“It’s not like that.”
“Then what’s it like, Dean? Because I’m dying to know.”
A heavy sigh rolled from his mouth. “If I could go back and change things, I would. We all make mistakes, but that’s how we get better.”
“Better? This is your idea of better?”
“I call you better!”
“But…” She trailed off, shaking her bed head and groaning loudly.
He took her hand. “Clay won’t push his luck any further. It’s over.”
“How can you be so sure?” she asked, pulling her hand away.
“Because he knows I’m a loose cannon. If he wants to have any shot at being mayor, he won’t take the chance. Why would he?”
“Because he wants the perfect family for the cameras. That’s why!” Evy grew quiet before throwing the covers back. “I can’t think about this right now. I have to get to work,” she said, dragging herself out of bed.
Dean swallowed dryly. “Yeah, me too,” he replied unenthusiastically, getting up and slipping into his jeans. “You want some aspirin?”
“I got it,” she said, disappearing into the bathroom and shutting the door.
Dean stood there staring after her, wondering how well that just went over, fearful of the answer. He arched an eyebrow and went into the living room, dodging Evy’s heels along the way, and snatched his cell phone from the coffee table. He studied the screen, breathing a sigh of relief when he saw his only message was from Sprint about some stupid contest they were currently running. No news was good news.
He slipped the phone into his pocket and pulled on the t-shirt he had thrown on at the last minute last night. The toilet flushed in the bathroom while Dean attempted to smooth his bed head in a mirror above the desk. His spirits began to rise as he allowed himself a couple of minutes to entertain the notion that maybe they were in the clear after all. Maybe Clay would grow tired and actually heed Dean’s warning. Clay had to know by now he had pushed Dean too far. Dean studied his reflection, deciding he should probably go to the press regardless of what happens. Just to be sure. Somebody would listen. It was politics.
The shower turned on and the bathroom door cracked open. Evy stumbled out like a member of the living dead, puffy bags floating beneath her eyes like fleshy pillows. She staggered into the kitchen and went straight to the coffee maker.
Dean jingled his keys in his hand. “Well, I’m going to hit it. Gotta run home and grab a quick shower.”
“Okay,” she replied dully, scooping coffee grounds into the filter.
He watched her for a moment and then looked around the apartment, no idea what he was searching for. He turned back to her and pressed his lips together as she flipped the top down and hit the power button. “Are you okay?”
She nodded without making eye contact and grabbed a mug from a cupboard and set it on the counter. “A shower will help wake me up.”
He responded with a shallow nod she never saw. “Okay, well…I guess I’ll talk to you later.”
“Sounds good,” she said, heading for the bathroom.
Dean intercepted her and looked down into the eyes that refused to meet his. “I’ll see you later?”
She shook her head. “Uh-huh.”
He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead, holding it for a second.
Evy sidestepped around him and went into the bathroom and shut the door.
He stood there with his mouth hanging open, now knowing how his story about last night went. His Adam’s apple rose and fell one time. “I’ll let myself out,” he yelled through the door. When there was no response he hung his head and left the apartment, looking back at her door one more time as he traipsed down the deserted hallway.
Chapter Twelve
It was so quiet, Evy’s ears started ringing. She shifted in the chair and crossed her legs, ignoring the dull thud behind her eyes, convincing herself this was the only way. The only way to be sure.
“Well, this is a pleasant surprise,” Clay grinned, resting his elbows on a large desk. He spread his palms. “You’re much prettier in person, Evy.”
She cleared her throat and got right to the point, wanting to get out of this office as quickly as possible. Her stomach was already in a constant state of turmoil and Clay’s potent cologne wasn’t helping. “If I back out of the picture, will you stop?”
She wasn’t sure if it was the words themselves or her voice cracking when she spoke them that made her grimace. Clay’s grin spread like the flu, showing off perfect rows of white teeth. He reclined in a high-backed leather chair that matched the dark wood framing the book cases around the office. He studied her through discerning eyes, lightly tapping a pen against the desk. “I’m not sure what you mean.”
“I mean Sugars, my family, my friends. If I…remove myself from the equation with Dean, will you leave all of us alone?”
Clay narrowed his blue eyes and thought on it for a bit, tapping the pen against the desk. Finally, he leaned forward and scribbled something on a yellow pad of paper. “I’m not sure I understand your question, Miss Burnett, but I do appreciate you stopping by like this. We always welcome input from trusted members of the community.”
Evy’s frown deepened, leaving shadowy wrinkles around her eyes. “Listen, I don’t know what kind of crap…”
He smiled and held up the notepad, the word YES scrawled across it in large curling letters.
Evy slowly shut her mouth, struggling to hang onto a tear building in the corner of her eye. She had promised herself no more tears, especially in front of this asshole. He would not get the satisfaction, no matter how much she was trembling.
Clay rose and extended his hand. “I’m very glad to hear your place of business is doing so well. Let’s hope this is just the beginning of even greater things to come.” That million dollar smile resurfaced, turning Evy’s stomach.
“I feel sorry for you,” she whispered, shaking her head instead of his hand. “It’s too bad your daughter’s not good enough on her own.”
Clay’s smile faltered, crumbling to the desk in worthless pieces.
The ghost of a grin pulled at one corner of Evy’s lips. “Maybe someday she’ll find someone who actually wants to be with her for who she is, not for who you are.” She didn’t dignify a response and left the office without looking back, her heels clicking down the hallway to the front desk.
***
Evy slammed her car door hard enough to rattle the windows. Everything was a blur, the dashboard a fuzzy rectangle without detail. She covered her mouth and fought back the tears, telling herself this was the only way, forcing herself to believe that love should come easy. Not like this. Despite her best efforts, a teardrop broke the barrier and slid down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away, done crying. But Dean’s face popped into her head and before she knew it more tears had won their freedom. She wondered what she had just done and quickly pushed past it. It was too late for thoughts like that. Now it was over.
A soft knock on the window scared her half to death. She looked up to see a female police officer standing there with a friendly smile and a small notepad in hand. One horrid thought ambushed Evy’s senses like no other as she rolled down the window: Clay was having her arrested.
“Are you alright, honey?”
Evy nodded with a light sniffle. “Yeah.”
“You’re parked in a red zone.” She gestured to the red painted curb. “You’ll have to move.”
“I’m sorry,” Evy said relieved, starting the car.
“You sure you’re okay?”
She smiled weakly. “I’m fine,” she said, putting the car into gear and getting into the gas with a heavy foot.
***
Dean stared at the mundane document on the monitor in front of him, trying not to let his vision stray from focus. He flexed his right hand, looking at his bruised knuckles that would turn a nasty shade of purple by tomorrow or the next day. He forced his attention back to the computer, determined to get some work done becau
se that is what partners do. He made a couple of quick notes, glancing back and forth from the screen to a legal pad on his desk, wondering what Clay would do next. Maybe a burglary, or a kidnapping, or even…a murder. His eyes widened as he took a deep breath, realizing he was thinking too much. Just as soon as he convinced himself that he was overreacting, the invasive thoughts pushed back.
“Dean, Evy Burnett is here to see you.”
His eyes snapped to the office phone on the desk, his mind spinning, his shaky breath hesitant to leave his lungs. He moved a heavy finger to the phone and pressed a red button. “Send her in, Gina.” He let up on the button and ran a hand through his hair, knowing the waiting was over. Something had happened. Something terrible.
Evy appeared in the doorway, reluctance gripping her features nearly as tightly as she was clutching her purse, validating the grim scenarios bouncing around in his head.
Dean stared at her, afraid to even ask. “Come on in,” he said, getting up.
She stepped into the office, her face a light shade of gray under the lights. Dean shut the door and waited for her to take a seat in front of his desk before he sat back down. She avoided his eyes like the plague, wanting to get out of this office as much as Clay’s.
“You got a new office.” She took the place in, stalling for as long as possible, her insides painfully twisting. “It’s nice.”
Dean glanced around the corner office that came with his promotion to partner, her small talk barely registering. His body tensed, bracing itself for the answer to his first question. “What happened?”
She met his anxious gaze, determined not to cry in front of him. “I’m sorry to come here like this, but it couldn’t wait.”
“What happened?”
Her mouth opened but it took awhile for something to come out. “I went to see Clay.”
His jaw fell with his strict posture, leaving him mentally deflated. A million questions whisked through his mind, yet he wasn’t able to latch onto a single one.
“At his office,” she continued, unable to stand the hurt look on his face a single second longer.
“Why in the hell would you do that?”
“It was the only way.”
His face wrinkled. “The only way to do what?”
“To stop him,” she said, getting to her feet. “I can’t do this to Brooke and Ben anymore, not after everything they’ve been through. I won’t!”
He stared at her in absolute shock, unable to breathe let alone move. “What are you saying?”
She turned to stare out a window overlooking downtown.
Dean held his pose in the chair like he was made of stone. “You can’t do what anymore?”
She turned to him, biting her bottom lip to stop it from quivering. “This.”
“This what?”
“Us, Dean! It’s too much and you know it.” She spun back to the window and folded her arms across her chest, the look on his face causing her too much pain. His silence made her fidget and she wished he would say something, anything to dispel the quiet pounding in her ears.
His incredulous laugh finally filled the room. “So that’s it? You’re just giving up?”
“I’m stopping this before anyone else gets hurt.”
“No one is going to get hurt. It’s over!”
“I know it is. It has to be, there’s no other choice.”
He went slack jawed. “And you can just let this go?” he asked, leaning back in the chair, completely dumbfounded. “Let us go?”
Evy felt her eyes watering and kept them fixed on the traffic below. “You have to let it go,” she said weakly.
He sprang to his feet and took her by the arm, snapping her against him. “I will not let it go! It is all I have!”
She shook her head and closed her eyes, fighting back the tears and losing the battle. “I won’t let what happened to Shaun happen to them, too.” A wheezing breath filled her lungs just before she looked up into his eyes. “After everything that has happened, you of all people know how much of a possibility that really is.”
He swam in her wet green pools, searching for a life preserver that didn’t exist. His hands cupped her face. “We will figure it out. I promise you. Don’t give up now.”
She let herself get lost in his eyes one last time, his hands warm on her cheeks. “I already did,” she whispered, breaking away from him. “And it’s not just Brooke and Ben I’m worried about.”
His eyebrows drew together.
“I’m worried about spending the rest of my life with Megan in the picture. I can’t do it, Dean. Too much has happened and there’s not enough forgiveness to go around.”
He tilted his head. “Didn’t you hear anything I said this morning? I might not be the father.”
“In her eyes you will always be the father. Don’t you see?”
“You don’t know that!”
“I know enough.”
He watched her turn back to the window, pulse pounding in his ears. “You look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me. I wanna hear you say it because I think you’re full of shit!”
Her heart cracked in two, the heat of his gaze searing the back of her neck.
“Look me in the eye!”
She turned to face him, cheeks glistening with tears.
He glared at her, chest swelling beneath his suit.
Evy clenched her fists to stop her hands from shaking. She took a deep breath and turned to look him in the eye. “I don’t love you.”
Dean stood there with a shell-shocked look warping his face, barely able to find his voice. “No, you take that back.”
“It’s the truth. You were just a rebound anyway. After what happened with Richie, I’m not ready for this anyway. It’s too soon.”
“Oh, bullshit!”
“Believe what you want, Dean, but this isn’t worth it.”
He pulled her to him, their hearts beating against each other in an earsplitting silence. Dean looked from one green eye to the other, struggling for breath. “I don’t believe a word you say.”
She stared up into his eyes, her mouth forming words that wouldn’t come out. “Don’t you get it, Dean? We are cursed. This wasn’t meant to be.”
“It is!”
“You can’t force fate!”
A door slammed out in the hallway in the silence between them that was just as thick as the tension blanketing the room. His face turned bright red, rage speeding up his bloodstream. He leaned in and kissed her hard, catching her off guard. Her hand fell against the window for support. She tore her mouth to the side and pushed him away, turning her back on him once again and staring blankly at the traffic outside, jealous of everyone’s normal lives while hers crashed down around her. “I have to go now, but please don’t make this any harder than it already is.” She bravely turned to face him. “This isn’t just about us anymore.”
Dean laughed sharply and grew silent, his heavy breathing breaking her heart. “This isn’t over.”
Sadness pulled at her eyes. “It is,” she said softly, crossing to the door and stopping with her back to him. “Please, just let it go. For me.”
He stared at her with his mouth agape, refusing to believe this was actually happening. Time crept to a crawl, the minute hand fighting the seconds. He stumbled to his desk and dropped heavily into the chair before his legs gave out.
Evy turned back to him one last time, biting into the inside of her cheek, searching the far recesses of her mind for something to ease his fall, but the hunt turned up empty, the cupboards bare. She forced the idea back down her throat, resigning to stay the course. It was the only way to be sure. Dean cocked his head to one side, his look of sorrow wrenching her insides to the bone. She could taste the blood inside her mouth, warm and acidic on her tongue. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, pulling the door back and clicking her heels down the hallway.
Dean listened to her steps fade away to nothing, his heart pounding in his chest. His eyes lowered to the carpet whe
re whatever had existed between them was now lying before him in a pool of shiny crimson, lifeless and already growing cold. The day games at Miller Park, dinner at Saz’s, movie nights curled up on the couch with pizza and beer, her cloud-like bed, memories as sure to fade as the clicking of her heels. His gaze drifted to the window where her handprint was the only part of her that remained. He got up and stared vacantly out the window, putting his hand over her print and exhaling a pent-up breath that fogged the glass. He cursed his luck, his vision as blurry as his racing thoughts. It wasn’t fair. She had fallen right into the palm of his hand and now, in the blink of a bloodshot eye, she was gone. Just like his parents. Only this time he was to blame, not some drunk driver. A lone tear slipped over his eyelid and rolled down his cheek as he searched the street below for one last glimpse of the only woman he ever loved.
Chapter Thirteen
The next morning, Evy set an iced mocha next to a blueberry muffin on the counter.
Mrs. Johansen handed her a ten dollar bill, arching a pencil thin eyebrow. “So how’s that fine lookin man of yours?” She craned her neck to see into the kitchen. “You got him tied up somewhere? Because I wouldn’t blame ya if ya did!” She cackled with laughter.
Brooke stopped a push broom in front of the Tony Soprano booth and looked up, her face slumping in the early light.
Evy tried to smile, handing back the change and slamming the drawer shut. “He’s fine,” she replied, rubbing the bare spot where her necklace usually dangled without even realizing she was doing it.
Mrs. Johansen exhaled a reflective breath, slipping the money into her purse. “There is nothing like young love.” She leaned in closer to Evy, like she was about to spill some big secret. “When I first laid eyes on my Wilber, it was love at first sight.” She chuckled softly to herself. “Some people don’t believe in that stuff and neither did I until I nearly lost him to another woman.”
Evy traded a quick look with Brooke, her cheeks turning bright red.
“Men are like muffins, sweetie,” Mrs. Johansen smiled, gesturing with the mammoth baked good. “If you don’t act fast, you’ll get stuck with one that’s as stale as yesterday’s bread.”
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