by A. J. Truman
“Now we really have to be quiet,” Greg whispered. They were still so close to each other, Ethan could smell Greg’s minty breath. It was like they were kissing without touching lips.
The thought of Trina or some other sycophantic employee nearby, ready to knock on their door at any moment, terrified and electrified Ethan. He tugged at Greg’s bulging manhood. He dragged his fingers across Greg’s chest. Greg let out his low moan, and Ethan bit his lip. The moment was taking over him. His heart revved up. The nerves and thrills juiced together and spiraled from his head to his toes.
Ethan wanted Greg. All of Greg. And so he kissed him.
Greg shifted away and moved his lips to Ethan’s ear. “This is so fucking hot. You’re gonna make me come all over your new fucking wardrobe.”
His breath, his words on Ethan’s ear made his knees cave in. He gripped Greg’s thick erection harder. Ethan tried to make eye contact with Greg, but his were closed, lost in ecstasy. Greg dug his fingers into Ethan’s back and pulled him flush against his chest.
Ethan leaned in for a kiss again.
And Greg shifted. Again.
Ethan tried one more time. He tried to hold Greg’s lips on him by pulling his dick closer. Greg stepped back and knocked a trio of shirts to the floor.
“What are you doing?” Ethan asked.
A polite tap-tap at the door turned Ethan and Greg into mannequins. “How’s everything working out in there?” Trina asked.
“Great!” Greg said, as if nothing were wrong. “I’m trying to convince my buddy that guys don’t tuck in shirts anymore. It’s all about keeping it casual. I’ll keep you posted.”
“Sounds good. Let me know if you need anything.”
They listened for her footsteps to drift away. Greg leaned down to pick up the dropped clothes.
“What happened?” Ethan asked.
Greg talked to the clothes, not Ethan. “I don’t think it’s a good idea that we kiss.”
Ethan fell onto the bench. His legs couldn’t support him.
“Saturday was hot, don’t get me wrong.”
Hot was not the word Ethan used to describe it to himself. Hot indicated fling, something that cooled off quickly.
“I just…” Greg shrugged, and he seemed to want Ethan to fill in the blank. But Ethan didn’t know the answer.
“Just what?”
“Let’s just keep this casual.”
“That kiss was anything but casual.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I got caught up in the moment.”
Ethan didn’t know why that was a bad thing. Some moments were worth getting caught up in.
“I don’t want you to get attached.”
“I wasn’t getting attached,” Ethan shot back defensively, his eyes widening at the accusation. “I just don’t know what’s going on.”
“And I don’t want to confuse you anymore. Things—I mean, if we—it can’t happen.”
“Because you’re still ‘straight’?” Ethan used air quotes correctly this time.
“I don’t want things to get complicated. We were having fun. Why can’t we just keep having fun?” Greg almost sounded pleading. He massaged Ethan’s shoulders, which didn’t help the confusion.
Ethan burst out of the dressing room, past Trina. Having fun had never sounded so painful.
CHAPTER twenty-one
Ethan laid on Lorna’s bed, the top bunk. The thought of having to climb a ladder to get to sleep sounded agonizing, but hanging out in the top corner of Lorna and Jessica’s room was a nice change for him.
Lorna looked up at him on his perch. “Having fun up there?”
“It’s like being in a treehouse or something.”
“I guess.” She took off her top and searched in her closet for a sexier piece. Ethan averted his eyes and turned to face the Ryan Gosling poster on her wall. It was Friday night, and Lorna was going to a party at her sorority sister’s apartment.
“Why are you covering your eyes?”
“I’m giving you your privacy.”
“Are you one of those gay guys terrified of boobs?”
“No! I’m being a gentleman.”
“The coast is clear,” she said.
Ethan turned back around. She wore a periwinkle and black, polka-dotted, envelope neck shirt. The blue made her eyes sparkle. “Nice!” he said.
“Thanks.” She checked herself in the small mirror taped inside her closet. Ethan had to get one of those. “You sure you don’t want to come to this party tonight? There will be boys there.” Lorna raised her eyebrows at him. “Boys who like boys.”
He already had plans to see Dave’s a capella show. At least there would be cute boys singing he could use to take his mind off Greg. Or try to take his mind off Greg.
Lorna sat down and zipped up her boots. “I still think he likes you, for the record.”
That didn’t make Ethan feel better. Greg hadn’t contacted him since he ran out of the store. He hadn’t showed up to class on Thursday. Ethan wondered why he even went to class at all if he could just obtain the PowerPoint slides online? Was it just to see him? You wish. Why like somebody who liked you back if you wouldn’t do anything about it? Or rather, if you did things about it and then took them back the next day? It just confused him.
Ethan let Lorna’s thick comforter envelop him. He could fall asleep right here.
She returned to the mirror with her bag of makeup and began applying eye shadow with precision, step one in her beautification process. Ethan wore a cranberry V-neck and jeans. He had showered and put product in his hair. His process took five minutes. He did not envy girls.
“He’s pushing you away,” she said.
“Why?”
“Because he’s in the closet.”
“But why couldn’t he just tell me this? I would’ve understood.”
“Maybe that’s what he’s afraid of,” she said. “That you would wait for him.”
Ethan worried he was never going to come out and that all Greg wanted was a guy on the side.
“North Campus is a very different world,” Lorna said.
Ethan was going to laugh that off, but he thought of Sahil. They had a mutual friend and had bonded over flip cup, but Ethan couldn’t bring himself to tell Sahil he was gay. He had tried justifying it to himself. It never came up. I don’t have to announce it to everyone. But he realized how scared he was of Sahil’s reaction. He couldn’t imagine having to live in that world 24/7.
“I wonder if any of his past girlfriends knew about this. Or if people suspect he’s gay or bi. Has he dated anyone recently?”
Lorna spoke into the mirror. “How would I know?”
“Because you’re both Greek people. He’s probably dated a sorority girl you know.”
“Way to stereotype, Ethan.”
“I’m sorry. You know what I mean.”
She thought on it while she applied her mascara. “I’ve heard he was a big manwhore.”
Ethan waved his hand, begging for more clarification.
“I think there was a girl in Kappa… Wait, no, she dated Greg Paulson.”
Lorna stared into the mirror, racking her brain for an answer. She seemed like the type of girl who would know this stuff like the back of her hand. Ethan practically heard her scroll through the list of names, but she was no closer to an answer. To be labeled a manwhore, shouldn’t one have a list of conquests readily available? He sat up and hung his feet over her bed.
“I heard he had a threesome with two girls when he was a freshman, before we got here.” Lorna presented that as her smoking gun. Ethan was not impressed.
“You heard?”
“Well, obviously I wasn’t there.” She slipped back into thinking mode. “I think he hooked up with Marina Cresselt last year. I’m sure there’s more.”
But Ethan could hear doubt cracking in her voice. “Or so you think.”
Lorna arched an eyebrow at him. She apparently didn’t like her gossip-gathering skills called into quest
ion. “Has he talked to you about any of that?”
Ethan shook his head. He was so secretive about his life. Ethan devoured any scraps of personal information like it was his only meal of the day.
“You guys never talked about past partners?”
“He told me about the one guy he’s been with before.”
She whipped her head around. “Who?”
“He didn’t give a name.” And even if he had, Ethan wouldn’t have mentioned it. That one deserved to stay a secret.
“Anything else?” she asked.
Ethan racked his brain, but not much Greg data came out. He realized how little he knew about Greg’s personal life. Even his public life seemed more and more like a façade.
“I guess you guys didn’t do much talking.” She tossed her hair to get it the right amount of playful.
Ethan searched for the words. She was right and wrong at the same time. “It’s like I barely know him, but I feel like I know him so well. Does that sound crazy?”
She left the mirror and got on her tiptoes to reach the upper bunk. “Kinda. But the good kind of crazy.”
That didn’t make Ethan feel any better. He fell back on the bed and pictured Greg’s smile, only for him. True, he didn’t have all the facts on Greg. Barely any. But he saw through Greg’s bullshit and had viewed glimpses of the real him. That had to count for something more than hard data.
When he sat back up, Lorna was looking something up on her phone.
“Change of plans for tonight,” Lorna said, typing away. She tossed her phone in her bag. Her cheeks bunched into a smile. “We’re going somewhere else.”
“We are?”
“Greg’s frat is having a party tonight. You’re going. You’re talking to Greg. You’re setting the record straight. Or not, in his case.”
“What? No, no. I can’t.” Ethan’s face bleached white. His airways closed up at the thought. “I’ll see him on Tuesday.”
“No. You’re going to see him tonight in his fratty element.”
“What about your party? Chicks over dicks and all that.”
“Ethan.” Lorna never sounded this firm. “Don’t you want to talk to your hunk and find out what the hell is going on? You have a right to know.”
Yes to all of that! Attending a frat party? Confronting Greg? The possibilities and scenarios flashed through Ethan’s mind like a montage on speed. This would be a night to remember. Ethan jumped off the bed, giving Lorna a shock.
“I can’t wait. I’ll meet up with you after Dave’s concert.”
Lorna pulled a flask from her desk drawer. She took out two cans of Diet Coke from her mini-fridge and two shot glasses from the freezer cubby. “If we’re going to a frat party, we need to prepare. We need to pregame.”
“You want us to start drinking now?”
“You need to chill out.” She poured them each a shot of what smelled like vodka and handed him a can of soda. “You’re going to be wired during the a capella show, thinking about the party and Greg. A shot or two will help keep you calm.”
“I am calm!” Ethan shouted. Lorna shot him a look, and he immediately hung his head.
“Are you ready to ask Greg if he likes you as more than a fuckbuddy—sober?”
He held both beverages like the scales of justice. If there was a chance that he would see Greg tonight, then there existed only one way he was getting through it.
They clinked shotglasses.
Φ
Three shots later, Ethan had reached a state of calm. Well, more like a state of hysterical laughter. The alcohol warmed his insides, and he felt prepared for tonight. He and Lorna took turns dishing about awkward guy experiences. She regaled him with tales of guys giving her a fake phone number or sitting next to her crush on a field trip bus ride for an hour and not being able to say a word. Lorna wasn’t the cool cat from birth Ethan had imagined. She was once shy and stiff, but she’d come out of her shell. Ethan imagined himself going through a similar process. College did that to people. It was the first time you were on your own, finding your own way. That had to cause people to change, and Ethan pitied people who stayed the same over their four years.
They sprawled out on her floor, the empty shot glasses between them. Ethan stood up to get another Diet Coke from her fridge, but the room had the nerve to spin around and tilt. How inconsiderate! He stumbled and gripped onto Jessica’s chair for balance.
“Easy there,” Lorna said.
“I’m fine.”
Ethan didn’t remember feeling this way at the tailgate, and he’d had more to drink. Perhaps sitting and drinking produced a different effect than standing while drinking. He was inspired to do some scientific research into the theory. But first he needed more Diet Coke.
“You okay?” Lorna asked, mostly pointing out his drunkenness.
“I said I’m fine.” Ethan squatted down and picked out a soda from the fridge, even as the room continued to act like the inside of a kaleidoscope.
His body froze as the door opened, and Jessica stepped inside. Her eyes immediately flung wipe open at the site of empty shot glasses and a flask.
“Hey,” she said.
“Hey, Jessica!” Lorna said, extra-cheery.
“What are you guys doing?”
“We were just hanging out.”
Ethan remained silent. He started to feel a little bad that they were drinking in Jessica’s room considering how much she hated it. But it’s also Lorna’s room! he told himself.
Jessica’s eyes flicked over him, hardened with disappointment. “Are you still coming to Dave’s show?”
“Of course I am!” Ethan shot back up, and his equilibrium gave out. His legs toppled, and he fell onto Jessica’s desk, sending papers flying everywhere. Lorna burst out laughing until her face turned red. Jessica did not have the same reaction.
“What is your problem, Ethan! You’re drunk? Seriously?”
Ethan’s face flamed red with embarrassment. He’d just needed a buzz, but he’d gone so much further.
“Oh, relax,” Lorna said. “We just had a little bit to drink in preparation for later.”
“What’s later?”
“We’re going to a party at Kappa Kappa Sig.” She seemed to enjoy Jessica’s response.
Jessica swiveled to face Ethan, focusing all her might on his sloshed appearance. “You’re going to a frat party?”
He was a deer in the headlights. He could smell the judgment wafting off of her. And then the alcohol took over his brain, unjumbling his words. “Yeah, I am. We don’t have to do everything together. Just like how you guys go to the movies without me.”
He wanted to catch Jessica, but she just squinted in confusion. “What?”
“You all went to see Liberation on a Monday afternoon. Without me,” Ethan said in a loud voice. The alcohol wouldn’t let him be quiet. This totally explained Sahil.
“It was an assignment for journalism class. We had to write a paper on it. I would’ve asked you to come, but you fell asleep the first time we went. Did you follow us or something?”
Ethan’s high horse gave out. That was not the answer he was expecting. He’d accused Jessica of being a lousy friend and lost. Her body tensed up, and her mouth clenched. Once you crossed a line with Jessica, there was no going back.
“Why do you care if we’re drinking?” Lorna asked. Ethan was so grateful that she’d broken the silence. “Don’t be so uptight.”
Tears beaded at Jessica’s eyes, and the sight rammed into Ethan’s chest.
“I’ll meet you at the show,” he said.
“Don’t worry about it. I can tell you have better things to do.” Jessica slammed the door as she left.
Ethan sat on the desk chair, significantly more sober and lacking a party mood. Lorna hopped up and put another shot by his lips.
“Don’t worry about her,” she said. “We’re going to have fun tonight. You guys will make up in the morning. Tonight, you’re going to get to the bottom of Greg. Pun f
ully intended.”
She was right. He couldn’t let Jessica put a damper on his mission tonight. He was coming out of his shell, going on adventures, letting life run wild in his veins. Ethan downed the shot.
Watch out, Greg Sanderson. Because here I come.
CHAPTER twenty-two
Much of the walk to the party was a blur of laughing, bumping into lamp posts, and high-fiving random strangers. The world was at a slanted angle for Ethan, and he took it in stride.
Or rather, in skip.
“Are you playing hopscotch?” Lorna asked. Everything was making her giggle tonight. Ethan sucked in his laughter until it came out as tears.
He didn’t remember how many shots they’d had. He’d stopped counting after four. They were in Lorna’s room for a few hours, talking about life before Browerton. There were some heart-to-heart moments in there, but they were a blur within the greater blur.
Ethan felt the alcohol plummet to the bottom of his stomach as they approached the frat quad. Ivy crawled across majestic brick buildings which overlooked the river. Were it not for the trash littering the area and stumbling students, this could be the cover of a catalogue. It was almost ironic to have such a stately block of buildings dedicated to decadence and mess.
“And here we are.”
The letters of Kappa Kappa Sigma were lit up on the building, and a guy in a pink polo stood watch over the entrance. Music pulsed from inside. Students Ethan had never seen before scattered around the outside. The sight intimidated him. He was not cool enough for this party, this quad, this hemisphere of campus.
“What if he doesn’t talk to me?”
“He will.” She tugged on his arm for support. They joined the line to enter.
“Do you think so?”
“Yes! I think.”
“Those are two contract…contradictionary…contradictation…con—you think I’m screwed.”
Lorna shrugged her shoulders. Now they were in front of pink polo bouncer guy. His chest was as wide as Lorna and Ethan smooshed together.
“Gilly!” Lorna screamed and threw her arms around the guy. He picked her up in a bear hug. Ethan exhaled. Gilly?
