by HP Mallory
“How come?”
I ran my hands through my hair and approached the window, watching the waves crash against the rocks along the coast. I wondered what would happen if I leapt through the window and catapulted myself down the cliff. “Why do you insist on barraging me with these questions?”
“When I walked through your door and you faced me… your… you weren’t erect.”
I closed my eyes as I mused how quickly this news would spread, thus destroying the rakely reputation I had so carefully built over the last few hundred years.
“Why weren’t you erect?” she asked, and her voice sounded from directly behind me. I opened my eyes and turned around, only to find her standing in front of me. Her scent filled my nostrils, intoxicating me with the heady perfume that was so uniquely hers.
“I,” I began, and had to take a step back.
“Why weren’t you erect, Sinjin?” she demanded as she closed the gap between us again.
“Because. I… I am not certain.”
“You’re lying.”
“Why are you so close to me?” I studied her, trying to ascertain just what the bloody hell was going through her mind.
Chapter Nineteen
Bryn
I couldn’t understand what was going through my mind. Seeing Sinjin naked and about to penetrate Audrey should have been enough to make me vomit my guts out, but it had the opposite effect. I was angry and jealous, yes—but even more than both of those emotions, I wanted him more than I ever had before. And the feeling made no sense to me.
“Why are you so close to me?” he demanded again.
I took a deep breath and tried to still my heart, but it was pounding through me and seemed ready to break free of my rib cage.
“I want you to drink from me.” I was almost as shocked as he looked. His eyes went wide and then his eyebrows furrowed as he frowned down at me. But I didn’t miss the fact that his canines had lengthened and were now pointing into his lower lip. And that fact spurred me on, made me feel exhilarated and excited.
What is wrong with me? Why am I acting like this, and feeling like this? I thought, but I didn’t have an answer. All I knew was that I needed Sinjin like I never had before. Seeing him with Audrey had done something to me. No, I didn’t understand it, and yes, it struck me as strange—and probably even more so, wrong—but I couldn’t deny the fact that there was something alive in me that hadn’t been there before. Or maybe it had been in me, but it had just been subdued? I didn’t know.
“Why do you want me to drink from you?” he asked, finally.
“I… I don’t know,” I admitted, completely at a loss for words. We both appeared to be, because neither of us said anything for the span of four seconds. We just stared at one another.
“You should go, Bryn,” Sinjin said, sounding defeated. It wasn’t an emotion I’d ever seen on him and I didn’t like it. In general, Sinjin was never the type to appear exhausted or like he’d given up. It just… wasn’t him.
“I don’t… I don’t want to go, Sinjin,” I whispered. He faced me and shook his head, exhaling like he had no other alternative in mind.
“I do not understand you.”
“What is there to understand? I said I wanted you to drink from me.” I thought I’d been pretty straightforward. “As far as I understand, you’ve always wanted to drink from me?”
He nodded as though he couldn’t argue with me on that point. But then he sighed again, and when he faced me, his expression was unreadable.
“You explained your feelings for me the other night, and you were very pointed and clear about them. I understood and I backed away. Therefore, I do not understand what has gotten into you this evening.”
“My feelings for you?” I repeated and shook my head to let him know I wasn’t following.
He sat down on his bed, ostensibly to get away from me because I had him pinned between it and the window. “You let it be known, in no uncertain terms, that you could not feel for me the way I hoped you would.”
I was quiet as I remembered the conversation. Much though I didn’t want to, I realized we’d have to have this conversation—it didn’t appear that Sinjin was going to budge otherwise.
Probably because you’re acting too wishy-washy with him. One second you’re telling him you can’t be what he wants, and the next minute, you’re throwing yourself at him, I said to myself. No wonder he’s confused. Not to mention that the way you’re treating him is completely unfair.
Oh, shut up, I thought back to myself.
“What do you want from me, Bryn?” he continued.
What did I want? I swallowed when I thought about it—I wanted him inside of me, but it wasn’t like I could just come out and say that… Or could I?
“My feelings for you have always been complicated,” I said slowly. He chuckled at that, but I chose to ignore him. And I chose not to look at the muscular landscape of his chest or the line of black hair that started at his belly button and disappeared beneath his pants. It irked me to no end that Audrey had seen that line of hair in its entirety.
Yet.
“You were saying?” he prodded.
“Right.” I paused again as I tried to figure out how best to explain this difficult subject. It wasn’t an easy task, because my body was busily demanding his and my brain was scheming up ways to get what my body so ardently wanted. “My feelings for you are hard for even me to understand,” I clarified.
“Try.”
“Right,” I repeated. Then I huffed and I puffed but Sinjin wouldn’t let me burn anything down. Instead, he faced me with an expression that said he wanted to hear this explanation, no matter what. Well, damn me. “I can’t explain my feelings, really, or why I feel the way I do,” I said quickly, angrily. Yes, my impatience and anger seemed strange even to me. But the way I was feeling at the moment was something completely new. I had never, in all my years, felt this way. This burning need, desire, was almost crippling. And seeing him just lying on the bed nonchalantly was making things even more difficult, because I didn’t feel nonchalant. I felt like I was burning from the inside out. Not like the Flame was trying to break through to take control of me; no, this burning was different. It was more like a burning desire, or passion that was slamming into me from every side, and it was all I could do to continue standing there, talking to him.
“Explain to me the way you feel now,” he demanded.
“I feel… angsty.”
“Angsty?”
“Yes, I feel frustrated and angry and… angsty.” I shrugged. “That’s the best way I can describe it.”
He nodded and then frowned, his eyebrows reaching for the ceiling. “That is why I believe it best if you return to your own chamber,” he said firmly, and started to stand up like he was ready to chaperone me to the door. “We’ve both had enough drama for one evening.”
And that was when I did something completely out of character. Jumping on top of him, I pushed him back down against the pillows, pinning him underneath me. I was panting and so was he, which was weird because I’d never seen him breathe as a vampire before. As a human, yes—vampire, no. Regardless, I sat there, straddling him, with my hands on each of his arms as he looked up at me with an expression of complete bewilderment.
“I do not understand you, Bryn,” he said on a whisper.
“I don’t understand myself,” I offered, staring down at him, taking in his face, his chest, and his pants. I noticed the swelling mound growing in his lap. When I looked back up at him, I felt warmth staining my face. Fire was now burning through my midsection and it was all I could do not to strip him down completely naked.
What the fuck was wrong with me?
“You didn’t get hard for her, but you’re getting hard right now,” I pointed out as I stared into his ice blue eyes. “For me.”
“Have you been drinking?” he asked, eyeing me narrowly.
“No.”
“Perhaps someone slipped you something?”
“No one slipped me anything.”
“Then what has gotten into you?”
“I don’t know.”
He was quiet for a few seconds as I straddled him, and we both just stared at each other. I noticed his fangs, which were still elongated and pressing into his lower lip. And his erection was still straining against his shorts.
“I do not know how long I can continue playing this game,” he said. I wasn’t sure which “game” he was referring to. “I am just a man, after all, and you are sitting atop me.”
“I don’t want to continue playing this game, either,” I started, but he interrupted me.
“Then go back to your own room.”
I didn’t respond but tightened my hold around his arms, loving the feel of his muscles beneath my hands. “Did you feed enough from her that you’re satiated?”
He inhaled deeply, never taking his eyes from mine. “No.”
“Then you’re still craving blood?”
“Yes.”
I leaned down until my neck was just above his face and I whispered into his ear, “Then feed from me.”
“Bryn…”
“If you’re still hungry, drink from me.”
“Why are you doing this?”
I pulled up and looked down at him, frowning all the while because I couldn’t understand why he wasn’t jumping at the opportunity. How many times had he asked to feed from me? How many times had he told me my blood was like nothing he’d ever sampled before? Countless times, and yet now did not appear to be one of them. “What’s gotten into you?”
“I do not trust you.”
“Don’t trust me?” I squawked—rather unladylike, but I couldn’t figure out what game he was playing. All this time he’d wanted me, hungered for me. He’d never stopped pursuing me and now, at the point that I returned his affections, he turned away? It made no sense… unless… unless he had feelings for Audrey?
“I cannot determine your reason for acting this way. The only answer I have for myself is that you are so jealous that it has boggled your mind and is forcing you to act out of character.”
“Maybe.” I considered his opinion and then shrugged, but I couldn’t say my mind was on that subject—instead, I couldn’t escape the thought that maybe he was falling for Audrey. Maybe all the times I’d dodged his advances had finally caused him to lose interest in me? Maybe my timing was too late.
Clearly, your timing was too late! I scolded myself. You just walked in on him about to have sex with her! What does that tell you?
“Then you admit you were, er, are jealous?”
“Yes,” I said quietly. It wasn’t an easy thing to admit, but it was easier than digesting the ugly truth that was starting to manifest right before my eyes.
“Why are you jealous?”
“Um.” I rolled my eyes. “Because I nearly just witnessed you having sex with another woman.”
“Yet you told me yourself that your feelings for me cannot be anything other than friendship, for you are fully dedicated to the life of a warrior and defending Kinloch Kirk. I believe you said there is no room in your life for romantic liaisons.”
“No more with these conversations,” I announced as I reached down my right leg, pulled up one leg of my yoga pants, and fingered the blade I wore strapped to my calf. Freeing the knife, I brought it up to my face. Regardless of whatever he had with Audrey, he was still sexually attracted to me. Proof was in his fangs and his erection, both of which were straining to enter me, for different reasons.
I held the blade at my throat.
“What the bloody hell are you doing?” he demanded angrily, his eyes going wide.
“I’m not threatening to kill myself, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“Then what are you doing?”
“I’m threatening to nick myself, whereby you won’t be able to control your instincts to feed,” I told him with a broad smile. “Or you can bite me yourself, which will be much less messy and easier on both of us.”
“No,” he said.
“No?”
“Remove yourself from above me,” he continued, and looked to be wholly irritated. “And stop acting like you have completely lost contact with your sanity.”
The anger and jealousy returned as soon as I realized he hadn’t asked Audrey to leave. And if I hadn’t walked in, he would have been inside of her at this exact moment. That thought made my stomach turn, a feeling which was only made worse as I continued examining the situation from outside eyes. Here I was, throwing myself at him, and he was asking me to leave? The embarrassment and humiliation burned, but the jealousy burned even brighter.
I pushed the tip of the blade into the skin of my throat at the exact moment that Sinjin, moving so quickly I couldn’t even see him, thrust the knife away from me. It flew across the room, clattering when it hit the wall and then fell to the floor. In another instant, he flipped me over so I was now underneath him, pinned to the mattress by the weight of his body. I felt the wind go out of me and I fought to catch my breath for a few seconds.
“You are not acting like yourself,” he said as he stared down at me, baring his fangs. His eyes glowed white. He was breathing rapidly, and his fangs had lengthened further.
“And it’s turning you on.”
“No.”
“Yes, it is. That’s the reason you’re panting and your fangs are about to puncture your lower lip. And,” I glanced down and gave a quick nod. “And you’re probably going to have a pretty bad case of blue balls fairly soon.”
“Vampires do not fall victim to blue balls.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure.”
“I am giving you to the count of ten to leave my bedchamber. After that, I can no longer be held responsible for my actions.”
I felt a rush of heady excitement rage through me, and the fire burning in my core began to spark even more fervently.
“I want you to feed from me, Sinjin.”
“One.”
I remained beneath him, staring up at him as he frowned down on me. There was anger in his eyes, which made little sense to me but somehow exhilarated me all the more. I never would have imagined that he would deny me. And there was something about it that thrilled me the longer I thought about it.
What is wrong with me? I mean, yes, I’d always desired Sinjin—it was impossible not to desire him—but now that desire was so strong, it was impossible to ignore. I wanted him wholly, entirely. And at the idea that I might not get him, I wanted to scream or cry or both.
“Two.”
“I’m not leaving.”
“Three.”
I reached up and spread my hands across his pectorals, loving the feel of his muscles and the softness of the dark hair that lightly covered them.
“Four.”
When I looped my hands around his neck and tried to pull him down to me, tried to make him kiss me, he wouldn’t budge. He held himself above me, his jaw tight and his eyes narrowed on me, narrowed and cold. Anger burned beneath them, and his shoulders were solid. His entire body was rigid.
“Five.”
I figured the best way to win this war was not to battle him—it was to succeed the old-fashioned way, with my own feminine wiles.
“Six.”
I gripped the hem of my T-shirt and sat up slightly, yanking it over my head. Then, I toyed with the clasp of my bra before I released it, letting my breasts spring forward. His eyes were instantly drawn to them as my nipples hardened immediately.
“Seven.”
“Sinjin, please…”
“Eight,” he hurried his counting as I reached down and started to pull off my yoga pants.
“Ten,” he said, and in one fell swoop, he lifted me, with the bed linens, and started carrying me across the room.
“Hey, you skipped nine,” I managed to point out before he unlocked the door, opened it, and deposited me in the hallway, right on my butt. He offered me a frown and then slammed the door, being careful to lock
it behind him.
The bastard.
Chapter Twenty
Sinjin
For the life of me, I could not understand what had gotten into the tempest’s head. I had never seen her act in such a way, and while there were certainly times when I wanted nothing more than to bury myself inside her, I could not bring myself to make such a reality.
That sobering thought was also one which caused me unrest. I had finally been given the opportunity to know the princess intimately, as she had, quite literally, thrown herself upon me, and yet I found I could not take advantage of her. For “taking advantage” would certainly have been a fitting descriptor, had I decided to know her carnally—I was quite convinced she was in leave of her senses.
And now, the morning after the bizarre event, as I faced a clearly perturbed Audrey Chevalier, guilt was doing a fine job of further complicating my already muddled mind.
I could not remember a time when women had caused me such vexation.
“Was I unaware that something existed between you and the princess?” Audrey asked me.
We were walking along the cliffs of Kinloch, overlooking a tempestuous sea. Luckily, the cloud cover was such that I could be out and about without risk of frying from the sun.
I sighed, long and hard, before it dawned on me that I was sighing at all. I could only hope my newly-found respiratory system was simply a leftover from my time being human and not a signifier of bigger problems to come.
“There is nothing between Lady Bryn and me, madame,” I assured her, for at least the third time.
“Then why was she so visibly moved when she walked in on us?”
“You would have to ask the princess that question yourself, I am afraid, for I do not have an answer for you.”
She nodded, as if my response were not unexpected.
“What did she say when you found her in the hallway?”
I glanced down at her and sighed again, as the nature of this situation caused my stomach to knot. “Then you saw us in the hallway?”
“Oui,” she nodded, staring at her feet as though she did not enjoy replaying the memory. When she looked up at me again, she smiled, but it was a sad sort of expression.
