by MISSY HARPER
“I just got one other thing to say about this situation, Son. One kiss damn near brought ya to your knees tonight. If ya had all of her, do ya honestly think you’d be able to walk away after? Do ya think you could let some other cowboy take your place?” Thor settled his back against the fence and crossed his arms over his chest. “Have you asked yourself why you care so damn much, son?” Thor looked over at him, found the answer in Ethan’s eyes and looked back toward the house.
“You might want to think on that, and all it means, before you make anymore of those snap decisions like ya did tonight.” Thor shrugged his shoulders. “A few more kisses like that and you’ll be the one fallin to his knees… for a completely different reason. And don’t go thinking she’d make it easy on ya just because it’s what she’s wanted her whole life. Only a fool would think something stupid like that.”
“I wish that was an option, Thor. I truly do.”
Thor slapped him on the back and headed back inside the house, no more in a hurry now than he ever had been. Ethan watched him go and knew the man had a valid point. That kiss had affected him more than he’d expected. There was no way he could ever make love to Rylee, because that’s what it would be. He knew he’d never be able to let her go, and that would be very costly for Rylee in the end. The only thing that separated him from Bart Kyle was a feeling of responsibility to protect Rylee. If it were any other woman, it’d be game on, and that thought suddenly turned his stomach.
Yup! He was in deep shit! That kiss had him wanting to climb the stairs and drag Rylee home with him. Some would say that wasn’t any different than he’d ever been with anyone else. However, the difference was he had a very strong desire to keep her there even after he’d had her a few times. He’d give in to his desires if he could even be slightly sure he wouldn’t revert back to his previous ways, but a man like him couldn’t offer such a guarantee. He may be willing to hurt her to save her from herself, but he’d be damned if he’d sacrifice her for his own fleeting desires.
Chapter 11
Giving Up On A Dream
Rylee crawled into her bed with all of her clothes on and pulled the covers up under her chin. She closed her eyes and tried to forget all of the things that had happened today. First there was the spoiled shopping trip and the fight between Ramon and Jorge. Then there was the fiasco at the nursing home with Papa J, and later with Ethan. It was always enjoyable to discover the man you’ve loved your whole life doesn’t think you woman enough for him, but his mentally incompetent father was more than willing to spend a little quality time with you.
And where had this thing with Bart Kyle come from? He’d never shown anymore interest in her than the next guy, but still she’d kissed him… twice… and enjoyed it both times! Then Ethan showed up and started a fight, dragged her home, like only a good caveman could do, then kissed her senseless in front of her entire family!
But what a kiss! Honestly, she knew her kissing experience was quite limited, but no kiss had ever made her knees go weak or her head spin like Ethan’s kiss had. Bart’s kisses had been good, but nothing compared to Ethan’s!
She always thought his kiss would be soft and sweet, a tender kiss like Bart had given her or like Ethan’s was at the end. How many times had she dreamed of Ethan finally kissing her, professing his undying love for her, then carrying her off to live with him forever. So, it hadn’t been what she had expected, and having it happen in front of her entire family was certainly unexpected. She remembered the way his mouth had felt as he captured her lips, and the feel of his hard body pressed against her while his tongue took her mouth. It was more than she could have ever been prepared for. His touch was more than she had ever imagined and all that she’d ever wanted.
A tear slid down her face. There had been no tenderness when he’d first kissed her and there was absolutely no professions of any type of love made after. In fact he’d told her he’d be more than happy to make her his whore and then sent her to her room! His eyes had been so angry and his words so hateful. He’d taken something she’d looked forward to her whole life and turned it into something dirty and whorish.
She knew she had to face it. Ethan had no interest in loving her or having any type of relationship with her. A stiff drink and a hard fuck. That’s what he was looking for and that’s all he’d offered her. Not to mention, she could only have it as some sort of punishment for misbehaving! He’d said she could be his buckle bunny for the night, and done so in front of her family, who knew that all she’d ever wanted to be was the owner of his heart. She turned her face into her pillow as the pain and shame washed over her, racking her body with sobs.
Regina heard her daughter’s bedroom door open and decided to check on her. She was not at all surprised to find Ethan sitting on the edge of Rylee’s bed brushing her daughter’s hair away from her sleeping face.
“I thought you went home.” Regina said as she gently touched his shoulder. She wasn’t happy with the way he’d treated her daughter, but knew that deep down he had Rylee’s best interest at heart, even if his method was a bit brutal.
“Forgot my truck was at the Busted Buckle.” He said, glancing up at her for only a second, then went back to brushing Rylee’s hair from her face. He gently ran the backs of his knuckles down her cheek.
“She’s been crying.” He whispered.
“Yeah, I’d imagine so. She’s waited her entire life for you to kiss her, and I doubt her dream included an offer for you to make her your whore.” Regina gently told him, but Ethan winced just the same. She was never a cruel woman, but she always told it like it was… a lot like her daughter.
“I wish I could be what she deserves. Give her sweet kisses, a home, babies…”
“Come on, Ethan. I’ll give you a ride home.” Regina told him as she rubbed her hand over his broad back. She knew he was feeling about as terrible as her daughter had been because his shoulders were slumped. Ethan’s shoulders had never been slumped, not even at his mother’s funeral.
Ethan’s mother had been Regina’s best friend since the third grade. They had promised each other that if anything ever happened to one of them, the other would look after their children. Regina loved Ethan like he was her very own son and it hurt to see him struggle. Thor had told her of his conversation with Ethan, and she understood why he felt the way he did. She also understood he was only trying to protect Rylee, as misguided as his methods may seem.
“I just don’t want anything to happen to her, momma Gina.”
“I know that, Son. Let me take you home. We can put on a pot of coffee and talk this thing out.” She offered, knowing how much Ethan cared about Rylee. There was no question about it. The only real question was did Ethan realize how much he cared about Rylee?
“Sounds good, but I think I’ll just cut through the pasture on foot if ya don’t mind. I need to walk a bit.” Ethan said without taking his eyes off of Rylee. Regina watched as he gently leaned his head down and placed a tender kiss on her daughter’s tear stained cheek. That’s the kiss Rylee had always wanted, Regina thought as Ethan stood, still looking down at a sleeping Rylee. Regina reached up and cupped his cheek in her hand.
“You love her don’t you, Son?” Ethan sat back down on the bed and reached his hand back to stroke Rylee’s cheek once again. He seemed to be having some difficulty walking away from her.
“I don’t know what I feel, momma Gina. I know I can’t stop worrying about her.” He shook his head. “I worry about what she’s wearin, where she’s goin and with whom. I worry about if she’s eating right. Hell, one night, I even came over here at two in the mornin to check the oil in her jeep because I knew she’d be on the road the next day!” He sighed deeply. “Like she doesn’t have a daddy and three brothers that could take care of that.”
“Is that love? And if it is, do I feel that way because she’s your daughter or is it because she’s my little Runt? I don’t know. All I know is that she’s makin me crazy. She’s in every part of my life, and I
have all these feelings that I have no idea what to do with.” He admitted to her, mostly because he knew it was useless to lie to momma Gina. She was all knowing when it came to her children.
“You can’t hide from it, Ethan, and running from it will only hurt you both.” Ethan breathed a heavy sigh before he finally pulled his eyes away from Rylee.
“It doesn’t really matter cause I’m simply not the right man for her, but damn it, neither is Bart Kyle! You’ve got to believe me on that one, momma Gina.”
“I hear you, but why do you say that Ethan. No one could be better for Rylee than you, baby.” Regina asked with motherly concern and a worried, tender expression on her face.
“I ain’t like most men.” He paused as he searched for the courage to tell her the truth. She’d always loved him and supported him without question, but would she understand? Would she still look at him the same after she knew the truth about him?
“There’s something wrong with me, momma Gina. Something real bad that Rylee don’t need to be made a part of.”
Regina stared at him for a moment trying to figure out what he was talking about. What could possibly be so wrong with him that he felt Rylee shouldn’t be a part of it? She knew he’d been injured a few times, but she also knew he’d been with plenty of women since, so his ability to perform couldn’t be the problem.
“Oh, dear God… Honey, are you sick?” She asked reaching out to him with both hands. Seeing her fear and concern, he knew she thought he’d contracted some sexually transmitted disease that couldn’t be cured with penicillin. He rose and engulfed her in a huge hug.
“I’m a sick mother… SOB… but I ain’t dying or got anything that I could give her, I promise. I’m always real careful.” Ethan assured her.
“Then what is it, Ethan, and watch you mouth!” She fussed as she poked him in the shoulder. Ethan looked down at her and decided to take a chance. He needed to talk to somebody before he lost his damn mind because of that little Runt.
“I’ve been with a lot of women, momma Gina. I’ve been part of threesomes, and all out orgies, too.” He looked her straight in the eye as he confessed. He felt the shame of his past wash over him and prayed she wouldn’t toss him out of her family for being such scum. “There ain’t anything I haven’t tried… except being with a man.” He clarified.
“Well, I heard you’ve got an offer if ya want to give it a whirl.” Regina said with a grin, referring to Ramon and Jorge. Ethan’s heart lifted a bit when he saw her smile.
“Rylee was right about my horse not trottin backward.” He grinned down at her and saw her smile even though he knew she didn’t like what she was hearing. He suddenly figured that, somehow, this really wasn’t news to her.
“I ain’t proud of most of the things I’ve done, momma Gina. To be honest, it’s something that’s been botherin me more and more since I got home. I’ve treated women real bad… I ain’t never hurt anybody or forced a woman, but I’ve done some raunchy shi… stuff to em.” He confessed and was rewarded with a smile when he corrected his language. Years of bein on the road and hanging out with nothing but cowboys had done nothing for his vocabulary!
“Ethan, I understand a young man sowing his wild oats, and I also understand that some folks oats are wilder than others. I’m not saying it’s right, but I understand. I have three sons that are still doing it themselves, if ya recall?” She reassured him. “Just because you’ve let your personal life get a little tangled doesn’t mean you can’t straighten it out.”
“If it was tangled and just needed a bit of straightening it wouldn’t be a problem. I’d do just about anything for her, momma Gina.” He looked out the window for a moment then down at Rylee’s sleeping face.
“I have this hunger that’s never satisfied.” He admitted, clenching his fists at his side and feeling like some kind of perverted freak. “I’m always lookin for more.” He said, looking back down at Regina, expecting to find total disgust for him on her face. Instead he found her chuckling as she looked up at him with her beautiful brown eyes.
“Oh, Ethan, of course you’re always looking for more. You’re a red blooded American boy. There’d be something wrong with you if you didn’t want more.”
“You don’t understand.” He stopped her. “I’m not through with the woman I’m with and I’m already looking for the next one because the one I’m still with hasn’t satisfied me.” He sounded so disgusted with himself as he pounded his finger into his chest.
“There is something seriously wrong with me! I have no business pledging my love and devotion to anyone when I know it’ll be crap! I can’t be true to my word.” He ran his fingers through his hair and down over his face.
“I’m not capable of loving a woman, not even my Runt. I’ll never marry, Rylee. I’m sorry momma Gina.”
Rylee’s brain slowly began to focus on the words floating around her. At first she thought she was dreaming, but then she felt her bed move and heard Ethan’s angry voice, quickly followed by his booted steps walking away form her mother. It hadn’t been a dream and his final words came to rest in the forefront of her brain.
I’m not capable of loving the Runt. I’ll never marry, Rylee. I’m sorry.
Rylee felt as if an elephant had just sat down on her chest. She’d heard that was how a person felt when they were having a heart attack and wondered if a broken heart could actually cause a real heart attack. She heard her bedroom door click shut and rolled herself into a tight ball, shoving her face back into her pillow.
She grieved for the relationship and love she’d always wanted and now knew, without a doubt, she would never have. She’d lost the man she’d loved her entire life. She’d lost the relationship she’d wanted since she was twelve. It was all gone and there was nothing she could do about it but grieve and finally let it go. She took a deep breath and decided she would cry for Ethan until her eyes wouldn’t cry anymore, then she’d get up and put her life back together. A life that would be without Ethan at it’s center.
Tomorrow was a new day and the day she would move on with her life without any hope of a relationship with Ethan. He’d made it abundantly clear he didn’t want her. It wasn’t possible for her to love him enough for the both of them. If it were, they would have already been together for years now. He’d made his feelings crystal clear. They were cold and hard to face, but they were her reality. Ethan didn’t want her, and she had wasted over half of her life waiting for him to come around and love her. Enough was finally enough!
She would give him the rest of this night. She’d cry for him and miss what he’d never wanted to share with her. In the morning, she would count him as one of her brothers and set about giving her broken heart to someone that would appreciate and cherish it. Someone that just might think she was good enough and worthy of being more than just his whore.
She’d enjoyed her time with Bart at the truck stop. He was easy to talk with and had a really good sense of humor. He got her jokes, and he was likable enough. So his kisses didn’t make her dizzy or her knees weak? And so what if he pretended he didn’t know anything about Ethan’s rejection! He was probably just trying to spare her feelings. In time she might love him, and then maybe her knees would get weak and her head would spin when he kissed her. The man deserved a chance and she would give it to him… if he still wanted anything to do with her after his run in with caveman Ethan!
Rylee buried her head in her pillow and began the process of letting go of Ethan. It didn’t surprise her when her bedroom door opened and heavy footsteps entered her room.
“Scoot over, Baby Girl.” Oliver said as he climbed into her bed. Rylee moved over and then turned to face her brother. He held open his arms and she fell into them.
“I’m sorry, Ry. I know it hurts.” He patted her back when her face began to crumple. “I got cha, let it all out. I ain’t scared of girl tears.” He teased as he held her, smoothing her hair away from her face.
Rylee was always tough on Oliver, but he w
as by far the most compassionate of all her brothers, always seeming to understand what it was she needed most. He held her until she cried herself to sleep, then slipped out of her bed and covered her up, tucking her blankets snuggly around her. He stood staring out of her bedroom window, watching Ethan cross the pasture toward his own home. The man had never looked more troubled than he did right now.
Oliver waited until he was sure his little sister wouldn’t wake up before he left the room… because that’s just how he was. He knew it was silly and she would rip him a new one if she knew, but he just needed to make sure she wasn’t going to need him again tonight.
Chapter 12
Breaking Rylee
By Friday night Ethan was about to crawl right out of his skin. He hadn’t seen Rylee since he’d left her bedroom, and no one was giving him any information about her. He’d asked Tanner how she was the next day, but all Tanner’d said was that she looked like she’d been crying, but seemed fine otherwise.
Then today he’d gone into his brother’s restaurant to see if he might talk to her for a minute, and Nick had told him she’d been taking off in the afternoons between the lunch and dinner rushes to have late lunch dates all damn week. If that wasn’t bad enough, she’d taken a Friday night off because she was going dancing with a bunch of girls! Like she had any business shaking it around a dance floor with a room full of cowboys watching! Wild eyed little hell cat!
He’d gone over to talk to Tanner and Thor about what he’d heard, but they were pretty tight lipped about it. Tanner told him the day after their run in, Rylee had put the word out that she was officially entering the dating pool, and the damn phone had been ringing off the hook! He found out she’d been working the early shift at the restaurant most days so that her evenings were free, and she’d been gone most nights.
