by Derrick Jaxn
The groom. He was angry. His groomsmen close beside him. Not exactly welcoming expressions on their faces either.
And then the bride. Beautiful. So elegant. The train of her dress flowed at least six feet behind her like a real-life princess.
But...it wasn't Danielle. Her veil was lifted from her face, and even from what seemed like a country mile of distance between us, I could tell that it wasn't her. It wasn't my baby.
Hol-lee-shhhhhiiiit. I thought to myself.
I must've chosen the wrong church.
I needed to get out of there. If I could stiff arm the door and clear the steps in one leap, I'd have at least a four-second head start on the closest man in pursuit. Cold air and no stretch, could get a Charlie horse, but it was worth a shot. Hopefully the ladies would be so upset they'd get in the way of the angry ass men and slow them down long enough for me to get in the car and pull out.
I turned around to execute the plan and someone said, "Shawn?"
I stopped, looked around for a familiar face, but didn't see one. But that voice, I'd know that voice anywhere.
Danielle emerged from a pew in the middle, in a coral dress, her body still very much so intact and her face just as unbelievable as the first day I'd laid eyes on her.
I'd been praying on this day to come for so long with no real faith it ever would. And now that it had, I was in a state of shock.
"What are you doing here, Shawn? How...how did you get here?"
Danielle looked dumbfounded while her mother, behind her, looked on in disappointment.
My words were getting caught in my throat so I cleared it. "Well...I mean, the GPS helped but..."
Her face and everyone else's became annoyed at my obtuse answer.
"Look, it was her. She told me you were getting married," I snitched on Miss Sarah, pointed finger and all.
Older ladies in the church were gasping for air. The brothers all seemed to be still trying to figure out what was going on, including the pastor.
Danielle turned to her mother. "You told him that?"
"No, not exactly. I told him a wedding was today. I didn't tell him that you were the one getting married."
I cut in, "You practically did. You said--"
"Mother--"
"I didn't actually think he'd come, honey. That's crazy, only a mad man would come and do such a thing. Even if he were to try, I figured there was no way he could make a flight the same day to get here in time."
"Actually, I didn't." Everyone turned back to look at me. Nervously I said, "I um...I took a jet?"
Danielle walked towards me then stopped short about five or so feet away.
"You did what?"
"I said, I took a jet. Rented a car. Googled the church address, and...here I am."
Miss Sarah nervously addressed the crowd who'd been neglected the past few moments. "Um...everyone, I apologize. There's just been a big misunderstanding. But it's all right now."
She looked at Danielle and me, widening her eyes as a signal to go along with it. Danielle came and grabbed me by the hand, leading us to the pew where her mother was.
"Pastor, please...do continue." Miss Sarah said. She smiled and sat down as the rest of the church did the same, all while keeping their attention on me and not the soon-to-be married couple.
The service ended up being rather beautiful actually.
Danielle and I did tidbits of catching up while the rest of the attendees eyed me. It was a love-or-hate stare. I could see those who intended on coming to a picture-perfect wedding that was rudely interrupted and I also recognized those hopeless romantics that always dreamed of something like that happening to them.
After enough fake chatter and lies about me being a distant friend of the family, Miss Sarah went back home while Danielle and I went out downtown to try and catch up and get some clarity on the rest of the day. It was late so the streets were empty, but the streetlamps were still busy with gnats leeching off of the light that revealed the sidewalks.
"So...you're just gonna act like everything's normal?" I asked, walking beside her with a safe space in between us.
Which was difficult. She had on skinny jeans that proved her figure to be everything but skinny in every right way possible. The cup of her ass was still as perfect as I'd left it before, but I wasn't going to dare get caught looking.
"I mean, what am I supposed to do, Shawn?"
"I don't know. Wonder how this all came about. Wonder when I'm going to leave you alone."
"Whoa there. Let's slow down a bit. How about I wonder what you've been up to all this time? Tell me about that."
She looked at me with an assuring smile.
"Well, after graduation, I moved out to Charlotte. Sales wasn't really my thing. Too much pretending to be involved and I'd never been good at that so I stuck with what I knew. My writing."
"It's about damn time."
"What does that mean?"
"Means that I always knew you were supposed to do something with that gift. Glad to know you didn't let it go to waste."
"Well, thanks. Funny thing is, it didn't quite pan out as fast as I'd hoped. I quit my fancy job and things got rough for a little while."
"Yeah, a lot of people take that leap of faith a little too soon. Can cause a rough landing."
"And a fracture."
"I don't see any broken bones from over here, Mr. Private Jet."
We both laughed. The small talk was keeping us occupied but our minds were on something else.
"Well, I'm glad to know it worked out. You went and changed on me. The Shawn I know, the country boy from Deep South Alabama...he wasn't gettin' on nobody's airplane, much less a private jet. To catch a wedding? Something ain't right with that."
"I told you, it wasn't about the wedding."
"But still, you rushed to make sure you got here before it was official."
"Because I respect the vows. Can't go breaking happy homes. The ones that get built right there in front of God himself. Bad karma."
She nodded in agreement as we sat down at a closed cafe's outside seating area. "Yeah, I guess you got a point. Just curious as to what rules didn't get thrown out when you put everything aside to come out here. I mean, damn. A phone call would've--"
"You know Miss Sarah wasn't having that."
"True, true," she said laughing. "Mommy doesn't know how to loosen the grip on that umbilical cord. She means well; she just has one hell of a way of showing it. I think we all do, ya know?"
"Yeah, I do," I said, trying to think of a way to redirect this conversation away from the obvious path it was about to go.
She looked down at the ground and smiled before looking up at me again, "You know, you kept yourself up pretty well. A bit underdressed for today's occasion, but you got away with it. In my book."
"Young lady, are you flirting with me?" I asked shrewdly.
Her smile bolstered. "Absolutely not, sir. It's not lady-like to flirt, but a secret compliment is about as good as a penny with a hole in it."
I wanted to smile, but my lips were too damn dry. The temperature felt like the sun and earth were worst enemies, so I used body heat as an excuse to get closer to her.
And for the first time in almost five years, I didn't have a single transgression lingering on my mind. Not one. Not the arguments, the fighting, the cheating, the lying...all of that seemed so distant.
Either my conscience was finding refuge in my ability to still make her smile, or the good in seeing her now far outweighed the bad of everything we'd been through.
My chair was close enough to her now for our knees to touch. My hand met hers.
"I guess some things never change, huh?" she said, looking at our fingers locked together.
"Nah, they don't. Like this moment. I swear....I'd give anything to make this stay the same forever."
"I like the sound of that." She smiled.
But only for a second.
The happiness on her face subsided and a look of concern
flushed over her as she gently pulled away from me.
***
I woke up, Danielle's half-naked body on mine, still asleep after apparently coming up to my room with me.
She was a light sleeper, so as soon I moved my head, she was already looking up to see what was going on.
"Superman?" she moaned, one eye still closed, and the other gazing at me.
"Yes, sweetheart. I'm right here," I answered back. The pet names were back to being involuntary, just a language of affection we'd both missed.
"Okay, you need me to try and make it home? I can probably drive if I just--"
"Nah, you're good. Just get some rest. I kept you out late tonight."
She leaned up and kissed me on the cheek. It was soft. Gentle.
My penis was stiffening from the friction between her legs and mine. I didn't want it to show for fear of ruining what could've been a moment.
She must've felt it rising because her eyes opened and she looked at me, fully awake this time.
"Superman...you all right?"
"Yeah. I'm cool. I mean, I'll be all right. Just give it a few seconds to wear off."
"All right. I know it's uncomfortable, but we're just not....you know."
"Yeah, I know. We're not there yet. And that's cool. I didn't bring you here for that anyway."
We both just looked up at the ceiling. Things running through my mind, her wondering what was on my mind.
"Remember when you said that you'd like to make that moment last forever?"
"I do," I said, raising an eyebrow.
"Well, I don't know about forever. But for however long, I say we make it count. For real this time," she said, smiling.
I looked down at her looking up at me, then positioned myself so my penis was firmly pressed against her. You know, so there was no confusion.
There wasn't.
She kissed me. First.
It turned me on. I didn't want to take any chance that she'd get cold feet and feel like she was going too far out on a limb by making such a bold move so I kissed her back. Returning her passion and then some.
She grabbed at my dick which was gorging with so much blood, the grooves of my veins could be seen through my boxer briefs. I was ready.
I flipped her on her back, pouncing on top and kissing lower down to her neck and then between her thighs.
She moaned, exhaling and moving her hands over my triceps.
We were both riding the tidal wave of hormones getting ready to crash into the banks of too damn long since the last time.
And then she just stopped.
I kept going, not noticing at first. After a few seconds, I looked up and tried to read her eyes.
"Baby, did I do something wrong?" I asked her.
She looked up at the ceiling, fighting tears. "No, Superman. You didn't."
"Then what's wrong? You sure I'm not moving too fast? We don't have to do this," I said, getting off of her and sliding back to her side.
She lost the fight and tears broke through, fleeing down her cheeks like they were running from the thoughts she wouldn't express.
"Danielle," I said, this time more serious. "What is going on? Please...say something."
"I can't do this, Superman. I want to so bad. I mean, I do. But it's just--"
"Look, don't explain. You don't have to. It's all good. Seriously, I'm not mad or anything. We can just chill or go back to sleep."
Her tears continued to fall into the pillow case underneath her. The disturbed look from earlier was there again.
"Superman...I need to tell you something. I've kinda been afraid to, but I need to just go ahead and tell you this."
"No, Danielle. You don't have to tell me anything. Look, I love you. I still love you, and sex or no sex...that's not going to change. And if it would, I didn't deserve you in the first place."
"But Shawn, that's not the problem."
"I mean, I may not deserve you now, but that's not the point. The point is, sex isn't nearly important enough to tarnish what we could still have together. I've waited and waited, but maybe it's best I just tell you something. Something I've been thinking about for a while. And no, Danielle. This isn't just because we're in the moment. This is for real."
"Superman," she cried.
I ignored her, "Danielle, I want to spend the rest of my life with you!"
"I have HIV," she said at the same time.
And then we froze. Not sure if I was still breathing. Nor was I sure if she was either. But I know for that moment, nothing moved, not even time.
Maybe my ears are deceiving me, I thought. "Did you...just...say..."
"Yes, Superman. I said, I'm HIV-positive."
My heart sank down into my hands, slipped through, and then crashed somewhere on the floor. My eyes watered up. I've been told bad news before, but this by far was worse than anything I could imagine.
"Baby...I...I didn't know. I'm so sorry."
"You're sorry? No, I'm sorry. I just got caught up in feeling...normal again. I didn't mean to take it this far, and please understand, I would never intentionally put you in harm's way."
"No, this isn't about me. I'm fine. But, I had no idea. I don't even know what to say right now."
"You don't have to say anything. I've been living with HIV the last eight months now. Caught it from my ex. It was a bad choice. He was a bad choice. I don't know what I was thinking trusting him, but I did."
"You say that like this is all some kind of punishment. This was not your fault."
"Yet I'm the one who has to pay for it. With my happiness. With any chance for a family. With my life... There's no chance for any of that now."
Her cries became more audible. She couldn't hold it in any longer, and as far as I was concerned, she didn't have to.
I pulled her closer to me, laying her head on my chest so she could get it all out.
She went on about her ex, about how she never really was into him in the first place. She was just going with the flow, and it happened. She kept up a relationship, even with no plans for a future under the guise that we were young and are supposed to have time to make those kinds of mistakes. Which...we do.
But that doesn't mean we'll have more time to live after those mistakes are made.
"Danielle...I'm here for you. You do know that...right?"
"I know," she cried.
It seemed that hearing me reassure her that I was in her corner did nothing to take away the painful reality that she was going to be battling this sickness for the rest of her life or die trying.
I placed my hand on the back of her head gently, rubbing on her ear. The other hand was reached over and holding the back of her shoulder as we laid together. My tears began to form and I didn't want her to be able to see them.
We sat, at least five more minutes. Both of us crying, me comforting her out of her tears while trying to find peace within myself so I could take it all in.
"Danielle..." I said, finally pulling her over.
She looked at me again, "Yes?"
"I still love you."
"I know you do, Superman," she forced out along with a smile.
I leaned down and kissed her on her forehead.
Then again.
Then I pulled her over on her side and kissed her on her lips.
A few times.
I put my tongue in her mouth, locking passionately into another kiss with my hand cupping the left side of her face.
At first she hesitated, but then she relaxed and kissed me back.
I reached down between her thighs, slowly massaging her clit and then I went for the edge of her panties.
"Superman, what are you doing?"
"I told you, Danielle. I love you."
"No, Superman...I can't let you do this. I won't let you do this."
"It's not about the sex. I said I still love you. And I mean that."
"Okay, fine. I get it. But there's a great chance you'll contract the virus and I'll never forgive myself for doing
that to you."
"I know exactly what that means for me. But when I said I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, I meant it. Without conditions.
"Even without a marriage license or some papers saying you and I are now one. At this point, I'm ready to commit to you for the rest of my life. For the rest of our lives. That means, you're a part of me. If you're battling this virus, then we both are. And if we die together because of it, it'll still be better than living another moment without you. You will not face this alone, Danielle. Not if I have anything to do with it."
She looked up at me, fear and uncertainty written on her face. She seemed to believe me, was trying to trust me, but was still holding onto concern for my well-being.
"Superman...but, I just can't. You don't deserve this."
"They say that what you deserve should come before what you want, but what you deserve takes a back seat to what you can't live without. Right now, this is how I feel. Whether it be for a long time or short, I think it's time I make it crystal clear that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Only you. If you'll have me."
I kissed her neck again. She tensed up, but she didn't stop me.
And I didn't want her to.
It was time I made a commitment, a real commitment, and stuck to it. This was what I wanted. Maybe not exactly how I wanted it, but as far as I was concerned, it didn't matter. She was everything to me, and if that was going to be taken away then I might as well be taken away right along with her. Until then we'd live, fight, and be happy together.
Wedding rings can come off, but there was going to be no divorcing this decision. This was it, and that was just fine by me.
Chapter 22
Darker the Berry, the Deeper I Bite
I jumped up, my phone was being obnoxiously loud, damned near ringing off the night-stand table with an incoming call. I felt around for Danielle, but she wasn't there.
In fact, it looked like she had never even been there. The pillow was still perfectly fluffed and the covers not even un-tucked.
I sat up to see myself still in the clothes from the night before with the exception of my shoes. She must've taken those off for me because I didn't remember. Then everything slowly started to make sense.
