and run my own business for Pete’s sake. I can take care of myself.”
“Of course,” he replied. “I apologize.”
“Did you have any intention of letting me in on your little scheme? Huh? Here you thought I was off living it up and having a life when in reality I was sitting around waiting for you so we could finally start our life together. I hope Marcus is more tolerant of your work habits and prepared to play second fiddle to your job. Because if not, he’s in for a rude awakening.”
“My work is important to me. I’ve spent the last decade building the most successful practice in Red Valley.”
“I understand your need to help people, believe me. But, there are more important things than work. We always did disagree on that.”
“Yes. Marcus understands my dedication. He and I have established a balance.”
“I can’t believe you would do this to me for all these years.”
“I’ll admit my actions were ill-advised. Rest assured you won’t walk away empty-handed. I’ll transfer the house into your name.”
Violet sputtered a growl. “Are you serious?! You expect me to take the house as…as some kind of consolation prize. ‘Hey, thanks for playing Phillip Krandall’s effed up lie, now here behind Door Number One is a stupid house you can live in all by your lonesome!’”
Violet went over to the dresser, took out her engagement ring and shoved it at him.
“What’s this?” he asked.
Obviously he didn’t notice that she hadn’t been wearing it on a regular basis.
“My We-Might-As-Well-Get-Engaged engagement ring.”
“Please, you can keep it.”
“I don’t want it.”
He sighed. “I really am sorry about all of this.”
“I was okay with it at first and then…I fell in love with someone,” she admitted.
“Good,” he said, not surprised in the least. “You deserve to be loved the way I’m unable to do so.”
“That’s real nice, Phillip, but I screwed everything up with him because he did the right thing and let me go so I could be with you. And honor what turned out to be our phony engagement.”
“I’m sure you’ll be able to reconcile with him.”
The words were heartfelt, but they sounded hollow to Violet’s ears.
If only it were that easy.
Chapter Eighteen
New Leaf
Violet popped the trunk of her car so that she could load up her stuff. No matter what Phillip said, she refused to stay there. The bungalow was too harsh of a reminder of the years she’d wasted in limbo.
When she flung open the trunk, the empty gas can stared back at her, bringing her back to that day on the sidewalk outside the café. If only love could be as easy as boy meets stranded girl by the side of the road and they lived happily ever after.
Violet wasn’t sad about breaking things off with Phillip. Not in the least. She was sadder about the time she wasted in their dysfunctional relationship. Rather than dwell on her past mistakes, she was determined to make up for lost time and start living by her own rules.
She couldn’t believe she’d almost married a guy who used words like ‘intercourse’ and described their relationship as ‘satisfactory’.
Sure, she and Jace had had a good run and Jace made it crystal clear it was over, but a voice in her heart was screaming that she had to at least try to reason with him. She hadn’t gotten this far in life by accepting it when a door was slammed in her face. Oh, no, Violet James had resiliency and spunk and persistence by the truck load, by golly.
By the time she arrived at Patricia’s house, Violet had herself sufficiently pumped up. It was early, but Violet knew Pats wouldn’t be at Healing Touch for at least another hour. She had to talk to someone. Preferably someone who she wasn’t related to.
Violet knocked on the door and then second-guessed herself and wondered if this was a good idea. She and Patricia hadn’t exactly been seeing eye-to-eye lately and showing up on her doorstep probably wouldn’t go over too well.
“Hey.” Patricia looked rumpled and half asleep as she cinched her robe tighter around her waist.
“Sorry. Did I wake you?”
“Uh, no.”
Violet swore she saw Patricia blush, but it faded quickly when she waved her into the house.
In the kitchen, Violet plopped down at the table and Patricia began making coffee. Violet watched her measure out the coffee, dump it in the filter and turn on the machine before saying anything.
Patricia sat down across from her and cleared her throat. “I’m sorry I butted into your love life.”
“Oh God, Pats. You have nothing to apologize for. I’m the one who made this whole mess.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“Yes, it is. I’m sorry I came over so early, but—”
“That’s okay. It’s just taking me a while to get moving this
morning. Carter sprang a last minute school project on me last night and I didn’t get very much sleep. Look, I found the perfect water fountain for the waiting room.” From a shopping bag, Patricia pulled a relaxation fountain that promised to create a stress-free ambiance with the soothing sound of water.
“Great,” Violet mumbled. “Now I’m going to feel the need to pee all day.”
Patricia looked up. “What’s with the negativity? You’re the one who suggested it a few weeks ago, remember?” She looked closer at Violet. “Are you okay? What’s wrong? You look…frazzled.”
“No, I’m not okay,” she huffed. “I’ve got Mr. M in twenty minutes and somehow over the past week my life has fallen apart piece by glorious piece.”
“Here,” Patricia grabbed Violet’s elbow and pushed her into a chair. “Have some coffee and talk to me.”
Violet leaned her back against the chair and squeezed her eyes shut. “Oh, Pats. I’m sorry to rain on your little Zen parade, but the shit just hit the fan and I don’t have an umbrella.”
Patricia smirked at the mental picture, then grew serious when the words sunk in. “What happened? Talk to me.”
“Do you want the extended version with deleted scenes, outtakes and audio commentary or do you want the abridged version?”
“Uh, start with the abridged version.”
“Okay. Phillip is gay,” Violet said without blinking.
“What?!” Patricia shrieked and quickly covered her mouth.
“You heard me. The man I lived with for the past two years has a boyfriend. His name is Marcus, by the way, and he loves fashion and he’s smart and witty.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Patricia lowered herself into the chair across from Violet.
“Yeah.”
“I understand that people grow apart, but this…this is something else entirely,” Patricia blinked. “I don’t even know what to think about this.”
“Me neither. First I was flabbergasted, then I was angry and then all the pieces started fitting together from the last couple of years.”
“How do you feel now?”
“Now I’m sort of relieved, I guess. And I feel a little foolish. To be honest, I feel like a complete idiot. But it’s better that I found out now than to waste another minute living his lie.”
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