“Just that, you, ah...” he cleared his throat. “You know, mentioned wanting to be dead twice there and it’s hard to get context out of a text message.”
I exhaled. “I’m not suicidal, Abe.”
“I didn’t think you were, I just...that had to be really awful and I wanted to make sure...”
“Awful is about the understatement of the century,” I said. “But...”
“What?”
“Wait. Aren’t you in school?”
“I’m in the restroom. When I saw your text, I left class.”
“What are you missing right now?”
“Physics,” he said.
“Really? Me, too. That’s so weird.” Though I bet you haven’t kissed your physics teacher, popped into my head. Ugh.
There was a long pause on the line and then I realized I needed to clear the air, just in case... “I didn’t do it on purpose,” I said. “I didn’t flash the audience as an FU to you for that dare.”
There was another long silence. “It never even occurred to me that you would do that.”
That was a relief.
“And Chelly, I know you didn’t mean for that to happen. I do think you’re kind of nuts sometimes,” he laughed at that so I knew he wasn’t trying to be mean. “But in the best possible way. I think that...I mean, I know you wouldn’t have done that on purpose.”
“You’re about the only one,” I muttered.
I heard him breathing and thought maybe he hadn’t heard me, but then he said, “Yeah. I know that other people think you did it on purpose for attention. I never for a second thought that, but I guess I get why they might if they don’t really know you.”
How do you know me? I thought, but didn’t ask.
“But don’t worry about them. This will all blow over and now that the pictures are down you can...”
“Wait. What? Pictures? WHAT?”
I heard a muttered curse and then. “Damn it, Chelly. I thought the girls would have told you. Some a-hole posted pictures. But I got them taken down and told Dean Peterson and he made an announcement that anyone who posted more would be subject to expulsion and possible criminal charges. I’m surprised you didn’t get something from your dean too.”
I knew there was a reason I hadn’t looked at any school messages. But more importantly, “There were pictures?”
“Just a couple. They’re gone now, though. It’s over.”
“Who saw them?” I asked, not wanting his answer but needing it all the same.
“Uh...”
“Who saw them, Abe?” I demanded. “Did everyone see them?”
After a long moment, he answered. “Probably. I’m so sorry, Chelly, I shut it down as quickly as I could, but it spread really fast and I... Damn it, I’m so sorry.”
I put the food tray up on my desk and walked into the bathroom. “Hold on,” I said and put the phone down on the counter as I kneeled in front of the toilet and lost my breakfast.
~ ♥ ~
“Chelly?”
I looked around and then realized I’d completely forgotten my phone. I spit out the last of the mouthwash and turned off the tap before I picked it up. “Abe? You’re still there?”
“Yeah. You okay? It sounded like...”
“I puked.”
“You really are sick. Can I call someone for you?”
“No,” I said, looking at my sad face in the mirror. “You’re sweet though. Everyone’s right.”
There was a short pause before he asked, “Everyone’s right about what?”
“You,” I said with a sigh, sitting down on the closed toilet. “Everyone says you’re a nice guy.”
He chuckled. “And you’re just coming around now?”
“Yes,” I said, teasing. “But don’t worry. I’m totally convinced now.”
“Chelly?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you really okay?”
I almost said yes, but something told me he wanted the truth. The real truth, so help me God. “No. Not really.”
“Can I tell you a story that might help?” he said, his voice soft and low and soothing in almost a sexy way.
“You can try,” I said, doubting that any story he could tell me would help, unless it was a story about how the last three days hadn’t really happened.
“So back when I was on the show there was a wrap party for the third season at one of the producers’ houses. My parents, being the irresponsible celebrity whores that they are, took me, even knowing how crazy those parties could get. Actually, the crazier the better for them back then. I’m pretty sure that was the year my mother discovered she preferred coke to vodka and took me to these parties to score without even having to dip into my trust account.”
I’d read his manuscript already, so I knew Abe’s childhood had sucked, but I cringed hearing this. Maybe more because he said it so matter-of-fact when it was really horrifying. “Abe, you don’t have to...”
“No, I want to tell you. I’ll get to the point. Anyway, so it was this crazy pool party, tons of booze and drugs and Ty—the kid who played my older brother on the show—was always trying to get me wasted.”
“How old were you?”
“Probably ten or eleven.”
Ten or eleven. “God, Abe...” I said, hating how young he’d been when he’d been totally corrupted by Hollywood and those horrible parents of his.
“Anyway. I was always resisting, mostly because I didn’t like the taste of booze. The drugs thing, well, I had seen my mother pretty high and she was always a mess when she used, so... But then Ty brought me these coolers that just tasted like juice. It was stupid, but I was tired of him constantly pressuring me, so I gave in. Well, you can imagine I got pretty hammered.”
I couldn’t even imagine what was coming next in this story and how it was going to make me feel better. “What happened?” I asked, not because I wanted to know as much as to keep the conversation moving.
“I got so drunk that I puked and passed out. Lucky I didn’t choke on my own vomit, to be honest. But you don’t think of that when you’re ten and hurling your guts out. But like I said, I passed out and Ty and his douchebag friends stripped me down and took pictures.”
“Oh God,” I said.
“Yeah. Well, I don’t know if you ever watched the show, but part of why they cast me was because I was a nerdy kid. Super scrawny and all that. So I was always kind of embarrassed of my body and would never change in front of anyone no matter what.”
He gets me, I thought. Even though he doesn’t know it, we’re the same. “Oh Abe,” I said. “And they did that to you.”
“Things weren’t as bad then with the internet and cell cameras as they are now, but I was something of a celebrity.” Something of a celebrity was an understatement—he was the ‘it kid’ back then. His voice didn’t sound as matter-of-fact now. My heart ached for him.
“How bad did it get?”
“It made it onto TV. I got pretty messed up over it and even drank pretty heavily for a while. It was easy enough to get the booze and now that I knew what was easy to drink, being wasted was better than having to show up to the set every day and face all that sober.”
I didn’t even mention how it got by his parents because I already knew they were neglectful, awful human beings. “And you had to work with that guy who did it to you.”
“I had to work with him and we had the same tutor, so when we weren’t on the set, I had to study with him.”
“What a dick,” I said, so angry on his behalf, I wished I could track this Ty jerk down and give him a piece of my mind. Then I added a bunch of other names that weren’t as nice.
Abe chuckled. “That’s a pretty apt description.”
I stood up and left the bathroom, thirsty from all the talking and probably the crying the days before. “So how exactly is this supposed to make me feel better?” I asked as I cradled the phone between my head and shoulder and reached into our little fridge for a water.
&nbs
p; “I’m still alive,” he said.
I snorted. “Yes. But that makes the bar pretty low, doesn’t it? That you survived it? I mean, yeah, I’m living after all that, but...?” I shrugged even though he couldn’t see me.
“That’s not exactly what I meant,” he said sternly, but I could still hear the smile in his voice. “I’m here and I still make a lot of money off that show. I’m not an alcoholic or a coke-head, which—I should point out—Ty is.”
“Okay, so you’re living the good life. That’s great for you, Abe. But you’ll forgive me if I don’t understand how this is supposed to make me feel better for me.”
“Well, let’s see,” he said. “Did you know this story before I told you just now?”
I dropped onto my bed and opened up the water. “No. Obviously you didn’t put it in your book.”
“Uh, no,” he said. “So my point is that a picture of me naked on prime time television is no longer relevant. You can Google it if you want—though I’d prefer you didn’t, but obviously can’t stop you—and you’ll see it, but it doesn’t define me. It doesn’t even matter. And the same will happen with this. You’ll rise above it and move on with your life.”
“But,” I said, feeling my face heat up at just the thought. “You’re not ten anymore. You wouldn’t even be recognizable.” You are hot now, I thought, remembering that night by the fire pit, heat creeping up my face as I did.
“That’s not the point. I mean, obviously I’m glad I don’t look like a scrawny ten year old anymore, but even if it had happened as I look now, it wouldn’t matter.”
I closed my eyes, knowing deep down he was right. But it still felt so fresh, so raw. I thought of those bitchy girls in the dining hall and my stomach rolled over again, even though there was nothing left in it.
“I’m not that well-adjusted, Abe. I can’t just rationalize it away.”
He laughed humorlessly before he said, “I wasn’t born this well-adjusted, believe me. But you’re so much stronger than you’re giving yourself credit for. You are the most kickass girl I know. You’ll get through this.”
My heart fluttered at his words and that he thought of me that way, but still. “I don’t know.”
“You can’t always control what happens to you, but you always have control over how you deal with it. You make the choice to let it roll off you and people can’t hurt you.”
“I’m going to need the name of your therapist.”
“Gladly, if you need it. And I mean that, Chelly. I’ve been through enough stuff to know that talking to a pro can make all the difference.”
My throat almost closed up at him being so damned nice. “God, I feel like I’m talking to a pro right now.”
“Yeah well, first hour’s free, but...” he said, laughing.
Realizing we’d been on the phone a while, I glanced at the clock. “Holy crap, Abe. You’ve been out of class a long time.”
“It’s okay,” he said. “I do okay in physics.”
“So do I,” I blurted out for no reason at all.
“Oh really?”
“Yeah, I aced my last test.”
“Smart and pretty; you’re the whole package.”
“Don’t forget my rack,” I said.
There was a long silence on the phone and I knew there was no way Abe was touching that one with a ten foot pole. Not that I could blame him.
“You know,” I said, cursing myself. “I know I said it but it still felt like it’s too soon.”
He chuckled. “I’d better go,” he said. “I’ll see you Friday.”
I had to think about what was on Friday. “Oh, the dance? Ha, yeah right. Like I’m going to that.”
“Aw come on. What better way to show everyone you’re above what happened?”
“We’ll see. Anyway, I’ll let you go but thanks for talking me off the ledge, Abe.”
“Anytime, Chelly.” And the way he said it, I knew he really did mean it.
“Wait,” I said hoping I caught him before he ended the call.
“Yeah?”
“Sorry I ruined your magic show.”
He laughed again. “You mean the one I never wanted to do in the first place?”
“Shut up,” I said. “You loved being up there and you were killing it.”
He didn’t say anything to that, but I knew it was true.
“Anyway,” I said, hoping he could tell I was being sincere. “I am really sorry.”
“It’s okay, Seychelles. Really,” he said, his voice deep. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”
I smiled and ended the call, sliding my phone onto my desk and grabbing the bottle of water to rehydrate.
It felt weird to be smiling after finding out about the pictures and puking and all that, but his story really had made me feel better. No, it wasn’t just his story, he had made me feel better.
Making me think that maybe I was going about this experiment all wrong.
Tainted Findings
I gave it ten minutes after the end of last period before I made my way down the hall to Emmie and Brooklyn’s dorm room and was rewarded when I could hear them talking inside. I opened the door and let myself in like I always did, greeting them with, “Afternoon, ladies!”
Emmie was sitting at her desk with her webstore up on her computer and Brooklyn was sitting on her bed, pulling off her tights. They both turned and smiled at me. “Feeling better?” Brooklyn asked.
“Much. Thanks,” I said, nodding. It was the truth, although she probably thought I really had been sick. I had puked, so I guess that counted.
I dropped onto Brooklyn’s bed beside her. “So were either of you going to tell me about the pictures?”
The girls looked at each other and it looked as though no, they hadn’t planned on telling me. I wasn’t sure whether to be upset or grateful that they were trying to protect me. I guess grateful, but...
“Who told you?” Emmie asked, swiveling in her chair toward us.
“Abe.”
She nodded. “He was the one who got it shut down so fast. I mean, I totally would have been on it, but he was faster on the trigger.”
I nodded. “I got that. And I appreciate it. But you should have told me.”
Emmie’s brows arched up. “You haven’t exactly been approachable the last couple of days. You know we’ve got your back, Chelly, but you...”
“We thought you wanted some distance,” Brooklyn offered, squeezing my hand comfortingly.
I sighed. “You’re right. I’m not mad, of course.”
“You owe Abe, though.” Emmie said. “I would have gotten the pictures offline, but it was his idea to involve the deans. I probably wouldn’t have done that, but this way, the pictures won’t come back.” Her words trailed off into a squeak and as her head dropped, I watched a fat tear fall onto her thigh.
“Emmie?” I said, jumping off the bed to close the gap between us. “What’s wrong?”
“It was all my fault. The dress...I had no business sewing that and look what happened!”
“Emmie,” I said, kneeling down in front of my friend, arching my neck so I could see up into her eyes. “It was not your fault.”
“Yes it was.”
“No,” I said firmly. “The tape gave way. It wasn’t your sewing.” Mostly. But it didn’t matter that her sewing might have contributed to the disaster. If the tape had held, the seam giving way wouldn’t have mattered. I couldn’t let her think that it had been her fault.
“Then it’s my fault,” Brooklyn said, making me turn to look at her. “The tape was my idea.”
I shook my head. “The whole thing was no one’s fault. It’s just something that happened.”
“But Chelly,” Emmie said and I swear, I’ve never seen her looking so upset about anything.
I held up my hand to stop her. “I’m serious, Emmeline. I don’t hold you...” I glanced at Brooklyn. “Or you or anyone responsible. It was just one of those horrible things that happen.”
Emm
ie wiped at her eyes and nodded.
“So. We good?” I asked as looked between my friends and glared at them until they both nodded.
“Okay, good. So tell me what happened today. Anything...noteworthy?”
I wasn’t about to bait them on what I wanted to know but...
Emmie looked at Brooklyn and shrugged. “Not really. I suppose people were talking about the talent show, but nothing really other than what you already know.”
“Right. Of course. So what classwork did I miss?” I asked casually.
“Nothing,” Emmie said.
I’d had dentist appointments that were less painful than this. “Nothing even in physics?”
Emmie shook her head. “No, we had a sub today. Mr. Stratton was off.”
“What?” I said, my voice cracking, so I coughed to cover it up. Nice one, Chelly.
Emmie narrowed her eyes at me. “I guess he’s sick or something. Anyway, you didn’t miss anything.”
“What’s wrong?” Brooklyn said, eyeing me suspiciously. “You look pale.”
I rubbed my stomach. “You know, I’m still not feeling a hundred percent. Maybe there’s something going around campus.” I pushed myself up off Brooklyn’s bed. “Maybe I’ll go lie down for a bit.”
“You’d better not be contagious,” Emmie warned.
“Probably not,” I said absently as I made my way toward the door, my heart racing and my entire body feeling flushed.
I doubted that what I had was catching, but I knew without even a shadow of a doubt that Mr. Stratton’s absence had everything to do with me.
What had I done?
~ ♥ ~
“How are you feeling?” Naomi asked when I walked into the dorm room. She was putting some books into a bag, but stopped when she saw me. Like she might stay a while.
“Fine,” I said, heading over to my desk and sitting at the computer.
“You don’t look fine,” she said. “You sure you’re okay?”
I can’t do this with her here, I thought. “You know what?” I said, turning back toward her and giving her a big smile. “I’m just really hungry and dehydrated. Would you mind going down to the dining room and getting me something to eat?”
Acting Out Page 14
