by Kyra Lennon
With Radleigh’s arms around me, even though so many things were still wrong, those things didn’t matter. They were temporarily pushed aside while I focused on the only thing that did matter. Him.
Us.
Chapter Eleven – You Were A Virgin When We Met, Right?
Another morning. Another dash across town to see my daughter after yet another night at Mitch and Deanna’s before heading back to the hospital to see Radleigh so we could spend a few hours trying to figure out what would be best for Jayden.
Tired as I’d been, I’d had a hard time sleeping. The combination of missing having Radleigh beside me, guilt over leaving Jessica with Mitch and Deanna again, worrying over what we would do about Jayden and the general stress of an upcoming wedding put me on edge. We needed to get the Jayden situation sorted out immediately for everyone’s sake – but especially for Jayden.
It was a little after noon when I arrived at the hospital, and I was amused to find James in the waiting room with Jayden, pacing as if he really didn’t want to see Radleigh again. It must have been difficult for him, but he had to know the night before could have gone a lot worse. The Radleigh he knew before probably wouldn’t have even offered to have a discussion with him. He’d have just pulled out the “dad” card and sent him on his way.
James looked a lot less dishevelled than he had the night before. His hair was a little tidier, and he wore dark jeans and a sky blue shirt – unrumpled this time. Jayden sat on a chair next to the coffee machine, his little legs not quite reaching the floor, the toes of his red trainers a fraction from the ground.
“Hi,” I said, halting James’s steps, and Jayden looked up at me.
He gave me a guilty smile. “Busted.”
I chuckled. “How long have you been out here?”
“About five minutes. I’m going in, I just needed a second.”
“I understand.” I turned to Jayden and smiled softly. “Hey, Jayden. How are you doing, buddy?”
“I’m good.” His expression didn’t match his words. The happy little boy I’d first met had gone, and a serious, confused one had taken his place. I wanted to scoop him up in my arms and hug him, but I wasn’t sure I knew him well enough for that.
Turning my attention back to James, I said, “You want me to go in first?”
“I know I’m being I’m being a total wimp, but… yes please.”
“It’s fine.” I smiled. “I’ll come get you in a few.”
“Thanks.” As I walked towards the door, James said, “Leah?” I turned to him and waited for him to speak. “I know I don’t really know you, but you’ve been great the last couple of days. I thought maybe you’d… I don’t know. Radleigh tends to attract the kind of women who hang on his every word and never dare to challenge him. But you’re not like that. You’ve been fair to both of us while we’ve been trying to figure everything out. I just want you to know I’m grateful for that.”
“Well,” I began, “I don’t know you too well, either. But I understand how hard this must be for you. I want what’s best for everyone, and especially for Jayden. Radleigh learned long ago that I won’t always agree with him, and I’ll make my feelings known.”
“You’re good together. He’s always needed someone who isn’t a pushover. You guys look really happy, and as much as he and I have our differences, I’m happy for you both.”
Smiling again, I said, “Thank you.”
He nodded, and I turned again and went into Radleigh’s room. Radleigh was sitting up a little more than he had been the previous times I’d seen him, and he held a cup of coffee in his hands as he stared boredly at the door. As I entered, he smiled and the boredness faded away.
“Morning,” I said, taking my place on the bed beside him and dropping a soft kiss on his lips. “How are you feeling?”
“Like I want to get the hell out of here.” He rested his hand on my cheek. “But I’m okay.”
“Any word on when you’ll be able to come home?”
He shook his head. “Nothing new. They want to be absolutely sure my wound is healing up as it should, so it’s still going to be a while.” He paused then smirked. “The doctor also told me I should avoid sex for a few weeks so I don’t cause any further damage.”
“A few weeks?” My initial reaction was that I didn’t care. I was just glad he was on the mend. But seconds later, I could almost hear my lady parts scream at the thought of no sex for a while. We weren’t normal, I was sure, but we had sex most days, and occasionally more than once. When he’d moved out, it was rough, but sort of okay since he wasn’t there to tempt me. Having him in the house – and all the time since he wouldn’t be working – would be torture.
“Yup.”
Closing my eyes, I let out a groan, but then I opened them and laughed. “I bet you’re begging me before I’m begging you.”
With a raised eyebrow, he slowly leaned towards me, his lips hovering a fraction away from mine. “You reckon?”
I smirked, trying to control my already racing heart. “Uh-huh.”
He tilted his head slightly, glancing down at my lips, fire igniting in his eyes and sparking my body to life. “We’ll see.”
Even injured and doped up on painkillers, he has an effect on me…
“We will,” I told him, moving back, denying us both the kiss we obviously wanted, and he laughed.
I couldn’t give in that easily.
With a shake of my head, I returned my attention to the real issue of the day. “James and Jayden are here.”
Radleigh nodded, his smile fading a little. “Yeah, I figured. I’m not ready for this, Leah.”
“I know.” I took his hand and entwined our fingers. “But we do need to work this out. Fast. Jayden looks so sad.”
“I don’t know what’s best for him. I want it to be me. Us. But what if it isn’t? What if James is the better choice here?”
I sighed. “If that’s the case, then maybe we just let it be. There are a million reasons why he should be with us, but there are an equal amount why he should stay in New York. If that happens, you’re not leaving him with a stranger. James will take good care of him. He’s a good guy.”
“He’s a girlfriend-stealing asshole.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Really, Radleigh? And you were a virgin when we met, right?”
His eyes narrowed and he loosened his grip on my hand. “I never stole anyone’s woman.”
“You slept with women who were in relationships. Me included. You don’t get to use what he did back then against him. He’s obviously changed, just like you have. Just like I have. And you said yourself, he’s been a good dad to Jayden.”
“So… what? You’re on his side now? You think Jayden would be better off with him?” Radleigh dropped my hand completely and the atmosphere in the room shifted.
Here we go again. I wanted to be supportive, but I wasn’t going to tell him what he wanted to hear. I’d just been over this very thing with James, and however much it meant to Radleigh to have Jayden live with us, I wasn’t going to say things I didn’t think were true just to make that happen.
“I never said that,” I told him.
“Or do you just not want him? Is that what this is about? You don’t want him so you’re trying to make James seem like the better choice?”
I shook my head and stood up. “I’m not doing this with you. You know how I feel. I’ve told you I want Jayden with us. But you need to see that what you want might not be the best thing for him. When we talked about this before, you were the one who said he might be better off in New York. This isn’t about you winning some petty victory. This is your son’s life. Think about that.”
I dropped a kiss on his forehead and left the room before he could say anything more.
James looked up as I stepped out of the room, and I said, “I’m sorry. I’ve just put him in a foul mood.” He grimaced, but I added, “However, I think if you let Jayden go in first, he’ll relax.”
“Good call.”
James looked down at Jayden. “Come on, Jay. It’s time to go in.” Jayden hopped up from his seat and took James’s hand. “Are you waiting out here?”
I nodded. “I think it’s best.”
He smiled then rolled his eyes. “Okay. See you on the other side.”
Just like the night before, I automatically walked to the coffee machine as soon as James and Jayden had gone into Radleigh’s room. As I watched the hot liquid fill the large cup, I wondered how this would all play out.
Having Jayden live with us would be an enormous change for all of us. We’d have to add another person to our daily routine, and learn all the little things he liked and didn’t like. It wasn’t the big things that concerned me. It was those little things we just didn’t know about Jayden that made me nervous. Of course, we would learn them, and we wanted to. But it would be strange for a long time. It wouldn’t be the same as when we had Jessica. She was brand new, and we’d been there to watch her personality develop. Jayden already had a whole bunch of characteristics and nuances we’d have to familiarise ourselves with. What if there was a conflict? What if he didn’t like me? How would we even go about discipline, because he was clearly used to things being a certain way. What if our ways were different? I didn’t want to confuse him.
I supposed the situation wasn’t that different to the way a family adjusts when parents re-marry and step-children are involved. But in those cases, the child has one parent with them who they know. For Jayden? Not so much.
I sat with my coffee for thirty minutes, going back and forth over everything in my head, not reaching any conclusions. James and Jayden came out of Radleigh’s room, James looking somewhat harassed. Deep worry lines creased his forehead.
“Can you watch Jayden for a while?” James asked. “Radleigh and I have to talk about serious stuff.”
I nodded. “Sure.” I stood up and held my hand out to Jayden. “How about we go find the cafeteria and get some cake?” He gave a small smile and nodded as he walked towards me and took my outstretched hand. I ruffled his hair then looked back at James. “Come find us when you’re done?”
“Sure.”
He blew out a breath before returning to Radleigh’s room, and I smiled down at Jayden and said, “Come on, buddy. Let’s go get something to eat.”
The hospital cafeteria was only two floors up from Radleigh’s ward, and we took the lift instead of the stairs because, frankly, I was still too low on energy to do much walking. The cafeteria was large and open, with huge windows letting the light stream inside. There weren’t too many people in there, so Jayden and I were served quickly. We both ordered chocolate doughnuts. I got another coffee, and Jayden had an orange juice. We sat down at a table by the window, and once we were settled, he said, “My daddies were fighting.”
His head lowered and he poked at his doughnut, making fingerprints in the chocolate icing.
“What were they saying?” I asked gently.
“My… Daddy… James…” he looked up at me, and it was clear he was confused about which man he was supposed to call Daddy at this point.
“I’ll tell you what,” I said. “Just for now, why don’t you call them James and Radleigh, just so I can understand.”
Jayden nodded. “James thinks I should go to New York with him. He told Radleigh that this isn’t my home. And Radleigh said that it is my home, and… then James took me outside.”
“So it was only a little fight?” I asked. Good thinking on James’s part getting Jayden out of there before they really went for it. I just hoped Radleigh didn’t get so wound up that he hurt himself. Right then, I had to keep my focus on Jayden, though. Radleigh could take care of himself; Jayden couldn’t.
Jayden nodded again. “But Daddy… James looked mad. I… I want my mommy.”
His lower lip quivered and a tear dripped down his cheek. Without a second thought, I jumped up from my seat and moved around the table to sit beside him, pulling him onto my lap. He wrapped his arms around my neck and held on tight.
“My mommy did a bad thing, didn’t she?” he said quietly.
“Yeah.” I stroked his hair gently. “She did.”
“But I miss her.”
I wasn’t sure what to tell him since I had no idea where things stood with visitation. Would he even be allowed to visit her? The idea of having to take a small child into a prison made me shudder. Radleigh wouldn’t want to take him, that was for sure, and I certainly had no desire to see Jen again.
“I know you do, buddy.”
“Can I go see her?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. It might not be very soon, though.”
“So, I can’t see her today?”
“No, sweetie. Mummy has to wait for the policemen to say she can have visitors and I don’t know how long that will take.”
It wasn’t the best answer, but what else could I say? He was way too young to understand the processes involved with charging someone for a crime, and I wasn’t that well versed in it myself.
Shouldn’t James have at least covered the basics of this? I could hardly judge since he’d been blindsided by all of this too, but I assumed he’d partially explained what had happened. All Jayden seemed to know was that Jen had done something bad – I wasn’t sure he knew it was her who had put Radleigh in hospital, or if he should even be told.
Shit. I was way out of my depth. I’d dealt with kid problems with Jamie. But they were problems like how to handle falling out with friends and dealing with horrible teachers. I’d never once had to deal with a kid whose mother was in jail for stabbing his father.
“What will happen to me?” Jayden asked, his voice still quiet, scared. “That’s what they were talking about. Where will I live?”
“I don’t know that either. James and Radleigh have to talk about it and see what they think is better.”
“I want to be near my mommy.”
My heart ached for this little boy who was still clinging on to me as if I was the only safe place he had. Maybe I was for the time being, since his two fathers were currently battling over who got to keep him.
What made me more sad for him was how much he loved Jen. In spite of her using him as a bargaining chip – which he was too young to understand – and her not giving him much of a childhood because she was too busy dragging him around to her social events, Jayden worshipped her. And whatever happened, he was going to need a long time to recover from this.
“Sweetheart, I don’t know where your mummy will be, or how long she’ll be there. But…” I trailed off. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that she wouldn’t be home for a while. Even if she somehow managed to be found not guilty, there would surely be a trial at some point, and they could take a while to happen. I truly had no clue because the only thing of any importance to me had been making sure Radleigh was getting better. Soon, we’d have to face up to the realities of what had happened, and what was to come, but that time hadn’t come yet. And I had nothing comforting to tell Jayden.
“I like it here,” Jayden said, after a while. “I like Radleigh and you and Nanna and Grandad. And I like my little sister.” I smiled, even though he couldn’t see me since his head was still resting on my shoulder. “But at my apartment… in New York… I would miss my brother and James if I wasn’t there.”
“If you lived here with Radleigh and me and Jessica, you could still visit James and Harley.”
“If I live in New York, can I visit you?”
“Of course you can, my darling. Whatever happens, you’ll still be able to see everyone, it just means you’ll see some people more often than others.”
“It takes a long time on the aeroplane to come here.”
“Yes. But we can make it work.”
He looked up at me, his eyes red-rimmed, and my heart twisted again. “I want to stay with James. But I don’t want Radleigh to be upset with me.”
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I thought that might be his choice – if he was allowed one. I still wasn’t su
re of that. Radleigh could still pull rank, but somehow, I doubted he would. Not when it was about Jayden’s happiness. No matter how much Jayden enjoyed his time with Radleigh, a move to L.A after losing his mother was a step too far. James was the one he knew the best, and he also had a little brother he was close to. If it came down to it, sure, he would have settled in with us just fine, but he needed to be where he felt the most comfortable. New York was home to him.
“He won’t be upset with you, Jay,” I told him gently.
“Really?”
“I promise. Shall we eat our doughnuts, then go tell James and Radleigh what you want to do?” I placed a soft kiss on his forehead.
Jayden nodded. “Okay.”
Apprehension built in me as we ate our snacks, because based on the last things Radleigh and I had said to each other, I figured he might assume I’d talked Jayden into his decision. But whatever Radleigh felt was based mostly on disappointment and ego. He didn’t want to think his son would prefer to live elsewhere, nor did he want to let him go when he’d only just found him. Deep down, though, I knew he would be okay with it. He knew Jayden’s needs were more important than his own.
It went much more smoothly than I anticipated, because when Jayden and I walked back into Radleigh’s room, there was a weird silence, but James’ whole frame had loosened up. His face still looked kind of haggard, and I could see he’d been crying.
But Radleigh had already made the decision. I knew it. I knew it from the sadness buried deep in his blue eyes, masked by the relief of knowing he’d done the right thing.
“Are you both okay?” I asked, as Jayden and I stood by the door.
Radleigh nodded, and James blew out a slow breath. I led Jayden back to James. James scooped him up and hugged him tight, and I sat down on the bed beside Radleigh. He reached for my hand, letting me know he wasn’t still mad at me, and I squeezed his hand gently.
“How would you like to go home tomorrow?” James asked Jayden.
The smile on Jayden’s face told us all we needed to know. “I would like that a lot!”
James’ eyes shone with warmth as he grinned. “Okay. We’ll go see your nanna and grandad later, then we’ll get Harley and go to the beach. And tomorrow, we’ll come back and see Radleigh, Leah and Jessica, and then I’ll take you and Harley home. Sound good?”
