The Loneliest Alpha (The MacKellen Alphas)

by T. A. Grey

  “Don’t.” He jerked his face back, dislodging her touch. He dropped her back down and she took an unsteady step back.

  “I just wanted to—”

  Irritation swamped his vision. “Forget it,” he bit out, anger lacing his tightly controlled words. He swept past her and slammed his busted ass bedroom door closed, locking it for good measure.

  How could she?

  She touched it.

  His muscles tightened and flexed as rage coursed through him. Hard breaths pounded out from his lungs like he’d been running up a damn mountain…in the snow…with flippers on. He needed to crack his knuckles against something, beat something, anything, to get his frustration out.

  A soft knock sounded at the door but he didn’t turn around. It came again, this time a bit harder. He slammed his eyes closed and called for patience.

  “Go to bed, Alicia.”

  There was a moment of silence then he heard, “I’m sorry.”

  Ah, hell.

  He heard her door close a moment later. Only then did he let his emotions get the better of him. He stalked to his bedroom door, fist curled into a hard ball, then let it fly. His hand went straight through, splintering the wood. Splinters stuck out from his hand like a cactus plant and blood beaded around the small wounds.

  How could she betray him like that? How could she touch him?

  Over his loud breaths, he heard her door open. His jaw pulled tight.

  “I just wanted to kiss you,” she called out, almost as if she was the frustrated one. Then her bedroom door closed again.

  Fucking hell.

  CHAPTER 8

  Hanna MacKellen stared at her house from the driver’s seat of her white four-door Civic. She loved that house. It was her own dream home—well, cabin actually. It had a large kitchen, a great big tub in the master suite bath, lots of storage space, and she even had her own grand office.

  The other reason she loved the house so much was for its location. Pack members could choose nearly anywhere to set up a home as long as it was in their territory. Hanna had wanted away from prying eyes. Though she was only a few miles out of the pack’s center, the difference felt like being in farm life to city life.

  A hot tear welled and she brushed it away with a trembling palm. No need to get out of her car. Not when Tom’s wasn’t here. She didn’t need to check the time or the date because in her gut and in her mind she already knew she was right.

  Tom’s car wasn’t here, which meant he was someplace else.

  Maybe he’d gotten a flat on his way home.

  That was bullshit and she knew it.

  But he said he wouldn’t do it anymore. He’d made a promise to her.

  He made lots of promises.

  She slammed her hand against the steering wheel. But this promise was different. He’d really meant it. She could see the sincerity in his eyes. He hadn’t faked those tears or all those sweets words about how much he loved her, about how bad he’d messed up.

  They’d been together for four and a half years. That mattered. She wouldn’t just throw it away so easily like Kaity wanted her to.

  He was her mate for heaven’s sake.

  They hadn’t had sex in over a year.

  God, had it really been that long? Yes, it had. Not for her lack of trying. Hell, it almost seemed like the more she tried the more he shut down, until, a few months ago when she just stopped trying. Her hand was her lover now.

  Tom was her mate, her lumara and he deserved another chance. Just one more. She’d told him if he did it again she was gone.

  Hot pain broke her heart and the tears started flowing down her cheeks. She was going to lose him. Somewhere deep inside her she knew it. The constant back and forth, all the fighting, and even worse, all the non-fighting. After all, it was hard to fight with someone who hardly came home anymore. It was like she didn’t even matter.

  How did this all happen?

  Wiping the tears away, she started the engine and took off. It took her twenty minutes to get to his office downtown. She parked in one of the only free spaces in front of his building. Union Lab Corp towered before her—a thirty-story building where Tom managed the financing department. That’s how they met. Both CPAs, both had worked at Union Lab Corp until, at his encouraging, she became a stay at home wife.

  Yeah, no kids to even parent. Just her, by herself taking the occasional freelance CPA job.

  She kept herself busy with cleaning and cooking and her hobbies. Boy, she had lots of them from dancing to painting to crocheting. She hated it. She feared she might have the most boring life ever. When she’d broached the subject of having a baby with Tom he’d nearly blanched. No wonder he wouldn’t touch her anymore, he wouldn’t want to get her pregnant.

  Bitterness rose, and along with it, more tears. She brushed it all away.

  This was it. After this, she was ready for change. To actually do what she wanted to do for a change instead of following along at his advice. She’d always wanted to try bartending. Maybe she’d do that. She’d always wanted to ride a motorcycle; maybe she’d buy one of them.

  Looking up, she found her reflection in the rear view mirror. Sad blue eyes stared back at her and a lackluster haircut. She had gained weight since they got mated and couldn’t seem to drop it no matter what she tried. She looked pitiful, she felt pitiful, and it made her angry.

  “I’m done being like this,” she told herself. “After this, no more. No fucking more, Hanna Sue Bower. You’re better than this and you deserve better.”

  Taking a deep breath, she nodded at her reflection then stepped out of her car. It felt like déjà vu all over again. The last time she’d been in this building it’d been under nearly the same circumstances. Only then she had come wearing a sexy dress and matching high heels and a saucy smile thinking she’d surprise Tom into a hot office quickie. Only, she’d been the one surprised.

  Hanna went into the building taking the elevator to the twelfth floor. The floor was laid out like a fork with the reception area at the base and two halls leading out on either side of it. They met in the back into one large office which was Tom’s.

  Linda’s head popped up from the receptionist’s desk as Hanna stepped out of the elevator. Immediately her brows flew to her hairline. Hanna flushed, remembering what Linda saw the last time she’d seen Hanna. She’d been running away from Tom’s office a sobbing mess and she even managed to smack into someone knocking their papers everywhere and scattering them all over the floor. Her feet never stopped though, just kept moving in her panic.

  Now she squared off with Linda whose face grew steadily redder and her eyes flashed side to side.

  Shit.

  Even after her little pep talk, Hanna realized now that she still had hoped. She still had hoped that when she came up here it wouldn’t be like this.

  Something died inside her.

  She didn’t bother smiling. “I’ll be seeing Tom now.”

  She walked past the receptionist and kept going even as the young woman called after her in a frantic voice. The hallway felt like an endless tunnel from a horror movie. She found herself walking faster, until she speed walked the rest of the way.

  His door was wooden with a gold nameplate on the front that read Thomas Bower, Financial Manager, Oregon Division.

  Hanna felt like a wrecking ball as she came up to it, all unspent, anxious energy needing a place to let loose. She grabbed hold of that stupid gold door handle and turned it.

  Locked.

  “Who’s there?” Tom called from inside.

  Another voice started whispering, a woman. Hanna gritted her teeth, kept her stare blank and waited.

  “God dammit,” she heard him mutter.

  The lock turned and the door swung open.

  Tom pulled back in surprise, his dark eyebrows rising. “Hanna, what are you doing here?”

  Words wouldn’t come to her. This was wrong. He wasn’t supposed to be fully clothed.

  “Who is it?”
<
br />   Tom stepped back and Hanna saw Barbara Herrara sitting at his desk. She was a middle-aged woman with a spare tire around her waist and happy round cheeks. She also worked on this floor. Papers were scattered across his desk, laptops were out and several empty coffee cups sat on the desk.

  “Oh, hey, Hanna. How are you?” Barbara asked, smiling.

  Hanna couldn’t speak, couldn’t even nod, could only look back up at Tom. His expression said he knew exactly what she’d been expecting to find.

  He frowned, anger lighting his eyes. “Give us a sec, Barb.”

  Not smiling anymore, the older lady left them alone.

  “What the hell are you doing here, Hanna?” Tom asked, rubbing his forehead.

  She swallowed hard. “It’s late, you weren’t home. I called you and you didn’t answer.”

  He laughed without humor. “So you, what, thought I was up here banging someone?”

  Normally, Hanna would bow down about now, apologize and hang her head as she baby-stepped back to her car. But this was new Hanna now. She was going to start doing things her way, for herself.

  She narrowed her eyes. “Not like I didn’t find you doing that very same thing before, Tom.”

  His jaw clenched, tightened. “I told you already I’m done with that. When are you going to get over it?”

  Her jaw fell open. “You told me that just last week. I’m sorry if it’ll take me a little while to unsee you fucking another woman. Some, some slut!”

  That jaw snapped as he spoke. “She is not a slut. It was just a fuck. I made a mistake. Are you going to hold this over my head forever? I fucked up.” He lifted his arms in a what-can-I-do shrug. “It’s time to move on.”

  No she wouldn’t let this go. She shook her head. “Then why didn’t you answer you cell today?”

  His eyes widened and he threw his arm back to showcase his messy desk. “Deadline, Hanna, in case you didn’t notice. I didn’t think it was smart to leave my phone on when it’s crunch time.”

  Now her jaw ground together. “Don’t belittle me, Tom. I’m not an idiot.”

  His cocked eyebrows said otherwise.

  God, she hated him sometimes. Hated him so much she just wanted to bang his head into a glass wall until something broke.

  “Then why was your door locked?”

  He shrugged again, walking back to his desk, shaking his head. “What? I don’t know. It just was.”

  Her stomach rolled with sickness; god, she was going to throw up. “A force of habit, huh?”

  Those eyes she once thought were so beautiful locked on hers, pissed off. She recognized that look. He was done. Well, so was she.

  “No more, Tom,” she said. Suddenly, all the fight went out of her like an exhausted boxer after twelve long grueling rounds of taking a beating. She just wanted to slide to the floor in a pile of goop.

  “No more what, Hanna?” He crossed his arms, those lips she used to have permission to kiss lifting into a smirk.

  “No more of this. I’m done.”

  “Where have I heard that before?” he shot back.

  “This time I mean it, Tom.”

  He nodded. “Yeah, we’ll see about that. Now if you don’t mind sending Barbara back in here, she and I have some work to do.” He moved around his desk and sat down, burying his face in his laptop.

  Hanna left without another word.

  She held back the tears that so badly wanted to escape. She held them all back until she got home and closed the door to her empty house behind her. Only then did she let it all out.

  CHAPTER 9

  Infuriating, stupid, stupid man.

  What the hell could be that bad anyway, Alicia fumed as she paced the living room floor downstairs. He’d left that morning before she had even gotten out of bed. Not only that, but he’d come back and replaced his bedroom door.

  How did she know all this? For one, the squeal of a drill bolted her awake. When she ran to the door to throw it open in her sleepy haste, she realized she’d been locked in. After banging on the door, pissed the hell off at her wakeup call and at being on lockdown, the drill had stopped.

  He’d called back, “I’ll be done in a minute,” then continued on his merry way.

  When her door finally unlocked she pulled it open so hard and so fast she nearly tore a muscle in her shoulder. However, he was nowhere in sight because Hanna stood there with several large boxes next to her. She looked worse for the wear like she hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep in days. Her eyes were red, her complexion pale and her hair looked like she hadn’t bothered brushing it.

  Hanna pointed to the boxes. “Your supplies came in today. Gavin told me to deliver them to you, and to unlock the door.”

  “Of course he made sure he was far away from me when you opened the door.”

  The woman gave a ghost of a smile. “Yeah, something like that. He’s gone for the day so you’re free to roam around and all that. You need me to make breakfast or can you handle it yourself?”

  Alicia started pulling the boxes into her room, excitement rushing her. She couldn’t help but smile as she tore into the boxes. Seeing all her fabrics, her threads, and her sewing machine made her feel like a kid in a candy store with a free pass to get whatever they wanted.

  “No, I can take care of it. Thanks.”

  Nodding, Hanna turned to leave. Something made Alicia take a step toward her, her excitement waning. “Hey, are you okay? It looks like something’s bothering you.”

  Hanna’s eyes widened in surprise. Then she smiled though it didn’t reach her eyes. “Two deaths in the pack, and they were kids. It’s enough to bring anyone down, you know.”

  Alicia nodded though she didn’t buy it for a second.

  After Hanna left, Alicia got down to business. She really needed a workstation. Heck, even a good six by three table would work. She couldn’t very well work on the floor and her only other option was the small top of her dresser. No way.

  She set off around the house searching. When she found a door at the back of the hallway near the kitchen, she opened it and flipped on the light. A staircase led down into the basement.

  A shiver coursed over her. She never much liked the dark or basements for that matter. Taking a deep breath, she started down the stairs. “You’re not five years old anymore, big girl. Time to grow a pair.”

  The stairs creaked as she made her way down. Halfway down, she could see the entire basement. A door to the right behind the stairs stood open to reveal a laundry room.

  The rest of the basement, surprisingly, was open space. There was the furnace and a large workbench in the corner with tools on it. Some lumber was stacked on the floor next to it with a tarp covering it.

  Alicia walked the rest of the way and wandered the space, a frown tugging at her mouth. Something felt so off about the space. There was so much of it and nothing really here. Normally people’s basements were crammed full of either storage items or extra living space with a spare bedroom or even a rec room. Gavin had a basement and it looked like he didn’t even use it.

  It probably wasn’t that strange, she tried to tell herself. But as she circled the room it hit her all wrong. He lived alone, without kids, and he wasn’t mated. That could be all there was to it. The guy didn’t have much upstairs so why should he downstairs.

  Shaking her head, Alicia started back toward the stairs. She paused before she reached them and her gaze was drawn to that laundry room. Curiosity nagging her, she listened to it and went into the room, flipping the switch on.

  The side-by-side washer and dryer sat next to each other on the floor. A wooden shelf hung on the wall above it to hold detergent and dryer sheets.

  She almost turned and left without seeing it. The only reason she caught it was because a spider web hung in the corner of the room stealing her attention as if a robber was pointing a gun at her. A spider dangled from the web all black, fuzzy and terrifying in its small form. An eek formed around her lips as she backed up and into someth
ing.

  And that’s when she found the box.

  It was cardboard box that had seen some wear and tear in its life. The top of the box’s lips were folded in every other way forming a checkerboard pattern. It wasn’t all that big, just large enough to hold a few hardcopy books or some DVDs.

  Her heart slowly started to pound in her chest. Something inside her told her this was important. This box held something Gavin MacKellen preferred to hide in a shitty box in his laundry room.

  She knelt down, grabbed at the tops and started to pull them open.

  Bam! Bam! Bam!

  She jumped back, her hand flying to her throat as her heart tried to jump right out of her chest.

  “Holy shit.” Abandoning the box, she sprinted upstairs to the front door where the knocking continued. She opened it with her heart still banging around like clothes in a dryer.

  A man stood there. He was thin and had blond hair that sat back on his head in short waves. His face was lean, cheeks hollow, and he had eyes the color of amber. Those eyes did a quick up and down of her body that sent a wave of unease through her.

  “Can I help you?” she asked.

  The man smiled. It was a slow curling smile that reminded her of the Grinch from Dr. Seuss. “I’m Marcus Graham, a lieutenant in the pack. I heard that Gavin had a female visitor and I thought I’d come make your acquaintance.”

  When he held out his hand she had no choice but to clasp his and shake. He didn’t immediately let go so she yanked her hand back, pulling the door close to her in case she needed to slam the door closed at any second.

  “I didn’t get your name there,” he said, laughing softly.

  God, she did not want to tell this man her name. When he lifted an eyebrow at her she sighed. “Alicia Clarkson.”

  “Hmm, and I gotta ask since half the pack is dying from the gossip. Just what are you to Gavin?”

  Gulp. Darn. What was she to him? A prisoner, a sort of-captive, an intrigued woman who wanted to see how the quiet, strong alpha kissed? Maybe she was a bit of all three, not that she’d tell him that.