YOUR SEX LIFE
I always wonder why so many men come looking for prostitutes. I've noticed that couples don't talk much these days, especially about sex. They don't tell each other what they like (and what they don't like), their fantasies. But you can't force someone to do something they don't want to: it takes two to have sex. Some hard-core fantasies scare wives (or can even put an end to marriages). That's why they come to us . . . Yes, women are good wives and mothers, companions, confidantes and friends. But in bed they should try to loosen up and have a good fuck. It'll do them good, I promise.
I hope sharing my experience will make it a little easier for people. Here are just a few tips, simple things to spice up this game for two (or three, or four . . .).
UNPLANNED SEX
There's nothing weirder than scheduled sex . . . Of course I schedule in my clients. But with a realpartner, the best part is the element of surprise. Try to catch them off guard, forgetting about time and place (as long as it's not in public): in the bathroom, kitchen, on the stairs of your building. Prohibited places where you feel you might get caught give you a rush of adrenalin that sensualises everything.
THE GAME OF SEDUCTION
To spice up a relationship, forget 'every Saturday night', OK? But there are other basic tricks, like the woman putting on some really sexy lingerie (sometimes just a suspender belt is enough to 'suspend' her partner's breath), a costume (nurse, plumber, flight attendant . . .). A two-way striptease (taking turns removing an item of clothing) can help people with their fear of looking ridiculous (and since when has seducing someone been ridiculous?).
TOYS
A visit to a sex shop will open the door to a world of possibilities, I promise. No, they don't just sell rubber dicks. Although that can be an interesting place to start. Fly higher: use handcuffs, blindfold each other, play with smells and sensations, your sense of touch. These shops carry all kinds ofstimulating gels, which can really get things sizzling. A good reason to give each other a mutual massage - the sort that relaxes and lights your fire at the same time. A good porn film on DVD can heat things up. But don't forget - all this is to make foreplay pleasurable and get both of you in the mood for a hot fuck. But it won't work if it's only two minutes then 'down to business'.
INTENSITY
Some people think sex should be like in porn films: the guy wildly banging the girl as if he were drilling through asphalt. You might actually get to this point, but not straight off. The fun part is varying the intensity. One day, it might be gentle. The next day, wilder. Or both on the same day. But unvarying sex, always following the same script, becomes routine.
ORAL FOR MEN
Something that should never be left out for either partner. It's different and stimulating. It's what I most like in bed (whether giving - which, all modesty aside, I do very well - or receiving it). Some clients joke with me, saying I should give other women lessons on how to do it. Well, here's part ofthe secret: play a lot with your tongue around the head of the penis, and every now and then put a little pressure on it with your mouth. Don't just masturbate the guy with your hand. The exciting part of oral sex is precisely making the most of the possibilities: lips, tongue, teeth (very lightly), suction (which is exactly what the vagina does), the space in your mouth. Good oral sex is when the woman doesn't use her hands and does all the work with her mouth.
I always start by sucking their balls, which is a very sensitive, pleasurable area for men. I alternate between licking and sucking gently (remember, the balls are very sensitive, so don't try anything that might hurt), while I slowly make my way up to the penis. While I perform oral sex, I imagine my mouth is a vagina swallowing the penis. I do this on purpose. They cotton on and imagine they're ramming it into a vagina, but at the same time they know they're going to come in a woman's mouth. Oral sex has to be wet, with the tongue playing a lot around the penis, like a child eagerly sucking a lollipop. When he comes, don't be disgusted - keep sucking to the last drop.
The intensity of oral sex varies from man to man (and you need to find out what his rhythm is). Some like slow, careful movements. Others like it fast. How do you know how he likes it? Easy: try bothways and see which one makes him moan more intensely with pleasure, when he starts to writhe.
ORAL FOR WOMAN
Oral on women is a little more complicated (pay attention, guys). I'd say 80 per cent of my clients have performed oral sex on me. Of these, only 10 per cent know what they are doing. Of course, good oral sex for one woman is bad for another, since each woman feels pleasure in a different way and place. But knowing this is already a great step forward. Some feel pleasure in the clitoris, others in the labia, while yet others feel it in the vaginal canal. So, guys, the best thing is trial and error: explore each of these regions and pay attention to her reaction. You'll know when you're on the right track . . .
The intensity also varies from person to person. Some women prefer light licks. Others like it to be harder, with a few little nibbles (or not - she's the one who will say how hard she likes it). I prefer the tongue on my clitoris, with fast, strong licking movements. And no soft tongues! The tongue should be like my finger when I masturbate. In my blog, I always joke that there are three kinds of lickers. And, of course, I have my preferences. Want to know how I classify them? The first is what I call'the dog with a slab of meat in his mouth'. These are the guys who stick their faces in your cunt and shake their heads back and forth. A lot of the time you can't even feel their tongue, just their nose. A word of advice for these guys: in my case, at least, it doesn't turn me on even remotely. . . I get tense and worry that I'm going to get bitten or hurt. The second type is what I call 'the ice-lolly'. They're like kids sucking an ice-lolly, licking up and down without stopping anywhere. It can be a turn-on, but you need a good deal of concentration and 'inner effort' to reach orgasm this way. The third is the sort that licks like a woman. Guys, don't lose heart: women really do know what other women want. It's hard to explain. They know how to find the right spot with their tongues, with the right intensity, and their fingers go precisely to that unexplored region known as the G-spot. So, guys, if you really want to give a woman good oral sex, don't be too shy to ask how. We'll tell you everything . . .
Now the best position, of course, is the sixty-nine: you can give and receive oral pleasure at the same time. It can be with her on top, with him on top (careful: in this position, some guys think they can pump away to their heart's content . . .), or both lying on their sides.
ANAL SEX
A lot of women email me asking how to go about having anal sex. They say they really want to but are (unanimously) afraid of feeling pain, or they say they've tried but haven't managed to go all the way. My advice: ask your partner to lie on his back and you get on top. This way you will be able to control the penetration, movement and rhythm - as much or as little as you can take. A lubricant gel can help with the penetration.
For men, my advice is different: be patient. Let the woman take the lead and choose the position she is used to (or let her discover what she likes if she's never done it before). For those who are already adept, the best position really is on all fours, because it's more pleasurable for the woman. Beginners should not try this. It's dangerous for a man to ram it in all at once, as I've had happen to me. It wasn't nice . . .
Another question about anal sex that crops up time and again is hygiene. It's not very nice to see a mess on the condom afterwards. This kind of accident can be avoided. The only way to eliminate the risk is by using a vaginal douche, which you can buy at a chemist. It is a rubber device in the shape of a pear, with a plastic tube that you fit to the top. All you do is fill the rubber base with water and slidethe tube into the anus. You squeeze the rubber part until all the water is inside you. Then you let the water come out by itself, removing anything that's inside. It doesn't hurt and allows you to have clean anal sex.
But if, after all that, something still comes out, no matter how embarrassing it is (and it is, I promise
), the guy has to understand that this hole was actually made for something else . . . With this lavage, there is almost no risk.
A tip for the boys: please don't try to go straight to the main course. Women need to be in the mood for anal sex. So concentrate first on her pleasure (so yours will be just as good). Lots of caressing, oral sex, get her to relax . . . Then you'll both come, a lot. If only one of you comes, the sex wasn't complete.
BRUNAS FIFTEEN
COMMANDMENTS
1) Be liberal in bed and don't be shy in the privacy of your bedroom.
2) Indulge all your fantasies with your partner, with respect and affection. And take turns: today your fantasy, tomorrow, your partner's.
3) Go to sex shops together to see what's new on the market. Even if you don't buy anything, it's worthwhile just for the fun of it.
4) Try different places. You can't only have sex in bed now, can you?
5) Vary the intensity and style of sex: lovers, wild, gentle, hurried . . .
6) Lots of foreplay, always: this is the most interactive part of sex.
7) Never have a set day, time or script (kiss first, oral on her, oral on him and down to business . . .).
8) Investigate your partner's body, without limits: feet, the nape of their neck, stomach . . . find out what turns them on.
9) Never try to get someone to do something they don't want to - respect their limits. If you want to cross them, talk a lot, make your partner relax, lead them gently.
10) Always make sure the woman comes first so she gets turned on and ready for everything else.
11) If you can't work out how your partner prefers something, ask gently.
12) Show love and affection afterwards - talk, smoke a cigarette or just hold one another. Coming, rolling over and going to sleep is the pits . . .
13) Don't fake orgasms just to make your partner happy. If it didn't happen, it didn't happen.
14) Discover new positions. Missionary every day - no way.
15) If you have a fantasy that will definitely frighten your partner or make them think you're depraved, the best thing to do is find a professional who can satisfy you.
EPILOGUE
Bruna Surfistinha retired from working as a call girl just before her twenty-first birthday and is now studying to read psychology at university. She intends to continue her blog until the day she dies. She wants to write 'Tomorrow I am getting married' and 'My baby was born yesterday' and truly hopes that these things will happen with Pedro. 'I was lucky enough to meet the man of my dreams while I was working as a prostitute. Not everyone has such a happy ending.' Meanwhile, she believes that the most important thing in life is always to strive for happiness.
The Scorpion's Sweet Venom is being translated into twelve languages, published worldwide and made into a film.
The Scorpion's Sweet Venom Page 11
