The Loneliest Alpha (The MacKellen Alphas)

by T. A. Grey

  She hadn’t gathered all of her senses back yet, but she knew it was late in the morning; the sun hung high in the sky and filled the bedroom with bright rays. They’d spent hours scouring the pack last night only to come up with the same conclusion Jo and the other pack lieutenants had. Will was gone. For such a young man, he was quite good at slipping in and out of places because he managed to bypass the guards along the territory edges. No easy task. Last night, she’d seen the mixture of pride and frustration on Gavin’s face.

  They’d gotten back in the early hours of the morning, beaten and exhausted. They both needed a shower but neither one of them had the energy to do so. After collapsing on the bed with their limbs entwined, they fell asleep. And now a gorgeous, scarred man was licking her with steely purpose.

  “Gavin,” she said, her voice dry.

  She grabbed handfuls of his hair as he threw one arm up her body to squeeze her nipple while a thick finger pushed inside her. So many good things all at once. Oh god. It was too much.

  A hot flush burst across her face and chest. “You’re going to make me—” Hips rocking against him, she panted breathlessly.

  And then it hit her. Hard, tight, and hot. A savage rush of pleasure raced through her, jerking her body with erotic spasms.

  “God, you make me hard,” he said from between her legs. His voice was guttural. A foggy growl from a combination sleep and arousal.

  “You make me wet.”

  He groaned a pained sound as he licked her gently, slowly easing her back down from her unbridled climax. “Yeah, I do.”

  Her gentle laugh met his groans of pleasure as he lapped at her. It made her body clench and ache for more, for something only he could give her.

  “Baby?”

  “Hm?” he grunted, those lips sucking on her folds.

  “Don’t you want to finish?”

  “Fuck, yeah.”

  He kissed his way up her stomach, squeezing her tit so her nipple puckered up for him and then he sucked on it. After he got it good and hard to the point of being tender, he pinched it. He stifled her gasp with a hot, wet kiss. She tasted of herself and him. An intoxicating combination.

  In a flash, her groggy mind was too slow to realize, he turned her onto her belly, grabbed her hips and pulled her up and back.

  “Never seen a hotter ass.” He cupped her there, swatting at her cheeks and molding them.

  And when she spread her legs for him and tilted her ass back at him, he mounted her in a thrust meant to mark and claim. And it did. He worked his big cock in and out of her with brutal plunges that made her tits sway and ass jiggle. The pace set her teeth on edge and her body on fire.

  She sobbed from the intensity of it all. As if that wasn’t enough, he reached between her legs to set a fierce rhythm over her clit. It felt so good. She was an animal pounding back against him in an endless search for that climax—the explosion which would knock all sense from her and leave her drained.

  “Too good, sweetheart. Gonna come,” he said between harsh breaths.

  Harder and faster he pounded into her, his pace faltering, but not that touch between her thighs. He pressed harder and circled in wicked motions. Those fingers shot her apart into screams of ecstasy, and he was right there with her, pushing and shoving past her gripping pussy and flooding her with hot seed.

  She collapsed onto the pillows, panting uncontrollably.

  She seemed to go in and out of sleep. When she opened her eyes, she felt him stroking her back, calming her as he kissed one shoulder then the other. She turned her head and their lips met, tongues slowly winding.

  “Shower time,” she said, smiling. How could she not smile when she’d never felt better.

  They shared another quick kiss before Gavin grabbed her by the hand and led her into the shower. As the vestiges of their morning play began to fade and they each had to face a new day, her mood leveled out.

  “I’m sorry about Will. I’ll tell you what though, he’s safe,” she said.

  They got under the hot spray and made quick work of cleaning themselves, though not each other as she’d hoped. He seemed rushed after her comment. The first to finish, he got out first and started toweling off. “How do you know that?” His mood had soured.

  “If he’s smart enough to get by the extra guard and sneak out of the pack then he’s a kid who can handle himself.”

  He shrugged, looking pensive. After they dressed, Alicia could feel a change coming over him. A distancing.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked, while he shoved his boots on.

  He didn’t look at her. “Nothin’.”

  Nothing. The universal word for something is wrong. “Bullshit. Talk to me.”

  He paused for a moment, hands hanging loosely between his legs. “Did you mean what you said last night?”

  A spike of alarm shot down her spine. “I’m not following you.”

  “Last night you told me you want to stay here and consider mating with me. Now I’m askin’ you if that still stands or if that was some spur of the moment bullshit.”

  “I don’t understand why you’re acting like this. We just made love and showered. What’s changed from that time to now?”

  Standing, he looked her straight in the eyes. “I woke up.”

  Inwardly, she staggered a step back. A bloom of pain like a gunshot hit her right in the heart. “What’s your problem?” Her voice was thick.

  “I think I have the right to know if you meant what you said. And yet, we’re standin’ here and you aren’t answering the question.” His jaw twitched.

  “I haven’t answered the question because I’m still reeling about your attitude change.”

  “I woke up, had a beautiful woman in my bed, so I fucked her. Now I’m awake and I want a damn answer.”

  Not I made love with her as she’d put it. But I fucked her. Ouch, that one hurt like pouring salt over the gunshot wound.

  She snapped her gaping mouth shut. “I had meant it, but now let’s just say I’m rethinking it.” She had wanted to say something cruel to make him hurt. Judging by the way his face shut down and glanced away, she’d say she won. It didn’t feel good to win.

  “I’ll be back later.”

  He started to pass her and she grabbed him in panic. “Where are you going?”

  He didn’t look at her or even at the hand holding him. “I’m going to interrogate Marcus and Harry. Hart has evidence that it was Harry who poisoned us and rented the SUV that ran you off the road. I’m going to get some answers finally.” He pulled his arm away and started down the stairs.

  She followed him, tears welling in her eyes. “Why are you being like this?”

  He paused at the bottom of the stairs. “Because I asked you a question and you didn’t want to answer it. Still haven’t. You didn’t want to answer it because I was right. You didn’t mean what you said last night. You don’t really want to stay here with me. Don’t worry, soon enough our bargain will be over and you can go back home.”

  “But I said last night I wanted to stay here.”

  He looked up at her with intense anguish blazing in his eyes. “You said that in passion. Now that it’s cooled, you talk around the question, can’t just answer it. We both know why. We both know I’m right. Then you say you’re rethinking it. That was low, sweetheart.”

  She knew it had been, that’s why she did it. A tear slipped down her cheek. “I don’t understand any of this.” She tried shaking her head but that didn’t work to erase what was happening. Even her mind struggled to think quickly enough to say the right thing to make him stay.

  “Listen, before I go, I should say I went about it the wrong way. I shouldn’t have said it how I said it. I was a dick, but I had to know if you meant it. And I can see now…you didn’t. See you later, Alicia.”

  He left.

  The world spun around her. Tears spilled freely down her face and she sobbed as she collapsed on the stairs.

  What just happened? A ball formed in he
r throat making it hard to breathe through the tears. Her mind raced back to that morning, to her words last night and replayed them over and again.

  He’d called her Alicia before he left. Not sweetheart or baby. Her name. Like he wanted to distance himself from her. Agony ripped her heart open, shredding the tender organ leaving her raw.

  After a while she went back and finished dressing, her body numb. Her feet didn’t even feel the cold floor. She went into the kitchen and knew she should eat yet had no appetite.

  The house was quiet and she was all alone. She just stood in the kitchen, numb with pain. Eventually she found herself in the basement staring at her feathered bra and panty set. Her crowning jewel. Her best work yet.

  It looked like shit. Ugly and stupid. She’d wanted to wear it for him. He actually understood her work and appreciated it so he’d see all the hard work she’d put into laying each feather just right. She fingered the soft feathers of the bra. Back and forth her hand waved over the feathers, letting them tickle her fingertips.

  He called her words a low blow. Of course, he was right. She had said what she said to make him hurt and it’d worked. He’d hurt. That meant he cared, right? Jo had said Gavin must love her. He must, right? She hurt and she wanted to make it worse. Some sick kind of gluttony.

  Her chest trembled and she sucked in an unsteady breath as her fingers still trailed back and forth, back and forth over the bra.

  His parting words made her think back to what she’d said last night and then this morning. He couldn’t be right. She’d meant what she said. That’s why she said it. But when pressured by him, why couldn’t she just say it again. It should be easy, right? I don’t want to go home. This is my home and I possibly want to mate with you. A spike of fear shot down her spine.

  She didn’t see herself going back to her pack. Although right now she wanted nothing more than to be far, far away from here and the MacKellen pack. If she did leave now at the first sign of a fight between them, then that would make her weak. She was stronger than that, dammit. Wasn’t she?

  She thought back to her fights with Robert. He’d always made her feel defensive of everything, maybe even when it wasn’t necessary. But, as she thought back on their six months together, she began to recall other things. Things about herself maybe she hadn’t wanted to see. Like the way she’d push him away or left after a fight and not talked to him for a day or two. Sometimes she’d even lash out verbally saying mean things meant to make him hurt. Thinking back on it made her stomach clench with disgust. Even if he had been a jerk, that didn’t mean she had to be so mean.

  Slowly her fingers curled into the bra forming a tight grip. She grabbed the other half of and pulled until her muscles strained. Seams popped and tore. Material ripped. The bra snapped in half in a brutal tear. One cup separated from the other. Feathers floated to the workbench in crumpled piles of trash.

  Why did he have to be like that? How could he be so mean and just leave like they didn’t matter? Like she didn’t matter. Was that how Robert had felt when she’d done it? She had to admit, being on the other side of it was sickening.

  But there were no logical thoughts about how she knew deep inside he cared for her. That he’d been angry and lashing out just as she’d been. That maybe he deserved to hear her hesitance, about her uncertainty. None of that seemed real just then. Only the heartache and anger.

  Breathing hard, she grabbed her scissors and started cutting. First the cups of the bra, decimating the beautiful contraption into something unrecognizable. She tore the straps off, snipped feathers away, ripped open her perfectly sewn seams. And only after the bra lay in dozens of broken pieces did she grab the matching underwear and do the same. Her vision blurred as she cut, cut, cut. Tears spilled silently down her face and over her clenched jaw.

  Finally, after the damage was done, she stepped back and stared at it. All her work. Done. She’d never be able to repair it. It would never look the same, even if she wanted to fix it. The beautiful work of art was now trash.

  On heavy feet that dragged, she started backing away from the damage. The scissors clattered to the floor.

  I love him. That’s why this hurts so bad. I fucking love him.

  Alicia fell to her knees, her head sinking into her hands. Why couldn’t he be here right now so she could tell him? She wanted his arms wrapped around her showing her he’d keep her safe and sound. She needed that raspy voice calling her sweetheart, not Alicia.

  Yes, it would be a challenge to be the mate of someone who was an alpha, but she could do it. She had the strength. Maybe she could be strong enough to not lash out with petty insults. It was something she could work on. But that was only if he still wanted her. She’d never unsee the look in his eyes, or unhear the way he’d said her name—hollow and deadpanned.

  How did she go about telling him that she loved him? Would he even believe her after this morning? He might just think it some ploy to get back in his good graces.

  An hour went by and then another. She struggled between wanting to go back upstairs to bed to cry and staying in the basement to work. Every time she even thought about lying back down in that bed after this morning though her stomach clenched painfully. And when she looked over at the mess of her workbench her eyes watered again.

  Walking back to the mess she’d made, she touched the crooked feathers and torn threads. Her eyes watered and she forced back the tears.

  “I’m such an idiot.”

  There were two things she had to do. She had to track down Gavin and apologize. And two, she had to start all over on her design.

  Neither of which would be easy to do but it had to be done. Beginning with talking to Gavin. She loved him. She could see that clearly now. And she had to find him and tell him.

  Upstairs, she slipped on her shoes and opened the front door. A startled scream tore from her throat. Jo stood there, fist poised in the air to knock.

  A frown pulled at his mouth as he eyed her up and down. “You look like hell. Someone dying or you just havin’ a shitty day?”

  She wiped at her face self-consciously. “You could say that. Do I look that bad?”

  He grinned. The bastard. “Your eyes are red, the skin underneath is puffy, and your hair’s a mess. You look like a lady who’s just been in a big fight.”

  “You know all about them then.”

  His grin faded. “Yeah, well, I came by to check in before I switch shifts. How is everything?”

  She crossed her arms and sniffled. “Been better. Have you seen Gavin? I really need to talk to him.”

  “I did. If it makes you feel any better he looked like absolute hell too.”

  Her lips twitched. “Actually, that does. Can you ask him to come home…please?”

  He glanced away. “Yeah, if I see him again. Security’s been amped up so things are busy. Hey, don’t worry about it too much. I told you…he cares about you. I gotta get goin’, but you need stay in today.”

  “Yay,” she said lamely.

  Chuckling, he gave her a flirty wink taking her completely surprise. She didn’t think Jo had a flippant bone in his body.

  “Stay inside and I’ll try to track down Gavin for you.”

  “He said he was going to talk to Marcus and Harry.”

  His eyes flared with hate. “Yeah, I’ll start there. Try not to drive yourself stir crazy in there, ’kay?”

  “Got it.” She gave him a tight-lipped smile as he left.

  And again she was alone in an empty, quiet house. Needing something to do until Jo could get Gavin for her, she headed back into the basement. At the sight of her wasted work she started to cry again. The tears fell but she didn’t bawl like she wanted to when she shoved the wasted bra and underwear into the trash bin.

  Just seeing those feathers flutter in the bin felt like someone squeezed the life right out of her.

  “You can fix this, girl. Just start over. Now that you know what it looks like completed, you already know all the steps to make th
is. You can do it even faster than before.”

  This was the first time she’d ever destroyed a piece of her work out of emotional anger. Right, she thought, letting out an unsteady breath. Music first. Grabbing her headphones, she popped in ear buds and cranked up some classic rock.

  She got to work gathering materials out of her big box. More feathers, ebony thread, the satin she used that the feathers covered so the underwear would fit smoothly against the skin.

  Time flew by as she lost herself in music. She cut the lengths of material to size. Her hands picked up memorized patterns of sewing as she started the basic layout of the bra.

  One song ended and there was a moment of silence before the next came on. In that moment she heard something.

  Stilling, she pulled the ear buds out, head canted toward the stairs. She swore she’d heard a floor board creak. “Gavin?” she called out.

  No response.

  Moving slowly, she walked toward the basement stairs and looked up. A tingling awareness moved down her spine making her tremble. The basement door was shut, but she couldn’t remember shutting it when she came down here.

  “Gavin?” she tried again.

  It happened so quickly her mind couldn’t keep up. A man burst from the laundry room wearing a black ski-mask, leather gloves, and black clothes.

  A terrified scream burst from her and she raced up the steps at a frantic pace, her heart booming. The man grabbed her ankle and she slammed down, her chin busting against the edge of the step. Screaming, she kicked back with both legs and heard a grunt as her foot connected with his face. The man must have closed her in down here. It took that one moment extra to open the door and slow her down, for him to catch up to her.

  He yanked her back against him and she roared in ungodly terror. Reaching up she grabbed at his mask, trying to find hair to pull or gouge his eyes, but the soft, elastic material made her movements clumsy.

  Strong arms banded around her waist dragging her up the stairs to the basement door. Grunting, he opened it and started to drag her out. She let her scream go. A moment later, his leather hand slapped over her face—hard.