by Cynthia Dane
Nala didn’t read any further.
She stood, confused, her brain knowing what it read but rejecting every word. She looked to Vincent, who had the appearance of a man who was about to go mindlessly into war.
“What in the world is this?” Nala asked.
His head slowly turned toward her. The man looking at her wasn’t her boyfriend Vincent. It was a different Vincent. One from a long, long time ago. This was the Vincent who found out something awful about his fiancée. His dead fiancée.
“You don’t get it?” Vincent’s voice was laced in poison. “Desirée was pregnant when she died. It wasn’t mine.”
Chapter 9
Nala sank against the table. She felt the whrrs of the nearest computer fan blow hot air against her back.
“You’re not saying…”
“I didn’t believe it at first when I saw his other emails regarding the subject.” Vincent curled a hand into a fist and smacked it against the table. His fist turned red, but he did not react to any pain. “Then I did more digging. I found emails from Desirée briefly mentioning a pregnancy. I thought she was talking about the first one that…” He choked. “Then I dug more. Do you know what I found, Nala?” He didn’t wait for her to respond. “I found references to a night she worked late with Crow. A night she says she doesn’t remember but somehow woke up naked from.”
“Vincent, don’t do this yourself…”
Too late. “She would have never cheated on me!” Both fists hit the table now, sending Nala up and a good step away. Vincent’s rampage was only getting started. “Do you know what that monster did to her? Do you?”
Nala swallowed. “I have a good idea.” Neither of them would say the word.
Vincent jabbed a finger against the monitor. “This is dated one week before she died. There are references to her going to meet her lawyer to talk about child support. Do you know what was going to happen two days later?”
Nala shook her head. Of course she had no idea, but she was sure Vincent would tell her.
“She was going to come home. I remember getting a call from her, saying she had to get away from work for a while. That she couldn’t wait to see me. That she wanted me to give her a lot of hugs and kisses.”
A shiver tore down Nala’s spine.
“She was scared and in pain. And pregnant. I don’t doubt she was going to tell me about the pregnancy, at least…” Vincent turned away from the computer. “For fuck’s sake!”
“Is that why she was…”
Vincent glared at Nala. “I found an email to Hawk along those lines, yeah. Desirée was killed because Crow didn’t want a crowling out there in the world.”
A car accident is an effective way of making sure that at least a miscarriage happens. Desirée dying was probably a cherry on the man’s sundae.
“Desirée would have never cheated on me. Nor would she have ever done anything to make a baby go away. She wanted kids so badly one day. She was…too much of a liability.”
His voice finally softened. Nala looked at him, seeing a man battered and broken. Again. He had already lost his fiancée. Now he finds out that she had been assaulted by the man he already hates the most… and that she was pregnant. If Vincent was heartbroken before, he was probably decimated now. Nala did not deny her heart’s desire to go to him.
There was nothing she could possibly say. Whatever darkness Vincent now found himself in was nothing compared to what Nala felt regarding Tasha. When his arms wrapped tightly around her, bringing her in while breathing heavily into her sweatshirt, Nala thought back to all the other things Vincent had told her. Not just losing Desirée. Losing a baby. Losing parts of his youth, his life to grief and the constant, toxic black cloud it brought. Nothing - and she knew this as well as she knew her own heart - that happened between them over the past several weeks could possibly overshadow that. I’m not enough to make that pain go away. Even if he loves me now, it’s not enough to soothe this shock.
“You can cry, you know,” she said, smoothing down his hair. “I won’t think any less of you. Go ahead. Cry. When you’re done, we’ll take the next natural course of action.” Nala desperately hoped it involved lawyers and the police. “I’m here.”
Whether or not he cried… well, Nala would not divulge that to anyone. That was between him and her.
***
“It feels like a stab right to my fucking heart. Multiple stabs. Like I really have been murdered, and here I am, suffering from my wounds.”
Vincent rubbed the fatigue from his eyes, lying back in bed and attempting to stare at his bedroom ceiling. Nala also lay beside him, holding his hand and fighting back the urge to put her soothing touch all over his body. Kiss his face. Smother him with affection he probably didn’t want right now. “I’m so sorry,” she said for the hundredth time that night. They were still alone, with a bodyguard outside their door, but otherwise alone. Thank God for it, too. “I can’t even imagine how you feel right now.”
“Do you know how happy I would have been if she got to tell me she was pregnant again? I probably would have thought the one night we had in those three months was enough to make it happen. I would have never thought it wasn’t mine, even if the timing was off. I was going to be a father, Nala. A husband and a father.”
“I know.”
“Even though it was three years ago, I’m feeling it all right now. So many what-ifs in my head. What if I drove up there and got her myself? What if I fetched her before he laid a single hand on her? What if she had a miscarriage again? Would Crow have still…”
“You can’t think like that. The man is pure evil. I read those emails, Vincent. He plays with fire and gets off on it. Everything is a thrill to him. Taking over the world. Taking over people. Taking whatever he wants, both legal and illegal. We know what he did to Desirée. Don’t you think I know he was doing the same things to my sister?”
“Fuck me, I forgot all about that. I’m sorry. I’ve been making this all about myself.”
Nala shook her head against her pillow. “Yours is the much bigger shock right now. I recognize that. I’m so sorry you had to find that out, Vincent. I’m sure Desirée never wanted you to know those details. She sounds like a woman who would want you to be happy about the baby, regardless of how it came to be.”
“How can I feel anything else now? I was given something and had it taken away in the same instance. It’s like whiplash. It’s like we were cursed. Every time she became pregnant…”
“Stop going down those paths. They won’t do you any good.” Nala touched her head to his. “We need to regroup right now. You’ve got a mountain of evidence from his emails. We need to figure out what to do with it. Should we go to the police tomorrow?”
“I’m hesitant. I found a ton of emails between him and some big names in law enforcement. All over the west coast, not just around here. This is really big.”
“Call your lawyer, at least.”
“I will. Tomorrow. I’m too fucking tired right now.”
“Naturally.” Nala sank into the bed, hoping Vincent would cuddle her like he sometimes did. Well, he used to do it all the time. Only recently had he started sleeping far on his side of the bed, waking up to turn over and then over again. Sighing, Nala buried herself in his chest, letting her finger touch the soft fabric of his shirt. “I love you, Vincent. I may be young and dumb, but I know what it’s like to feel pain. I’m here.”
He stroked her hair, gently, his eyes closed and already drifting off to sleep. “I know. Thank you.”
Nala didn’t expect him to say he loved her too. Especially not on today of all days. A girl can still hope. If the man hadn’t been closed off before? He was impossible to penetrate now. Whatever he felt for her… it did not compare to the current horrors tearing through his mind and body. No, Nala wouldn’t hear a declaration of love tonight, and probably not anytime soon. She could live with that. She would have to.
Entry #21
Everything is worse than
I imagined.
I finally managed to break into Crow’s email. His personal email. I found about what anyone would expect. Including emails between him and Desirée.
I can’t believe it.
I can’t fucking believe it.
Dare I even write it? That my Desirée was pregnant with THAT MAN’S child? Her own words to him and the fact I refuse to believe she ever cheated on me… they all lead me to one terrible conclusion.
I’m so sorry, Desirée. I had no idea you were in so much pain. I didn’t know that you were that scared when you died. If I had known what that man did to you, I would have killed him myself! Right now I’m full of so much blinding rage that it’s taking every bit of self-control I have to write these words.
Xavier Crow assaulted my fiancée. I don’t want him to fucking die because he hurt the woman I loved. I want him to die because he transgressed something so deep and personal that I have no choice but to imagine him dying the most painful death possible.
I scare myself when I am like this, but how I can feel anything else? Desirée… if you’re out there, please forgive me. I had no idea. You hid it so well. Please believe me when I say that I would have loved that child as my own. Even if I knew it wasn’t mine. Even if I knew whose it was. Even now, I imagine you here, with our son or daughter, trying to move on from the pain you were made to feel. I would be there for you. I would share my strength with you, with our family.
If he had let you live, we would be married by now. Our child would be two. I would be the happiest man in the world.
I sit here in my bed, shaking, replaying your words over and over in my head. “I’m coming home, Vincent. Please be waiting for me.” I’m here. I’m waiting. I’ll always be waiting.
Don’t tell Nightingale.
Chapter 10
“All right, we’ll be there soon.” Vincent turned off his phone and tucked it in his front pocket. “The lawyer is waiting for us on the east side. He’s got his office there.”
Nala nodded. East of the river wasn’t as nice as downtown, but a lot of the neighborhoods were definitely up and coming. Not a bad place for a lawyer to set up a private practice and get a good piece of real estate.
“I have no idea how long this is going to take.” Vincent nodded to the bodyguard on duty and backed his car out of its parking space. Rain splashed on the windshield long before Vincent was able to turn on the wipers. Good thing no one else lives on this street. Nala could hardly see the road in front of them. “You got the printouts?”
Nala motioned to the folder she carried in her arms. “Why would I be without it?”
“Making sure.” Vincent changed gears before easing down the empty street. “We can’t be too careful at the moment.”
Speak for yourself. Ever since Nala realized how much danger her life was in, all she did was be careful. Probably to the point of mayhem. Well, it was better than being dead anyway. “I can’t wait to rub Crow’s face in this shit.” Nala grinned as they waited at the nearest light. “I mean, this was totally obtained illegally, but the lawyer will know where to go from here… right?”
Vincent shrugged. “That is certainly the hope.” He readjusted his mirrors before putting his foot on the gas pedal. “I’m going to this lawyer specifically because he’s taken down corporate giants before. Just recently set up shop in Portland. From what I can gather, he can’t be bribed. That gives me a lot of hope.”
Nala glanced in her mirror. Through the waves of rain crashing down upon them, she saw the glimmer of a black car pull out and follow them down the road. Must be security. Wouldn’t be the first time they tailed them through downtown. Nala didn’t want to know how much Vincent was paying these guys to be badass. They made her feel like a member of the First Family. Too bad my parents weren’t born in America. So much for that presidential dream.
“What are we going to do when this is over?” she asked, watching dreary buildings go by as Vincent took the long way to the river. At this time of day it was probably faster than taking the main thoroughfares, especially when it came to the bridges. “I mean… I’m assuming we’ll still be together… right?”
The idea that this could possibly be over soon already felt absurd, but Nala had to hold on to some sort of hope. Yet when she envisioned a future without Xavier Crow, she had a hard time imagining it without Vincent either. I don’t want to think about that. A month ago, before she realized how much she was falling for him, it would have been a lot easier to go her separate way from him. Take his money. Maybe ask for some severance so she could move away from Portland and go somewhere cheaper, where her money would last longer. Now? Vincent was a man she admired, respected, and… adored. Gag! Nevertheless, Nala’s heart was beholden to his. And even if he had been forthcoming with his affections, it still didn’t make her assume they would have a happily ever after when all this was said and done.
Vincent glanced at her. “If you wouldn’t mind. I’m not going to kick you out of my house, Nala.”
He said it so softly that she almost couldn’t hear him. Does that mean he loves me? She bit back her words. Now was not the time to ask. Vincent was the calmest he had been in a day, and Nala did not want to upset that. The last thing she wanted was to give her boyfriend a heart attack… especially since he was driving.
“Hey, Nala…” Vincent’s eyes were locked on his rearview mirror. “If something happens to either one of us, I want you to know that I…”
He never had the chance to finish his thought. A bullet burst through the back window and right through the windshield.
Nala’s heart leaped in her throat; Vincent swerved the car onto another street. Cracks exploded against the windshield, barring any ability to see the road ahead. Yet Vincent craned his head enough to keep his eye on the ever-busying streets of downtown Portland.
The car behind them gunned the gas and came dangerously close to rear-ending them.
“Holy…!”
Vincent whipped the wheel to the left, throwing Nala against the window - even with her seatbelt on. Another bullet whizzed by the window, but thanks to Vincent’s quick reflexes, this one merely grazed the mirror on Nala’s side.
When she got a close look at the reflection, she saw beyond herself. She saw Hawk in the nondescript car behind them.
“It’s her!” she shouted, the car whipping onto yet another street. Vincent kept his head low as he stared at the road before him, the windshield wipers moving so quickly that it almost looked like they would fly off at any moment. “It’s that crazy-ass bitch!”
“I know!” Vincent jammed his hand against the stick-shift and slammed his other hand on the horn. Some poor homeless woman with a cart full of clothes and tarps screamed before jumping out of the way, upturning her cart and spilling cloth and denim all over Everett Street. “Fuck!”
The mishap caused Hawk to swerve to avoid crashing into the woman now running around in paranoid circles. More rain came down, obscuring the scene as Vincent hurried to switch streets yet again.
They were lucky that these streets were relatively empty at this time of day. They were not lucky that a homicidal maniac was right on their tails - because here came Hawk again, a fucking fly that they couldn’t swat with a rolled up newspaper no matter how much they tried.
“Vincent!”
“I know!”
Adrenaline pumped in Nala’s veins. Her instincts told her to leap out of the car, to roll on the wet sidewalk and take her chances with a homeless camp set up in a nearby park. Yet the logical side of her brain said that was insane. Yeah, sure, maybe Nala wouldn’t be trapped in this car, putting her life in Vincent’s busy hands, but she would also be an easier target. How could she outrun Hawk? In her car? She was probably fitter, faster than Nala. She also had a gun. That was sort of a big issue.
But if I jump out, she’ll probably come after me and leave Vincent alone. Nala only thought that because she would be the easier target. Perhaps Vincent was the bigger target, but Hawk probab
ly didn’t care who she killed as long as she got one of them finally. Not that there was much time to analyze this situation. Nala was fucked, no matter how she approached it.
“Ah!” Nala’s bile lifted from her stomach and into her throat as a third bullet shot through the back window. She didn’t know where this one went. She didn’t have time to assess her body. Vincent was gunning the gas and swerving around any traffic getting in his way.
The whole situation was surreal. Nala had seen plenty of car chases on TV, but to actually be in one? To hear the inevitable sirens in the background? To feel the rush of adrenaline in the most terrible way possible? Tears of fear and anxiety wanted to burst from Nala, but she was in too much shock to process them. Trapped in a car with no control over what happened, all she could do was bend over in her seat and cover her head with her hands, making her a much smaller target for any wayward bullets.
“Hold on!” Nala didn’t know what gear Vincent shifted the car into, but shit was fast, woozy, and pumping blood as much as it pumped horsepower. Tires crept onto narrow sidewalks. People out shopping or parking their cars screamed as they jumped out of the way. Nala saw a horrible end no matter what happened. Either they were shot or they crashed, like Desirée had. Like Othello had. I think I would rather be shot in the head!
She had to trust Vincent. She had to trust his ability to remember city geography as he sped across a bridge and entered another part of town. A flatter part of town.
Easier for Hawk to catch up.
But also easier for them to get away.
Sirens echoed in the distance. Who was chasing whom? Were they both being pursued by police? Was it Hawk being tailed? Or… the worst scenario possible… did she have them in Crow’s pocket, and they were both chasing Nala and Vincent? Make my death swift, God. Nala didn’t pray much, but she did now, with her hands folded in her lap and her lips muttering a hasty prayer.
“I can lose her!” Vincent barely touched his breaks as he swerved around a corner, honking his horn every second as people jumped out of the way. He ran a red light, causing a spattering of people and cars to compensate.
