by Cynthia Dane
“Are you sure you’re focusing on the right thing?”
“What should I be focusing on otherwise? You haven’t given me anything to do.”
Reluctantly, Vincent gave her some cash and told her to not stray too far from their block. At least he wasn’t insisting on going with her. Maybe he’s getting too complacent. Vincent had looked up the crash they were almost involved in a few days ago. One of the victims who ended up in the hospital with a concussion and pulled everything was none other than Hawk. She had also been arrested for reckless driving and possessing an unlicensed firearm. Out on bail and under house arrest in Crow’s mansion in the West Hills… which meant she probably wasn’t coming up for them anytime soon, assuming she knew where they were. But Nala wasn’t going to give herself much room to breathe. Maybe today, but definitely not tomorrow.
She was careful, as always, making sure her hood was up wherever she went. In the Pacific Northwest, that was normal and didn’t bring her any unwanted attention - it also meant people had a hard time identifying her, especially with fake IDs in tow. So when she went out to do her fantasy role-play shopping, she allowed herself to breathe for a whole four hours before going back to her and Vincent’s hideout.
He was sitting solemnly on the bed, his eyes going straight to Nala - and not to her shopping bags.
“What is it?” she asked. The bags went in her corner stash of meager belongings. “Bad news? Has something happened?”
“In a matter of speaking.” Vincent turned his phone around and showed her the screen. “I got an email from Xavier Crow. You will want to take a look at this.”
Nala could barely swallow what fear bubbled up her esophagus before approaching her boyfriend. Her eyes went from his stoic ones to the words on the screen.
The email was set up in an elaborate, formal template. It looked like an Aviary invitation. Because it was.
She wanted to vomit when she saw what their old friend had written.
“Mr. Lane, you are a hard man to get a hold of these days! Your presence has also been sorely missed recently. That said, The Aviary will be taking a small turn in the upcoming days and weeks. Instead of the usual meetings, we will be having one-on-one interactions. It has come to my attention that some of our members are not as loyal as we would like to believe. As an act of good faith and a token of your loyalty to our beautiful enterprise, I am asking you to please let me meet with your sweet Nightingale for one night. It is my sincerest promise to return her to you as you left her.”
Vincent mumbled a string of obscenities as he imagined whatever it was he did. Nala almost choked on laughter. When her boyfriend looked askance at her, she said, “He wants to fuck me. Oh my God, he wants you to sacrifice me to his cock.” She had to laugh. It kept her from throwing up over the images in her head. Don’t think about it! Argh!
“Nala,” Vincent said, evenly. “It’s a trap. He’ll make sure you never leave his house in anything but a body bag, and that’s being generous. He might have you buried or dumped somewhere.”
“After he fucks me. Come on, the man must have some priorities.”
“Nala!”
“What?” she sat back on her legs, Vincent’s demeanor too delicious to pass up. “Oh, you’re funny, Vince.” Nala knew damn well he didn’t like that name by now. So she said it, getting the rise she wanted. “You think I’ll die before he does?”
“Don’t joke like that.” Vincent did his best to soften his voice, but Nala could still hear the disdain deep inside. Not disdain for her… but for what Xavier Crow could possibly do to her. “You know you would never have the opportunity to kill him, even if you had it in you.”
“What do you mean by that?”
Vincent looked her right in the eye. Ripples of “this is the truth and you know it,” exuded from those frosty blues. Nala shivered beneath the weight of it. “You are not a killer, Nala. You could never be like him or his merry band of assassins he probably has hiding around the world. You and I both know that the moment you confront him, you will freeze up in your fear and anger.” He held up a hand to silence her before she could protest. “I don’t say this to insult you. I say this because you are a good person. You wouldn’t be able to kill him unless you had to protect yourself, and even then, no matter how good the lawyer I hire is, you will still go to jail. It’s not worth it, Nala. I want revenge too, but there’s no point seeking out justice that puts you behind bars as well. Your sister wouldn’t want that.”
What the fuck do you know about Tasha? Then again, what the fuck did Nala know about her either? I would have never guessed that she was dating Crow… Nala couldn’t think about it. She also couldn’t think about any glee Xavier felt over the prospect of taking Tasha’s little sister too. Maybe their mother for all she knew.
“It’s moot, anyway,” Vincent said. “You’re not going. We’re not members of The Aviary anymore. Even if we wanted to go back…”
He didn’t have to finish his thought. Nala knew what he was thinking. We could have enjoyed that sort of arrangement after all. Not to mention the potential friends they had made through the group. I wish I could see Robin again. Nala didn’t know if she meant immediately or ever again. Clara Montgomery might continue her life pretending Nala never existed. It was doubtful she would return to The Aviary either. Yet all those people… almost everyone was there against their will in some fashion. They were all acting and pretending to keep Xavier Crow from ruining their businesses, buying out their properties or… killing them. Killing the ones they loved to make a point.
Nala put her hand on Vincent’s shoulder. “You better come up with a plan, then. Because right now I can only think of two things: sex and murder.”
Vincent shook his head. “What in the world have I done to you?”
“You?” Nala laughed, louder. “What makes you think it’s you who did anything to me? I’ve had this in me my whole life, loverboy.”
That was the last thing she said to him in a long time. I see I’m still as brash as ever. Nala went back to her couch and flipped open her notebook, the third draft of her script staring her in the face. I’m going to need this. I need this to screw my head back on straight and stop being so stupid. Vincent hadn’t done a damn thing to make her the way she was, but he had the power to help this phase of her life end, and let another, more positive one begin.
It all came down to whether or not his research panned out. And whether or not he could play his part in Nala’s fucked up fantasy.
Entry #23
The time has come. Nightingale and I must part, for her own good.
I’m not looking forward to telling her.
Chapter 12
Two important things happened the next day. First, Nala finished her script. Second, Vincent made some important decisions of his own.
When they sat down to go over their side of things, he was the first to speak. Probably not in his best interest. Because what came out of his mouth? Was liable to make Nala kill him next!
“You’ve gotta go away.” That was the first thing he said to her. “I hate having to tell you that, Nala, but it’s the truth. You’re in too much danger. If you go away into hiding… maybe he’ll spare you out of disinterest. It’s me he’s mainly after. I can set you up financially somewhere.”
Nala crossed her arms and regarded him with every bit of disdain she could muster. “You’re putting me in Vincent Protection.”
“If you want to put it that way. You can’t stay around me, though. Not for a long time.”
“So you’re getting rid of me?”
“Don’t think of it that way.” Vincent put his hand on her knee, but it wasn’t enough to make her feel better. Don’t think that’s possible right now. “It doesn’t mean I care about you any less. For fuck’s sake, Nala, it’s because I care about you so much that I feel this has to be done.”
It wasn’t that Nala didn’t believe him. He was also kinda right. Xavier Crow would probably lose interest in her if sh
e disappeared quietly and kept her head down, far away from him. She was inconsequential. An upstart. A way to get to Vincent. They would kill her, kidnap her, use her as disgusting fodder to make Mr. Lane fall apart at his already frayed seams.
“Where am I going, hm?” Nala laughed. “Back to Nevada? How about New Mexico, or the vacant wastes of Texas? At least your money would go far there.”
“I found a place in Indiana that may suit you well. As well as it can, anyway.”
“Oh, joy, Indiana.”
“I’m serious, Nala. I want to protect you. This is the only way I know how right now. I have some connections that can get you a job with one of your fake names.”
“What about my mom in all of this? Am I supposed to disappear? That would officially kill her.” She didn’t talk to her mom much anymore, but Nala wasn’t keen on the idea of abandoning her to the whims of the world. All alone. Her family gone, disappeared. What would she do? Go back to Russia and try to scrounge up the last of her extended family?
Die?
Nala couldn’t think about it. “You can’t keep me away from her.”
The way Vincent wrapped his arms around her and drew her into a strong embrace almost placated her. It shouldn’t be this easy. Now he wants to send me away? When would I ever see him again? Nala tentatively hugged him back.
“I don’t want to keep you away from anyone, but until this all blows over, I’m afraid… well, I’ve already bought it.” He pulled a train ticket from his sweatshirt pocket and placed it in Nala’s hand. “Three days from now… I’ll take you to the Amtrak station. You’ll be riding to Indianapolis. I should be getting more money from Lucian tomorrow. I’m giving most of the cash to you to get you started. If I can see you anytime, I will.”
Nala almost shoved the ticket back in his hand. “Are you fucking nuts?” Indianapolis, really? As if that’s my biggest problem… “I’m not leaving you, Vincent!”
She didn’t know what she felt. It was kinda like rage… but also a numbing sadness she hadn’t felt since finding out her sister was dead. Murdered. Yet it was also unlike anything she had ever felt before. Was this betrayal? Was this what it felt like to have the man she loved discard her on the side of Seattle roads? I can’t believe it. I might kill him first!
“Do you think I want you to?” He grabbed her shoulders, as if he had to shake some sense into her. I’d like to see him try! He would probably die. By her hands. “Fucking hell, Nala, don’t you get it? I love you!”
The red eased from her eyes as she looked at him through a film of milky white. She was going blind, but she was blinded by his words… the most recent words, not the ones that nearly killed her a moment ago.
It was the first time he told her such words. Even though Nala had felt his love more than once over the past several weeks, he had never vocalized it like this before. So clear. So determined. So scared.
He hasn’t loved a woman since Desirée. She could see the pain in his eyes now. Pain and fear of losing her. Losing another woman he loved so much.
“Do you? Do you really?” Nala hated how desperate she sounded. I want to hear him say it again. “Do you love me?”
“Yes.” Vincent pulled her into a hard, determined embrace, as if Nala was about to get on that train at any moment. “I love you, Nala. That’s why I can’t let you die. This time I have the power to save the woman I love. Why would I pass up that opportunity? I have to do it. Even if it hurts us both, knowing you’re out there, alive, is all that matters to me. Please, Nala. Please understand.”
She clung to him with as much desperation as he had. “I love you too, Vincent. That’s why I can’t stand the thought of being away from you, especially right now.” She sniffed, even though tears did not come. Not yet. “Don’t you get it? I can’t be out there, in a brand new place all by myself. Not again. Not when I’m so attached to you now. I need you by my side, Vincent. I need to know that I’m not alone.”
“You’re not alone, darling. I’ll always find a way to be near you.”
They held each other as if the end of the world knocked on their door. It does. The end of my world. Nala couldn’t stand thinking like that, and yet here she was, desperately clinging to Vincent in a vain attempt to keep him by her side. I don’t want to leave him. I need him. I can’t lose yet another person like I lost my father and sister. Vincent said he would do everything to be near her, but what if Crow got to him? What if Hawk defied her house arrest to come get the bastard who put her there to begin with? Vincent didn’t stand a chance unless he went into serious hiding as well!
“Please understand, Nala.” Vincent kissed the top of her head. “This has to be done. Please understand, and please follow through.”
“Let’s talk about this later.”
“Okay.”
Nala wiped her face, sitting back as far as she dared without losing Vincent’s touch. This seems like an inappropriate time to bring this up. Nevertheless, she pulled her notebook out, careful to not obscure the train ticket her boyfriend had given her. “I’m gonna give this to you to read through. I marked where the final draft starts.” She flicked the lime green tab sticking out of the notebook. “Take your time going through it. I’m gonna take a shower. Alone.” She had to reiterate that point, since Vincent had taken to showering with her as if they had done it their whole lives. It didn’t always produce sex, but foreplay certainly started in there more often than not. “We can talk about it when I get out of there.”
Vincent kept the notebook closed as Nala disrobed and grabbed her towel to take into the bathroom. It wasn’t until she shut the door, turned on the lights, and went to latch the lock that she ever saw her boyfriend open one of her biggest fantasies. Scary thing? It’s probably one of his too. Nala wasn’t going to hang around and watch his reaction, that was for sure.
He’s going to think I’m a total freak. To be fair, she wasn’t too into him right now either. Mostly because of what he just did. I still can’t believe it. He thinks he can send me away? Nala welcomed the hot water touching her skin the moment she turned on the shower. What am I supposed to do? Just start all over again? The thought petrified her. At least when she moved to Portland, she had a goal. Her spirit. Her name. She was Nala Nazarov, the sister of Tasha, and the harbinger of justice. If she didn’t have any of that after moving to Indianapolis? Then what was the point? Of anything?
The off-chance of Vincent seeing her once, twice a year wasn’t worth it. She couldn’t live life like that. Who was to say that Vincent would live at all? What if she was killed anyway? Their distance would have been for naught.
Nala knew she didn’t have a lot of experience in this realm of the world, but she was pretty sure it was bullshit. Almost as bullshit as realizing that the man sitting out in the hotel room, the man who currently wore a hoodie but could cut a suit like nobody’s business, was the absolute love of her life. She knew it like she knew she loved her sister.
Nala sank to the bottom of the shower, letting the hot water hit her hair and watching it dribble off her split ends. I need a haircut. What was the point? Who would she be dressing and looking nice for in the next few days? Certainly not Vincent, the man half a world away.
Don’t think about that. Think about what we can do together, right now. Never before had Nala thought so much about “in the moment.” But then she thought of his potential reactions to her script, and she froze up again, wondering if it had been a mistake. The fantasy seemed perfectly fine in her head. Then she wrote it down and handed it to her boyfriend. A fucking Dom deep inside.
When Nala turned off the shower, toweled off, and dressed in the clothes she brought in, she assumed Vincent would be disgusted with her. But when she walked out, a towel resting across her shoulders so she could let her long hair air dry, she found Vincent sitting somberly on the couch with the notebook opened. Nala stood in front of him and waited.
“Well?” she finally asked.
Vincent looked between her and the handwr
itten words in the notebook. “This is totally insane, you know that, right?”
At least he went straight to his judgments. Even so, Nala thought she saw a flash of mischief behind those cold blues he harbored. “You know I’m right, though. If we played that out, we would be… pretty set for a long time.”
“Because it’s insane.”
“You keep saying that.”
“You know I’m right.”
Nala shook her head, suppressing a grin. The first grin she felt like showing all day. “So what if it’s insane? It’s a fantasy. One I’m sure I’m not alone in having.”
“I can safely say I’ve never fantasized about some of this…” Vincent cut himself off. “Quite frankly, a lot of it made me uncomfortable, even when I read it with a Dom’s eyes.”
“Good. You should be uncomfortable. That means I can trust you, right?”
“I’m not sure that’s what you want to go for, Nala.”
“Of course it is. If I handed that to a guy who gleefully read it and then asked, ‘So when do we get started?’ I would be out of here so fast. You should feel all sorts of uncomfortable reading that. But I won’t blame you if your dick stirs while thinking about it.”
“This is like that one night we had together times a hundred.”
“What do you think I was going for? Romantic candlelit dinner and wine?”
Nala was being defensive, and they both knew it, but what woman wanted to have her fantasies thrown back in her face, let alone by her boyfriend?
Vincent sighed, flipping the notebook shut. “You really want to do that? We only have a couple of days to make something as elaborate as that happen.”
“Taken care of. I bought all the supplies we need.” Nala pointed to her small untouched bag in the corner of the hotel room.
“Supplies? Sheesh.”
“Like you’re going to tie me up with your sweatshirt?”
Finally, Vincent smirked. “It would be a good challenge, anyway. Show me what you bought.”
