by Polly Carter
“Well,” Arian said with a grin as he raised his glass to her, “here’s to old friends, hey?”
Harley clinked his glass and sipped her beer, then put her glass back on the table and gazed out over the lawn area below. Then she looked back at Arian, downed half her beer and shrugged.
“I can’t stay long.” She fidgeted nervously and drank half of what was left of her beer.
Arian watched her and chuckled. “Well you always did quite like a beer, but skulling is new.”
Harley blushed. “Like I said, I’ve got to get back.”
“I shan’t keep you long. Promise. Just relax. Look, I just picked up my bike from the dealers and decided to take it for a ride to celebrate. Where better to go than a spin in the hills on a Saturday afternoon, I thought. And as I’m going to the hills anyway, why not see if Hal is around and can get out for a ride. On the way to your place, I thought it would be nice to come here for a quick beer and chat…”
“What about?” Harley demanded.
“Nothing in particular,” Arian replied quickly, his eyebrows jumping up in surprise. “Please, Hal, do you think you could stop looking quite so apprehensive. What’s so odd about my wanting to have a beer and catch up with an old friend? I really have no idea about what you’ve been doing since I saw you last. I’m interested, that’s all.”
Two green Australian Ringneck parrots landed on the gazebo’s wooden railing and chattered noisily, apparently put out by there being no food on the table.
“Fifty-six,” Arian said with a grin, reminding Harley of their joke based on the colloquial name for the birds: twenty-eights. Harley couldn’t help smiling despite her heart swelling with the poignancy of nostalgia as she remembered how happy she had been with Arian here in the past and how, somehow, between them they had lost that precious thing and now there was no way back.
“Penny for them?”
“Oh. Nothing really,” Harley stammered, giving a slight start and then blushing.
“I don’t believe you for one instant, but I’m getting used to this new secretive you. Perhaps being a woman of mystery is your new schtick. No,” he put his hand up as she began to speak. “Enough of your protestations.” Then his voice softened, and he smiled causing her heart to flip about in a way it hadn’t done in a very long time. “I’m only kidding, sweetheart. I didn’t bring you here to torment you and if you don’t want to share your thoughts with me, well, so be it. How about another beer before we go?”
“Okay,” Harley accepted, glad of the diversion. “Thanks.”
She watched him as he walked back up the stairs and into the bar. He’d lost the last gangliness of youth, but physical maturity had not robbed him of his natural grace. His leather jacket now hanging over the chair opposite her, his tight jeans and white T-shirt clearly outlined his broad shoulders tapering down to narrow hips and sturdy legs. What an idiot she’d been, she scolded herself. How could one person make so many stupid mistakes?
And now, out of the blue, here he was, back in her life. The old chemistry that had started everything between them years ago was still there it seemed. How she ached to open herself to him, to let him wrap those big, strong arms around her and hold her safe against him. But she couldn’t. What was the point in starting something that had no future? It would just make everything even harder and more painful.
Arian returned and placed another beer in front of her before sitting down. He leant back and crossed one ankle over his other knee.
“You know, Hal,” he began, “you’ve told me almost nothing at all about your life since you ran out on me, just that you’re not working at the moment and have a daughter. When do I get to meet her? Did you finish your last two years of uni? Where did you disappear to?”
“I finished my degree. I’m a qualified social worker. I got a job in Geraldton. I worked there for a couple of years.”
“Good for you!” Arian beamed at her and raised his glass before taking a drink. Lowering it again, he looked at her and chuckled. “So the ratbag I picked up on the street that day turned out okay, huh? I knew you were a diamond in the rough even then. Well, congratulations, Hal. So, how come you’re not working now?”
“I was but…” She turned away, biting her bottom lip.
“What?” Arian said quickly.
“Nothing,” Harley lied, not looking at him. She shrugged and turned back to face him. “That job just didn’t work out so I’m between jobs at the moment. That’s all.”
Arian tilted his head and looked at her through half-closed eyes. “Yeah, nah. I don’t really buy that, but…” he added quickly before she could speak, “never mind. I shan’t pry. You’ll tell me when you’re good and ready. Meanwhile, tell me about your mum. She looks great, doesn’t she?”
“She does now,” Harley agreed. “She was sick a while back, though. Ross river virus. I was still in Geraldton but was fortunately able to get a transfer so I could come back to Perth to look after her. She’s okay now.”
“Ow. Nasty. Does she know where she got it?”
“Yeah, she went to Margaret River for Easter, and came down with it shortly after. Unfortunately, she got a pretty bad dose. Although the worst of the pain subsided in around two months, the tiredness lingered much longer. Poor Mum. It was horrible to see her suffering.”
“Indeed.” Arian reached across and covered her hand with his. “I wish I’d known, Hal. I wish I could have been here to help.”
Harley knew he and Harriet were very fond of each other, and his gesture was one of comfort, but the touch of his hand was more than she could bear. Fighting with all her strength to hold back the tears burning in her eyes as she imagined an impossible life where he would always be by her side to help, she stood up, drained her glass, and picked up her helmet.
“Can we go, please?” she said as she ran up the stairs, desperate for a moment alone to recompose herself. By the time Arian joined her at the bike, she already had her helmet and sunglasses on. She turned away from him as he went to speak. He pursed his lips, raised his eyes and gave his head a small shake, put on his jacket and helmet, climbed onto the bike, pulled the stand up and started the engine. Harley took her place behind him. She knew it was much easier for him to ride if she pressed against him rather than holding the grab rail at the back, so she put her arms around his waist again.
She should never have come. It was too painful. But it was just as painful not seeing him. She wished he’d never come back. She wished she’d never let him go. She wished. . . What did it matter what she wished? Things were as they were, and no amount of wishing was going to change them. She just wished she could be home as quickly as possible, and at least that wish could and did come true.
Jumping off as soon as the bike came to rest, Harley pulled her helmet off, handed it to Arian and was about to run to the front door when he stopped her.
“Hal, wait.”
“No.” Harley struggled to get away. “Go away. I don’t want you here. Please, just go away and leave me alone. Go back to America, or Sydney, or anywhere. I wish you’d never come back.”
Arian had to let go of her while he got off the bike and put it on its stand. Harley ran to the front door and fumbled in her bag for her keys. She managed to get it unlocked but not open before he was at her side. He took hold of her, turned her around and pulled her closer, holding her with both hands.
“I’ve tried to be patient, Hal, but I can’t do it anymore. What’s going on for Chrissakes? Tell me! Why don’t you want me here? What are you hiding from me? What’s the big mystery? Talk to me.”
“There’s no mystery. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Well,” Arian’s voice was calm now but still serious as he held her eyes with his. “Let’s start with why you suddenly broke off our relationship, no explanation, then disappeared and refused to talk to me. Why did you do it, Hal? You knew I wanted to marry you. I couldn’t understand why you just cut me off like that. Now, two, three, howev
er long, years later and here we are again. I still want to marry you and I don’t believe you when you tell me you want me to go away. I can feel you trembling when I hold you. You want me. I can feel it, but something is holding you back even if you won’t tell me what. But I can’t wait any longer and I can’t risk losing you again. I want to take care of you, and I’m going to marry you soon as possible.”
“No, you’re not. I’m not marrying you or anyone else,” Harley cried out with such pain and anguish in her voice that Arian snatched her into his arms. Wrapped in his powerful yet tender embrace, the feel and scent of him were more than Harley could bear. This is where she wanted to be, had always wanted to be, but it was to be denied her forever–it was too cruel. Her despair vented itself in a heart-rending sob.
“Hal! For heaven’s sake, tell me what’s wrong. I can’t bear to see you like this. It’s killing me. Marry me now. I want to help you. Whatever it is, we can take care of it together. Is it your mum? I’ll help you look after her. And your little girl.” As he spoke, Arian tightened his arms around her. “Stay with me,” he crooned as he felt her relax a little into him. “I love you, Hal. I never stopped loving you. I had to come back for you. You’re mine. You know that. You’ll always be mine. You’ve waited for me too, haven’t you? Marry me. Let me take care of you. Let me love you the way I’ve always wanted to.”
Encouraged by her momentary lack of resistance, Arian pressed his lips gently against her neck, crooning and caressing, until he felt her surrendering in his arms. Gently he eased her around just enough so he could reach her lips and then his mouth covered hers with all the longing of a love so long denied. Gentle at first, he quickly became more demanding as he tasted her sweetness and felt her resistance crumble still further.
“God, Hal,” he murmured, drawing back momentarily to look into her eyes. “You’re so beautiful. I can’t get enough of you. I want it all, every bit of you, for always.” And his mouth again fell on hers like a starving man might fall upon a delicate fruit in an attempt to slake his hunger by sucking the sweetness from its very centre.
“Marry me, Hal,” he repeated at last. “Marry me quickly. You mustn’t leave me again. I will make you my prisoner if I have to rather than let you go a second time.”
His innocent words triggered a most unexpected response. With a surge of energy, Hal pushed him away.
“You’re too late,” she cried bitterly. “I’m being made a prisoner all right, but not by you.”
“What?” Arian’s brow was deeply furrowed and the confusion and concern in his eyes made him look angry. “What on earth are you talking about?”
“I’m going to prison,” she replied, surprising herself by answering calmly despite her body shaking violently.
Taking hold of her shoulders, he forced her to look squarely at him.
“That’s ridiculous. Why would you be going to prison? What could you possibly have done? Tell me, damn you.”
Instead of feeling frightened by his dark expression, Harley felt a surge of relief. At last it was a secret no longer, and he would go away and she would never have to see him again. She could see the hurt in his eyes, and watched it change to disgust as she replied calmly.
“Drug dealing. I’m going to prison for being a drug dealer. Crystal meth.”
“What are you talking about?” Arian asked warily, his eyes narrowed with suspicion.
“I was caught delivering five grams and charged with selling and supplying and seem certain to be convicted. It’s highly unlikely I’ll get a good behaviour bond or a suspended sentence, so I guess I’ll be going to prison, possibly for years.” She spoke without expression in her voice or on her face. It was her saying it, but she felt like she was listening to someone else. Everything she’d said was the truth but so completely unbelievable was it, that she still found it impossible to fully comprehend that she could be talking about herself and what was going to happen to her. From Arian’s expression it was evident that he hadn’t believed a word of it.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” he began angrily. “What sort of fool do you take me for? What’s the point of this silly story?”
“It’s the truth,” Harley assured him flatly, and this time she could see from the contemptuous sneer that he finally believed her.
“How could you have done that, Hal?” he demanded angrily, his hands gripping her so tightly, her arms were aching.
All the colour drained from her face, and her eyes were huge and sad as she stood silently in front of his condemnation. Her heart, already broken, shattered still further into a trillion tiny shards as she saw every vestige of respect for her disappear from him. She wanted to reach out and, with her finger, gently trace away the curl of distaste from his lip. No matter how great her anger at him for hurting her had been, no matter how she had railed against him, no matter how adamantly she had told him to leave her alone, now seeing him withdraw so definitely, so permanently from her was more painful than she could stand.
His hands fell from her shoulders to droop at his sides, and he stared at her in speechless horror.
“Thanks for the beer,” she said woodenly, turned and went inside, closing the door behind her. A few minutes later she heard his motorcycle start and roar off, no doubt finally carrying him out of her life forever.
Chapter 7
It was like breaking up with Arian for the first time all over again. Ever-present nausea sat like a rock in her stomach. Eating was impossible; food tasted like cardboard and swallowing lumps of it just too difficult. She talked to Jessamy on the phone for hours and put a brave face on for Lyddia and Harriet but nothing eased her pain and, except when she was asleep, there was no escaping it.
“I told you he’d hate me,” she had wailed to Jessamy.
“He doesn’t hate you and he’ll be back,” Jessamy had replied firmly.
“Well, I don’t want him back,” Harley had said bitterly. “He makes out like he’s this really great person but he just keeps pissing off. First to America, and now, after going on about how much he wanted to marry me, it didn’t take much for him to disappear again, did it? He just assumed I did it. I hate him.”
“He doesn’t hate you. You don’t hate him. You love each other. He’ll be back,” Jessamy patiently insisted.
And she was right.
“I’m coming over tonight to talk. If Harriet can babysit, I’m taking you out for dinner. I’ll be there at seven. I’ll bring the car.” Arian’s voice on the phone was brusque and it was clear this was an order not a request. Heart pounding, she was about to refuse or hang up, she hadn’t quite decided which, when he spoke again. “Don’t mess me around, Hal. Just expect me at seven.”
Harley’s hands were trembling as she replaced the phone in its cradle, then checked the time on her mobile: four thirty. She tapped the screen a few times and waited.
“Hi, Mum,” she said when Harriet answered. “Arian just rang and said he’s taking me to dinner tonight. He didn’t give me chance to refuse.”
“Of course you must go, Harley!” Harriet was adamant. “I’m so glad he got in touch with you again. You seemed pretty certain the other day he wasn’t going to, but I couldn’t believe he’d just turn his back on you.”
“Yeah, well he sure acted like he couldn’t get away fast enough,” Harley replied.
“Maybe he just needed time to think, or maybe you were reading things into it that weren’t there. Anyway, you must go. Lyddia will be fine with me.”
“I don’t know, Mum. I…” Harley began.
Harriet cut her off. “Go!”
“Hey, chickie babe. What’s cooking?” At the sound of Jessamy’s voice answering her phone, Harley’s pounding heart slowed in relief.
“Thank goodness you’re there, Jess.”
“What’s up?”
“Arian just rang and said I have to go to dinner with him, and Mum says I have to go as well.”
“Right.” Jessamy dragged the word out to make it the short versi
on of ‘So, what’s the problem?’ “That’s good news, isn’t it? I mean a couple of days ago you were all sad and angry because you were never going to see him again, and now you’re all sad and angry because you are.”
“That’s hardly fair!” Harley shot back.
“No, I get that you’re in a really bad place, Hal. Honest I do,” Jessamy said gently. “This is the greatest travesty in the history of the world, and I’ve promised to set it right, and, well, if I can’t, I’ll chain myself to the prison fence until they fix it. Not that I think it will come to that,” she added hastily.
“But…”
“But nothing, girl. I know how angry you were with Arian before and why you dumped him, but you’re still nuts about him–no, don’t deny it. This is me, right? I know these things. And he’s obviously still madly in love with you. So, be a good girl and do like your mama says and go. See what he has to say. How can it hurt?”
“I hate him,” Harley said vehemently when Jessamy paused for breath. “If he’d been there, this never would have happened. I’d like to stick him in the same sack as cobble-bollocks and those stupid cops and dump them all in the sea!”
“Exactly. So, seeing as how it’s his fault too, the least you can expect him to do is help make it right. Right? So go along and demand he do something to put an end to it pronto!”
“Okay,” Harley said with a resigned sigh. “I’ll go. But I won’t enjoy it!”
With two hours to wait before he arrived and her nerves in shreds, Harley put Toby’s leash on him and took him and Lyddia to the playground. Watching Lyddia having such fun on the swings and slides was the only thing that could momentarily lift her spirits.
At exactly seven o’clock, dressed and ready, quelling the panic that threatened to overtake her at the thought of having to face him, she answered the ring at the door. He was wearing a grey, finely pin-striped, Italian blazer, white T-shirt underneath and black denim jeans. His utterly unmanageable wiry hair was tamed as much as possible by being cut very short at the sides and longer but gelled into submission on top. His light beard was clipped very short down the side of his face and around his chin, accentuating his high cheekbones, and he sported a thin moustache and a separated soul patch.
