“What is the pact?”
“I can’t tell you the details, not because I don’t trust you… because if you don’t know then they can’t extract it from you.”
“Who won’t extract it from me?”
I pause. I don’t want to give her names but she needs to know who she should look out for. Avoid. At all costs.
“Okay.” I sigh. “Carlos and his posse have taken over areas in San Diego they don’t have rights to. And they’re stepping on toes. Toes attached to powerful men who for half a century have run this town, but had to back off while their boss was incarcerated.”
“The same place as you?”
I nod. “And while I was imprisoned this boss found out I knew Carlos and the incident which led me to jail. He took me under his wing and I fought in his corner. Giving him entertainment during those years when he had to run his business from jail. In return, he protected me. But protection came at a price. And it’s what I have to pay back now.”
“How?”
“I can’t tell you. After this next fight, it will be over. And, if everything goes according to plan, we will be safe to leave.”
“But if it goes according to plan, why can’t we stay?”
“Because there will be a fallout and we’ll be caught up in it—if I don’t leave then I’ll be sucked into their way of life. And I’ve never wanted that. Despite my history.”
“Why? Can’t they leave you alone?”
Without thinking, I rub my knuckles across my sternum. Cate grabs hold of my closed fist and pulls it away, replacing it with a flat palm, spreading her fingers across the gold crown inked on my chest. “Is it because of this? What does it mean?”
“Reverence and loyalty.”
She tenses her fingers. “So, you’re a gang member?”
I place my palm directly over hers. “No. I’m not.”
“But you’re involved with gangs?”
“I wouldn’t call them gangs—more organizations. Only they don’t pay taxes or file corporation reports. And they don’t abide by any employment laws.”
Her breath quivers across her lips. “Oh Isaac. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. I waited years to be with you again. For the three of us to be a family.”
“I’m sorry. If I could change it, I would.”
Her watery eyes latch onto mine.
“I know. I believe you.”
My arms wrap around her, drawing her into my chest, where I rock her to sleep. My heartbeat a lullaby in an otherwise cruel world.
Her tale will have to wait until tomorrow; one I hope I’m strong enough to hear.
Tonight, I won’t sleep. Too many memories. All horrifying and too real.
Gently, I kiss the top of her head, and inhale deep. The scent of teenage love taking me to our special place. Isaac and Cate.
◆◆◆
The next morning, I awake with her still in my arms. Quickly, I retrieve the messages on my phone and with nothing to worry about sink back into the pillows and pull her in tight. There are only minutes more I can indulge in this bliss. I need to get to the gym and continue with my expected routine. They won’t know I’ve not been for a run this morning. Hopefully.
“Cate,” I murmur on to her forehead. She stirs, her sleepy groans making my cock twitch. No time for that now. “Cate. We need to shake a tail.”
She giggles softly, still half asleep. “You sound like the old Isaac.”
I smile. “I told you he was still in here somewhere.” I place a kiss onto her forehead.
“Hmm. I like Isaac.” She snuggles in to me, arching her back so her stomach presses into my side.
“Are you sure, Kitty? I thought you also like Raul?” I tweak her dusky pink nipple, which does absolutely nothing to ease my morning wood predicament.
Her groans take on a needy edge.
I swallow painfully. “I have to get to the gym and you need to go home. You can come again tonight so we can finish talking. You didn’t keep your part of the bargain.” I rub a thumb around her other nipple, killing myself in the process and go against every promise I made to myself to keep my distance until the fight is over. “You still need to tell me what happened with you while we were apart. Tell me everything I’ve missed in our daughter’s life.”
“I can’t,” she groans, pulling her knees over my thighs. “I’ve got Hope tonight.”
“I’ll come to you then.”
Shit. Where did that come from? Can I be as careful there? Protect her as I should?
Suddenly she rests on to her elbow. “You can’t see her though. Not yet.” Her voice panicky.
“I know.”
Her eyes take on a sorrowful tinge.
“It’s fine and don’t worry I’ll come after she’s gone to bed. Nine pm?”
She looks at me, wistfully. “Okay.”
“I’ve arranged for Juan to take you home this morning. No rush.” I bend and kiss the peachy end to her nose. “Grab some shorts from the closet. I’ve put yours in the trash.”
“Naughty Raul,” she yawns.
When I come out of the shower, she’s asleep once more and my breath stutters with the vision of her lying in my bed.
This is a mistake.
I’m falling for her all over again and the more I fall, the more of Isaac I become.
And it’s not good right now. In fact, it’s bordering on insane.
20
Cate
Hope senses I'm trying to rush through her bedtime stories, as she repeatedly asks for one more. Which I am, as it’s nearing the time Isaac said he would come over.
I brush aside her chestnut curls and plant a kiss on her cute button nose. “If you go to sleep now, we'll go somewhere special tomorrow.”
“Where?”
"I won’t tell you, unless you promise to go to sleep straightaway." There’s nothing like a touch of bribery for Hope to do something I ask for once.
"Promise Momma."
My heart soars, she used my real pronoun, instead of the infuriating Cate. It’s obvious why she's done it though, she’s clever my daughter and knows how to get her own way.
“Okay, Sweet Pea. We're going to the carnival in Granville.”
She begged me all week to go; ever since she found out Tiggy had been. And if tonight works out okay, then it will be the perfect opportunity for Isaac to meet her. And if it doesn't work out with him, well Hope and me will go anyway.
The beam which radiates from her face melts my heart. She is my most precious of things and I can't let her down. If Isaac doesn't say the right things tonight, then it's over. The worst I could do is introduce her to him, only for him to disappoint her.
◆◆◆
It's after nine and I'm still waiting for Isaac to turn up. He said it might be late, but he promised he would come no matter what. So far, I’ve washed the dishes, wiped the kitchen cabinets, tidied Hope’s toys, and dealt with the laundry. All to keep myself busy and not worry about what might not happen.
Worn out, I pour a glass of wine and sit out in the backyard to soak in the still evening and calm my racing heart.
It’s what I’ve done many times before. Sit here on my porch, swing rhythmically, and look up. Wondering if Isaac could see what I could. Both living under the same cluster of planets and stars but in entirely different worlds.
After an initial hitch of breath, I sneak a smile when I hear a rustling in the bushes. It’s the kind of noise which would usually send me scurrying inside for fear of being savaged by a raccoon. Yeah, I’m not very brave—even a stray cat would have me cowering behind a locked door. But after a glass of wine and the inkling it might be Isaac, I remain seated.
Then there’s a soft thud as he lands on my scraggy patch of lawn.
“Fuck,” he hisses, as he trips into Hope’s sand-pit.
I stifle a not very empathetic giggle.
Hobbling toward me, he slumps onto the swing holding his ankle in his hand. His breathing is strained and his heavin
g chest draws me to the tight tee strained across his muscles.
“Have you run here again?” I skim over his glowing cheeks and shiny forehead.
“No. Dropped off.” He picks up Hope’s baseball mitt, discarded on the swing. “Yours?” he asks.
I roll my eyes at him. “No, your daughter’s.”
He lifts his brow toward his hairline.
“Hmm. There’s plenty to tell you about her. She was in a huff for days when she lost the ball at the park. A dog ran off with it.”
He laughs.
“It wasn’t funny. I chased the damn dog around the park until I thought I’d collapse.”
With a shake to his head, he squeezes me with his meaty arms and kisses the top of my head. “I’ve got a lot to make up for, haven’t I?”
“Hmm,” I murmur into his chest.
“Anyway, don’t you usually offer guests a drink?”
I pull away from him. “Sorry. I'll get the wine.” Standing and turning toward the back door.
He grabs my hand, pulling my face on to his and kissing me seductively. “Water will be fine,” he says, when he finally lets go.
I retreat to the kitchen and he follows. "Is she asleep?"
“Yes. It took a while tonight, but then it's nothing new.”
“Can I take a peep? I’d love to see her sleeping.”
“In a while. She may still wake. It’s not unusual.”
He wraps his arms around my waist, snuggling into my back while I fill a glass with water from the dispenser.
"I guess it's been hard for you, Cate."
Looking over my shoulder, I catch a darkness sweep across his face. I'm not sure how to interpret it. It's not quite pity, maybe regret? And if it is, I'm not sure whether it’s regret for what has been or what is about to become.
“I’m sorry to have left you on your own. Both of you.” He removes the glass of water from my hand and puts it onto the counter, turning me into his chest. “I have looked out for you.” His arms wrap around my shoulders, blanketing me with warmth and concern.
“How?” I ask.
“From afar, I’ve…I’m here now. And I’ll make amends for my absence. In whichever way I can.”
He squeezes his arms, tucking my head into his neck. And there, in one move our breaths align and my heart beats to his rhythm.
This was always how I imagined it. Me and him in our little house with our daughter sound asleep upstairs. I want to tell him I love him and I've always loved him. But I’m wary especially where my daughter is concerned.
“So, are you going to tell me everything that happened to you while I was away?” he asks softly.
“If you want?” I’m not sure if my life compares to the suffering he endured but I’d like to close the gaps. Tell him everything he’s missed about Hope growing up.
“Of course, I want.” His hot lips press on to the top of my head. “I know some of what happened to you both, but not how you felt. What was going on in that pretty little head of yours.”
I huff a sarcastic chuckle. “Now that’s a weird place to want to be. Even I don’t like being in there most days.”
“Did you hate me?” He pulls back and looks into my eyes.
“Sometimes. But never more than I hated myself.”
“Why would you say that?”
“Because I felt like I’d failed you. I should have done more to help get you out of that hell-hole. And that’s before we even get on to the hatred I have for my selfish decisions.”
“What?” he pushes me to arm’s length; a distressed frown knits his eyebrows together. “You can’t say that Cate. There was nothing you could do. I was a pawn in a political touchdown. And you’ve been everything other than selfish. Raising our daughter on your own is the ultimate sacrifice.”
I shake my head, lowering my gaze to his chest. “Pursuing a career when I should have chosen something simpler, where she wouldn’t be repeatedly handed off to my parents, or daycare. Often, she’s the first to be dropped off and the last to be picked up. That’s selfish.”
His strong arms pull me back in and he runs his fingers through my hair. “It’s not selfish. You’re showing your daughter what’s it like to be strong. Brave. Independent. Everything a girl needs to be.”
I’m on self-deprecating roll now. “And not letting any other man get close to me. Someone who could have been a father to her?”
“Yes. You should have, Cate. For you, and her.”
And that’s why I don’t open up to anyone—because honest answers hurt. They hurt like hell.
An icy pain swells in my chest. “Are you saying this is a mistake?”
“Truthfully, yes.” He sighs against my forehead, a breath of life melting me to the core.
“So why are we doing this?”
“Because it’s beyond our control. The pull between us is too strong.”
“I know, I feel it too.” I reach up to place a soft kiss on his firm lips.
“Neither of us can change the past. It’s the future we should concentrate on, now.”
A future; we have a future. It’s all I ever wanted. But despite him declaring it, it still seems a lifetime away.
“But you told me last night you’re moving away from here.”
“I did and I am. But I also asked you to come with me.”
I move from his arms, taking the bottle of wine from the refrigerator and filling my glass. I offer the bottle to him and he shakes his head. He has willpower. I’ll give him that at least.
“It’s not that easy, Isaac. Hope is settled at school. I’ve got my parents to think of. My work. This is where our life is.”
“I know. And I wouldn’t ask but I can’t stay here. And now neither can you.”
My sigh is heavy.
“I’m sorry, Cate. There is no choice. If you and Hope stay, your life will be in danger too. And it won’t be a simple accident or a gun to the head. They will make you pay for what I am about to do.”
“So, don’t do it.” I slump against the wall.
“There is no other way. I’m beholden to someone and this is their price.” He slowly reels me back into his chest. A place where I have no option to turn down anything he asks of me.
“But if you do as they ask, why can’t we stay?”
“Because there will be others who will want revenge and you will be their path to it. Or I will be forced to become like them.” The answer is the same, no matter how many ways I ask.
“And if you don’t do it?”
“With certainty they will make me suffer through you.”
“Isaac?”
“I know. I’m so sorry.”
This sudden turn in the events of my life seem so final. Within the space of three weeks there’s a paradigm shift in what will be. Gone are the frivolous nights out with my friends. Nate. The heavy case load at work. My parents looking after Hope. Hope’s schooling. Her friend Tiggy.
“Is there no other way?”
With lips pressed tight, he slowly shakes his head.
Isaac doesn’t do ‘maybe’ and the air of assured presence he carries around with him is what it’s all about. I have to give in to this. Let him be our destiny.
With a heavy breath, I blow out my nervousness. “Okay. But we need a plan. I can’t simply walk out on everything. And we can’t live life constantly on the run. It doesn’t work like that with a child.”
He nods. “I get that. Tell me what I need to do to make this work.”
21
Cate
Isaac wakes before the alarm, even though Sunday is his one day off training before the fight. I’m not convinced he slept at all last night, as every time I turned over he did too. The original intention was for him to go home after we talked and opened our hearts to each other. But, one thing led to another and we could not break our togetherness.
Our love-making was peppered with ugly truths. All doubt about being together banished, as we rediscovered the requited love which set us on thi
s path in the first place.
“I’ll go home now, before Hope wakes,” he says, pulling on the clothes he arrived in last night.
I don’t want him to go, but agree anyway. It’s for the best. Everything we do should have Hope in mind. She didn’t ask for any of this and now we’ve decided to turn her entire world upside down, we need to be careful of the little things. The stuff she can cling to when she’s unsure where she is and what we’re doing.
“Okay. So, we’ll meet you there. Yeah?”
The mattress sags as he sits back on the bed next to me; where only nights ago his presence made me wish I had a gun. I run a finger slowly up his arm and over the images he felt the need to scar his skin with.
“Yeah. I’ll be the guy with the trembling legs and sweaty palms.” He chuckles.
I smile at his admission. “You nervous?”
“As hell.” He lays a soft kiss on my lips.
“Me too,” I admit.
We spoke last night of how horribly wrong this could go, if Hope decides she doesn’t like Isaac. I didn’t want to agree with his concerns but thought it best he heard the truth. His daughter has her own opinions and is wary of most strangers. I almost revealed she isn’t like that with everyone—taking to Elliot the moment she saw him—but thought it wasn’t wise, considering the gripe Isaac made about him previously.
I indulge in a few quiet moments after Isaac has click shut my front door, listening to the hum of the car which extracts him from my world.
My sheets smell of him. Us. And truthfully… I like it. A lot.
It feels as if my prickly edges could soften with Isaac by my side. Relax some of my responsibilities. And let him into our lives.
When Hope first wakes, she’s forgotten my promise to visit the fair and I take joy in telling her again where we’re going.
My chest hums when her face lights with a beam to melt any tattooed beast’s heart. And here’s wishing he can do the same to her.
She rushes through her breakfast and foregoes any TV time. Bouncing up and down while I help her get ready and pulling on my hand as I try my best to look presentable.
Bad Ink Page 14
