by Ace Gray
And dreaming again.
Nicholas Bryant was the body I was entwined with and mine responded immediately to its other half. My leg slid up and over his sculpted hips and I deftly rolled to straddle him. I peppered kisses along his jaw up to his earlobe then snatched it between my teeth and pulled.
A primal groan from beneath me split the silence and I smirked as I nipped at his full bottom lip. I didn’t kiss him but much as I’d done with his earlobe, I snatched it and pulled, letting my teeth scrape across his pout. Finally, those big strong hands came to my hips and long fingers curled into my hip bones.
His grip wasn’t nearly as strong as usual but wetness spread between my thighs all the same. A wetness I wanted to feel slip and slide against his skin. I swiftly sat up and seamlessly reached for the hem of my shirt. My hips began their familiar roll against his as I pulled the shirt up and over my head. When my hair fell from the fabric and cascaded down to tickle my bra strap, I arched back, putting more of my body on display as I writhed on top of him.
Nick’s hands went everywhere, up along my ribs, between my breasts, along my breastbone, even grabbing and pawing at one of my boobs. I cried out again, all but collapsing against his chest but never letting my hips falter.
I took his lips in an unrelenting kiss, letting my whole body roll and wave against him. His hands scrambled against my shoulders but I batted them away and wound my hands around my back to undo the hook of my bra. His hands were at my chest again, almost as desperate as I was for the skin to skin contact. I only sat up enough to untangle from the lace and pitch it to the side of the bed; I refused to break our desperate kiss.
I was holding onto this dream with everything I had.
As soon as I was pressed firmly back to him, my nipples beaded, pressing into the soft cotton covering his delicious chest. My tongue shoved into his mouth and explored. His tongue didn’t dance quite as easily as I remembered but when his hand slid beneath the fabric of my pants and squeezed a handful of ass, I forgot to care.
Hell, I forgot my name.
I shoved my hands between us and found the hem of his shirt then yanked as hard as I could. The telltale sound of a few seams popping was mixed with a chuckle. It wasn’t his usual devious, husky chuckle but it was partially muffled by him finishing my work for me. As soon as naked skin was on display beneath me, I bent down letting my tongue lap leisurely across one of his tight nipples. He gulped in air beneath me and before he could exhale, I bit down. Hard.
“Ouch.” The off, breathy laugh was back. “Kate, that was way too hard.” And accompanied by a familiar but very wrong voice.
I sat up, my whole face pinched, as I studied the man beneath me. There was a delightful six pack of abs, perfectly formed pecs, long arms with even longer fingers that still rested just beneath the waistband of my pants. But there were brown eyes. Wide as saucers, twinkling in the moon light and decidedly milk chocolatey in color.
“Just don’t bite as hard, alright?” Kevin shifted one arm up around my back and pulled me toward him as he sat up. “I mean, I know it was never vanilla between us but it’s not as if I’m going to spank you or anything.” He laughed that, off, breathy laugh that really wasn’t off at all. It was just Kevin’s.
My insides violently heaved and I couldn’t tell if they were building up to explode or crumbling into oblivion. I closed my eyes and shook my head, certain this was some fucked up nightmare my subconscious had conjured up. When I reopened them, Kevin was still wrapped around me, his eyes still staring straight into mine. My breathing hitched and I closed my eyes again.
When I open them I better see blue. Bright-fucking-beautiful-blue.
“Kate, I’m not about to stop this if that’s what you’re thinking.” Kevin started kissing along my jawline, the way I’d started this whole mess. “Just don’t get so loud you wake the guys.”
Finally reality set in. My insides still couldn’t decide what was happening but my limbs knew and started shoving wildly. When Kevin’s grip tightened on me, I shrieked in his face.
“Let me go. Let me go right now!”
“Alright.” Kevin dropped me like I was on fire and held his hands up in surrender.
I shot off him in a tangle of sheets, completely unconcerned when I tripped and crashed into carpet.
“Kate what the hell is going on?” I heard the sounds of the bed shifting behind me.
I spun, burning my knees against the carpet and held my hands up so he would know to keep his distance. When his eyes shifted from my frantic face to my slightly swaying chest, the fact that I was partially naked was a second almost murderous tidal wave of panic.
What in the ever-living fuck have I done?
My eyes bugged as I wrapped my arms around to cover myself. Without answering him, I scurried backward, knocking something cool and plastic into the bathroom just before my body gracelessly followed suit. There was a clatter across the tile as I slammed the door in Kevin’s crinkled face.
“Kate, talk to me.” Kevin knocked on the door, gently at first then a bit harder. “Kate, come on. What just happened?”
What had just happened? I’d been reacting to my dreams for days but that was different. That was one step away from letting Kevin fuck me sideways. No—me fucking him sideways. I gulped.
“Kate, you know we don’t have to do anything. I mean, I’m hard as fuck, but I meant it when I said I’m here for you first and foremost. Come out here. If you don’t want to talk at least come back to bed. You need your sleep and this, whatever this is, just proves it.”
His words jogged my memory. Ambien was notorious for making people do all sorts of things while asleep.
“You did this on purpose,” I yelled at the door without stopping to think through my words. “You gave me that pill knowing what it would do. You’re not here for me. You’re here for you!”
“You’ve got to be kidding me.” The thump on the other side of the door sounded like he’d slumped his forehead against the wood. There was a long pause then a quiet, almost icy voice cut through the door. “Wait a minute, that means you thought you were dreaming. Were you even dreaming about me?”
I held my breath, every bit as horrified with my answer as he would be. The silence stretched out, long and thick between us.
“You were dreaming of him, of Bryant, weren’t you? God damnit Kate!” He punched the door and I thought it might splinter beneath his fist. “He broke you and I doubt he even gives a damn.”
For a split second, the urge to defend Bryant welled inside me. I could perfectly recall the chilling color of his eyes as I disintegrated in Jaime’s arms. Whatever Kevin said, that color disagreed completely.
“I can’t do this Kate.” Kevin’s voice had calmed significantly. “I love you but I can’t be here right now. Not until you kick him like the fucking toxic drug he is. I’m gonna go. The guys will come with me.”
I wanted to stop him. Well, I wanted to want to stop him but I couldn’t find it within me. Instead, I shrugged my head into my hands and murmured a sorry that I hoped he heard.
I’d been sitting on cold tile for what had to be over an hour. The soft murmurs of conversation and the muffled open and close of various suite doors had stopped long ago. I was still crumpled against the bathroom door even though I was alone all over again.
Finally, I stood and snapped on the light. What had almost taken place between Kevin and I had taken a toll on me; my face more gaunt and hollow. My heart was coated in both ache and disgust, a far worse combination than before.
This was rock bottom. I could reach out and feel around the metaphorical stony ground, I had nowhere else to fall. I had to find some way to move on. Onto another man was not a realistic choice but there could be other ways, right?
A flashing red light caught my attention. My BlackBerry had been the plastic clatter caught in the tornado of me escaping Kevin. B
efore I got caught up in the freshly formed memory I snatched it, desperate for a distraction.
Email popped up and one caught my eye. Mac was having problems getting Bryant’s council to approve a couriered signature on the sale documents. They wanted their council in the room. It was a thinly veiled demand to return to New York to wrap up the sale.
I sat staring blankly at the email.
When I could pull my eyes from the screen, they darted frantically around the room as if the wallpaper patterns or ceiling dots would have answers. Mercifully, they did, or soothed me enough that I could find one.
Maybe once New York was really behind me I could start fresh. I could build a life that had zero reminders of Bryant and the woman I’d been with him. Without solidifying a decision, my mind started automatically creating to do lists. I’d have to transfer the deed to the apartment, get accounts moved, finalize the business sale, pack and ship my things to a Portland storage unit and make sure the Hampton house was on the market.
With a tiny inkling of hope and without any real forethought about consequences, I clicked through a few screens and booked a ticket direct to JFK.
The misty morning rolled by the car window as I crossed the bridge on my way to the airport. With every mile, my knuckles went whiter on the door handle, desperate to hold my body in Portland.
My teeth dug into my lip. Hard. I only noticed the slight shaking of my hand when I grabbed my purse to climb out of the car. I tried to settle my hands before printing my ticket. I succeeded there, but in the security line, I looked nervous enough for TSA to comment. I tried to play it off that I was afraid of flying but got myself a pat down instead.
Once I was seated on the plane, I ordered coffee and still found it too harsh on my stomach. Tea or whiskey weren’t doing anything for me either. Any time I closed my eyes, the barrage of images—blood, Bryant, Kevin, and my ghostly self—were so overwhelming my shoulders clenched. It made the flight painfully long and my nervousness built from a ripple to a full-blown wave.
Dread consumed me when I pictured the sidewalk in front of Vesper. I refused to imagine running into Bryant. I could only hope his other business was keeping him occupied and out of the building. I should have asked Gemma to keep him away. And speaking of Gemma, she would beg, anyone else she told would whine, and I had to be prepared for that fight. Guilt was back, coursing through me with sickening force.
I should have waited until I was less fragile.
When I landed in New York, I bolted to the taxi stand, slipping unnoticed into a back seat and giving an address I knew all too well. I tried to keep my shaking to a minimum.
Day thirteen: Unlucky thirteen…
The city came into view, unfurling like a dream. The buildings and blocks I could walk in my sleep started to roll by.
But all the magic was gone from the cityscape. Nothing sparkled in New York anymore, instead tarnished by dirt and grime. The whole city felt foreign and wrong. I suppose when I broke, the part of me that was so decidedly Manhattan broke too. I sighed, wistful, wishing for—well—I wasn’t quite sure what I wished for.
When Vesper materialized, my breathing hitched. My tremors amplified with every step toward the front door. It took a damn near Herculean effort to push it open.
When I stepped inside the whole lobby froze and went starkly silent. After I click-clacked halfway across the stone floor whispers circulated, sounding more like insects buzzing than anything else. I paused but couldn’t bring myself to look around, feeling every pair of eyes studying me. I tried not to think about any of them as I continued to the elevator. My heels rang through the lobby once more.
If I’d had any fortitude or even confidence I would’ve turned around and barked. I couldn’t muster the strength. My voice wouldn’t boom in the lobby, it would betray my fraying insides. I breathed a sigh of relief when the elevator dinged in front of me. Just before the elevator doors closed, conversation returned to the lobby, louder than before. I closed my eyes and tried to breathe in deeply. I punched the button for my office and prayed I wouldn’t stop along the way.
The elevator opened to Gemma, waiting and wide eyed. Her look had me hanging my head. My betrayal was written plain on her face, and I couldn’t blame her or find words for her. I stood in the lobby outside my office, biting my lip so hard it was bleeding.
“I don’t know what to say, Gem.”
“I don’t either.”
“I’m sorry.” I sighed and shrugged dramatically. “I know it’s not good enough but I truly am sorry.” I reached for the pitcher of water she always kept on the coffee table. I had to flex my fingers a few times to try to steady myself. My hand shook worse than before and the water sloshed violently. I couldn’t even think of lowering the pitcher to clatter against a cup.
“Kate, are you okay?” Gemma rushed to help me.
“Not really.” I gave up and let her.
When she handed a full glass back to me, she finally met my eyes and recognized what Laura and Kevin had before.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know how bad it was. I didn’t understand…” she trailed off.
“I didn’t explain. You had no way of knowing.” I tried to smile, still finding it completely off.
“You are going to be upset with me. I gathered everyone. Mac, of course, but all the other department heads too.” She frowned as she spoke. “I thought maybe you would listen to them and come back.”
My stomach bottomed out. “Everyone?” I couldn’t hide the fear that crossed my face.
“No, not Bryant. Everyone else is in the large conference room.”
I tried to let out the deep breath constricting my chest. Somehow it only got tighter.
My trembling hands got worse at the thought of going down to the conference room. I should have told Gemma to clear everyone. And I would have, if somewhere, deep inside, I didn’t feel like they deserved an answer.
I reached for the elevator button and was having a hard time even hitting that. I clenched my fingers into a fist then flexed and spread them wide, hoping that would steady them enough to hit the button.
I should’ve waited another week.
Gemma’s perfectly painted finger slyly slipped in front of mine and pressed the button from under me. My hand dropped to my side and the sweater I was wearing slipped off my shoulder. I pushed my hands deep in my pockets, trying to look calm and collected.
We entered the hallway on the 15th floor and murmured conversations from the conference room wafted from the open door. Gemma stuck by my side as I squared my shoulders to enter the room.
Unlike the lobby, that was when the real sound erupted. I couldn’t even make out questions when I stepped in, it was just a crushing wave of noise. And I was drowning in it.
I shouldn’t have come here.
My pulse started pounding and my face betrayed my anxiety. I was eternally grateful when Gemma bellowed, “STOP!” over the crowd then whistled.
Silence fell over the room and I closed my eyes to breathe. When they stayed silent, I opened my eyes and looked at the faces of every person I had personally recruited to build my empire. The realization of how badly I’d screwed everything up slapped me hard across my face. So much disappointment, so much hurt filled that room. And it sent me into uncharacteristic, full-blown tears.
“I’m sorry,” I started but my voice cracked. I took a deep breath, “I know I let you all down.” I stopped again, what was there to even say? “I’m sure most of you know why I’m here. I’m signing over the remaining eighty percent of Vesper to Bryant Venture Group. I no longer feel fit to run the company, so I’m selling to the person most capable of continuing our success.” Every few words were garbled because of my sobs.
The roar erupted again, a deafening wave pummeling me once more. My head felt like it was locked in a vice. I collapsed into a chair and buried my head in my hands.
I didn’t know what they were saying. I was so overwhelmed, they became blurry, blaring sounds. The tears began trickling down my cheek again. When the droplets moved down my wrist and pooled on the table everyone went silent again.
“He’s a good man and he’ll help you realize your professional dreams. He’ll help the company realize it’s potential. Nothing will stop him. Nothing could.” It was a muffled whimper from underneath my arms. “If you can’t do it for those reasons then please do it for me. Because I asked. I know I don’t deserve any favors, but I’m begging. Trust me when I say there is no one better to lead this company.”
No one breathed when I stopped speaking.
“Everyone out.”
The quiet, menacing voice coming from the doorway sent chairs flying. I didn’t even need to look up to know He had arrived. When the shuffle of feet stopped, the door latched closed and the switch that frosted the glass flipped. I couldn’t pull my head from my hands. I didn’t know if I wanted to.
“Are you going to look at me?” Bryant’s voice had morphed. It was a tone I didn’t recognize. “Please look at me,” he begged.
My body was so attuned to his requests that my head started moving before I made a conscious decision. My eyes met a perfect crystal blue that forced me to suck in a deep breath. Those eyes were not what I expected and they disarmed me. Particularly when I noticed they were also a reflection of mine, sad and broken. Tormented even. I couldn’t help it when more tears trickled down my face. His pain still hurt me as deeply as my own.
“No, Kate, please don’t cry.” His hands reached out and he started toward me then stopped short. He shoved them into his pockets and silence washed over us. I couldn’t stop the tears. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I just wanted to talk.” His voice broke as he turned and moved toward the windows.
“Bryant, I can’t…”
“Not about that.” He shook his head and turned to look out over the city. “About Vesper. I can’t sign those contracts. I can’t run this company.” He sounded more businesslike than a moment ago. Like he was fighting for composure.
