I hadn't given much thought to Red Eagle's attack and me killing him...not for the past two days, anyhow. I guess, as we'd ridden on through the day, I'd tried to just put it out of my mind. I'd seen enough killin' to last a lifetime, and I'd just tried to put it all in the back of my mind so I didn't have to remember it over and over. I'd gotten so's I didn't feel much. Losing Lisbeth cut the deepest. She had been a good sister, even if she was four years older.
Now, I was feeling again. In one unsteady step, my world was
crashing around me and Jacobi Kane. I felt like maybe my planning to be alone here in Fort Worth, to not obey Jacobi's wishes, might somehow be at the heart of it. My breath hissed inward, then caught and held. I put my hand out to touch his arm and he flinched, but I didn't pull back.
"I'll be okay here in a minute." His voice wasn't as strong as it had been earlier. I reached up and slipped the saddlebags off his shoulder. He dropped his arm to let them slide off, with no protest.
I hoisted them over my own shoulder and said, "I'm going for some help."
"No. Will, wait. There's money in there." He nodded at the leather bags. "Pay for two nights. Just give me a minute. I'll be along."
I nodded, trying to keep the anxiety out of my features. Jacobi wouldn't want anyone to worry about him.
Inside the lobby, the clerk greeted me with a smile. I searched in the saddlebags until I found the coins, and paid for a two-night stay as Jacobi had said.
"Can you write, boy? Need to sign the register. Just put both names right here." He pointed to the line with a stubby finger.
'Jacobi Kane', I wrote on the line, careful not to make a mistake. Underneath, on the next line, I wrote my first name. 'William'. If I signed 'Green' that would be my undoing – the proof Jacobi would need to be able to send me away to my ship building grandfather.
My pen lingered a moment too long on the paper, and a blot began to form. I swiftly made a 'K'. The other three letters followed easily. I felt a bit safer, and a whole lot of smugness about what I'd just done, until I heard Jacobi's steps behind me.
The clerk looked at the names on the register and his face changed. Then he glanced up at Jacobi, and licked his lips nervously.
"Mr. – Mr. Kane! Good to have you with us, sir! Nothing but the best for you. I – I have—" He snatched the key he'd given me back out of my fingers and turned to pluck another one from the board behind him. "Here's just the room for you. Nothing but the best."
Jacobi gave him a slight grin. "Thanks, but we'll take the other room. The one on the first floor." He nodded at the first key.
"Oh! Oh, certainly, certainly." He gave Jacobi the first key and pointed toward a long hallway. "Just down yonder on the very end."
"Thanks." Jacobi touched my shoulder and we headed to our room.
Jacobi stood beside me as I fumbled with the key. I was still nervous about what I'd done – claiming to be his son. I felt pretty dang sure he'd seen what I wrote in the registry.
I got the door open and we went inside. I slipped the saddlebags off onto a nearby chair and stood looking at the furnishings. Everything was nearly new it looked like, from the pitcher and washbasin on the small table to the feather bed. I walked to the bed and sat on the edge.
Jacobi sat on the other side, giving a sigh that resonated of weariness and pain. I turned to look at him, and he was already watching me, as if he wanted to say something. I did, too. I wanted to ask him if he was all right, and to be reassured, but I could see he was hurting.
"Will, do you think maybe you could find your way to the livery? Get ol' Blackie and Arrow fixed up for the night?"
"Sure. They deserve a brushing and a good bucket of oats."
"Yeah." He nodded. I could tell there was more he had to say, so I waited. "When you're done there, go about five doors down on the same side of Main Street and see if Doc Adler is in his office. If he is, ask him to come over here."
"Anything else?" I stood up.
"No. Not for now. I'm gonna lie down here for a while."
That scared me more than anything else. It wasn't like him.
As I opened the door to leave, Jacobi said, "You're a good boy, Will." His voice already sounded dreamy and far gone, but I heard him, loud and clear.
Chapter 10
Doc Adler came with me, leaving his associate to see the other patients who waited in his lobby. He didn't ask any questions. It was a good thing, because I didn't have any answers. More than that, he knew Jacobi, and he knew Jacobi wouldn't have sent for him if it hadn't been bad.
I opened the door with the key and shut it behind Doc.
"Lock it," he directed me, his blue eyes on Jacobi, already assessing his condition.
He began to unbutton Jacobi's shirt, drawing away the right side with the fresh tell-tale blood stain showing. He shook his head, laying a hand on Jacobi's forehead.
"Dear God, he's burning up." He turned and gave me a quick look, and I felt almost as if he was blaming me. "Boy, go tell the clerk we need hot water, towels, and a pitcher of cold water with some glasses."
The urgency in his voice set me in motion. I unlocked the door and ran down the hallway to deliver the message, then hurried back to the room.
As I opened the door, I was met with the doctor's .45, drawn and holding, until he saw who I was. He motioned me in impatiently and laid the gun back on the bed.
"The clerk said they'd bring it all here in a minute, right quick," I reported.
Doc grunted absently as he laid out his medical implements on the dresser near the bed. Just then, a knock sounded and I got up to open the door. I noticed Doc moving to pick up the gun, holding it on the door and whoever might come through it.
There was more to Jacobi Kane than I knew. It dawned on me that the measures of security he'd taken, and that Doc was taking, were over-done. I wondered why, but I couldn't ask questions now.
I opened the door and let in one of the hotel maids who was pulling a little cart with the towels and two full pitchers of fresh water.
"Your hot water will be here shortly, Doctor," she said. Then, peering closer at Jacobi, her face softened. "How is he?"
"Don't know yet." Doc nodded at the door. "You bring that water soon's it's ready, Laura, will you?"
"I'd like to stay and help, if that's all right."
Doc glanced up at her. Her face was pale, but determined. He finally nodded. "I reckon that'd be just fine. The boy, here, can run errands, but I might need another adult. Someone I can trust."
She looked down, as if his words meant too much for her to keep meeting his eyes. "You know I owe him," she said in a low voice.
Doc's stern face broke into the first smile I'd seen him give anyone. "That ain't the reason you're staying, Laura. There's an end to debt, but love – it ain't ever finished, is it?"
At his words, she blushed. "Doc—"
"Aw, hush, now. Ain't no denying it. Go see if that water's ready yet, will you? I need to get started."
* * * * *
I thought I'd seen everything that could make me sick to my core – my family's blood spilled before my eyes being the worst thing I thought any person could witness. But seeing Jacobi lying so still and burning with fever not only made me sick to my soul, it scared the hellfire out of me. I hadn't realized just how much he had come to mean to me, and even as disappointed and hurt as I had been at his rejection, like Laura, I still owed him. He'd saved me from Red Eagle twice, and it looked like it might cost him his life. I couldn't bear the thought of that. It gnawed at my insides something fierce.
Jacobi had made no sound as the doctor worked over him. It was a good thing, Doc said, he was not 'lucid' – which I came to learn meant 'awake'. Doc kept shaking his head while he treated him, and his face changed. Worry lines replaced what I'd seen before as a hardness, softening his features and making him seem more open to talk. Or so it seemed to me.
Once he had done all he could do, what was left was to sit and wait. It was getting to be
twilight outside, and Miss Laura lit the lamps in the room. She also brought in an extra lantern so Doc would have plenty of light. Miss Laura pretty well thought of everything, and I was glad to be able to just rest in the chair by the window. It felt good to be out of the saddle.
As Doc stepped back from Jacobi's bedside, he stretched his back and shoulders, then came to stand beside me. Miss Laura sat on the other side of the bed, her watchful stare never wavering from Jacobi's face as he slept.
"What happened, boy?" Doc pulled up another chair to sit beside me. "That knife wound was infected. I reckon there was something on the blade." He shook his head. "Whatever it was, it sure as hell worked."
"It was Red Eagle," I said. "But he paid for it, Doc."
"Jacobi kill him?"
"No, sir. I did." At his shocked look, I knew I had to explain. I did – but with caution. I never mentioned my last name.
I told him about Red Eagle's warriors killing my family and taking me, and how, just when I figured Red Eagle was sure to kill me, Jacobi walked right into their camp and stole me away from them. When I got to the part about Red Eagle coming after us, Doc asked, "How long ago was that?"
"Three days," I answered. "It's my fault, Doc. Maybe it got infected 'cause I didn't tie it up good enough."
Doc laid a wrinkled hand on my knee, and his kindness was about all I could stand. "No, Will. It wasn't anything you did or didn't do. Red Eagle had something on his blade. Riding for three days with it untended didn't help any." He peered at me. "Say...you haven't eaten today, have you? Laura, you reckon we could rustle up some food for young Will, here? He's in danger of drying up to nothing and blowing away like a tumbleweed."
"Why, sure!" She stood up and smiled at us, but I could see she was still worried. "I'll go bring us all some dinner. We can eat it in here. Maybe the smell of food will bring Jacobi around."
Chapter 11
Late that night, I awoke from where I sat slumped in my chair to the sound of Jacobi's voice calling my name. My eyes were slow to open, but the minute I recognized my name, my feet hit the floor.
Doc and Miss Laura stood beside him. Miss Laura's face was puffy, as if she'd been crying. Doc looked grim and plumb wore out.
I carefully climbed up on the vacant side of the bed. It was plain to see Jacobi was still not 'lucid', even though he was calling for me. I looked up at Doc.
"His fever's risen – it happens at night sometimes. He says he has to tell you something. Any idea what that might be, son?"
I did have an idea, but it was too horrible to even take hold of and face. I had been pushing it back down every time it tried to make me take a hard look at it, because I couldn't bear to think it might be true. It had flitted around in my brain ever since it had happened, but at the time, I had not been thinking clearly. It was like a puzzle, but now that the pieces all fit, the picture was too unbelievable to recognize and acknowledge.
Yet, in the next instant, I had to admit that what I had most feared had been exactly what had happened.
Jacobi's eyes were still shut. He tossed and turned fitfully, but I knew it wasn't just the fever distressing him. His lips were dry, but when Miss Laura tried to put a damp cloth to them, he pushed it away impatiently, speaking in spurts.
"The girl...I had to, Will. Red Eagle...he...you don't know..." He thrashed, pushing the covers down in one movement, pulling them up a scant moment later. "I couldn't...let him take her."
In that terrible instant, I knew exactly what had been troubling me. The rifle shot that had come from behind me as I ran toward Red Eagle that day – the day that seemed so long ago and far away now, that rose up in my nightmares without warning, and haunted me at times, during the daylight hours. I hadn't given that gunshot a second thought at the time— not with Papa and Mama lying dead on the ground and Red Eagle with his hand wrapped in Lisbeth's flaming red hair, his knife poised above her. I'd run with no thought for myself, and no purpose but to do what I could to kill that murderin' red bastard before he did me in, as well.
When the rifle shot came, it had barely grazed my consciousness on its way to killing my sister.
Now, without a doubt, I knew who fired it. A white man. A man I had admired. A man I owed my life to, not once, but twice.
The anger of it burned through me, scorching my soul and blazing hotter, for a moment, than my anger at Red Eagle had ever burned. For that instant, I was consumed with bitter loss and disappointment that rivaled the day I'd lost my entire family.
Jacobi Kane had killed Lisbeth. He'd been behind us, tracking us the whole way all those long days I'd been Red Eagle's captive, watching. When the chance had come for my rescue, he'd seized it. I suppose I should be grateful he'd outlasted those damned red devils and gotten me back safe from them, but right now, my chest felt like it was going to explode.
"What girl is he talking about, Will?" Doc's voice broke into my rolling thoughts, cutting across the anger and disillusionment, bringing me back to the here and now.
"My sister," I said after a pause. "Lisbeth." I sat quiet for a minute before adding. "He shot...he killed her – when the Apaches came."
Miss Laura let out a gasp, but Doc only nodded, as if it didn't surprise him – not even a little bit.
"I – I miss her—" I broke off and Doc reached across Jacobi to lay a hand atop my head. A single tear dripped onto the bed before I could blink it back. I was mortified.
"I know, son. I know. But – I've known Jacobi a good long time, and I'll tell you straight up, he wouldn't have done it if he coulda seen any other way around it. He – probably figgered bein' dead was better'n what Red Eagle had in mind for her. A young woman like that – she wouldn't've stood a chance of bein' more than a – a – captive slave—"
There wasn't any need for him to say more. My mind did the rest. I squeezed my eyes shut and thought back to the next morning after I'd killed Red Eagle, when I'd stood beside Jacobi in the early light of dawn. His words came back to me again.
There's a lot worse things that could've happened to Lisbeth, other than bein' a 'red man's whore'.
Jacobi had known what those 'worse things' were, by the conviction in his voice; things I could only imagine. But to kill someone...my mind twisted and turned. Did I trust anyone to make such a terrible decision? Especially for the taking of someone who was so dear to me? Though Jacobi had followed Red Eagle for days, finally rescuing me, did that make up for his killing of my sister?
I felt a shift in my surroundings somehow. When I opened my eyes, I saw Jacobi was staring up at me, and he was lying still as stone. He drew a deep breath, then raised his left hand slowly toward my face.
Sweat beaded across his forehead, and Miss Laura took up a fresh cool cloth and laid it there for an instant. He never noticed. She drew it away, kneeling beside the bed. Doc didn't say a word. The world grew tight around us, until it was only me and him, and Doc and Miss Laura were like two specks of dirt.
"Will..." Jacobi's voice was hoarse.
I knew it wasn't just the fever that made it so rough. I could see in his dark eyes that he was hurting from the wound Red Eagle had given him, but it was nothing to compare with the pain in his heart, and in his soul. It never occurred to me, until that moment, how dearly his deliverance of Lisbeth must have cost him.
Right now, I could see something that touched me more than anything else ever could have. Jacobi needed something from me. He needed my understanding – not my forgiveness. He needed me to know there was nothing else he could've done – killing Lisbeth had been an act of mercy that would haunt him the rest of his life. There was nothing for me to forgive – he just wasn't sure if I knew it yet.
"I'm sorry, Will." Jacobi's voice was strained. "I...had no...choice."
Somehow, I got the feeling the air was heavy and thick with something that wasn't being talked about...something Doc knew, and maybe Miss Laura...everyone but me. Jacobi Kane had come close to asking something of me that he would've regretted later...somethin
g that wasn't truly mine to give him.
But I had to do what I could to ease his mind about it all. I had to be a man – my own man – as Papa had been so ever-lovin' fond of tellin' me from the time I could recall.
"You're right. There wasn't nothin' else to be done, Mr. Kane."
At that, Jacobi looked as if I'd slapped him or done somethin' unspeakable. 'Mr. Kane,' I'd called him. I'd done it on purpose, to put the distance between us that he craved. Mama always said not to stay where you weren't wanted. Well, right now, I didn't have me a choice. But I did the best I could do, circumstances bein' what they were, to set things right on all counts.
I looked straight down into Jacobi's almost-black eyes, and I said, "I thank you for what you done. Lisbeth – she was proud. Ain't no tellin' what woulda become of her, if Red Eagle had taken her." I nodded, my gaze still fixed with Jacobi's. "It – It was...the right thing to do. Sometimes, doin' right is the hardest thing a body can do."
I saw relief come into his expression, and from across the bed, Doc shifted his stance to put a fatherly arm around Miss Laura.
The heaviness of the room lifted, and Jacobi's rugged features relaxed as he closed his eyes again.
"That was the finest speech I ever did hear, son," Doc said quietly. "And the truest, too."
I nodded, but I didn't speak. I couldn't. A dull ache filled me. 'Son,' Doc had called me. But I'd never be any man's son again, and the emptiness of that thought was almost too much to think on, at least right now.
Resolutely, I climbed off the bed, as careful as I could and crossed the room to lay on the cushioned chair. I was suddenly so tired I felt as if I couldn't hold my eyes open.
The last thing I remembered was Miss Laura's hand on my hair, gentle-like, the way my mama used to do when Papa wasn't around. It crossed my mind Miss Laura knew what bein' alone meant. And it came to me that from the look I'd seen in Jacobi's eyes...he did, too.
Ride The Wild Range Page 4
