by K. A. Linde
My girl wouldn’t even speak to me.
Why had I thought all of this would fucking work out? It made no fucking sense. I’d let Ari in and for what? So she could get pissed at me, fuck some other dude, and then ignore me?
The logical side of my brain, otherwise known as Miller yammering in my ear, had told me I was being stupid. Ari would never go off with another guy. She had picked me. I had taken her virginity. I was the only one for her. She wasn’t a groupie. She wasn’t some slut who would throw herself at the first guy she saw when we were in an argument.
But the other side of my brain, my devil on my shoulder, had told me I was a chump for believing, for even wanting to believe that was true.
The doorman had told me she had gone up to her room with Henry. She had ignored my phone calls. I’d stayed there for over four hours, and he had never come downstairs. He had never left. If they weren’t upstairs fucking, then what the fuck were they doing in her hotel room all night?
I slowed as I came upon the next turn. The roads were shit this time of year. I couldn’t get the same traction I liked during the summer. I wanted to push faster, but it was starting to get dark, and my vision was blurring with the decreasing speeds.
I basically had no fucking clue where I was at this point. I’d turned off the interstate fifteen minutes ago, and these back roads were looking less and less familiar. I wasn’t sure I’d ever gone this way.
But it didn’t fucking matter. I wanted to keep speeding away, to stop thinking about Ari. Even out here in the middle of fucking nowhere, I couldn’t escape her. She clouded my thoughts worse than anything else ever had.
I’d wanted to call her and rush over to her apartment to make things right. I’d wanted to wish her a happy birthday and fuck her until the fighting stopped.
But when I’d hopped on my bike, I’d driven in the opposite direction and kept driving until I was fucking freezing cold and hungry as a dog. I’d driven away from the surprise birthday party I’d planned and her happy smiling face when she realized why everyone was there, and I’d kept driving even though I knew she’d be there, looking for me.
But I couldn’t go to a party I’d planned while wondering about our relationship. I couldn’t fake being okay with her…even on her birthday. And I couldn’t show up and ruin the whole thing either. She’d be better off without me tonight. I’d just end up doing what I do best—make her miserable.
With Ari on my mind, I rounded a sharp blind turn, and I realized my mistake a minute too late. I slammed on my brakes to try to stay upright. The tires squealed against the black pavement. They found little purchase against the slick roads. I tried to bend my body against the oncoming crash, but I only managed to slow my descent marginally.
It made little difference.
My body collided with the ground so hard that my head whipped back at a painful angle. The snow-scattered earth soaked through my clothes as I skidded across the ground, mercifully away from my motorcycle. I bounced once more, hard, and a guttural cry escaped my mouth before I slipped over the edge of the road and down an embankment.
I rolled down the hill at lightning speed, hitting rocks, twigs, and branches. Mud coated my visor, and the world went dark. After what felt like forever, I landed with a dull thud at the bottom of the drop-off. I lay face-first in a pile of snow that had collected from the last storm.
I gasped out for breath as my brain attempted to process what had just happened. Sticky fingers removed the helmet that had saved my life, and I laid my head back in the cold. My heart was thrashing around in my chest. I could feel the blood rushing to my ears.
Shock.
I was in shock.
Oh fuck.
Breathe.
Ari.
Breathe. I saw stars in my vision.
Ari, I love you.
It was the last thing I thought before I blacked out.
“Surprise!” Cheyenne cried, pushing her way through the crowd and to my side.
“Uh…what is all of this?” I asked, dumbfounded.
“A birthday party, of course!”
I stared around at the crowd of faces—all of my friends, the band, a large portion of the groupies that I had started to recognize, even Sydney. I hadn’t seen her since the ski lodge. My eyes searched through the crowd for the face I was sure to find among them.
But no.
No Grant.
For a moment, I’d been sure that Grant hadn’t answered my call because he was here for the celebration. But I didn’t see him.
“Oh. You put this all together?”
“Well, no,” Cheyenne admitted.
Gabi came up next to her. “Grant planned it all. Got everyone to keep it quiet and come tonight. He’s been planning it since that night he came to the library.”
“Oh,” I muttered again lamely. “Well, uh…where is he?”
“We don’t know,” Gabi admitted finally. “We got here with you. We could go ask the guys.”
“No,” I said quickly.
The last thing I wanted was to be the desperate girl asking about her boyfriend. I couldn’t believe he had put this whole thing together for me. It was unbelievably sweet. I didn’t know if he had been planning it this whole time, and that was why he had avoided me this week. Maybe the reason I hadn’t seen him had nothing to do with our argument.
But if that were the truth, then where was he?
Nowhere.
No, one decent action by Grant McDermott didn’t make up for last weekend and his silence the past couple of days. When I saw him again, I was seriously considering wringing his neck.
Asshole.
“It’s fine. Let’s get a drink,” I said.
The last thing I wanted to do was bring attention to myself about the situation. The girls knew things were weird with Grant right now, but that didn’t mean I needed to alert anyone else. There were too many vultures at the party. Groupies were here because Grant had invited them, and they would quickly rush to his side if they knew we were in trouble.
Ugh!
Trouble. I couldn’t even think about that word.
I realized how irrational that sounded even in my head. I was mad at Grant, mad at myself, but I didn’t want anyone to know. I didn’t want anyone else to get close to him. It was all so confusing.
We walked over to the bar, and I was handed a beer.
“Birthday shots!” Shelby cried.
“Later. I want to let this settle first,” I told them.
“Oh, come on,” Shelby pleaded. “I need to get fucked up.”
“Well, get one now, and I’ll get the next round.”
“Shelby, you do not need to get fucked up,” Cheyenne snapped.
“Yeah, you shouldn’t have to compete with that,” Gabi whispered, leaning over forward.
“What am I missing?”
Cheyenne rolled her eyes. “Seriously, Aribel, do you not pay attention to anything?”
I glanced between them. “Not really.”
Gabi cracked a smile and then smothered it under Cheyenne’s glare. “Sydney is here.”
“I know. I saw her.”
“And hello? Shelby has been dating Miller since Sydney left.” Cheyenne gave me an exasperated look.
“I didn’t know it was serious,” I mumbled.
Actually, I’d spent more time around the guys in the last two months, and I knew firsthand that Miller did not think they were serious. He thought she was fun to hang out with and fuck. He liked that she was here in Princeton and with his friends’ girls.
But he still had a thing for Sydney.
As did Vin.
That was the last topic to bring up around Cheyenne even though none of us had any fucking clue why she liked the meathead douche bag.
“Well, it’s not been defined,” Shelby muttered.
“Because you won’t ask him to define it,” Cheyenne said.
“Have you asked Vin?” Shelby snapped.
“No, but I don’t want a r
elationship. I’m cool with this limbo we’re in. I get to fuck him when I want, but I don’t always have to listen to the stupid things that come out of his mouth.”
“At least you’re talking some sense now,” I said. “Sometimes, I wonder if you even remember he tried to drug me.”
“I don’t think he intended anything bad to happen.”
It was my turn to roll my eyes. “Please. He wanted to sleep with me.”
“Well, nothing bad did happen, and he doesn’t do that shit anymore.” Cheyenne leaned forward and sighed. “He’d kill me if I ever mentioned this, but he told me once he felt really bad about what happened that night.”
“Vin has feelings?” I asked in disbelief.
“All I’m saying is, I think a little bit more is up there than he lets on.” Cheyenne held her hands up. “Don’t let him know I said that.”
I shrugged. I couldn’t change what had happened or that Vin was a fact of life around Grant. My eyes left the girls as they chatted more about what Shelby should do.
Seriously, Grant…where are you?
“I am not going to go hang on him like some desperate tramp!” Shelby cried.
“Oh my God. Miller probably didn’t even invite Sydney. Grant probably did. Just act normal and things will be fine. There are more important things to worry about,” I said before tipping back my bottle.
All three girls looked at me, surprised.
“Look, Aribel is giving good relationship advice,” Cheyenne said. “You should take it. It’s probably the first and last time.”
“Ha-ha. You’re hilarious.” I grabbed Shelby’s arm. “Come on. Let’s go say hi. It’ll be fine.”
“What? Now?” Shelby asked frantically.
“No time like the present.”
Really, I wanted any excuse not to think about or talk about Grant.
“Sydney!” I called, walking over to Grant’s cousin.
She was a vivacious brunette, wearing one of her tamer outfits—a studded white sleeveless crop top and skintight leather leggings with a sheer stripe down the sides, starting at her hips and disappearing at the knees where they met her heeled black leather boots. The last time I had seen her she was in a miniskirt and cowboy boots at a ski lodge.
“Ari, hey! Happy birthday.” Sydney rushed forward and threw her arms around me. “It’s good to see you.”
“Thanks. You, too.”
Sydney and I hadn’t necessarily bonded the last time we were together, but despite all the craziness she brought, I found I did like her.
“How is Tennessee?” I asked.
She currently went to the University of Tennessee in Knoxville. I couldn’t believe she had driven up during the middle of the week for my birthday while she had school. I never would have done that.
“Fine. Still plenty of Southern cock to keep me occupied,” she said rather loudly in Miller’s direction.
My eyes bugged, and I looked away. “Well, that’s…great.”
“Did you say cock?” Vin asked. He grabbed his junk in his right hand and adjusted himself through his pants. “I’ve got some for you right here, baby.”
Sydney smiled sweetly. “Let me think about it.” She tapped her lips twice and then dropped her smile. “Thought about it. No, thanks.”
I shifted, so I couldn’t see the glares passing between Vin and Miller. Having Sydney here was dangerous for everyone involved.
“So, what crazy plan does Grant have cooked up?” Sydney asked. “I’m sure you’ve heard rumors or some shit, right? Is he going to fucking jump out of a cake? Is he bringing strippers? He’s not answering his damn phone, and I want the juice.”
“You’re asking me? I’m the birthday girl. I didn’t even know he was throwing this party.”
“How could you not know? He’s been planning it for a month!”
“Well, we’ve been kind of…” I didn’t know what to say or why I was even considering confiding in Sydney. “We got into an argument about the band.”
“What about the band?”
I sighed. I didn’t really want to talk about this right now. “Nothing has happened yet, but they’re still being scouted pretty hard by Pacific.”
“What? That’s amazing! I can’t believe Miller hasn’t said anything!” she cried. “I mean…not that we’re talking.”
She tried to play it off so cool that I instantly knew that Sydney wasn’t just fucking around with Miller. She liked him as much as he liked her.
Oh, boy.
“God, you two shouldn’t be fighting over that. You should be fucking celebrating! Where is Grant fucking McDermott? We need to drink!” She dug around in the bag hanging at her hip. “I’m going to give him another call. He should be here by now.”
Yeah…
My eyes searched the crowd again as if I could make him appear out of thin air.
Why wasn’t he here?
I couldn’t move.
What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck?
My eyes slid open, and I stared up into the night sky. My brain had turned to mush. I could barely think. How long had I been out? It was hard to tell since it was so dark outside.
I scrambled to come back to my body, but it was as if I was treading through water. I blinked rapidly and then tried to make sure nothing was broken. I twisted around in the snow, and while everything hurt like a bitch, I didn’t feel like something had snapped. I could still be in shock though.
With a deep breath that seared my chest, I tried to push myself into a sitting position, and I cried out in pain when my hands touched the freezing ground. The gloves I’d been wearing were destroyed on the palms and fingertips, which had been scraped up when I tried to stop myself. I forced myself up anyway, ignoring the lingering aches and pains on my body.
My leather jacket was torn, and I had a visible gash along my left arm where the material had been shredded. My neck hurt like hell. I could barely turn it from side to side without wincing. My breathing remained labored, but at least it didn’t seem like I’d punctured a lung or anything.
I was lucky that when the motorcycle had fallen, I’d been thrown from the seat, so the weight of the bike hadn’t crushed my legs. My legs seemed to be the most functional part of my body, especially compared to my upper half.
Against my better judgment, I attempted to stand, but I fell forward onto my knees at the effort. My legs were jelly.
My whole body was trembling. I’d never felt so shaken and helpless. I couldn’t even stand. I could hardly breathe. I couldn’t see. I had no idea where my motorcycle was.
My breathing came out in short gasps as panic set in with the shock.
Oh my God, I was going to die out here, all alone. I’d never make it out of this embankment, and even if I could, I had no idea of the condition of my motorcycle. If it were half as bad as me, I wouldn’t be able to drive the thing home.
I’d never get to talk to Ari. I wouldn’t get to tell her that I was sorry and that I loved her. I wouldn’t get to see her smiling face.
My stomach twisted at the thought.
How could I have been so stupid?
God, I was a fucking idiot. I should never have driven out on these roads. I should never have taken the chance.
All I knew was, I needed to get back to her.
Please just let me get back to her.
A bright light fell down onto me, and I squinted up at it.
“Are you okay down there?” a woman called.
My eyes lifted to the road where an older woman stood, holding a flashlight. I raised my hand and then dropped it back down.
Shit! I hurt everywhere.
But at least someone was here. I wasn’t going to die—not yet.
“Down here,” I groaned. “I’m fine. Just a little banged up.”
“Stay put. Don’t try to move! I’m going to call an ambulance!” she yelled.
“No,” I croaked. I didn’t do hospitals. “No, hospitals, please. Please don’t call for an ambulance.�
�
She wavered with indecision before calling back down to me. “Let me send my husband down there to help you up. Don’t try to move.”
A few minutes later, the woman’s husband was hauling me up the drop-off. I hated to admit how much I was leaning on him. I was too shaken up to assess my injuries, but it could have been so much worse. Aside from my wounded pride, I suspected my arm and neck were the worst of it.
“Oh dear,” she cried when she saw me. “We should take you to a hospital right away. Look at you.”
I took a deep breath and then stood on my own two feet. I rocked back and forth before regaining my balance. “I’m really…I’m okay.”
“You most certainly are not!”
“Please, I don’t want to make this a big deal.”
“You just fell off a motorcycle and down a hill!” the woman cried. “It is a big deal.”
“I’m sorry. I appreciate you helping me, but I avoid the doctor’s office at all costs.”
“Joe, tell him!” she sternly said to her husband.
“Sherry, we can’t force him to go to the doctor.”
“Yes, we can!”
“Thank you for your help. Honestly, I don’t know what I would have done without you, but I feel fine,” I lied. “How is my bike?”
The couple both frowned at that question.
Fuck.
When I found it, I realized I was in much better shape than my motorcycle. I was lucky that I’d been thrown off the bike before falling down the hill onto a pile of built-up snow from the last snowfall. My bike was not as lucky. It had skidded twenty feet past me, crashed into the guardrail, rolled down the hill, and wrapped itself around a tree.
She was completely totaled.
Undrivable.
Potentially not even salvageable.
As sad as I was, I was equally thankful that nothing that bad had happened to me, that I wasn’t as mangled as the bike, that I wasn’t dead.
The thought shook me to my core. I could have died tonight.
Sherry patted my shoulder. “I think it’s best to leave it here. You can come back for it in the morning. No one else is going to take it in that condition.”
I blinked. What the fuck was I going to do? Where the fuck was I supposed to go?
