The room was dark, with only the television light. The sound of a poker game was muted. She sat down on the couch, her arms wrapped around herself, trying to keep the tears inside. She felt like she’d been wandering ever since the verdict, just drifting aimlessly from place to place in search of some form of closure. As she sat down in front of Shane, she realized what she really needed to do was confess.
“I’m getting what I deserve,” she blurted out.
“Don’t say that.” He scooted closer, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. “That’s not true.”
“No,” she whispered, shaking her head. “It’s true. That’s why nothing ever goes right. That’s why I never win any of these battles. It’s because I deserve to suffer.”
“Shh,” he whispered, giving her shoulder a squeeze.
“Did you know that when he was born, I wouldn’t even hold him?” Tears spilled over as she remembered how hard the nurses had tried to get her to hold her baby. “It took me two weeks to finally do it.”
He was quiet, looking at her with that remarkable sympathy and understanding.
“When I finally did hold him…” Closing her eyes, she remembered that moment perfectly. She’d just come home after a night of drinking and heard Brady crying upstairs. She’d tiptoed up the steps, through the dark hallways and past Anne’s closed bedroom door. As she’d entered Brady’s room, he began to wail louder and louder. It was her instinct to pick him up, cradle him in her arms. “It was like all of my pain disappeared. Just…vanished.”
He smiled a little.
“And then Anne came in,” she said, the memory turning sour. “And she took him from my arms and then suddenly…all of that pain was back, magnified. Unbearable.”
Shane’s head titled, his expression moving into one of full-blown pity now.
“I used to blame Allen for ruining me,” she said, wiping her tears with the palm of her hand. “I used to think it was all his fault. But losing Brady…being forced out of his life…that’s what did it. That’s what destroyed me.”
He held her close, bringing his hand to cup the side of her face protectively. “You’re not destroyed,” he whispered. “Just a little broken.”
***
On her first Saturday visit, Cameron took Brady to the park. Julian and the court-ordered supervisor—an elderly woman who looked really stern—followed them. They sat on a bench to the side, talking while Cameron and Brady played.
Cameron crawled up to sit next to Brady at the top of the slide. He seemed sad, quiet. “All of these changes must be pretty confusing for you,” she said.
“Yeah,” he said, keeping his beautiful grey eyes focused downward on his hands. She noticed his fingernails were chewed and red.
“Do you have anything you want to ask me?” she offered.
He shrugged.
“I know Julian’s been having you talk to a doctor,” she said. “Has that been helping at all?”
“She’s nice,” he said, nodding.
“You can talk to me, too.” She stretched her legs out in front of her. In the small playhouse, her legs took up most of the floor. “If you wanted to, I mean.”
He reached into the pocket of his shorts and pulled out a toy squad car. As he rolled it back and forth in front of him, he began to talk to her. “Julian said your mommy died when you were little.”
It surprised her to hear him say that. She looked away, taking a second to let the emotion pass. “That’s true,” she said, forcing a smile for his sake. “When I was six.”
“He said that’s why I shouldn’t be mad at you,” he continued. “Because you never had a mommy so that’s why you don’t know how to be one.”
It was all so surprising. To hear such insightful things coming out of her toddler’s mouth was startling, but so was the fact that Julian hadn’t been slamming her behind her back. If anything, it seemed he’d been defending her. “Maybe that’s part of it,” she said. “Are you mad at me?”
“Not really,” he said, looking up at her and shaking his head. “I just don’t think it’s fair. I have two mommies and you don’t have one. Everybody needs a mom.”
She felt tears spring to her eyes again. She was so sick of crying, of being emotional, but she was also tired of fending the emotions off. It was easier to just go with the flow of them. “I know I’m not perfect,” she said. “I’ve got a lot to learn. But I’d like to try to be your mom if that’s okay with you.”
He looked up at her, his lips parting in a beautiful, beaming smile. “Okay.”
She grinned. Could it really have been so simple the whole time? She pulled him into a hug.
All too soon, the hour was over. After the supervisor left, Julian knelt in front of Brady. “Why don’t you go pick some of those flowers over there and give us a minute, kay?”
“Sure.” He turned and ran to a small field of flowers beside the playground.
Cameron turned to Julian, looking him over. “You have that look.”
“Look?”
“The one that says there’s something you want to say.”
He sighed, looking over at Brady. “There is.”
A feeling of dread started growing inside her. “Well, spill. You’re making me nervous.”
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and...I’m moving to France,” he said, finally raising his gaze to hers. “And I’m going to take Brady with me.”
She tried to laugh. “Julian, that’s not funny.”
“I’ve already arranged it. My family has a beautiful place there and I really think Brady would—”
“You can’t. The courts said—”
“That I’m his primary caregiver. And I can do this...there’s nothing you can do about it.”
“You can’t just…leave the country with him!”
“We’ll visit, okay?” he assured her. “All the time. But for now...I think this is the right thing for everyone. It’ll give you some time to adjust.”
The panicky feeling started growing, bigger and more uncontrollable. “If this is about the other night,” she said. “I’m sorry, okay? I swear I’ll never do anything like that again. I’ll stop drinking and—”
“It’s not about that.” He jammed his hands in his pockets. “This is about Brady. I’m not going to let him become some...pawn in a never ending custody battle. Bouncing back and forth between the both of us with no stability. That’s how I grew up, remember?”
There was something in his eyes that reminded her of all the nights they’d felt as if they only had each other to lean on. All those nights they spent comforting each other. Staring at him in disbelief, she wondered if they’d really fallen so far now that this was the only option. He wasn’t really going to do this to her, was he? “Julian, please...”
“I won’t let that happen to him. No way.”
Tears stung her eyes and she blinked them back. She turned to Brady as he approached with a handful of wildflowers. Kneeling down, she pulled him into a tight, desperate hug.
***
Cameron knocked on the door to Chad’s loft and then walked in without waiting for him to answer.
He was on the couch with Sadie, watching TV. Her legs stretched out over his as they shared a bowl of popcorn. Seeing her, he knew something was wrong.
“You have to help me,” she blurted out as she began to frantically pace in front of the TV. “I know I’ve made it a point not to need your help, but this time I really, really need it.”
He sat up, immediately concerned. “What’s going on?”
She tried to tell him, but tears clouded her voice. She turned from them, covering her face and tried to calm down long enough to spit these words out.
“I’ll give you two a minute,” Sadie said as she stepped outside.
Cameron took a deep breath, turning to her brother. He was right behind her, approaching cautiously. “What is it?”
“Julian just told me he’s moving to France,” she said. “He’s taking Brady and moving to F
rance and legally there’s nothing I can do to stop him!”
His eyes bulged in surprise, and then flared with anger. His jaw tightened. “He said this to you?”
She nodded. “This can’t be happening, Chad,” she said, her voice choking up with tears again. “I can’t lose him. Not again.”
“You won’t.” He pulled her into his arms. As she fell against him, she felt the sobs come on full bloom. “I’m going to fix it, okay? I don’t know how, but I promise I will.”
***
Chad walked into Julian’s house without knocking. He found him packing up boxes in the living room.
“You’ve got some nerve,” Chad said, strolling into the room with his hands in his pockets. “Putting Cameron through that brutal trial only to do this.”
“Did you come to kick my ass again?” Julian snickered and he dropped a few books into a box. “Plan on using your southern justice to make me stay?”
“I thought I’d try reasoning with you first,” Chad said. “Though it’s tempting to punch that smug grin right off your face.”
“I’m not changing my mind,” he said. “Brady and I deserve a fresh start.”
“Isn’t that why you decided not to stay in Baltimore?”
“I moved here during the trial as a courtesy,” he said. “To make the transition easier on Brady.”
“What do you think moving again is going to do to him?” he asked. “And this time to a different continent?”
“He’ll be fine,” he said. “We’ll visit. That’s all he’s ever gotten with Cameron anyway. She’s never really been there for him.”
“Julian, she was sixteen,” he said. “And I see it’s taken you awhile to come around, too.”
“Look, I get it. You’re worried about how your sister’s going to react to this. I can’t say I blame you, I mean…I did take care of her for years. And I’ll tell you what she’s going to do.” He walked around the room, dropping books into a box under his arm as he spoke. “She’s going to whine a little, mope. Get wasted a lot. Then she’ll be fine.”
“I know she’s let you down before, but you’ve gotta give this a little more time to work,” Chad said.
“No. Dammit, no.” Julian tossed the box to his feet. “I’ve wasted enough time on her.”
Chad eyed Julian. Suddenly, the situation made more sense. “I see what’s going on here,” he said as the pieces clicked into place. “You’re not leaving because you hate her. You’re leaving because you’re still in love with her.”
Julian scoffed, shaking his head, but the façade didn’t fool Chad. As one lovesick guy to another, he could see right through the mask.
“I know what that’s like,” he said softly. He sighed and sat down in a chair, resting his elbows on his knees. “To love someone so much that you literally hurt when she’s not around. To be willing to do anything to keep the two of you together…only to watch her choose a different path.”
“Dude, put the Dr. Phil away,” he said. “You’ve got it all wrong.”
“Do I?” Chad looked at him skeptically. “If Cameron wanted you, you’d take her back in a heartbeat, wouldn’t you? Instead, you have to stay and watch her turn to Shane every time you hurt her.”
“Chad, I’m serious. Shut up.”
“It sucks, doesn’t it?” he asked. “Knowing you has caused her so much pain. Knowing that you nearly ruined her life and that you have the potential to ruin it again? It would be hard for me to look at Cameron if I knew I was responsible for that look in her eyes.”
Julian spun around to face Chad. “You know what sucks? Being blamed for all Cameron’s damage. In case you didn’t know, she did have problems before I came along. Mountains of them!”
“And now she doesn’t need you anymore.” He stood, looking at Julian sympathetically. “And you can’t handle that.”
His eyes were wild. Trying to hold back the emotions, but unable to do it. “She turns me into someone I’m not,” he said. “A person that Brady shouldn’t be around.”
Chad nodded. That made sense, at least, but it was hardly grounds for leaving the country.
“I won’t let that person—the one she makes me—raise my son. I can’t let that happen.”
“I get that,” he said. “I do. But think about how scared she is right now. She needs you, Julian. She needs you to do the right thing and get past this. And Brady needs you to do that, too.”
***
“Just wait here. He automatically gets defensive when he sees you,” Cameron said as she opened the door to Shane’s truck. “I just want to make sure Chad convinced him to stay.”
Shane cut the engine and turned up the radio. “Good luck.”
She hurried up the steps to knock, but as she reached the porch, she could see through the panes of glass on the door. It was strange how the first thing she noticed was that the antique coat rack was missing. Then she noticed there weren’t any rugs, or end tables…
Frantic, she pushed open the door and ran inside. The foyer was empty, and so was the dining room. Her heart pounding in her chest, she ran through every room of the sprawling brick manor, but found no sign of Brady or Julian. Everything in the house was gone.
Chapter Twenty-One
Cameron couldn’t move, or speak, or bring herself to leave the empty house. For moments that stretched on painfully, all she could do was cry. The sorrow finally swept her off her feet and she sank against a bare wall, sliding down until she sat on the hardwood floor. Tucking her knees against her chest, she rested her head on her kneecaps. Her eyes were so puffy and blurry she couldn’t see, and she could no longer breathe through her nose. Sobs ripped through her chest, rocking her body with heartbroken sounds.
Brady was gone. Probably on a plane to France with Julian right now. Who knew when she would see him again? She would only see him again if Julian was ever gracious enough to allow her some time with Brady. His mission had been accomplished: he was now in full and total control of when, where and how long she saw her son. A boy she would’ve gladly sold her soul for, if it meant fixing the mistake she’d made by giving him away in the first place. Deep down, she knew she would never forgive herself for that. Especially not now.
This must be some kind of twisted punishment, she realized, and that thought made her cry even harder. She was being punished by some…universal force for taking so long to accept her role as Brady’s mother. Now, she’d never get the chance to step up. Despair consumed her in its grasp, filling her with a tormenting longing for Brady. For so long, she’d tried not to miss him. She’d gone to great lengths to convince herself they were both better off without each other. Those days were over. Now that Anne was out of the picture, Cameron had realized that vacant hole inside her could be filled by Brady. He was the missing piece of her. And even though it might be selfish, she just wanted to be near him.
Shane sat on the front porch, the sound of Cameron’s heartbroken sobs echoing from the vacant house. He’d tried to convince her to come out, to let him take her home. Her eyes had been so distant and teary, he wasn’t even sure she’d heard him. He hadn’t been able to calm her down, but he hoped some time alone would help.
Finally, Sam’s truck pulled into the driveway and he and Chad got out.
“She won’t leave,” Shane said as he crossed the front yard to meet them. “I don’t know what to do. I’ve never seen her like this.”
Sam just nodded solemnly and headed toward the house, giving him a pat on the shoulder as he passed.
Still huddled on the floor, her body curled in on itself, Cameron looked up through tear-filled eyes when Sam entered the house. He came toward her cautiously, as if she might lash out or blame him somehow.
“They left,” she whimpered, her head falling to rest on her knees again. “He’s gone.”
She felt him sit down beside her and pull her into his strong, sheltering arms. The warmth of them surprised her and she fell against him, not bothering to hide her pain. She was a shattere
d mess…and for the first time, that was okay. Because Sam was right here, holding the pieces together. The resentment spurred by all of those times she’d wished he’d been there for her faded away. Now, she could finally lean on him. On her family.
“You’re going to be okay,” he said soothingly, and she could feel he intended to keep that promise. She wasn’t alone anymore.
“Mama!” A tiny, excited voice rang out and she lifted her head to see Brady running into the house.
Joy flourished inside her. She scrambled up off the floor and ran toward him, scooping him into an embrace before she even had a chance to question why or how he was in her presence. Feeling his small, warm body wrapped in her arms filled her with an immense feeling of relief and satisfaction.
Through her blurry vision, she looked over Brady’s shoulder to see Julian step into the foyer from outside. His eyes met hers in a humble apology.
She mouthed a thank you to him and squeezed Brady tighter, relishing this feeling of completeness. Even after the shock and awe had worn off, she continued to hold him on her hip. She turned to Julian, bewildered. “I thought you were gone. Half-way to France or something.”
“I thought I was doing the right thing,” he said softly. He gave a mild glance at Chad. “Then I realized that leaving with him isn’t fair to you. And it’s definitely not fair to him.”
She wiped a tear from her cheek. She didn’t know how to thank him for this—or even if she could. One thing was certain: she wasn’t wasting this chance.
“You guys go ahead and have fun,” he said, waving them out the door. “Brady can stay the night with you.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” He looked around the empty house with an amused scowl. “I’ve got some unpacking to do. Again.”
They laughed and all filed to the door. Cameron walked down the sidewalk with her child in her arms and a brother on each side, followed by the man she loved. Surrounded by her family, she realized this was what she’d wanted all along. To share her life with people who loved her. They were a team. Whatever happened next, whatever obstacle they encountered, they would face it—and conquer it—together.
Another Life: Another Life Series #1 Page 26
