Watching Fireflies

by Jaycee Ford

  THE CONSTANT ACHE continued to burn a hole through my heart. As the days dwindled, I slowly sank deeper into the depression that had become my life. The first and only woman I had ever loved was gone, and I couldn’t do a damn thing about it except continue the endless search. I had searched for days upon days with no hope. The fire that once flickered in my eyes had been extinguished. It would never light until I was with Jordan again. It had been a week since I last saw my darling. I didn’t know if I could survive much longer without her.

  The clock read five on this cold and dreary Christmas morning. My house had been serving as the operation center for the search for Jordan. Since it was Christmas, there wouldn’t be as many volunteers and officers today, although, at this point, I was praying for the hand of God to give us a miracle. The realization of what might be the end result was too much to bear. She had to be alive. I had to keep going.

  Caleb Harris and a few police officers studied a map around the desk in my office; they were already discussing the search area for today. We had no leads or witnesses since the hotel incident. We had nothing to go on until yesterday evening when we received a tip from the owner of local drug store near Mount Mitchell in Yancey County. They had a customer fitting the description of Ryan. I wanted to head up there that evening, but due to the declining sun and the impending snow, my request was denied.

  As I bypassed the officers, I pulled out the ground coffee and started to brew a pot, seeing that another would have to be made shortly due to the number of people staying in the house. Cal and Marie were still in the downstairs suite. Paul and Ellie had taken over the second bedroom upstairs while Lance and I had been taking turns sleeping in my room. He seemed unable to sleep much either. Aunt Ethel and Uncle Al had been over every day. Uncle Al had made sure that everyone was well fed. Everyone had a home to go to, but I was thankful they all stayed here. I had lived by myself since high school, but this was one time when I just couldn’t stand to be alone. As soon as I pushed the button to brew, someone’s steps echoed down the stairs.

  “Hey, Tom.”

  I glanced over to the gruff, tired voice of Lance; the bags under his eyes were as large and as dark as mine.

  “Couldn’t sleep, either?”

  Lance shook his head as he plopped down on of the stools around the island.

  “Doesn’t feel too much like Christmas, does it?”

  He hung his head while I glanced around the house at Jordan’s Christmas decorations. I had never seen the house look like this, with all of the wreaths and garlands with little white lights strung throughout. The biggest Christmas tree that would fit in the living room was laced from top to bottom with ribbons, lights, and ornaments. I remembered Jordan begging me a few weeks ago to go out into the woods near the farm to cut down our own. Of course, I happily obliged. I would do anything for her.

  “Nope, it sure doesn’t,” I said glumly. It was Christmas. I needed my girl.

  Just as the coffee finished brewing, there was a quiet knock on the front door. Lance and I looked at each other as both of our faces scrunched in confusion. I glanced back at the clock on the microwave and read only twenty minutes after five. I darted around the counter as he hopped off the bar stool. We both hurried to the door, as did Caleb and the two officers with him. I reached it first and hurled it open.

  “Whoa, is this the Jordan Hawthorne search party welcome committee?”

  “Katherine.” I exhaled as I reached out to hug my new friend, and she gripped back. Her eyes filled with tears as I ushered her into the house and closed the door behind her.

  “So, is this the Katherine?” asked Lance, who seemed to have lost movement in his eyes. They were glued to Katherine. Figured.

  “Yep, that’s me,” she said, ignoring his stare, and she turned back to me after dropping a few bags. She must have heard about Lance already, because she completely blew him off. That never happened with Lance.

  “I’m so sorry for coming this early in the morning. I’ve been in London all week, and for some reason, my phone wasn’t working well. I flew over as soon as I heard about Jordan. My flight landed about three hours ago in Charlotte, and I came straight here.”

  With no delay, Lance picked up her bags, and Katherine and I both turned to watch him. He was unbelievable.

  “You must be exhausted. Let me show you to Tom’s room. Sleep a little bit and you can catch up with Cal and Marie when you wake up.”

  Katherine nodded and gave me a hug again, and then followed Lance up the stairs. I shook my head at him as he departed, the goofiest grin spreading across his face as he walked up the stairs behind her. I turned back toward Caleb as I pointed at the map on my desk.

  “Now, let’s go find my girl.”

  • • •

  Everyone gathered around the map of Yancey County that was spread out on the desk in my office. We were about to be assigned which areas we would be searching today. Everyone would be searching today except Marie, Aunt Ethel, and Uncle Al. We didn’t get any volunteer help today so the search team consisted of Caleb and two additional officers, Paul, Ellie, Lance, Katherine, Cal, and me.

  “Okay team,” Caleb begun. “We have two four-wheelers available to go through the denser forest areas around Mount Mitchell. I would like Paul and Ellie to go on one and Lance and Katherine to take the other.”

  “Really?” Katherine asked as she rolled her eyes.

  “What’s wrong with that?” Lance asked as he draped his arm over her shoulder and said, “Seriously, I don’t bite… hard.”

  Katherine snorted.

  “Fine! I’m doing this for Jordan anyway. Not you,” she said, nudging Lance in his stomach with her elbow. Lance smiled at her response. That was the first genuine smile I had seen out of him in a week.

  “Well, I’m glad we’ve got that sorted out… moving on,” Caleb said and turned his attention back to the map. “Cal, I’d like you and Tom to take his truck throughout the rural roads around the perimeter, and the two officers and I will take each of our cruisers around the major and non-major highways near the town of Burnsville. There’s a snow storm coming through again tonight, so we will have to abort the search at five in the evening. We can’t have anyone getting stuck out in the dark. We don’t have the men to search for y’all as well.”

  He focused on me as he emphasized the part about stopping at five. I knew he was talking to me, but if I was close enough to get my girl, I’d be damned if I would listen to some cop telling me to stop. We all then retreated to our points of interest. Cal and I hopped into my truck, as the group of four-wheelers would be dropped off by the officers in their respective search locations. Uncle Al packed each team a few sandwiches and thermoses of stew to keep the chill off. Paul, Ellie, Lance, and Katherine covered themselves from head to toe in winter hiking attire in order to keep as warm as possible in the cold elements.

  Today would be the day I would find my girl.

  Five o’clock hit and Cal forced me to head back home. With the looming clouds, we were sure for another night of snowfall. Tonight’s storm looked like it would be harsher than yesterday’s. The gloom wedged its way inside my soul. I feared for the worst now. I was afraid that all hope was lost. We hadn’t made any headway again. The snow-covered mountain made maneuvering very difficult in my truck, even with the four-wheel drive. The roads hadn’t become iced over as of yet. Due to the expected snow fall tonight, I was afraid that our search efforts would be quite limited tomorrow. The agony pierced through my body. Please God, bring her back to me.

  The truck was eerily silent. Cal and I were both going through our own personal torment. I searched for any shred of hope inside of me, but there wasn’t anything left. If I couldn’t find my girl on Christmas, when would I find her?

  “Cal?” The lump in my throat dared the tears to come rolling down. I swallowed as best I could. Cowboys didn’t cry. I was her cowboy. He turned to look in my direction as I continued to drive down the highway.

  “I
’m going to marry your daughter when we find her.” A tear slid out of my eye. Maybe cowboys didn’t cry, but a man who lost his heart did. The truck remained silent. I had hoped he would give me his blessing, but I didn’t care if he did or if he didn’t. I was going to marry his daughter, and no one was going to stop me.

  “I wouldn’t expect anything less, son.”

  A small smile curved my lips as the tears glazed my sight. I held back a sob. I would not lose hope. I would put my grandmother’s ring on her finger, or I would die with her.

  We all made it back to the farm around 7:30 that night. Paul, Ellie, Lance, and Katherine all huddled around the fire, eating more of Uncle Al’s stew. I wasn’t hungry in the least. I headed into the kitchen and grabbed my bottle of whiskey. With a deep breath, I poured myself a hefty glass. The only thing I could think of doing was to feed the inevitable doom. After taking my third shot, a hand touched my shoulder. I turned to look in the tired eyes of my best friend. The tears poured out of mine as Paul gripped me in a strong hug.

  “Paul,” I muttered. “What if we never find her? What if she’s… Oh God, Paul. What am I going to do?” I started to sob. It was the first time I had let the emotions fully take me over. It wasn’t the fact that she had been kidnapped. It was the fact that I was afraid she was dead.

  Paul led me over to the sofa in front of the fire as Ellie wrapped a blanket around my shoulders. She hugged me while I continued sobbing, and she cried with me. This was the first time I actually doubted we would ever find her. I knew she wouldn’t give in to Ryan easily. I knew how his mind worked, but after all this time, there was no sign of Jordan. I had begun to believe that my darling… my sweet Jordan… was gone forever.

  Everyone had tears in their eyes. Katherine had her head resting on Lance’s shoulder as he consoled her. Cal and Marie had retreated to their room to mourn in their own peace. Paul seemed to need to cry in private. He was never one to show any sort of emotion unless Ellie was involved.

  “I’m going to call my brother and see what our next course of action is,” Paul said as we all nodded. I looked up at him and saw his lips begin to quiver. My sobbing began again in earnest.

  I heard the unlatching of the door as Paul left the house. I stared into the fire and prayed over and over.

  Of all things Holy, please let her be alive.

  I held my head in of my hands, closing my eyes. Her beautiful smile came through the darkness, her eyes shining bright. Her words of love echoed in my mind. This couldn’t be it. God wouldn’t take someone else that I loved away from me. I couldn’t lose someone else. She had to be alive. My heart drummed in peace. I knew she was alive. She had to be.

  The door swung open, crashing against the wall, breaking our somber disposition. We all turned to look as Paul ran in.

  “Tom! Get up! Help!”

  I sprinted over to the open door and ran outside. I saw what he was running to, and I ran faster. The tears poured down my face as fast as my legs would move. She crumbled to the ground just steps away.

  “Oh my God! Jordan!… Jordan!”

  THE MYSTERIOUS FIELD surrounded me, but the fear I once had in this field vanished. It was replaced with hope. One simple word was so hard to grasp, but as the fireflies danced around me I knew that all of the evils had left. They flew about the dark sky, directing me toward a glimmer of light. As we arrived closer, a welcoming buzz pulsated, drawing me like a moth to a light. I began to walk closer into this light. I turned around to look for my friends as they scattered into the night. Their protection over me was complete. I had to walk into this light alone.

  My eyes flickered open to the echoing beep. It was constant and repetitive. Unable to get my bearings, I closed my eyes, looking for my protectors. It was just darkness again. The smell wasn’t of my field; it was of bleach, sanitizer, and a scent so welcoming… the scent of sunshine and leather.

  My eyes flickered open once again as I looked around my dimly lit surroundings. My neck ached as I turned my head to the left. Darkness lurked behind the curtained window with no sign of morning yet. I winced as I turned my head to the right. The most beautiful face slept in a chair next to my bed. His head rested on the mattress while his hand held mine in a loose grip. I reached over with my left hand and brushed his hair away from his brow. I trailed my thumb underneath his eye. The dark circles grabbed my heart. It ached for what he had gone through. I caressed his cheek with the back of my hand, the stubble brushing against my knuckles. I could be with this man for as long as he would have me, and I didn’t have to hide from anyone. I was finally free.

  Tom let out a little groan as I pulled my right hand from his grasp. He blinked his eyes open, still half asleep. A smile rose up my cheeks as I gazed at my loving cowboy. His eyes blinked again, finally catching my gaze.

  “Darlin’?”

  He raised his head and a tear dripped from his eye. I wiped it away with my thumb as another one fell. He sat on the edge of the bed and wrapped his arms around me. I cried into the crook of his neck as he wept in my hair. He pulled back to look at me, still keeping his arms around me.

  “I thought you were taken from me forever.” He sobbed as he leaned toward my face, kissing my tears away, while I held his face in my hand. We looked into each other’s eyes, showing all of the love we had for each other. Wasting no more time, I leaned up and kissed his beautiful lips.

  “I’m yours, forever.”

  His thumb traced my jaw line, memorizing my face.

  “You are mine, darlin’… always.”

  • • •

  A few hours later I woke up again to a bright dawning room. I turned around in Tom’s arms to look into his face. His arms squeezed me tight as his morning grin brightened his face, and for one single moment, it was as if no time had passed and nothing had happened. I didn’t know if I would ever forget what did happen, but I knew I was strong enough with Tom by my side to move on. I would never let Ryan drag me down again.

  “Good morning, darlin’.”

  I pressed my lips to his, so thankful for what I had.

  “Good morning, cowboy.”

  The door popped open as my father’s voice echoed throughout the quiet room.

  “Why don’t y’all scoot over and make room for your big ol’ daddy.”

  I sat up as Mom and Dad came over to my side of the hospital bed. They both grabbed me into the normal parental bear hugs. I still couldn’t help the tears. I thought I had lost everyone. I had been willing to die. I could have lost all of this. But what life would it have been had I not been able to be with the people I loved?

  “We’re so glad you’re back safe.” Mom refused to let me go and kept her arms tight around me long after Dad stepped back. I pried her off me as I tried my best to lighten the mood. I pulled back to look at my loving parents, holding both of their hands as Tom kept his arm wrapped around me. I didn’t think he would let me out of his hold.

  “In all seriousness, I need to know something very important,” I asked.

  They glanced at each other with the same perplexed face and then looked back me.

  “What is it, Jordan?” Mom asked as I took a deep breath.

  “Did the Panthers beat the Saints? I just have to know.”

  Dad chuckled and shook his head no. Tom laughed and kissed the side of my head as a knock rapped on the door, and I added, “Well, it was an important game.”

  “Can we come in?” Ellie poked her head through the open door. I spread out my arms for my friend, and she ran to me with tears in her eyes. She squeezed me tight and said, “I thought I had lost my model.”

  “I’m too stubborn for that.”

  Paul and Lance came in, finally looking like the friends they had always been. I greeted them with huge smiles.

  “Jordan, I have one little surprise for you,” Lance said as he held open the door.

  “Katherine!”

  She ran over to the bed, jumping on top of me and holding on for dear life, as the welcomi
ng tears resumed. We leaned back and smiled at each other. She playfully grabbed me and shook me.

  “Don’t ever do that to me again.”

  I pulled her back into a hug.

  “Don’t worry. Nothing bad will happen to me again,” I whispered, thanking God that I knew I was right.

  The most important people in my life were all in this room. One of my hands was firmly in Katherine’s grasp and the other was firmly in Tom’s. This was how life should be… complete and happy. Another knock came from the door as a doctor and a nurse entered the room.

  “Good morning, Jordan,” the male doctor stated. “I’m Doctor Folse, and this is Taylor. We would like to go over a few things with you and also check your vitals. So, if the family would kindly depart for a moment.”

  Tom leaned over to kiss my forehead and I grabbed his hand. He gave me a confused look as I shook my head.

  “Stay… please.”

  “Darlin’, I don’t know if I want to be here for this,” he said as he eased into the chair next to me.

  “I need you. Please stay. I can’t do this without you.”

  He nodded and settled, albeit a little uncomfortably. I glanced up at Doctor Folse and said, “I’d like my boyfriend to stay.”

  “Jordan, we would like to go over a few things as to what happened. A female police officer will be in shortly to take your statement. Most patients do this alone.”

  I shook my head. I could not go through this without Tom.