“That’s true,” Candice said, although she never had been fully healed. She remained quiet as she turned onto Clark Street, eyeing the sun-lit strip of maple trees lining the road. “Maybe I’ll just go slowly. Tell him we need separate rooms at first.”
“Oh, definitely separate rooms. You should not be sleeping with him, Candice.”
“I wasn’t planning on sleeping with him right away, but we could probably share the bed just fine. It’s a king.”
“No. Don’t fool yourself. Separate rooms for sure. You haven’t kissed him, have you?”
An image of the sort-of kiss they shared on the snow came to mind. And the kiss he’d gently pressed to her wrist the other night. “No,” she said. It was true enough.
Lana let out an audible sigh. “I just don’t want to see you hurt again.”
This time Lana’s words sunk deeper.
Reaching.
Warning.
Worrying.
A dose of searing heat flared up in her heart – the tiny cracks threatening to roar their ugly heads once again. “I don’t want that either.” The ache swelled within her. Grew larger and louder. Had her wanting to call the whole thing off. “There’s no way I can back out now,” she blurted. “I’ve already found somebody to finish out my lease. I have to move out this weekend.” Candice pulled up to her sister’s driveway, put the car in park.
Lana cleared her throat. “My advice is: Don’t flirt with him. Don’t kiss him. And whatever you do, don’t sleep with him.”
“You’re right,” Candice said. “That’s the best way to do this.”
“Absolutely. I’m all for you giving him a second shot, but your well-being has got to come first.”
Candice couldn’t agree more. “See? This is why I called you. I mean, I’m about to go into Shelly’s house and she’s going to say that this is the greatest thing ever and that it’s about time I let him back into my life. But what I really needed to hear was your voice of reason.” She sighed. “Thank you. I feel like you’ve given me a way to keep my ground in all of this. To not get so caught up in romantic feelings that I let myself go completely.”
“Good,” Lana said. “Now call me after you leave Shelly’s and I’ll undo any damage she did.”
Candice laughed. “Totally.”
“I’m so thrilled that you’re doing this.” Shelly said, snipping around the edge of a coupon. “It only makes sense that you should try living together again.”
Candice pulled a new packet of coupons from the hefty stack. “How do you figure?”
“All of your circumstances have changed. He’s not trying to grow his veterinarian practice anymore. You’ve got your families here for support. And now you know he’ll love you even if you two never have children, which has always been your greatest fear.”
Yes. It had. Trouble was, that part hadn’t actually changed. “Well,” Candice said, “I thought that was the case for a while there, but it turns out I can’t be so sure after all.”
“Why not?”
The heart pain threatened to come back. Anxious pangs prodding at the center. It had her clinging to Lana’s advice even more than before. “Logan kept us on the list behind my back.”
Shelly looked up at her, the static-ridden strands of her hair reaching for the hoodie as it slid off her head. “You’re kidding!”
“No,” Candice assured, the pain shifting into something new. Something familiar. Fear. “I’m not kidding. He really did.”
“So you’re still on the list?” Shelly was halfway between standing and sitting, looking like a jack-in-the-box ready to pop.
“Yes.”
Shelly let out a shriek so loud Candice felt it in the center of her head. “Jeez,” she griped, shrinking into her shoulders. “I forget you got Mom’s lungs. There ‘s no way Rueben slept through that.”
But her sister wasn’t listening; she was too busy clapping her hands and cheering like someone had just scored a touchdown.
“Why are you clapping?”
Shelly was undeterred. “This is such good news,” she said with a sigh. “I am so glad he did that.”
Candice’s lips parted as she stared at her. “Uh… hello. I think you missed the part where I said he did it behind my back.”
Shelly waved a dismissive hand. “You weren’t in your right mind when you did that. Candice, we’re talking thousands of dollars lost if you guys let go of that spot. There’s no way you could afford to come up with it twice.”
What Shelly said was true, but Candice couldn’t help but feel annoyed at the unsympathetic way she’d overlooked the whole thing. She was about to inform her that – due to a mistake on Candice’s part – their profile hadn’t been up for review all this time. That their chances of getting a baby may actually be quite good, but she wasn’t willing to change the topic just yet.
“What you don’t seem to get, Shelly, is that now I don’t know if he will still love me if we can’t have kids. He’s holding onto me, sure, but because he knows there’s still a chance. It might seem like a small thing to you, but it’s huge to me.”
“No. He loves you. That’s why he wants this so bad; he knows how important it is to you.”
Candice had argued that point with her sister far too many times. She was in no mood for going another round of it. Instead, she placed the coupon – good for fifty cents off baby wipes – next to the juice box vouchers and flipped the page to find the toothpaste one next. “Are you sure this is really worth all the effort?” she asked with a yawn. “This is a whole lot of coupons. Can you even use the stuff before it goes bad?”
Shelly gasped, threw a hand to her heart. “I cannot believe you’re actually questioning the Coupon Queen. Do I have to take you down to my stock room again? Huh? You need to take another tour of the amazingness I’ve scored for mere pennies?”
Candice resisted the urge to glance over her shoulder at the Leaning Tower of Bounty. The stack of paper towels that threatened to collapse and bury her at any moment. “Nope. I don’t need another tour. Promise.”
All hints of severity fell from Shelly’s face as her shoulders slouched back to their normal place. “So when do you…” she cleared her throat, “make the move?” The seductive tone of her sister’s voice made Candice realize there was more to tell.
“This weekend. But it’s not going to be like you think.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean we’re going to set a few ground rules.”
Shelly crinkled her nose. “You said we, but I’m pretty sure you meant you.”
Oh, how well her sister knew her. “ There will be no intimacy for at least a month.”
“A month?” Shelly screeched. “There’s no way you’re going to be able to do that.”
“Yes, we will,” Candice assured.
“No. You two will get kissing and one thing will lead to another.” Shelly tipped her cup back, smacking the bottom until the crushed ice fell into her mouth.
“Actually, there won’t be any kissing during this time either. That’s included in the whole… intimacy thing.”
Shelly crunched down on the ice she’d popped in her mouth. “Logan can’t be okay with that.”
Candice’s phone let out a buzz. She glanced down at it, saw a text on the screen from Lana. She figured it might be something to offer moral support, but as she read over the small words Candice realized that wasn’t the case.
I forgot to tell you that I can finally come out for a visit. I’d like to bring Kenny too. What do you think?
A wave of joy rushed through her at the thought. Candice had been asking Lana to come out for months. It was about time. Yet as she gave it a bit more thought, she considered the poor timing. Logan would hate the idea. He’d never been a fan of Lana Peters. Still, Logan adored little Kenny. And he’d be a whole year older now. She put down the scissors and picked up her phone, texting out a few short words.
That would be great! Name the date and we’ll be ready!
She looked over at her sister once she was done. “What were we saying?”
“That there is no way Logan will agree to your no intimacy thing,” Shelly said.
“Why wouldn’t he? We’ve been separated for an entire year. Not like it’ll be that hard.”
“I think that’s exactly what will make it so hard.”
“Hmm.” She gave that some thought. “I doubt it.” Who even knew if they’d get along over the next month, let alone want to get close to one another? Besides, the days ahead wouldn’t speak much for their chemistry – there never was any doubt of that to begin with. What they’d need to focus on is compatibility, pure and simple. Logan had shown up at her house with an ultimatum the other night. Now Candice had a few stipulations of her own.
~+~
“You’re never going to be able to do that.”
Logan sunk into the couch and shook his head in frustration, fearing that what Braden said was true. “That’s what I say, but Candice is convinced it’s for the best. She’s worried that if we start being intimate we’ll lose sight of the things that,” he put up finger quotes, “really matter.”
“That does really matter,” Braden said.
Logan nodded. “Her words. Not mine. I’m with you.”
“So she just came up with this idea yesterday?” Allie hollered from the kitchen.
“Yeah.”
Allie strode into the room, drying her hands on an apron. “Well, Candice has set those boundaries, so I say you respect them – one hundred percent.”
Braden and Logan exchanged a confused look before shifting their gaze back to Allie. “Yeah. I already told her I would.”
Allie smiled at him like he was missing the obvious. “No,” she said. “I don’t mean, follow it until you have a moment that’s too tempting for you both and then kiss her because you can tell she wants it. I mean you should – even if the opportunity comes, even if you know she wants you to kiss her – not do it. You should wait until the full month is up before your lips touch hers again.”
“Crud. Way to spoil their fun,” Braden said, tossing a throw pillow her way.
Allie caught the flying pillow and walked over to Braden, thumping him on the head with it before planting herself onto his lap. “No way,” she promised. “It’s kind of romantic. And it’ll make for some very good fun when the time comes.”
Braden groaned. “Just don’t go getting any ideas.”
She shook her head, holding Braden’s gaze with a knowing smile. “Maybe I have a few ideas already,” she threatened. The unspoken connection between them made Logan miss married life. When couples had been married as long as he and Candice had, there was an inside joke for nearly every circumstance. Now, after the lengthy separation, Logan felt like most of the jokes were on him.
“Anyway,” Allie continued, spinning back to face Logan, “you’ll be showing Candice that you respect her request. Women need that kind of assurance. A lot has happened over the last few years. So you need to get reacquainted with each other.”
Logan nodded. Perhaps Allie was right.
“Getting ideas already,” he heard Braden grumble in Allie’s ear. Logan took that as his cue to leave.
“Well the place sure is coming along,” Logan said, coming to a stand.
Braden and Allie were on their feet before he could cross the room. “Thanks again for all your help tonight,” Braden said. “You sure you don’t want any help moving Candice into your place this weekend?”
Logan smiled. Had Candice been there to hear Braden’s question, the two would actually have a recent inside joke after all. “No thanks,” he said. “Trust me. There’s not a whole lot to move.”
“Hey, when do we get to see Aunt Candice?” came a voice from behind. Logan spun around to see Jilly striding into the kitchen.
“Soon,” he said. “I hope.”
“Is she coming to the branding party next month?” Paige asked, coming up behind him. The side of her hand was covered in lead, and Logan wondered just what it was she’d been drawing today.
“Yeah,” Jillian added. “Make sure she comes so we can see her.”
“I think she’ll come with me,” he said with a shrug. Inwardly the topic didn’t feel so light. If they were going to give this a chance, they needed to act as a couple – family gatherings and all. That would be quite an adjustment. One Candice might not be prepared for. The very thought frustrated him, there was no doubt about it. But what he stood to gain would be worth the trial and wait.
He said his goodbyes with that final thought in mind. One day at a time, he reminded himself. One day at a time.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Candice smiled as she stepped back to admire the giant, walk-in closet. She had always loved this home. Ever since Allie and Terrance built it. Candice had often mused that if she and Logan were to build, she’d have wanted this exact floor plan. Allie and Candice had similar taste where decorating was concerned too. From the paint and flooring inside, to the outer appearance of the home as well.
“Here’s the last box,” Logan said with a grunt from behind. Candice recognized the massive thing as her memory box.
“Would you mind putting that up here?” she asked, reaching to pat a high part of the shelf.
“Not at all.” In one quick move Logan hoisted the box above his head and slid it into place. Candice hadn’t escaped the way his muscular arms caught shadows from the light overhead, accenting the definition there.
He turned to glance at her, wiping his hands on his jeans. “Here I thought that apartment of yours was empty this whole time. Heck, if you’d have spread out what you’ve got in this here closet, you probably could have filled up the entire place.”
“Unfortunately, clothes and shoes don’t make for good furniture,” Candice said with a smile.
Logan laughed. “I guess that’s true. Oh,” he blurted, hunching down to snag something from the corner of the closet. “Forgot to get these out of here.” He secured a pair of beat up cowboy boots and turned toward the door.
“Wait, Logan?”
When he spun back around, the sun streaming from the window at his back, he almost looked too glorious to be real. Her heart thumped an extra beat.
His eyes locked on hers. “Yeah?”
“Thanks for letting me have this room and closet and everything. I didn’t expect you to do that. It was really thoughtful.”
He gave her a partial smile. “You bet. Hopefully I’ll be joining you in here before too long.” His eyes darted over to the bed, before settling back on her. He lifted a brow suggestively, causing some sort of fire dance to happen in Candice’s tummy.
Once he was out of sight, she glanced over at the king-sized bed with a sigh. She remembered when they’d purchased it in Colorado, as well as the last time she’d slept in it with him. It was the night before they moved back. Most of the house had been packed up. Only a few items remained. They hadn’t separated before moving out here. But they hadn’t been close either. Two people clinging to opposite sides of the bed. Opposite sides of their lives. Here it became easier. Separate beds and separate homes. She had her whole family to cling to. So did he. Candice had told herself she hadn’t missed him, but the fact was, she’d been missing Logan for years now.
She glanced up at her memory box, recalling several of the items she would find inside. Random pictures of her and Logan, some taken clear back when they were dating. She’d find a few notes he’d written too. Most just silly little things, but some were more serious. Heartfelt. The urge to pull that box off its shelf and rifle through the old notes and worn pages hit her strong. But Candice resisted, unsure of what she wanted to gain from this trial period. Did she really want to fall head over heels in love with him again and then be devastated when things didn’t work out, as Lana suggested? Or did she want to keep at that safe distance – feet poised and ready to run – if that’s what it came to?
Candice allowed that question to fill her mind a
s she stepped past the master bathroom and into the hallway. Sounds of Logan rummaging through the kitchen told her she was safe to explore a bit on her own.
The bright glow of daylight poured from the second bathroom just a few feet down the hall. She turned the corner to peek inside. A tall drinking glass held a blue toothbrush and a bright red tube of cinnamon toothpaste. “Huh.” Candice had forgotten that Logan liked that stuff. She folded her arms, more perplexed by the subject than she ought to be. It was just that, she remembered buying it for him for years. And then… not. In the chaos of things gone wrong in their lives, she’d simply forgotten about his preference for it. Just started buying the same mint toothpaste for them both. Now that Logan was doing his own shopping, he was buying what he wanted. What she’d neglected.
It was stupid – the guilt that latched onto her at this revelation – Candice knew it was. But as she crept quietly down the hall, she couldn’t help but wonder what other things she might have neglected along the way. There he was, working more hours than he slept, coming home to a wife who’d stopped caring the way she should.
Stop it, she told herself. They both made mistakes. If they stood any chance of making this work she’d need to stop looking back.
The light coming from the bedroom across the way was different. The west-facing window offering a more direct stream of sunlight. It made the room warm and comfortable, like Logan.
A large twin bed took up most of the room, barely covered by the quick pull of a duvet. He must have slept there last night, she realized, recalling how nice the bed in the master had been made up. Not with pillows or decorative touches, but the blankets had been pulled tight. The scent of it fresh and clean.
She stepped inside further, folding her arms across her chest. “Whoa,” she muttered under her breath. A gorgeous stretch of ranchland lay beyond the large backyard deck. Rich greens and golds lying beneath an endless canvass of blue. It was a work of art. Candice hadn’t taken time to open the drapes in the master bedroom, but she knew a set of french doors would lead to a small patio out back, offering this same breathtaking view. As she caught sight of the small stable out back, Candice could picture him working out there, riding a horse as he used to. It seemed to suit him more than the practice ever did.
Mending Hearts: Logan's Story Page 11
