by MISSY HARPER
You are Pop, you’re my daddy.
Ethan watched as Rylee lowered the bed and covered his father like a sleeping child. She leaned over and kissed him on his forehead. It was more than he could handle. He had to get away from her. Part of him wanted to scream at her, and shake her for allowing this to happen to his father. But, he knew it wasn’t her fault, he was just angry all around. Another part of him wanted to pull her into his arms and use her to forget the worst night of his life… use her to take out his anger and frustration, use her to help him feel whole again. He had to get away from her because neither option would end well or was in anyway fair to her.
“Sleep tight, Papa J.” He heard Rylee’s sweet voice say as he walked out into the hall and pounded his fists against the wall, growling with each hit.
He’d meant to head out of the building, get in his truck and drive away, but when he heard her voice he couldn’t leave. For some unexplainable reason he felt like he might burst into a thousand little pieces if she wasn’t near him. He felt her gentle hand on his back. It felt tiny and fragile against the hard muscle of his broad back. Desire flared in him from somewhere deeper than he’d known existed, and it terrified him. He had to get away from her once and for all, or she’d be the end of him… or worse yet, he’d destroy her. He took all his rage, fear and pain and turned it against her.
“What the hell was that, Rylee?” Ethan sneered through clenched teeth as he turned to glare down at her. “Care to explain to me why my father thinks you’re my mother!” His eyes were as hard as sapphires. “What the hell were you doing giving him a bath, anyway! That’s what the fuckin aides are for!” He yelled as he kicked the wall and pointed his arm toward the nurses station. His beautiful face twisted with rage and pain. She understood how hard this must be for him and just wanted to help him hurt less.
“I can’t explain it, Ethan. He sometimes thinks I’m her, just like he thought you were his doctor for a while there.” She rushed to explain. “His brain just switches things around and you never really know what you’re gonna get until he starts talking. I’m so sorry, Ethan.” She reached out a comforting hand to him, but he pulled away.
“You didn’t answer my question.” He took a predatory step back in her direction. “Do you enjoy bathing him, Rylee? Is that why you do it? Does it turn you on, because it damn sure turns him on!” He yelled in her face. “But you didn’t need me to tell ya that now did ya, Rylee?” He grabbed her arms tightly and wanted to shake her until things made sense again! Rylee’s eyes filled with tears and she brokenheartedly shook her head from side to side.
“Maybe that’s what cha like about it? The fact you can make an old man’s dick hard!” He hissed through clenched teeth. He saw her tears, and knew none of what he was saying was true, but he couldn’t stop it! It was like a volcano erupting from somewhere deep inside him, and if he didn’t let it flow it would burn him into nothing. In that moment he wanted to hurt her, protect her and kill her all at the same time.
Rylee swallowed back the tears and the hurt his words brought. She knew he was terribly hurt, and simply lashing out at her because he knew he was safe in doing so. However, that didn’t make it hurt any less to hear him, of all people, say such things.
“No, Ethan. I don’t enjoy it at all.” She whispered and tried her hardest to hold back her tears. He made her feel so dirty! She was only trying to help his father. Most nights she was the only person he would allow to touch him without a fight. She always made sure there was an aide in the room when she bathed him, but now, after hearing Ethan’s words, she still felt dirty. “He usually won’t let the others…”
“I don’t think I believe you, Rylee! Is this Libby bullshit just some kinda ploy to take my ranch from me! Huh? Is that it?” He tightened his grip and gave her a good shake. “You askin him to sign shit again, Rylee?” He yelled down into her face as he spun her around, pinning her against the wall.
“If I had wanted your ranch I would have had it years ago. Besides, we both know that nothing he signed now would be worth the paper it was printed on, Ethan.” She calmly said as she raised her hand and held his cheek in her palm. She could feel his pain vibrating beneath her palm.
“He laid there and had a conversation with me, Rylee… about me!” He pointed to his father then jabbed himself in the chest, fury and pain reverberating off of him.
“I know, Baby. I know.” She soothed as she ran her fingers over his cheek. She’d swore she would never allow herself to be in this position with him again, but Ethan needed her tonight. She’d give him whatever he needed to see him through this awful time.
“Let’s get out of here, okay?” She said as she finally ran her fingers through his hair. Ethan sighed, finally enjoying the feel of his hair sliding through her fingers. He’d seen her do it to her brother’s so many times in the past few days. He closed his eyes and wanted to melt into her, and let himself lose all of his pain in her arms. Her touch felt so right, like he’d finally come home. He wanted her more than he wanted his next breath, but he knew in that moment, if he ever had her, he’d never let her go. He’d come to the realization long ago that he just wasn’t the kinda guy that could be that man for any woman… not even his little Runt. He had to do right by her, no matter how much it hurt them both, now.
“My own father asked me who my daddy was, Rylee! You think you can fix that?” His snicker was down right hateful. “You think you can help me with how I’m feelin right now?” He asked her in a mocking tone, trying to push her as far away from him as he could. Unfortunately, she didn’t back down, and she fought back with nothing but sweet kindness.
“We’ll pick up a six pack, saddle a couple of horses and head up to the lake… sleep under the stars like we used to when we were kids.” She attempted to smile up at him. “How’s that sound?” She asked as she stared into his tormented eyes. She was so genuine, and he knew she was offering a hell of a lot more than beer and a camp out.
“How’s that sound?” He gave an angry snort. Like heaven, my sweet little Runt. That’s the problem. I’m not good enough for your heaven, and I never will be.
“It sounds real sweet, Rylee. Too bad sweet ain’t what I’m needin right now.” His voice turned cold and unapologetic. “What I need is a stiff drink and a cold, hard fuck! What I need, Rylee, is a woman that knows how to take care of a man, and if I remember correctly from this afternoon, you don’t have a clue what to do with a real man.” He looked at her with disgust in his eyes and shoved her away from him as he walked past her. She stumbled backward, assuming the disgust she saw was for her, just like he intended her to, but it wasn’t. He’d never felt more disgusted with himself, and the man he’d become, than he did right that minute.
Rylee couldn’t watch him leave. It hurt too much. His words had cut her to the bone and hurt her more than he would ever know. She may not profess her love for him any longer, but everyone, including Ethan, knew she still had very strong feelings for him. Telling her she wasn’t enough woman for him, and that some stranger who didn’t give a damn about him was better suited to care for him tonight, well, that was the ultimate insult.
She tried really hard, but the tears came anyway, right along with the realization that he never had, and never would love her. She pulled out her cell phone and made a quick call while she was still able to speak. She needed to get to her jeep because she knew she would not be able to stop her tears even if Ethan walked back in the door, but she didn’t make it. Years of unrequited love crashed down on her, and she had to stop. She leaned her forehead against the wall and let her tears come as she pounded angry, hurt fists into the wall.
“Rylee? Are you okay, Darlin?”
She looked up to see Bart Kyle standing beside her. When he saw her face, he reached out his hand and gently grasped her arm.
“What happened, Rylee?” His voice was filled with genuine concern. His grandfather was also an Alzheimer’s patient at Yesteryears. She tried, but she couldn’t stop the te
ars. She told him an abbreviated version of what had happened that night, leaving out the part where the love of her life told her she wasn’t woman enough for him, and that he’d rather spend his time with some whore than ever consider her bed.
“I’m sorry, Rylee.” He rubbed his hands up and down her arms in a comforting manner. “Do you think I should go after Ethan?” He gestured toward the door down the hallway.
“No, I called Tanner. He’ll bring out the cavalry.” She attempted a smile but didn’t do a very good job of it. He looked down at her pointedly, running his finger from the corner of her mouth down her chin and lifted it until she looked at him.
“How about you? Are you okay, Rylee?” His deep voice was tender and his soft blue eyes caring. They were so different from Ethan’s angry dark blue one’s. She had never noticed how handsome Bart was until she looked into his gentle eyes as he smiled down at her.
“I’m okay, Bart.” She assured him as she took a step back trying to prove she was stable on her own two feet, and also to put a little distance between them. It would be more than any one woman could stand to be rejected by two men in one night. Besides, backing away was a habit.
“Nice try.” He called her on her polite lie. His face softened at her deep blush and he reached down to take her hand.
“How about a cup of coffee?” Bart offered with a friendly smile. “The truck stop off I-90 is open twenty-four hours a day. We could talk till morning if ya like. I’ve always wanted to get to know ya a little better… but you always seem to be workin or something.” He confessed with a charming smile.
“Thanks, Bart, but really, I’m fine now.” She assured him with a real smile this time. It was nice to know that at least someone found her worthy of his time!
“Okay, Rylee, let me explain how this is gonna work.” Bart shifted on his feet in front of her. “I find you crying in the hall, I comfort you, I feed you and get to know ya a little better. Then, you can decide where you want to go from there. Or, I find you crying in the hall. I comfort you and then I toss you in my truck, drive all the way out to your daddy’s ranch and tell him all about what went on here tonight. Your choice.” He said holding up his hands.
“Our ranch is way out of the way for you.”
“So does that mean I’m finally gonna get the chance to get to know ya a little better… even if I’m reduced to preying on you in a moment of weakness.” He asked with a big smile that was really hard to say no to. Then again, why did she need to keep saying no. She’d been saying no her whole life, waiting for Ethan to love her, and when given the chance, he chose a whore over her.
Stupid bull-ridin, picture takin, skirt chasin… jerk!
“Okay, you talked me into it, cowboy.” Rylee said, flirting with someone other than Ethan for the first time in her life.
“Finally!” He said, mocking the situation as he steered her toward the door.
“I’d take you someplace nicer, but nothing else is open this time of night except the bars. I think you need something a little quieter than that tonight.” He smiled down at her as he stopped beside his truck. “I’m right here, I’ll drive if you don’t mind.”
“You know the whole town will think we’ve been on a date. There’ll be all sorts of talk about it before breakfast.” She said as she entered the truck through the door he held open for her.
“Yep, I’ll be the envy of every cowboy in town.” He joked as he closed her door.
Not every cowboy, Bart.
Chapter 8
Starin At Whiskey
Tanner and Rory pulled up chairs and sat on either side of Ethan at a table in the very back of the Busted Buckle Bar and Grill. Although, truthfully, there hadn’t been anything grilled there in over thirty years.
“What are you two doin here?” Ethan asked as he stared down into the swirling whiskey in his glass.
“Lookin for you.” Rory offered as he took a sip from his long neck. “Thought we were hangin out tonight?” Ethan looked like hell! It wasn’t a look he’d seen on him before, and to be honest, the man didn’t wear it very well.
“Rylee called.” Tanner told him when Ethan still looked as if he didn’t give a damn if they were there or not.
“She tell you what happened?” Ethan mumbled, looking down at the table for a second.
“Yep.” Tanner, a man of few words, confirmed.
“So, you two are here to kick my ass, huh? Can’t believe Oliver’s missin out on it.” Ethan grinned while he continued to swirl the whiskey in his glass. Tanner and Rory exchanged puzzled looks before Rory spoke.
“What the hell are you talkin about, man? How many of those have you had, anyway?” Rory questioned his former traveling partner and pointed to his glass.
“Not a drop. Just been sittin here starin at it, watchin it swirl around and around.” Ethan said still looking at his drink. Rory grimaced. It must be really bad if the man was too depressed to drink. No wonder Rylee had called Tanner.
“What’s goin on, man? Rylee called and said you had a bad visit with your dad. What’d she conveniently leave out that would make us want to beat you to death?” Tanner asked with a raised eyebrow and plenty of sarcasm. He’d always had a knack for reading between the lines.
“Bad visit.” Ethan snorted and slouched down a little farther in his chair. “Yeah, you could call it that.” He offered a disgusted snort.
“Not only did Pop have a conversation with me… about me, but he later introduced himself to me. Then for an encore, he asked me who my daddy was.” Ethan shook his head and bit back the emotions one more time. He didn’t deserve their sympathy for what he’d been through tonight, not after what he’d done to Rylee. He couldn’t get her crushed expression out of his mind. Even though he knew it was for her own good, hurting her had turned out to be much harder than he’d ever expected.
“Damn, Ethan, I’m sorry.” Rory said with genuine sympathy in an effort to distract Ethan from the tears gathering in his eyes.
“That had to be tough, man. I’m sorry, too.” Tanner rubbed his hand over his mouth and looked down at the table.
“Don’t feel sorry for me yet. You ain’t heard the worst part.” Ethan shoved his chair away from the table, stretched his legs out and threw his head back, rolling his neck in frustration.
“What happened?” Rory asked, a bit surprised at Ethan’s reaction. He was normally so calm and cool.
“I spent all day bein pissed at everybody because of Rylee’s hot date tonight.” Ethan confessed as he stared at the ceiling. “So, I get to the nursing home, still pissed, and I find her gettin Pop out of the bathtub. He’s talkin to her like she’s my mom.” He pulled his head upright and looked at Tanner.
“No, I’m serious. He’s callin her Libby and shit. Tellin her how much he’s missed her, and he’s got this hard on that would shame any nineteen year old. His mind might be shot, but the rest of his anatomy works just fine!” He grumbled, still aggravated that Rylee had seen his father that way, or was it that Rylee had experienced it with someone else that bothered him so much? For some reason he wanted to be the only man she ever saw that way.
“He didn’t hurt her did he?” Tanner questioned, now more than slightly worried about his little sister. She had been pretty upset when she’d called him.
“No, there was an aide in the room, but of course Rylee didn’t need her. She handled Pop like a pro.” He waved Tanner’s worry off. He mentally punched himself in the gut for sounding so jealous!
“She had the old man eating right out of the palm of her hand. Literally. Once she got him dressed and into bed she hand fed him his dinner… the dinner she brought over for him.” Ethan scrubbed his hands over his face and leaned forward placing his elbows on the table. He looked older and more serious than either of them had ever seen.
“After playing doctor and total stranger with my own damn father, I tried to leave. I was in a real bad place, and I needed to get away from Rylee before I blew. I got as far as the hall…�
� He reached for his glass, attempted to take a sip, but only stared down into it before he sat it back down on the table again.
“Rylee came out into the hall and put her hand on my back to comfort me.” His voice could barely be heard and his eyes never left his glass. “She felt so tiny, so soft, and sweet, so… right.” He paused and sighed. “I don’t know what happened. I felt… I don’t know, but I panicked. I just snapped, Tan.” Ethan confessed as he looked over at his best friend. His guilt and sorrow showed equally on his face.
“What’d you do, Ethan?” Tanner asked with a deadly quiet.
“I lashed out at her. The more she tried to comfort me, the meaner I got.” He shook his head in bewilderment. “She ran her fingers through my hair… and… it felt so…” A self-disgusted chuckle escaped his throat as he looked up toward the ceiling.
“The weird part is every damn time I’ve seen her do that to one of you I felt jealous or something. She finally does it to me… and I shoved her against the wall and said some damn hurtful things to her. Damn it! I knew I needed to get away from her! She didn’t deserve that!” Ethan heard Rory begin to chuckle and looked up in time to see Rory’s smile spread across his face.
“Boy, I bet she ripped you a new one.” Rory’s eyes danced with delight. He’d have loved to have been a fly on the wall for that conversation.
“’fraid not, Partner. I left her standin there silent with tears rolling down her damn cheeks.” He mumbled, feeling lower than a snake’s belly.
“Rylee, silent… what the hell did you say to her, Ethan?” Tanner demanded. If Rylee had been silenced, for any amount of time, then those had to be some really harsh words. Then again, this was Ethan they were talkin about. If anyone could hurt his ballsy little sister it was his best friend.
“A load of mean, untrue bull shit!” Ethan spat out as he looked over at Tanner. “Basically, I told her I didn’t want her comfort cause I needed a woman that knew what to do with a real man, and she needed to go home to her daddy where she belonged.” Ethan leaned his head into his hands and groaned.
