by Kay Moser
Victoria watched Sarah bite her lower lip and look up at the sky to keep from crying. She struggled to think of something helpful to say and finally murmured, “We must work with what we have, Sarah.”
“And rejoice in our success,” Mrs. Novak added. “This is just the beginning for you, honey.”
“It certainly is,” Victoria agreed. “In two weeks Sarah will be gazing at the Rocky Mountains, surrounded by women who have made the same intellectual journey she has.”
Sarah looked distressed. “I just hope I’m doing the right thing. It’s a long way from here. It costs so much money, and I won’t be here to help Mama on the farm.”
Mrs. Novak took hold of Sarah’s shoulders. “I want you to go! I want you to grab every good thing that comes your way. That’s what I’ve worked for. Now, let’s go find Mr. Logan.” She pulled Sarah forward but looked back over her shoulder. “Thank you, Mrs. Hodges, for everything you’ve done for my girl, and thank you for the party you’re giving her tonight.”
“Sarah has been like a daughter—” Victoria stopped, afraid of assuming too much. “You’re welcome, Mrs. Novak.”
CHAPTER 3
As the June sun was setting on Sarah’s graduation day, she walked out onto the wide verandah of Hodges House and discovered that apricot light bathed the front garden. The white-hot sun of the afternoon appeared to be burning itself up as it sank closer and closer to the horizon in a fiery ball. Sarah leaned against one of the large white pillars and smiled at the sight of the vivid orange rays which the sun shot into the sky. Upward, upward. Always reminding us of its strength and its inevitable victory over dark.
Happy tears filled Sarah’s eyes as she realized that today’s accomplishment ended her three-year battle with poverty and ignorance. Struggling to take control of her emotions, she returned her attention to the light in the garden. The dying rays of the sun had set fire to the massive beds of white hydrangeas and roses, and they glowed like coals in a winter fire. The highest, feathery tips of the slender red crepe myrtle trees turned into torches. But it was Victoria’s marble fountain, which she had set dead-center in the garden, that stole the show.
Sarah was entranced. “Oh, my!”
The three muses danced in the fiery light, and every drop of water that flew into the air turned into a jewel before descending into the round jewel box at the feet of the dancing statues.
“Even the mighty sun is celebrating your day.” Victoria’s voice made Sarah aware of her mentor’s presence.
“Just look at the fountain,” Sarah exclaimed.
Victoria laughed softly as she put her arm around Sarah’s waist. “Do you remember how I agonized over where to place it?”
“Of course I do, and I also remember how its arrival in the garden scandalized the whole neighborhood.”
Victoria sighed. “Everyone except Christine. She seemed to be determined to accept me no matter what outrageous thing I did. But then that’s the kind of heart she has.”
“It was more than that,” Sarah insisted. “She recognized a kindred spirit, an artist, and she desperately needed a like-minded friend in this town.”
“What a talented pianist she is,” Victoria exclaimed. “She really should be playing on stage. Why does the world choose to forfeit the gifts of musicians of her stature just because they are women? I will never understand.”
“Why does it forfeit the gifts of any woman? Why must you fight so hard to be a painter?”
Victoria shook her head. “I don’t know, but I don’t intend to keep quiet about it. Women must push into the arts and the professions whether they are welcomed or not!”
“Really?” Sarah cocked her head and giggled.
“Oh, you! You’ve heard all my speeches before.” Victoria joined Sarah in her laughter.
“I very much doubt that.”
Victoria ignored the comment. “I was thrilled to hear President Wiseman’s remarks this morning at commencement. And, of course, even more thrilled when he broke ranks with tradition and awarded you the prize you had earned.”
“Did you know he was going to do that?”
Victoria shook her head. “No. There was no way for me to know what your scores were. But I’ll tell you one thing—that gentleman just rocketed to the top of my friend list. I plan to get to know him better.”
“What’s this?” Hayden demanded as he walked through the front door. “What man have you set your sights on?”
“President Wiseman.”
Hayden feigned shock. “He’s far too old for you, darling. And not nearly as handsome as I am. Don’t you agree, Sarah?”
“Absolutely!”
Victoria threw herself into her husband’s arms and looked up at his face. “It is his mind I want, darling. Only his mind.”
Hayden shook his head. “Poor man. He hasn’t got a chance, especially if you wear that dress.” He raised Victoria’s hand over her head and twirled her around. The embroidered ivory netting flounce on her sleeve fell away from her elbow, revealing her graceful arm as the rose-scattered ivory silk of her skirt billowed around her ankles.
“Oh, Hayden!” Victoria blushed as she playfully swatted at him. “Do behave yourself.”
“He’s absolutely right,” Sarah insisted. “You look exquisite.”
“Thank you, but if by some miracle President Wiseman can resist my persuasive efforts, I’ll just enlist Christine’s help.”
Hayden laughed. “Heaven help the man! Even Mr. Bellows can’t resist Christine.”
“Speaking of the Bellowses …”
Hayden groaned. “Must we?”
“Yes, we must. I see a few of their dinner guests lounging on the porch, so dinner must be over. Those same young people will soon be over here.”
“I better go get Sam,” Hayden said, “and get all these Japanese lanterns lighted.”
“You’ll do nothing of the sort!” Victoria left Hayden’s side and returned to Sarah. “I think it will be far more romantic if a certain young man helps Sarah light the lanterns.”
Sarah felt herself reddening. “I’m not sure this is the time for me to encourage romance. After all, I am leaving for the summer.”
“Might as well leave him pining for you.” Victoria’s eyes twinkled.
“Love us and leave us. That’s what you women do,” Hayden teased.
Sarah vigorously shook her head. “It’s far more serious than that. I don’t know whether—I mean, I can’t see how—well, I plan to teach, and that’s all there is to it.”
“There’s no harm in your enjoying yourself tonight,” Victoria counseled. “Just keep all your options open.”
“Conniving women!” Hayden protested. “We men haven’t got a chance. Well, Sarah, you better make up your mind quickly because I see Mr. Lee Logan at the front gate.”
“Oh dear!” Sarah’s hands flew to her hair. “Do I look all right?”
“You look beautiful,” Victoria answered.
Hayden grinned. “Not that it matters, of course, since you have no interest in a romantic relationship with Lee Logan.”
“Oh hush, Hayden!” Victoria swatted at him. “Let’s get back in the house, so Sarah can be alone with him for a few moments.”
Hayden did his best to look affronted. “I’ll have you know that I have a very important part to play at this time. I am supposed to chaperone.”
“Not now!” Victoria grabbed his arm and pulled him toward the door.
Before succumbing to his wife’s action, Hayden plopped a box of long matches on the verandah railing and grinned at Sarah. “Just in case you need these.”
“Inside,” Victoria insisted. “By the way, did you set up the gramophone on the verandah like I asked you to?”
“Would I ignore any request of yours?” His voice grew fainter as they entered the house.
Sarah turned back toward the garden and, her pulse racing, descended the steps to meet Lee at the fountain. Slow down! Try to look nonchalant, for heaven’s sake.
He stopped before he reached her and ran his eyes from her face to her feet. “You look beautiful.”
Holding out the skirt of her white lawn dress so the lace inserts would show to best advantage, Sarah slowly turned a full circle. “It’s my graduation present from Victoria and Hayden.”
“It’s lovely, but I’m not talking about the dress.”
Sarah’s heart lurched in the strangest way, and she felt surprisingly warm. She stammered as she changed the subject. “It’s—it’s going to be a perfect night for the party.”
“Yes ... a perfect night …”
“Not too hot,” Sarah stumbled on. “I mean, once the sun goes down completely. Which should be any moment, don’t you think?” Sarah pointed at the horizon. “See, it’s already close to setting.”
Lee continued to stare at her rather than turn around, and Sarah felt short of breath.
She swallowed hard and tried another tactic. “I dare say a few people will be arriving soon.”
Lee moved closer to her. “Not too soon, I hope.”
“Well … uh ... some of them are right next door … you know, at the Bellows’ dinner party. Uh … the one Mrs. Bellows is giving to honor Horace.” Sarah laughed nervously. “They’ve moved out onto the porch. I guess they’re relieved to escape the confines of Mrs. Bellows’ dining room and probably her company.” Sarah clamped her hand over her mouth. “Oh, I shouldn’t have said that. I meant—well, it is hard to linger in a hot dining room, isn’t it? I—I just hope they have the good sense not to come straight over here from her dinner party. Don’t you?”
Lee touched her cheek. “I’m sure they’ll employ the necessary subterfuge. Horace will be especially careful to avoid making his aunt mad.”
Sarah’s heart pounded. Unsure what to do, she turned away abruptly. “Oh, I can’t imagine that he’ll dare come.”
“I can’t imagine that he’ll be able to stay away … not from you, for sure.”
A nervous laugh escaped her lips, and she jabbered on as if words alone could save her from confronting her feelings. “I invited the whole class, of course, as well as all those who have been such a support. You know … people like Lavinia and your mother. Where are they, by the way?”
“They are coming over soon.”
“Well, then, I better get busy. Goodness! So much to do!”
Lee took Sarah’s arm and turned her to face him. “Before anyone comes, I want to tell you again how proud I am of you. I know you will have many guests tonight, but I hope you will save some time to talk with me. There are some things I want to say—”
“Of course!” She immediately regretted the shrill tone of her voice, but she simply had to stop him. And she must not—could not—stand so close to him. It simply wasn’t safe; an attraction like a magnetic field was overwhelming her. She thought of the setting sun, the coming darkness that could create a world of two, a world of man and woman. Lee could become all she could see. Or was it would see? She feared her present attraction to him so much she fled into an interior, intellectual discussion of the proper grammatical construction. “Could” suggests physical ability; “would” is about the will, my will. Oh, I cannot trust my feelings tonight. I must not!
Light mellowed as the sun sank beyond the horizon. Lee took her hand, and Sarah gasped. Darkness was coming—the world of two.
“I wish we could have a full moon tonight,” Lee said.
Sarah’s heart thumped wildly. The moon! So drawn to the earth, a captive of its dictated orbit, increasing or diminishing as the earth dictates. Sarah yearned to be like the moon, to settle serenely into the orbit which she knew Lee’s love offered. Traitorous body! She scolded herself. Traitor, traitor. Remember, you want more!
“Sarah!” He was calling her back from her thoughts.
I should turn around and run.
“Sarah, it’s all right.”
She wanted to throw herself into his arms. I must not. I cannot.
“Don’t be afraid, Sarah. Your dreams are my dreams, my darling.”
I must say something!
He stepped back. “Perhaps this will help.” He held out a book.
Sarah furrowed her brow in confusion.
“Open it. Open the book.”
She did. It was blank. She cocked her head, a question in her eyes, and looked into his face.
“It’s a journal for your trip.”
“You’re not trying to stop me?”
He smiled. “Never. I am not that big a fool.”
Tears flooded her eyes and cascaded down her cheeks.
“Now, none of that.” Lee reached for his handkerchief, stepped closer, and dabbed at her face. “This is a night for celebration.”
“I thought … I thought …”
“I know what you thought.” He placed his hands on her shoulders. “I love you, Sarah. I love you. Why would I ever want to change you?”
She swallowed hard and squeezed her eyes shut, looking deep inside for resolution. Then she forced the words out. “I’ll never marry. Never.” She felt heartbroken by her own words as if she had thrown half of herself away. She opened her eyes and searched his.
He smiled. “Then neither will I.”
Sarah clutched the journal to her bosom. It was a precious gift, but not as precious as his acceptance, his blessing on her identity.
“Write it all down, Sarah. Then come home and share as much as you wish with me.”
Sarah nodded. Attempting to regain her composure, she looked over Lee’s shoulder as the western sky turned from golden apricot to magenta. The Japanese lanterns must be lit. She could ask Hayden to do it, or she could share the experience with Lee. Sarah sighed. These are my last moments alone with him tonight. I want to light the lanterns with this man. I do!
“Will you help me light the Japanese lanterns?” she asked.
“I will help you do anything.”
Sarah hurried to the verandah, snatched up the box of matches, and beckoned Lee toward the closest Japanese lantern hanging from a dogwood branch.
A quiver thrilled through Sarah as Lee struck the match and the abrasive scraping produced a flash of golden light. She held the paper lantern, a pitiful, crinkled paper ball with flat, gaudy colors splashed on its sides, and checked the security of the plain candle inside. It was nothing special. How could it ever contribute to a magical evening?
Then Lee pushed the match, its light now flickering orange and blue, into the paper ball. The candlewick lit, and the garish, flat colors rose to mimic the translucent splendor of stained glass. Ever dimming in the presence of the glowing lamp, the match became a paltry source of light. The simple stick had yielded its magic of flickering gold, orange, and blue to the sphere.
As Lee blew out the match, Sarah watched the glowing colors flicker in his brown eyes. He smiled down at her as his hand grazed her curls and slid under her chin.
“The lamplight is kindling a glow in your eyes.”
“Not the lamp,” she whispered, then rebuked herself. Traitorous tongue! Will you ruin my plans? My future?
Lee took the lamp, lifted it high into the darkening sky, and attached it to its hook. In a swift, direct arc, he swept his hand down from the tree limb, enclosed her in his arms, and kissed her. It wasn’t the first time, but this time was different. This kiss produced an intense, almost painful, yearning for something which Sarah could not define. When Lee withdrew his lips, her instinct was to lean forward, to reconnect with him, but she heard the iron garden gate clang shut and the sound of boisterous voices. Heat flooded her face as she jerked away from Lee.
“The boys have arrived.” Lee grinned as he spoke, and the point was not lost on Sarah. Her college friends were indeed merely boys. Lee was a man.
“Go,” he said to encourage her.
She hurried away, strangely out of breath for someone who had been standing still.
CHAPTER 4
An hour later, Victoria stood at the top of the verandah steps and wat
ched as Sarah, surrounded by the graduates of the class of 1898, waltzed around the fountain of the muses with Lee Logan. Round and round they turned, swaying and dipping as the gramophone played the recent hit “And the Band Played On.” Sarah held out the full skirt of her lace-trimmed white dress and smiled up into Lee’s face. It was a beautiful sight, a satisfying sight to Victoria. Her protégé had risen to the top against all the odds, in spite of all the biases that could have, would have, denied her gifts. She was successfully launched, and Victoria knew that she would no longer be lifting her up. Instead, she would be walking by her side. I shall miss her. I shall miss the challenge she brought into my life, the meaning, the purpose.
“Something tells me that you are standing here planning a painting,” Hayden whispered in her ear as he joined her.
She smiled. “I’ve already done that.”
He drew her closer to his side and kissed the top of her hair. “Tell me about it.”
“Sarah will be dancing just as she is now, holding her long, white skirt to the side, allowing the moonlight to fall on the delicate lace insets. She will be at the side of the fountain, turned toward us, laughing as she looks up at a dark-haired man. The light from the Japanese lantern will be casting its tints on the shadow side of her face, and the moon will be lighting the other side.”
“And this dark-haired man is Lee, of course.”
Victoria felt a thrill of remembered adventure, of yearning, tremble through her. “Maybe not.”
Hayden pushed her away just far enough to see her face. “Not? What are you saying?”
“I danced with a dark-haired man, but then I met you.”
Hayden’s eyes twinkled as he faked a threatening tone. “Antonio Santoro is never entering this house again!”
Victoria threw both her arms around his waist and hugged him as she laughed. “Yes, he is, but you’re safe until Christmas.”
“Hmph,” Hayden growled. “If he wants to live, he’ll stay in Europe.”
“Let’s hope this war we’ve gotten ourselves into doesn’t make that necessary,” Victoria murmured.
