by Ella Miles
“I never said you were.”
She smiles slyly. “You’re disgusted. That’s what you thought. I’m not drunk. I’ve only had two drinks.”
“Then, why do you look like complete shit? I know it’s not because you gave two shits about my father. And you sure as hell don’t care about what happens to Granddad.”
“Wow. Someone has finally grown a pair.” She takes a sip of her coffee before staring off into space.
I think the conversation is over, that this is all I’m going to get from her. She’s drunk. There is no other word to describe her state.
“I loved your father very much, more than even he knew.”
“You don’t need to lie to me. Granddad told me. He told me the truth—that the only reason you got married was because it benefited the company and your pocketbook.”
Her eyes meet mine, but I don’t expect to see the pain in them.
“You have no idea what you are talking about. I loved your father very much. Yes, our marriage was arranged, but it was arranged because I loved him, and it was the only way to get your father to notice me instead of being stuck in his career. The opportunity arose, and I took it.”
She takes a deep breath. “Don’t you dare accuse me of not loving your father. I gave up everything for that man. I never wanted children. Did he tell you that? I never, ever wanted fucking children. But I had one for him. He wanted children, someone to pass on his precious company to. So, I had one.
“I wanted to move out of this godforsaken place. I wanted to move somewhere with a beach, but I never did. I stayed with your father, even when he stayed late night after night at hotel after hotel blaming it on work. I knew what he was doing. I loved him, even when he didn’t love me back.”
Tears are streaming down her face. “I loved him, even when he was loving other women.” A sob escapes, and she takes a minute to just let it out of her whole body.
“Don’t you dare accuse me of not loving that man. I loved him desperately and without asking for love in return. It tears me apart to think that one of the only remaining links I have left to that love might be dying on the operating table.” She glares at me. “And the other is about to make the biggest mistake of her life.”
I take a deep breath, trying to take it all in, but it’s a lot to take in. She accused my father of not loving her, of cheating on her. I don’t want to think about it. I’ve always loved my father. I don’t want to know if what she said is right. I can’t know.
“What do you mean, I’m about to make the biggest mistake of my life? I thought I already did that five years ago.”
She laughs. “What you did wasn’t a mistake. I know I told you time after time that it was. I know I blamed you for my failed marriage. I blamed you because it was easier to blame you than myself. It wasn’t your fault. It was mine. I should never have agreed to marry your father. It was the worst mistake of my life. I ruined my life forever when I said, ‘I do.’ I can’t get back the last twenty-five years. They are gone. I don’t even know if I can figure out how to live again for another twenty-five years.”
She stands from her chair, surprisingly steady on her feet. “Don’t make my mistake. Don’t marry that boy. I’d pull the trigger before I made that decision again.”
My mother scares me with her words. I’ve never heard her talk like this.
I watch her walk toward the restroom, and then I stand and follow her. I’m afraid to leave her alone after she basically told me that I should kill myself rather than marry Killian.
I stand outside the restroom as I text Scarlett. I ask her to meet us at the hospital. I tell her that I’m worried about my mother’s mental state and that I need someone to stay with her twenty-four/seven for a while. I know I will owe Scarlett big time for doing this for me, but I don’t care. It will be worth it. There is no way in hell I can spend the next few days watching my mother.
I’m not sure I believe a word that came out of my mother’s mouth. I never have. Our relationship is too far gone to be repaired.
When Scarlett texts that she will be here in the next half hour, I sigh in relief. I just have to watch my mother for a half hour. Then, I can move on to more important things. Then, I can go back to praying like hell that my grandfather lives.
I feel a hand on my shoulder.
“I brought you some coffee and breakfast.”
I rub my eyes before glancing up at Killian. I take the coffee and breakfast sandwich he brought me before I glance back to my grandfather’s hospital bed. He made it through the open-heart surgery, but he still hasn’t opened his eyes yet.
I unwrap the sandwich and find a bacon and egg sandwich. I take a bite, letting the greasy goodness dissolve in my mouth. I glance at the clock on my phone. It’s seven a.m. We’ve been here all night.
“You should go home, Killian. You need to get some rest. You’ve been a great help, but there is nothing else you can do. We just have to wait until he wakes up.”
He shakes his head. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I sigh and take another bite of my food.
He really has been amazing. He was able to fill out the insurance information without any help. He helped get my mother into Scarlett’s car last night. He kept me fed all night. He found some clothes from the gift shop so that I could change out of the ballgown I had been wearing. He found me a blanket and pillow, so I could get some sleep. He’s been by my side the entire night—taking care of me, holding my hand, doing anything I needed without ever asking what I needed. He just knew. He knew better than I did.
I don’t ask him again to leave. In fact, I like having him here.
He sits down next to me and unwraps his own sandwich. We eat in silence. Both of our eyes stayed glued on my grandfather, looking for any signs of movement or for any signs that he is still in there.
When I’m done eating, I toss my wrapper into the trash can beside the bed. That’s when I realize what will make Killian leave. I realize what will make him go back to bed or to work or to wherever he feels he belongs instead of wasting his time in a hospital room.
I slowly turn to face Killian. I don’t look sad. I don’t look happy. I don’t look like anything. “I have an answer for you.”
I watch as his eyes fill with regret and pain, a face I wasn’t expecting.
“I don’t want to hear it, not until after your grandfather wakes up.”
“My answer isn’t going to change though. Even after he wakes up, I’m still going to have the same answer for you.”
“Maybe, maybe not. Either way, I can’t hear it until after he wakes up.”
I sigh. “Okay.” I don’t feel okay though.
I need to stop pretending that Killian is my future. I need to stop relying on him. I need to stop relying on anyone but myself. I need to be able to make a decision about my life and then deal with the consequences, no matter how awful they are.
I turn back to my grandfather. His eyes open. They open wide.
“Granddad,” I sigh as I stand. I embrace his body in a hug.
“Hi, princess,” he breathes into my ear as his arm comes around me.
When he releases me, we both turn and stare at Killian.
Terror flashes over Killian’s face as he realizes that, at any second, I will give him my answer. But he shouldn’t seem so afraid. He’ll want to hear my answer. My answer will set him free.
“I’ll let the nurses know he’s awake,” he says, leaving the room.
I laugh softly at his reaction.
I wait until the nurses and doctors check Granddad over. I wait until after they tell me he should make a full recovery in a few days. A week, they guessed. Then, he will have to frequently meet with a cardiologist for a while, but he seems to be out of the woods for now. I wait until Killian leaves to call everyone at the office to let them know that Granddad is okay. I wait until Granddad seems comfortable. I wait until he is alone. I wait until I’ll explode if I wait any longer.
“I’m no
t going to marry him. I refuse. I’m not going to let you or Dad or Mom or anyone else choose for me anymore. I’ve made mistakes in my past, yes. I will always regret those mistakes, but I haven’t been living since I let you guys control me. Since Dad’s death, I’ve tried to make my own decisions. They haven’t always been the best, but I’ve made them for me.”
I pause, giving him a chance to yell at me or tell me I’m wrong.
He doesn’t, so I continue, “I can find my own husband on my own time. I don’t need your help. I don’t need the money either. I might have a stupid degree that I don’t care about, thanks to you, but I’m smart. I can go back and get my MBA. I can go back and get any degree I want. I can make something of myself on my own. I don’t care if I have to live in a box and eat cereal for years until I have enough money to buy a place. But it will be my place. It will be my money.”
I take a deep breath. “I refuse to turn into my mother. I refuse to be that miserable. I won’t marry him,” I say, collapsing into a chair. Standing up to Granddad took everything out of me.
I look at my grandfather who has yet to say a word. Instead, he is just sitting there with a serious look on his face. It probably isn’t fair to him to spring all of this on him, only hours after he woke up from open-heart surgery, but I don’t care. I can’t live without making my own decisions. I can’t keep living like a princess. I have to find my own way in life.
He pats the side of the bed, and I slowly, cautiously get out of my chair and sit on the edge of his bed.
“You’re just like your father.”
I stare at him in confusion.
I loved my father. He was an amazing man, but I’m nothing like him. He was strong where I’m weak. He was decisive where I’m indecisive. He was a workaholic where I’m lost.
I shake my head. “I’m not.”
A smile tugs at Granddad’s lips. “You are. You won’t listen to anyone. You choose your own path. And you defy my every decision, just like him.”
“I never—”
He puts his hand up, stopping me from arguing with him. “I always thought you would fight me till the very end on my decision for you to marry Killian. I don’t think I ever thought you would just follow my command. Maybe, if your father was still alive, you would have listened better to him, but I doubt it. Somehow, I think we would have ended up here, both at odds and neither of us wanting to give in.”
My head drops. He’s not going to back down. I’m really going to have to find my way on my own with no money.
“Lucky for you, a heart attack changes an old man like me.”
My face lifts as I try to decide if he is serious or not.
His face looks sad. “I didn’t listen to your father when he pleaded with me to let him choose his own wife. I thought I knew better.” He rubs his neck. “I’m not sure if the company benefited greatly from their union. I know he was never happy in his marriage.”
He sighs. “I can’t change your dad’s fate, but I can give you a chance. I know you have been trying to prove that you are worthy of running the company.”
I nod.
“You’ve failed horribly.”
I frown but don’t deny it. It’s true. I’m not the right person to run the company.
“I am willing to give you a chance though.”
My eyes brighten just a little.
“Since I promoted Killian to CEO, there is a spot open in the company. We will need a new VP of Operations. I’ve been looking around, but I haven’t found anyone worthwhile yet. Tony obviously isn’t a good choice.”
I nod, willing him to say the words that I want him to say.
“I’ll give you the job.”
My hands go around him, tightly holding him, before he even has a chance to say the rest. He pushes me back up after I’ve finished smothering him.
“Now, the job comes with some conditions. You will attend business classes.”
I nod. I already planned on doing that.
“You will run every decision by either Killian or me.”
I nod, not liking that as much, but I’ll accept it—for now.
“Lastly, this is a trial run. If you last a year, it can be a permanent position, but Killian or I can fire you for any reason at any time.”
I take a deep breath and nod. His terms seem fair, considering I have never run a company like this before.
“If you last a year, I’ll give you all of my equity.”
I raise an eyebrow at him. “That would be…”
He nods. “You would have controlling power over the company. You would have fifty-one percent. Killian will only have forty-nine.”
I take a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. I can’t believe what he is offering me. I don’t understand what changed since the heart attack, but whatever it is, I’ll take it.
“Do we have an agreement?”
I smile. “Yes.”
I extend my hand, and we shake on it.
“Now that, that is taken care of, what is that boy still doing here?”
“What do you mean?”
“I figured, since you aren’t wearing a ring and you finally got the balls to tell me that you weren’t marrying him, no matter what, that it meant you told him no.”
I nervously twist my strands of hair in front of my body.
“Kinsley?”
“I haven’t answered him yet. I tried to earlier, but he wouldn’t let me.”
“Then, answer me this. How do you feel about that boy?”
“What do you mean?”
He rolls his eyes at me. “Do you love him? And don’t you dare lie to me. I’ve been through enough these last few days. You wouldn’t want to give me another heart attack because you lied to me.”
I shake my head at his dramatics. I don’t know how to answer him because I’m not sure how I feel.
“Maybe. I don’t know,” I say, getting up from the bed and pacing the room.
He doesn’t rush me or ask me any further questions. He just watches me pace and encourages me with his patience to tell him.
“He makes me feel warm when he’s around me. I ache when he’s gone.”
I walk to the other side of the room.
“He charming, intelligent, strong. He’s taken care of me more than he should.”
I pace again.
“He was willing to marry me for no other reason than because he felt he made a promise to my father.”
I pace again.
“He’s decisive and opinionated and so controlling that it pisses me off.”
I pace.
“He’s serious. He hardly ever laughs. It’s annoying really.”
I pace.
“He sucks at blackjack and poker. He sucks at all card games really.”
I stop.
“You love him,” he says.
I shrug as tears well in my eyes. “It doesn’t matter if I love him. It only matters if he loves me.”
And I already know the answer. He doesn’t.
Granddad holds his arms out to me. I walk over to his bedside and curl up like a child would in her mother’s lap. I let the tears fall as he gently rubs my back until no more tears can fall.
“I’m going to tell you a story that I promised I never would.”
I hiccup.
He smiles and kisses the top of my head. “It was three years ago. Your father had fallen ill.”
I sit up before turning to look at him. “What do you mean, my father was ill?”
He sighs. “You were in school. It was stage one colon cancer.”
“What?”
“Calm down. They were able to easily cure it because they’d caught it so soon. We didn’t want to worry you since there was nothing to worry about. He wouldn’t have died from the cancer.”
I nod although it doesn’t make me feel any better that they kept secrets from me.
“Anyway, the cancer scare was enough for your father to rethink his life plans. He loved his work. He loved running the co
mpany. It’s all he’d ever dreamed about, but it made him realize that he wanted more. He wanted to retire, to travel, to find out what living was like, outside of the daily grind of work.”
I nod.
“At the time, Killian was aware of what we wanted him to do. He had worked for a few months in the VP position and was doing better than any of us had expected.” He pauses. “So, your dad offered him the CEO position with no strings attached.”
“You mean, he could have had the position without marrying me?”
He nods. “Yes. He told Killian to think about it, but he wanted an answer soon. Killian went to see you shortly after that.”
“I remember. He broke me and Eli up just to spite us, just because he could.”
“Is that what he told you?”
“He didn’t have to. I understood.”
Granddad shakes his head. “He needed to see you. He realized he would be making a decision not only for himself, but also for you, too. He saw how unhappy you were with Eli. Well, I don’t really know what else he saw when he went to see you. All I know is, when he came back, he told your father he wasn’t ready to take the CEO job yet. He said he wanted to keep the condition that he would have to marry you in order to get it.”
I suck in a breath. That can’t be true. He wouldn’t have come up with a plan so that we wouldn’t have to marry—except that he did…to give me a choice about my own future.
“Your father realized shortly afterward that he wasn’t ready to retire yet. And they never spoke of it again.”
“Why would he do that?”
“Oh, sweetie. Isn’t it obvious?”
I think for a minute before nodding because it is obvious. There is only one explanation for it.
“You’re still here,” I say when I exit my grandfather’s hospital room.
Killian is sitting in a plastic chair in the waiting room. He’s still wearing a tux. He must not have found any gift shop clothes that fit him.
“I told you I would stay,” he says, standing and putting his phone back into his pocket. “How’s he doing?” He nods toward my grandfather’s room.
“He’s doing well. He’s a pretty tough old man…although his heart might have just grown a little softer.”
