by A. R. Breck
“Oh. What the hell are you doing here?” She scowls at me.
Standing up, I have to wait until two of her turns into one before saying, “I’ve come to make this right.”
“Make this…” She trails off as if she has to remember what happened earlier and why she’s supposed to be mad at me. I can tell the moment she remembers because she clenches her fists.
“I don’t have anything to say to you.” She turns her back towards me and starts fiddling with her phone.
“Please. I just… I’m sorry.” I don’t know what will get her to talk to me. To forgive me. I feel way too drunk to be dealing with these heavy emotions. Shit, maybe I should’ve just stayed home and tried this shit tomorrow.
“Have you talked to Jackson yet?”
“What? No. Why would I?” Fuck. See? Too drunk. Too fucking drunk.
She rolls her eyes and turns away from me. “Go home, Easton. I’m not in the mood to fight anymore today.”
“Okay, okay.” I walk up to her and turn her around to face me. I grip the back of her neck and give it a little squeeze. When she tilts her head up and looks at me with sad eyes, I swear my heart stops beating. “Look at me.”
“I don’t want to.” She grumbles and looks away.
“Rose, look at me,” I order.
She looks back at me, and I capture her with the look. Our look. She melts into my hand, and I seep that into every fiber of my being. “I love you, Rose.”
“I love you too, Easton, but—”
“No. No buts. I don’t want to fight with you. You’re right, what you said earlier. I don’t know a fucking thing about love. I don’t even think I’ve said the word since I was a kid. Then you walk into my life, and it’s all I can think about. You make the uncertainty fade, and everything becomes clear. I’m a bastard and an asshole, and at the end of the day I probably don’t even deserve you. But, I’m so fucking lucky that I have you. And I refuse to let you go because of my idiotic behaviors. You want me to talk to Jackson? Fine. Just don’t. Leave. Me. You are the sun, the earth, the dark, and the light in my life. I want it all, but I only want it with you. And if you want me to go, then put me back in the dark where I belong and leave me there to rot.”
My face feels hot, and my hands have a tremble to them because I’m more worried than I want to let on. The moment she tells me to leave her for good, I’m gone. I won’t be able to be in the same town where I know where this absolutely perfect human walks. Shit, I could barely be able to be on the same planet if I knew she’s somewhere out there, living, breathing, everything that I’m not.
“How am I supposed to forgive you after everything you’ve done? Is that how you think I deserve to be treated?” She whispers.
My heart clenches at the thought of someone treating her the way I have. My fists clench along with it. If I were someone else, I would kill myself for treating this perfect human like I have been. She doesn’t deserve it. She doesn’t deserve me.
“You’re right. You deserve so much better than me. But Rose, I’m so sorry. This Logan shit—I’ve never been so mentally shut down before. I don’t know if I ever would have come out of this darkness if this shit wouldn’t have happened this morning. As horrible as it is, the thought of something serious happening to you snapped me out of this black hole and made me realize what’s important. You, Rose, are what’s important. Fuck everything else. Fuck everyone else. I feel like everything before you doesn’t even matter. My life before you doesn’t even matter, because it’s all a blur. The only thing that is clear is when you came into my life.”
I look her in the eyes and see so many emotions swirling in her eyes. The one that sticks out to me, though, is apprehension.
“But I understand if everything I’ve done has pushed you over the edge. I understand if you fucking hate me. If you do—say the word, Rose, and I’m gone. I won’t bother you again.” Emotion swells in my eyes and I’m so shocked I don’t even blink them away.
When her fingers dance along my cheekbones, I look up at her with eyes so full of emotion that hers instantly fill up with tears. “You are not going anywhere. You will stay here, on earth, in the light, in the dark, with me. If you’re in the dark, I’m there to wade through it with you. If you’re in the light, I’ll be there. If you’re angry, let’s work it out together. Just don’t take it out on your friends who would bleed out for you just so you don’t have to shed a drop. People love you, Easton. Let them love you.”
“Oh, thank fuck.” I sigh out and climb on top of her and look in her eyes. We don’t speak anymore words, but as she breathes so deeply with love shining in my eyes, I wish I could say everything that’s running through my brain.
I just can’t make out the words.
Our bodies heat up as we stare into each other’s eyes. The sizzling and crackling of chemistry has always been hot, but right now it’s scorching. I want her, and I know she wants me.
I undress both of us quietly without breaking eye contact. Our eyes are held together by an invisible yet unbreakable thread. When I slide inside her a moment later, I watch as she beautifully opens her mouth on a silent gasp.
I keep up a slow rhythm, not breaking eye contact and fucking her so slowly that her legs quake in anticipation.
But no. I realize what I’m doing isn’t fucking her at all.
Her eyes grow wide the same moment I realize what’s going on. We’re making love.
Her walls clench so tightly from her climax that a tear breaks free and trails down her face.
Without breaking eye contact, I lean down and lick her delicious tear as I reach my own climax, releasing inside of the condom and letting out a tortured moan.
Finally, I sever our eye contact and swoop down again, this time giving her the most soul-crushing kiss. I suck, nip, bite and swallow up each and every moan that breaks free from her.
Sliding out of her, I slip off the condom and replace it with a fresh one. Entering her again, we go back to the starting line and start all over again. Slowly, deliciously and silently, I make love to her all night, no words were spoken except our moans of pleasure. Learning something new about each other. Learning something new about ourselves.
We tell stories with our eyes.
Our hopes. Our dreams. Our desires.
Eventually, we fall asleep sometime before dawn, still connected with every inch of our bodies.
~
“Rose, I’m sorry about—oh my God!” I shoot up to look at Rose’s mom, whose mouth is practically hanging on the floor. “I’ll, uh, I’ll let you get dressed.” She closes the door, but I can hear her stand on the other side.
I know she’s trying to burn holes through the door because she’s so damn pissed that I spent the night.
“Rose?” Her mom says in an off tone.
Rose groans, still half asleep and then croaks out, “What?”
Her mom clears her throat from the other side of the door and says, “I think it’s time for Easton to go home now. We need to talk about yesterday.”
“Uh, huh.” Her muffled voice sounds sarcastic from over here, but I don’t think her mom heard the sarcasm because I can hear her walk away. “Uh, my fucking head.” She burrows into my side like she wants to sink inside of me.
“What is she talking about? You drinking?” I run my hand through her silky dark hair and watch the strands fall like a dark, beautiful waterfall.
“Oh, God. I didn’t even tell you.” She flips on her back and looks up at me, “My mom found out about my dad.”
My eyes widen at that, and my body turns to stone, “What did she say?” I can’t help but be a little standoffish. If she links my family to her dad’s death, her mom will never let me see Rose again. It’s inevitable.
“Not much, really. They already had the funeral.” She shrugs and stretches out like a cat.
“Rose!” Rose’s mom barks from the other side of the door.
It looks like it’s time for me to go.
“G
o. Go make up with Jackson, and I’ll talk to you later.” She leans over me and molds her body against mine. Naked, warm, and smooth.
“Fuck, Rose. Give me your body over the smoothest booze or the stickiest green any day and you will win, one hundred percent of the time.”
I can’t think of anything better than her pressed up against me like this all day. Every day.
She giggles into my chest and looks up at me with sparkling eyes. “You’re going to be the death of me.”
I give her a Cheshire smile and rumble out, “Death is the easy way out, darling.”
She bites her lip, and all I want to do is slide inside of her, but she pushes me out of her bed before I have the chance. “Go. Get out of here before my mom busts the door down.”
“I’m going.” I slip on my pants and give her one more kiss. “Talk to you later.”
Opting out of climbing out her window, I open up the bedroom door and come face to face with Rose’s mom. “Good morning, Brenda.” I give her a wink.
Her face doesn’t move from her slightly bewildered, slightly offended look. “Goodbye, Easton.”
She can have that stick up her ass all she wants.
I’ve got my girl back.
~
Pulling up to my house, I shut off the truck and make a beeline for Jackson’s front door. I swear this motherfucker better be here because I am not in the mood to chase his ass down.
I knock and hear shuffling from inside, but no answer.
I knock again.
After a few minutes, Jackson opens the door with one eye glaring at me and the other completely swollen shut from our fight yesterday.
Oh, shit.
I’ve got a swollen lip, and yeah it cracks open and burns every time I make a sudden movement, but I’m not all fucked up like he is.
“Man, fuck. I’m sorry.” I cover my mouth with my hand, kind of at a loss for words on what to say.
“How ‘bout you get the fuck off my property?” He scratches his stomach and starts to close the door, but I slap my palm on the handle before he gets the chance to slam the door in my face.
“Wait.”
He glares at me, “What do you want, Easton?”
I clench my fists and say, “I’m sorry about yesterday. I shouldn’t have hit you, and I shouldn’t have gotten in your business.”
“No, you shouldn’t have.”
“It’s just, Logan’s girl, really?” I spit out before I have a chance to stop myself.
The door slams in my face. “Get fucked, E.”
I pound on the door. “Wait, wait. I’m sorry. Jackson, listen man, you know we were all a tight-knit group. You know how Logan’s felt about Cara since they were kids. I’m sorry if it’s taking me a minute to adjust to the fact that you guys are, what? A couple? Fuck buddies? Whatever it is, it’s just gonna take me a minute to get over it. I mean, if she were to get with anyone else in the world, I think Logan would want it to be you.”
The door creaks open, and an apprehensive Jackson peeks through the corner.
“Although, I’m not sure what she finds in your ugly mug. He would just want the both of you to be happy.”
Silence ensues as we both glare at each other from each side of the doorway.
“Shut the fuck up, Easton, and get in here.” He opens the door and walks away.
He walks straight to the couch with the video games. I make a detour to the refrigerator and grab myself a beer. It’s time to celebrate. I’ve got back not one, but two of the most important people in my life.
Today is a fucking good day.
Epilogue
Rose
“Are you ready yet? We’re going to be late.” I shout from outside Cara’s bedroom. I’ve been standing outside of her bathroom for about twenty minutes, waiting for her to come out. She keeps telling me that she doesn’t want to go.
She’s been suspiciously quiet lately. I’ve been kind of blowing it off, dealing with my own shit and just assuming that she’s dealing with hers. It’s getting to a point that I’m going to start grilling her, though.
It’s been two months since Logan died. A month since we all started getting along again.
Since then, it’s been kind of… okay. I guess.
Cara and Jackson are not a thing. But maybe they are. Most days, they hate each other. On the lucky days, they tolerate each other. It’s a completely different ball game from how Logan and Cara were.
Logan and Cara were like the sun and the stars.
Jackson and Cara? They’re like… Alaska and Australia. Don't put them together, just don't.
I don’t know. I’ve tried to ask Cara so many times about their clusterfuck of a relationship, but she just shrugs. Everyone shrugs. I don’t even attempt to ask Jackson, since he still barely talks. I see him talking to Easton sometimes, and Cara barely. He has probably only spoken a handful of words to me since Logan died. It’s not that we don’t get along, because I know he respects me. It’s just… Jackson. He doesn’t talk, more so since Logan died.
Cara sneers whenever I talk about him and acts like he’s the worst type of human, but I know she sleeps with him. At least, she was.
Easton came to school more consistently since we got back together. I’m not sure if he wanted to actually get some work done or if he is just a possessive asshole and felt like he needed to hover over me all day. It doesn’t matter; I preferred to be around him, anyway.
We all graduated a few weeks ago, and it’s been pretty surreal since then. Time is moving fast, and although none of us really have a game plan, I figure I have the rest of my life to figure out what I want to do. No reason to choose now and end up regretting that decision later.
“Okay, before we go… I need to tell you something.” She says as the bathroom door creaks open, snapping me out of my thoughts.
I’m looking down at my phone when she says this, but when I glance up, my phone slips between my fingers and slams right down on my big toe. “Fuck! What the—what the fuck?” I point at the white stick in her hand, confused on what I’m seeing.
She shoves it in my face, and I’m too scared to grab it from her. Too scared for what I think is true to actually be true.
“What is that?” I frown. No, no, no. This is bad.
“I’m pregnant.” She says emotionless. If you imagine in your head what a future mother is supposed to sound like when they figure out they’re going to have a baby, Cara is at the complete opposite of that spectrum. She sounds withdrawn and disappointed.
“What? Wh-who’s is it?” I ask, dumbfounded.
She rolls her eyes and gives me a hard glare. “Who do you think? It’s Jackson’s!”
“Does he know?” Oh my God, he is going to freak the hell out.
“No, he doesn’t. Don’t say anything, to him or Easton. Promise me?” She clutches the white stick between her two hands in a prayer position and all I can do is nod.
“You’re going to tell Jackson though, right?” I whisper once I get my bearings.
She shrugs her shoulders. “Maybe. Probably. I don’t know.” She shrugs again, slapping the stick against her palm. She looks stressed, and I don’t want to keep asking when she’s so clearly overwhelmed, but I have to.
“Why?”
“Because I don’t know if I’m going to keep it.” Tears flood her eyes at her statement, and I feel my heartbreak at her tears.
“Wh-why?” I feel my own tears start building. I love my friend, and she should never have to go through everything she’s gone through in life. And now this.
“Because I fucking hate Jackson.” She bares her teeth. Feral. And so, so, angry.
My eyes grow wide, shocked at her anger. “What happened between you two? It’s not like you guys have always hated each other.” I say in a soft tone. I want to calm her down, but she looks way far past that point.
She bares her teeth as she snarls, “He is seriously the worst person I’ve ever met. I thought he was a nice guy, but he’s not. All
he cares about is himself. Ugh, he’s such a bastard!” She turns around and chucks the pregnancy test back into the bathroom. “This is why I don’t want to go tonight. I don’t want to see Jackson, and honestly, I’m not in the mood to do anything besides mope.”
“But, Cara… tonight is a big night for Easton. You know I need to be there. And I don’t feel safe going without you.” Easton’s possibly getting sponsored by a few companies tonight. He’s been traveling more, working his ass off for a night like tonight. His traveling has only been around Minnesota and Wisconsin so far, but it’s only the beginning. A couple of executives are supposed to be out tonight and are making a huge deal out of it. He’s pumped up, and I told him I’d be there to support him.
Cara lets out an aggravated groan. “Fine. Fine! I’ll fucking go. Don’t let Jackson get anywhere near me. I swear I’ll throat punch him the moment he says some smartass comment to me. Okay?”
“Fine. I will guard you from Jackson.”
Appeased, Cara goes back into her bathroom to finish getting ready. When she walks out of her bathroom with her purse a short while later, I take that as my cue to leave. I don’t waste any time. Cara is in a mood where she might bail at any second. I can’t risk abandoning Easton on a night like tonight.
This is the first time I’m going to a fight in a long time where everything feels right. Easton and I are finally good. I mean, really, really, good. Cara’s shocking news aside, I think tonight is going to be a good night.
“I can’t believe you’re pregnant.” I say after a few minutes.
Her hand subconsciously lowers to her belly. “I know. I can’t even imagine how Jackson’s going to react.”
“You said you don’t know if you want to keep it?” I ask softly.
Cara shrugs her shoulders. “I don’t know.”
“Are you even kind of excited?” I pull over and park, turning towards her and really giving her a once over. She looks nervous, pale, and a little shaky. “I didn’t even know you thought you were pregnant.”
