by M. J. O'Shea
Oh Lord. My mother.
They’d met over the phone two days before, and apparently she’d given PC the lecture royale about making sure I graduated. I hadn’t told her about, well… the rest of it yet, but she knew about PC and me and the ceremony and moving in together. She balked at the idea at first and told me that I should wait until I was “sure,” which made me laugh, which in turn made her angry. It took a few very opinionated arguments, in which I voiced my complete sureness, before she’d realized there was no way I was waiting until I was thirty to be PC’s forever and she was just going to have to handle it. I had to give my mom credit for taking it well once she realized she’d lost. She simply wished us happiness and insisted on having a long talk with PC. Apparently that long talk had included the subject of me getting a diploma and her not wanting to hear about romance coming before schoolwork.
I did want to tell her the rest eventually, even though just the thought of that conversation gave me stress hives. I probably would’ve been able to skip it altogether if I’d become a lycan, but since I couldn’t go out in the day, things were going to get awkward very fast if she didn’t know. I had no idea how successful that conversation was going to be, but I’d never kept anything big from her before, and somehow I was going to make sure this wasn’t the exception. I had to make her understand. At least what should’ve been the hardest part, making her believe it was true, wouldn’t be very hard at all. Physical demonstrations tended to put skeptical thoughts to rest pretty quickly. I hoped she didn’t freak out. It was a comfort to remember how well she’d taken the revelation that I was gay. Maybe my being a vampire and marrying a lycan wouldn’t be all bad either.
I cupped PC’s face in my hands and gave him a long, serious kiss—as in I seriously needed to take his clothes off, like, right away.
“Babe, I’m not going to get a thing done on my paper now. All I’ll be able to think about is you naked and sitting on my lap.”
He gulped. “Yeah? And would we be doing anything else?”
Shameless. I winked at him. “Maybe. It has been five whole days of nothing but cuddling. I’ve been sorely missing the… else.”
I was only teasing, of course. I would have never jeopardized his safety just to satisfy my never-ending need for him. But maybe now it would be okay. The surface wounds were all gone. I’d been fascinated watching them heal so quickly. But he’d been hurt badly, and every protective instinct I had made me want to take care of him. Didn’t mean I wasn’t dying to get him inside me… or the other way around.
“I know, me too. Believe me, it’s been a very long five days.” I grinned. Obviously he was too. “I’m nearly healed now. If we’re careful….” It was only the broken rib that still hurt. He’d been sleeping gingerly and rubbing at it absentmindedly, but I could tell it wasn’t nearly as bad as it had been.
I reached for the hem of his T-shirt, brushing my fingertips across the smooth warmth of his belly. He sighed happily and raised his arms for me to get rid of the shirt but winced when my hand glanced over his ribs. His expression made me pause, shirt in hand.
“You sure you’re okay?”
PC simply nodded and leaned over to kiss me. “Need you. Please? I never got to feel you in me before, and you did promise.”
Oh.
“Really? I figured you’d kind of forgotten about that.”
He rolled his eyes. “Do you ever forget?”
“Good point.”
PC snickered and pulled at my shirt, lifting himself off my lap long enough for me to get my jeans unzipped and off my legs. I plucked at his waistband too, impatient for the contact I’d been trying to talk myself into not missing for the past week. He stood and pushed the pajamas he’d been wearing off his hips, letting them slither to the floor. Then he cocked his head toward our bed and held out his hand. Yeah, he was right. We weren’t doing this on a gross threadbare old couch.
I took his hand and let him haul me off the couch and into his arms. We brushed against each other, skin warm, lips hungry.
“Missed your touch,” he mumbled against my lips. Like I said, I’d tried not to miss the exact same thing, but it hadn’t worked very well.
I sank my fingers into his glossy tumbledown curls and walked him backward, kissing, to the edge of the bed. It was so tempting to just tip over and fall onto the mattress, but I was still wary of his ribs and any other unseen tender parts. The wild abandon would have to wait for another night when PC was completely healed. Instead, I knelt on the still-rumpled bedcovers and pulled PC as close as I could without hurting him. We knelt together, knee to knee, kissing and filling our hands with skin and muscle and aching flesh. He smothered my face with wet slurpy caresses, licking my neck and biting at the soft part of my ear.
Gingerly, I laid him down on the covers, skimming the pads of my fingers over the curves and planes of his skin. Reality had been a big wake-up call. I’d not wanted to admit that he was fragile, breakable. It had scared me to see how easily he could get hurt. He’d seemed invincible. I wanted to treat him so carefully.
PC must have read my mind. “I’m not going to break. Touch me.”
And I did. I touched him everywhere, lazily exploring soft skin and all his hidden places. He hummed and moaned his encouragement, grinding his hips onto my finger in search of more pressure.
“Forgot how good that feels.” PC spread his thighs wide.
My breath caught for a second, but I recovered and pressed a bit harder on his entrance, giving him something to push against. He reached his hand over to the nightstand, slamming his palm down on the tube of lubricant that had been sitting there since the last time… five achingly long days before.
“Inside,” he insisted, putting the lube on his stomach where I could easily reach it.
I thought instead I might try something else. Scootching down through the mess of covers, I moved my shoulders between PC’s trembling thighs. I kissed my way around his knees and the supple ropy muscles of his inner thighs. I licked at the crease between his thighs and his torso and up the underside of his springy erection, which caused whimpers and moans and not-so-subtle pulling on my hair. Then I spread his legs even farther and went for it. I didn’t have any experience; I’d just have to trust that my body knew how to please him.
Ohmygod… love… forever… mine. Inside, please!
The words blasted into my consciousness in hot desperate pulses. I’d gotten used to the silent communication. Some days we barely spoke out loud. But it was different when he was in our bed, rolling his hips and telling me how much he needed me to fuck him. I nearly drooled. One last tug on my shoulders convinced me. I crawled back up his body, kissing and sucking little bits of his flesh into my needy mouth.
When I got to the top, to his delicious swollen lips, I had to kiss him. I always had to kiss him. I was pretty sure it would take me a few lifetimes to even start to get over that addiction. When the kiss was over, we were both breathless. PC looked up at me with heavy passion-drugged eyes.
“God, you’re sexy,” I breathed, dragging my thumbs over his nipples.
PC fumbled for the lube that had toppled off his stomach sometime in the past few minutes. He put it right next to where my hand was resting on the comforter before he leaned up to kiss me again.
“Is that a hint?” I chuckled. Then I sucked one of his small flat nipples into my mouth.
“An order. Now.” PC groaned helplessly when I used my teeth to scrape over the same nipple.
“Okay, but only because I love you,” I teased, trying to keep my voice steady. I was so turned on that I was shaking. I took the lube and squeezed a generous pool into my hand, spreading it on myself first before taking two slick fingers and sinking them slowly into the tight embrace of his body. I sucked on his nipples and his neck, working him thoroughly with my fingers. It was hard to be patient with the hot moans and groans spilling out of him, filling up the small space of the room. I wanted that tight heat that was surrounding my fingers,
wanted to sink into it until I felt like my heart would pound out of my chest.
And then it was happening. I was pushing into him with my aching cock, trying to breach the muscles that seemed to only get tighter. I finally popped in, gasping at the intense heat of his body.
“Ouch, wait.” His face was screwed up, his hands fisted in the covers.
“You want me to stop?” It was exactly what I didn’t want to have happen. I was so hard that I hurt, but I’d stop if he wanted it. I went to pull out.
“No, I said wait.” He arched and pushed with his hips to keep me in his body. “Okay, go further… just slow.”
I loved that it was scary to him, and new, and made him vulnerable. I just had to make him like it. I had to make him freaking love it.
I pushed more. He grunted and shifted to accept my body, but I didn’t see wild bliss. I tried it again, pushing at a different angle. It wasn’t until he cried out that I knew I’d found what he needed to… well, to love it.
“Yes,” he groaned, and I did it again, aiming for his prostate. “Baby, right there. So good.”
I didn’t say anything. I was afraid that I wouldn’t even be able to speak. His body was tight and hot and felt so good I could barely take a full breath. I pumped my hips in small short strokes, trying to hit his prostate every time I moved. PC was crying out over and over, breathing hard, tossing his head back and forth on the pillow.
He caught me off guard when he snaked an arm out to pull me close for a kiss. I tumbled over, barely catching myself with my elbows before I crashed onto him. He tossed his ankles over my lower back and sank his fingers into my hair.
“I love you so much,” he gulped before he plastered his lips to mine.
“I love you too,” I gasped when we came up for air.
I could barely breathe. I didn’t care. The circle was complete. I was his and he was mine, soul and heart and now body too. And like in the bookstore long weeks before, I felt a shift, bigger but no less elemental—the world spinning out in a wide circle then coming to rest silently, as if in benediction, around us.
“Did you feel that?” I whispered, my body going still inside his.
“Yeah.” There was awe in his face, mixing with love and desire and everything that made me want to hold him tight and never let go. “Can’t get rid of me now,” he whispered back. The moment seemed too serious to talk out loud.
“Like I ever would.”
I moved then, circling my hips within the grasp of his thighs. PC arched into me blindly and I reached between us to touch him.
“Wait… no. I’ll come too soon,” he moaned. I wanted to see him lose it completely. Didn’t take long. With a few firm pulls he was gone, trembling and silent, back arched in agonized bliss. I let go too, closing my eyes and letting the pleasure wash over my spine.
I rolled off him as soon as I could, not wanting to further bruise his already sore ribs. He followed me and slung his arm across my chest.
“Mmmm,” he moaned quietly.
“You okay? Hurt?”
“No. I’m good. You felt fantastic.” His voice was loose and mumbly; his breath washed across my nipple.
I couldn’t help my shiver. “So did you.”
“I love you, Miles.” He rarely called me by my name anymore. The moment felt serious.
“I love you too, PC.” I kissed the top of his head and played with one of his bed-tangled curls.
“M’sleepy now, ’kay?” He rubbed his hand lethargically along my chest, then down to cup my hip possessively. And just like that, we were back to normal.
“Okay, babe.” I felt sleepy too, drifting and warm and covered by my sweaty, sexy boyfriend who was going to be so much more in a few short weeks. It was easy to forget about the piles of note cards scattered on the floor and close my eyes for a quick little nap.
Chapter 21: First Night
I ROLLED over into the fading pink glow of an early winter sunset that was peeking in through the corners of the curtains. Closing my eyes, I put my hand up to shield my face from the light that had become significantly more uncomfortable in the past few weeks. The new curtains that PC had picked out back when I first turned usually did the trick. It was only in intense moments, like the sunrise and set, when I felt even a little discomfort. And I would know. I’d been up nearly the entire day staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep, unable to process anything other than my vast excitement and overwhelming nerves.
It was tonight. Tonight.
I grinned but couldn’t help the swarm of butterflies that took flight in my stomach at the same time. After all we’d been through, I would have thought that one little ceremony, a few formal words voicing the promises I’d already made to PC a thousand times in my heart, wouldn’t be that important. There was no explaining how very important it all of a sudden was.
I’d moved to the far side of the bed from PC a few hours before, not wanting to wake him with my tossing and turning, but I realized I needed to touch him. Right then. The instinct, the bond, had taken over my nerves, telling my body that I’d be happier if he was in my arms. On the whole, it was easier than it had been at first. We could stay away from each other for hours at a time without discomfort if we wanted to—which we usually didn’t. But every so often, I’d get these surges, usually when something else was bothering me, where I had to touch him or I’d get that panicky nauseated feeling I knew so well from the beginning.
Scooting over under the covers, I curled myself around PC’s warm, sleeping form. Just like always, I felt myself shudder a little, like my body was realigning itself to his presence, and I smiled. He felt so good. PC made a soft mumbling noise and reached up to twine his fingers through mine where they rested on his chest.
“Hey. Missed holding you.” His voice was sleep-sexy and soft and made me want to sink into him in every way I could.
“Couldn’t sleep. I didn’t want to keep you up.”
“I wouldn’t have minded.”
I heard the smile in his voice as he wiggled his butt against me.
“Well, in that case,” I teased and leaned over to suck gently on his neck. But I didn’t mean for it to go any further than that. It seemed wrong somehow to do more. I felt like we should, well, like we should wait.
Wow, the lycans are rubbing off on me.
“How come you couldn’t sleep? Nervous?” PC wiggled against me again and arched his back in a stretch.
“No, I mean, I shouldn’t be. It’s just me and you promising each other that we’ll always be together, which we already knew. Maybe it’s the audience.”
And there would be an audience—but the one we wanted. Not the traditional full lycan court, but my mother and PC’s family, Lisa, Zack and Noah, and the others. The only people I could ever imagine doing this in front of.
“I know what you mean. It feels different when it’s just us.” He flipped over so he was facing me. “Maybe it’ll help if we practice.”
I buried my face in his chest and chuckled. “Yeah, right.”
“I mean it.” He lifted my chin and kissed me, slow and soft. “Let’s say everything to each other right now, and then maybe we won’t be nervous ’cause whatever happens tonight, we already said it right here. When it mattered.”
I was going to laugh again when I saw how serious he was. He really wanted to do it right then and there, me and him and no audience. He took both my hands and held them to his bare chest. I could feel his heart beating, solid and strong against my palm. He rubbed his nose against mine in a gesture half human and half, well… him. Then he opened his big gold eyes and looked at me, unblinking. I took a long, deep breath before I kissed the tip of his nose and pulled away to look at him.
“Okay. Right now it is.” I tried to ignore how my hands were trembling under his. “PC. Pascal.” I grinned nervously. “Before I even met you, I already needed you; in my life, in my arms, in my heart. And from that very first night in the alley, I knew we belonged to each other. My entire body just�
�� clicked. Like it knew I was meeting my perfect match. I’m yours forever, my love. As long as you need me, I’ll be there by your side.”
I kissed him then, as if to seal my words, and rested my forehead against his before drawing back to smile at him. PC’s returning smile made my heart beat that much faster, tripping happily against my ribs. He took my hand from his chest and kissed my fingertips before returning it, pressing it against his heart.
“Miles.” He closed his eyes for a second and breathed slowly. “Before you, I was content with my life. I thought I had everything I wanted and didn’t want anything to mess up my equilibrium, make me care too much. Then you came barreling along and, with one kiss, took everything I thought I wanted and turned it inside out. I can’t imagine surviving a single day without your touch, waking up to anything other than your smile. I never want to have to try; I’m going to love you forever. You are my heart and soul, and I promise to protect us with everything that I have until my last day on this earth.”
I stared speechless and unbelieving at him for long moments, tears pricking in my eyes, before I pulled his face to mine for a desperate emotional kiss. He wrapped his arms around me and squeezed tight.
He was right. It didn’t matter what happened later that night, the next day, or fifty years from then. What mattered was the way he held me right at that moment and promised to love me forever and the way I held him back and poured every drop of my soul into him.
“Did that help?” he murmured into my ear.
I chuckled shakily and nodded, rubbing my face against his neck and tightening my arms. After a long time we separated, dropping small kisses over each other’s cheeks and noses and lips.
“I love you,” I whispered, one last time, just for him.
PC reached out and dragged the pad of his thumb across my lower lip. “It’s time to get dressed. You ready?”
“Yeah, I’m ready.”
We smiled at each other for a minute before he scooted to the edge of the bed and cautiously tested the cold hardwood floor with his toes.
