by Polly Carter
For more than two wonderful years, everything was perfect, and then… At that point, Harley sighed, forced memories of Arian from her mind, readjusted her seat, started her car and resumed her journey. She didn’t want to think about him anymore. It hurt too much.
Chapter 3
“Pleath read it again, Mummy,” the tousled, sleepy little cherub begged Harley. “Toody and Toby want to hear it again.”
Harley smiled at her daughter and tucked Toody the teddy bear more closely against her. Toody had never officially been given that as a name; it was more a mispronunciation by the then two-year-old Lyddia of its brand name ‘Goody Bear’ which had stuck, although the initial Toody Bear had since been shortened to just Toody.
Toby, a six-year-old rescue black Labrador kelpie cross, was lying on his tummy on Lyddia’s bed, his forepaws extended in front of him and his head resting on them. His eyes were open and his short floppy ears cocked.
“Is that true, Toby? Do you want to hear it again?” Harley asked him. He lifted his head and wagged his tail. “Very well,” she said with a grin. “But this is the last time. It’s getting late and it really is time Lyddia was asleep. Especially now she’s a big girl and is going to kindy.”
“Toby thaid he’ll go to thleep after one more read, Mummy,” Lyddia said seriously. “And Toody will too.”
“Okay, then. Snuggle down.”
Harley started reading again, but Lyddia and Toody were fast asleep before she’d got very far on what was the third time through. Toby was still wide awake, though, and jumped quietly off the bed, picked up his yellow ball from the doorway where he’d left it on the way in, and followed her into the lounge room. Harriet, sitting in an armchair watching television, looked up as Harley came in. Toby crawled up onto the couch, gave his ball a couple of reassuring chews, and settled down for a snooze.
“Is she asleep?”
“Yes,” Harley replied with a smile sitting on the couch and playing with Toby’s ears. “It took a bit longer because Toody and Toby had to hear the story again, and then again, and then again, although Toody was asleep before I got very far into it for the third time. I’ve never known a teddy bear and dog who love stories more than those two.”
“I remember a certain bear,” her mother replied, smiling back, “who always seemed to want just one more story.”
“Wispy?”
“Uh-huh. I think Wispy loved that book about the dragon almost as much as you. Maybe even more.”
Harley smiled, but Harriet’s face and voice took on a more serious tone. “How are you feeling, darling? I wish you’d let me come with you today.”
“I’m fine,” Harley lied, massaging Toby’s back. “And really there was no point you coming, no point both of us being bored. Nothing happened really. Just the usual three hours waiting around and then in and out in about ten minutes flat.”
“That was all?”
“Yes. Apart from having the actual date now, barring a miracle. But we already expected it to be in about two months’ time. It’s just official now.”
“Oh,” Harriet looked deeply worried. “What will happen? Has anyone said anything?”
Harley felt her scalp prickle. She scrunched her fingers into Toby’s neck. He opened an eye to look at her and gave his tail one thump. “Not much. Mostly just ‘We’re working on it, but it doesn’t look good. You should probably be prepared for the worst’,” Harley quoted bitterly. “I’m just trying not to think about it at the moment. It doesn’t feel real. I mean, I know it is, but it still doesn’t feel like it. And it makes me so angry. If I could just get hold of that slime bucket, I’d shave his face off with a cheese grater. How could anyone be so horrid?” Her voice had risen. She took a deep breath. “I’m going to collect some character references. I’m not sure they’ll do much good, but I don’t know what else I can do.” Her bottom lip trembled, and her eyes burned.
“Well, everything is worth a try,” Harriet said. “I just wish I could do something. I’d happily do some grating myself. Surely the police can find him?”
“You’d think, but to be honest, I think they were quite happy to label it an ‘open and shut’ case and leave me holding the bag. Literally.”
Harley was starting to feel uncomfortable that she still hadn’t mentioned seeing Arian and was trying to find the words when Harriet stood up out of her chair. Toby looked up to see what was happening next.
“Don’t get up, Mum,” Harley said, getting up too. “Do you want something? I’ll get it for you.”
Harriet smiled at her. “I need to have a pee. If you’ve worked out a way you can do that for me, great, otherwise I guess I’ll still have to go myself. You can make a cup of tea while I’m gone if you like. I’d love one. Toby, you can stay here,” she added. Toby put his head back down still not taking his eyes off her.
Harley was in the kitchen and Harriet was coming back from the bathroom when the telephone rang. Harley went to answer it, but her mother was already there.
“Hello,” she said, and Harley saw a look of pleased surprise spread over her face as the person on the other end spoke. “Arian!” she exclaimed. “How nice to hear from you again. It’s been so long. How are you? Are you calling from Sydney? Is everything all right?” She paused while Arian replied to her barrage of questions.
“Oh, so you’re living back in Perth? That’s nice. You must come and see me… Oh, did you? That’s odd.” Harriet looked at Harley who fidgeted uncomfortably. “She didn’t mention anything… Well, yes, I have seen her; she’s right here with me now. Didn’t she tell you? She’s living with me while… until… well, for a little while.” She paused while Arian spoke, then glanced quickly at Harley as she replied, “No, no she doesn’t.” Another pause. “Certainly, I’ll put her on.” She put her hand over the mouthpiece. “Here, Harley, Arian wants a word with you. What a lovely surprise. Fancy you not saying you’d seen him.” She held the receiver out. “Talk to him, Harley,” she urged her daughter. “He may be able to help you. I’ll finish the tea.”
Barely controlling her bubbling emotions, Harley took the receiver as casually as she could manage and waited for her mother to leave the room before she held it up to her mouth.
“Arian,” she said breathlessly, her heart racing. “This is a surprise. I didn’t really think you’d ring me.”
“Well, strictly speaking, I wasn’t ringing you, was I, as I didn’t even know you were there. I was ringing your mother who, I might add, sounds a lot more pleased to hear from me than you do.”
“Why, though? Why were you ringing Mum?”
“To find out where you were living and get your phone number.”
“But why? What do you want?”
“What do you think, Hal? To see you, of course. Do you think I’d come back to Perth and not get in touch? I want to see you, talk to you. I wouldn’t even mind a belated explanation. I know things were a bit difficult, but I thought we’d work them out. I never expected my woman would just run off and disappear like that.”
She could hear the hurt and bitterness in his voice, and his possessive words sent a sad thrill down her spine. “My woman,” he’d said. And she had been; she just hadn’t realised how lucky she was. She’d grown up, though, since she’d seen him last, and her heart cried to have him back, even while her mind knew it was impossible now. The considerable water under the bridge was a polluted mess full of too many obstacles for that to ever happen. And although they were constrained in different ways, neither of them was free. They’d had their chance, she had blown it, and it was likely now she would have a long lonely time in the future to reflect on that.
“Why did you do it, Hal? Now I’ve finally found you again, can I at least get an answer?” Arian was persisting.
Harley sighed. “Being apart made me realise I had made a mistake,” she said. “But what does it matter now anyway? It’s all in the past. We’ve both moved on.”
“I still don’t understand why you didn’t tell m
e that in person, though. Why you just ran away.”
“Perhaps I shouldn’t have done, but I thought a quick, complete break was best for both of us.”
“I don’t believe that, Hal. How could you think it was best for me?”
“I decided I wanted to end our relationship, and I did. That’s the truth. The whole truth and nothing but the truth,” she added snarkily. “That’s all. The end.”
“You still haven’t told me why. I know it was difficult being apart, but it wasn’t forever, was it? I thought you understood why I had to go. You could have gone with me.”
“Oh, Arian. How many times did we go through all this? Before you went, every time I visited you and every time you came here, plus on the phone and emails. In the end, I realised you weren’t the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, so I ended it, and I cut off contact with you so you couldn’t try and get me to change my mind.”
“I still think you’re lying, or at least not telling me the whole truth. You’re hiding something.”
“Stop saying that.” Salty tears were stinging her eyes. “I don’t know what you want, but I just want you to leave me alone. Go back to Sydney. Go back to the States, for all I care. You’re not wanted here.”
For a moment, Harley heard nothing but her own words echoing back at her. When he finally spoke, his voice was sombre but not defeated.
“Okay, if that’s true, if you really want me out of your life forever, then so be it, but I need more convincing, Hal. I just want to talk to you. A proper talk. You can’t deny me that.”
“No, stay away from me,” Harley pleaded desperately, tears now rolling down her cheeks. What lay between them was no longer just what had happened years ago; it was so much more than that now. “Please, please, Arian. Just leave me alone.”
“I’m sorry. I can’t do that. Now I know where you are, I’m going to come and see you. If you can tell me to my face so I believe you that you don’t want anything to do with me, then I shan’t bother you again. But you broke my heart, Hal, and you owe me a proper explanation. I’ll be in touch.” And with that he was gone before she could protest further.
Harley’s hand was shaking as she replaced the receiver. She felt drained and exhausted but couldn’t deny how good it was just to hear Arian’s voice again. She had to keep him away. It was even more important now that she could no longer pretend she didn’t still have the same feelings for him she had had all that time ago. Disastrously, the day had revealed she was every bit as susceptible to Arian Fletcher, married or not, as she had ever been. Why couldn’t he just leave her alone? The past was in the past, he was married and she had no future.
Not wanting to face her mother straight away, she let herself out through the front door. The afternoon sea breeze, the beloved Fremantle Doctor, which provided some relief on scorching summer days for people in Perth and its coastal surrounds, didn’t reach up into the hills, so the evening air was still and warm. Through the oleander, wattle and sprawling grevillea bushes which bordered the front yard and afforded the house some privacy from the road, she could see out over the multitude of street, house and car lights twinkling on the coastal plain below, with the brightly lit freeway, highways and major roads weaving through like giant snakes.
Apparently sleepless magpies carolled to each other in the ubiquitous gum trees that punctuated the gardens and roadside alike. Their calling and the incessant singing of the cicadas were the only sounds on the still night air apart from the occasional car. Following the decking around the side, Harley made her way to the rear of the house, down the steps into the back garden and through the pool gate, holding it open for Toby who’d heard her go outside and let himself out the dog door. He’d hopefully brought his ball in case she might throw it for him.
“Not now,” she told him, gently scratching his ear, before slipping off her shorts and T-shirt and sliding into the water in her underwear. She gasped as the cold water enveloped her. Watching her, ever hopeful she might change her mind later, Toby lowered himself to the ground and chewed on his ball, making slobbery squelching noises scrunching it together and then letting it spring open before scrunching down on it again.
Harley’s body relaxed completely as she floated on her back and gazed up at the night sky, dark enough for her to make out the Milky Way streaming above. Taking a deep breath and closing her eyes, she allowed her mind to focus only on the sensation of the silken water supporting her. She was mentally and emotionally exhausted. The incessant heat and worry about her future and how it would affect Lyddia and her mother were enervating enough without the trauma of the day’s events: the humiliation of her scheduled appearance and the hard to believe horror of the final date being set, the shock of bumping so unexpectedly into Arian after all this time, having to stop and relive their first meeting, and then the phone call.
Each time any thoughts tried to enter her mind, she pushed them away. Not now. Later.
She was roused from her reverie by Toby who, impatient with the lack of attention he was getting, had dropped his ball in the pool and after pawing the water to try and drag it back within reach had run around and hopped down onto the first step. Deciding he didn’t want to go in any further, he was whining at Harley for help. Chuckling, Harley swam over and pushed the ball to him. He quickly snapped it up and backed out of the pool. Harley followed him out, pulled on her T-shirt, picked up her shorts and took Toby and his ball back to the house, entering through the laundry door so she could dry him off.
“I’m just going to shower, Mum,” she called to Harriet, who had returned to the lounge room, and was back watching television. She stopped by her bedroom and picked up her pyjamas, then went into the bathroom.
Rinsing off the chlorine under a tepid shower, Harley faced the fact that she couldn’t avoid her mother forever. Besides, it wasn’t fair. Harriet had had her own hard time over the last ten years starting with her husband, Harley’s father, abandoning her. Then she had assumed Harley would marry Arian and he would look after her, and had been genuinely shocked, confused and disbelieving when Harley had returned from her last visit with him in the States and told her it was over. She’d been even more shocked and surprised to discover Harley was nearly six months pregnant and had not told Arian. She wasn’t altogether surprised Arian hadn’t twigged about the pregnancy as Harley’s belly had stayed almost completely flat until just after she got back from the States, and then popped out overnight. If she’d stayed with Arian even a couple of weeks longer, it was unlikely she’d have been able to disguise her condition.
There had been no judgements or recriminations, though. Harriet’s support for Harley had always been rock solid and unconditional. Whatever disappointment or sadness she felt about Arian, whom she loved like a son, now being gone from her own life too, she kept to herself. She’d supported Harley through the remainder of her pregnancy, and in her decision to move away from Perth to Geraldton, a port town up the coast, when Lyddia was born so Arian would not be able to find her.
The one bright side of getting ill as she’d done was when Harley decided the danger of Arian coming looking for her again, as he had done four times in the first two years after they separated, had passed, and she moved back to Perth to take care of her. She’d loved having them both living with her and finally having the chance to get to know her granddaughter, and when a few months previously, Harley had suddenly found herself in the worst trouble of her life, Harriet had remained as staunchly loyal. “I’m always on your side,” she’d told Harley when she was a little girl, and it had remained the truth.
Dried and in her pyjama shorts and tank top, Harley made her way back to the lounge. Harriet was in her chair and Toby had curled up on the couch. An empty mug was on the coffee table by the couch. Harley stroked Toby’s head and he thumped his tail in response as she sat down next to him.
Harriet looked at her expectantly, but Harley just stood up again and picked up the empty mug.
“I never did get
my cup of tea. I’m going to get one now,” she said. “Would you like another?”
“I made you one, but it will be cold. I’ll have another if you’re putting the kettle on again.”
When Harley returned with the tea, she handed one mug to her mother, then sat on the couch in a half-kneeling position with her lithe legs crossed, holding her own mug in both hands.
“Fancy you hearing from Arian after all this time. And you didn’t mention you’d seen him while you were in town today…” Harriet said gently, ensuring there was no accusation in her voice. “Did you know he was back in Perth?”
Harley shook her head. “No. I haven’t seen or heard from him since… since I changed my number and asked you not to give him my new one. I literally bumped into him on Hay Street as I came out of a cafe. I was about to tell you when he rang.”
“Well, we knew he was back in Australia from that newspaper article a couple of weeks back.” Harriet smiled. “But that said he and his wife were in Sydney. I didn’t know he was coming back to Perth. He’s a very successful, high-powered lawyer now. He’s very good, apparently, and…”
“No!” Harley blurted out, horrified, as she realised where her mother was going.
“Did you tell him?” her mother asked gently. “About you? Why you were in town?”
“No, and I’m not going to, and please don’t you either, Mum. I don’t need his help and I don’t want his help, even if he agreed to, which he probably wouldn’t. And there isn’t anything different he can do, anyway. Please promise me you won’t say anything to him if you talk to him again. Please?”
