She walked straight over to her bed and grabbed the teddy bear. She had to get rid of it. Throw it away. Never, ever see it again. She went into the kitchen, her intentions clear, but when she got to the trash can she stopped. She looked down past the open lid, into the trash that she’d forgotten to take out before she left.
She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t throw something that meant so much to her into the garbage.
She took her foot off the pedal that lifted the lid and it closed with a clang. Mel reached up to the cabinet above her head and shoved the bear in there, right next to the Tupperware bowls.
Then she headed back down the hallway, passing a clearly confused Teddy, who followed her around the house. She stripped her bed of the blankets and sheets and hauled them all off into the laundry room. And when she closed the lid on the steaming hot water, she started to cry.
It didn’t matter what she did. Nothing was going to wash him away.
Chapter Twenty
Something I Need
Danny was asleep when Bennett made it back to the hospital. Cindy was sitting by his side reading a book.
“How’s he doing?”
“Good.” She smiled as she stood up and stretched. “He was up earlier, but he was in a lot of pain, so they gave him some more morphine. He was asking for you, though. He wants to talk to you.”
“Well, I’m not going anywhere. No plans.”
Cindy nodded, biting her lip as she studied Bennett. “What happened?” she asked.
“With what?”
“With you and Mel?”
Everything in Bennett froze. How was he supposed to explain that he’d flipped his shit and done the stupidest thing of his life?
“To be honest, I’m not exactly sure.” He ran his hand along the top of his head and town the back to his neck. “I kind of lost it and took it out on her. I told her to leave.”
“You love her.”
It wasn’t a question, but he answered anyway. “Yes, I do.” He knew the pain in his voice was evident.
“She loves you, too.”
“She told you that?” Bennett asked.
“Not in so many words. But she drove up here to be with you. She wanted to take care of you.”
“I don’t need to be taken care of.”
Cindy just laughed and shook her head pityingly. “Just because you’re a big, strong man doesn’t mean you don’t need to be taken care of. We all need to be taken care of at one point or another.”
“I guess.”
“No, we do,” Cindy said seriously. “Bennett, I know what you’re scared of. You’re scared of letting somebody in and then losing them. You think there’s going to come a day when that person won’t be there anymore.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Bennett, did you forget for a second that you’re my husband’s best friend and that I know everything about you—including everything about your birth mother?”
He shook his head. “This isn’t the same thing.”
“You’re right. Mel isn’t the woman who walked out on you.”
“I’m not scared of her walking out on me.”
“No, you’re not. You’re scared to love and be loved back. You’re scared to have that in your life. You were scared after the accident three years ago, and your scared again after what’s happened to Danny. You’ve seen how easy it is for someone to get ripped out of your life, and the thought of it being Mel is more than you can handle.”
Bennett stood there, stunned. Apparently Cindy knew exactly what she was talking about.
She crossed the room and stopped right in front of him. She reached up and cupped his jaw with her hand.
“Stop hiding. It’s not worth it. Danny almost died. But you better believe that over the last week I didn’t doubt being with him for a single second. There was never a moment when I thought it would’ve just been easier had I never been with him. He’s made my life better. Loving him has made my life worth more. If you walk away from Mel, it isn’t going to make your life easier. It’s going to make your life harder.”
She patted his cheek a couple of times before she pulled his face down to hers and she gave him a kiss on the other cheek.
“I pray to God you figure it out, Bennett. Because I know she’s hurting just as much as you are.” She pulled back from him. “Now you stay and sit with my husband and think about that while I go get us some breakfast.” And with that she walked out of the room.
When Bennett turned to look at Danny’s bed, his friend’s eyes were open. “She’s right, you know.”
“Is that so?” Bennett asked, raising his eyebrows.
“Yeah. Don’t tell her this, but she’s usually always right. Come here.” Danny raised his good hand and beckoned.
Bennett crossed the room and stood at Danny’s side. Danny held his hand out and Bennett grabbed it. Danny’s grip was weaker than normal, but still stronger than Bennett had expected.
“I can’t thank you enough, man.”
Bennett shook his head. “It was nothing.”
“No, it was everything. Cindy told me everything you did.” He let go of Bennett’s hand and motioned to the chair next to the bed. “Sit down. Stay a while.”
Bennett couldn’t stop the small smile that turned up his mouth as he took a seat.
“What’s with the panic attacks?” Danny asked.
And with that the smile disappeared. “Don’t waste time before you start the interrogation, do you?”
“Nope. So what’s going on?”
“They happen every once in a while.”
“Did Mel ever see you have one?”
“Two days ago.”
“Haven’t the two of you spent like every night together for the past three months or something?”
“Yeah.”
“And you didn’t have any panic attacks then?”
“No.” Bennett sat back in the chair, more than a little shocked. How had he not made the connection? There had been no panic attacks ever since Mel had been around. He’d almost had one the night that stupid article had come out, the night of the anniversary of the crash. But he’d woken up with Mel in his arms and he’d gotten past it. She’d gotten him past it.
“What’s going on, Bennett? What are you doing?”
“Are you kidding me?” Bennett couldn’t stop himself from laughing. “You’re lying in a bed, half-broken, and you’re asking me what’s wrong?”
Bennett didn’t think it was possible for Danny’s face to get more serious. “I might be broken physically, but that’s nothing compared to being broken mentally. I told you not to fuck it up with Mel.”
“That you did.”
“Why didn’t you listen? Cindy told me everything Mel did, too. Did you know that she went back to our house and got all of the kids Christmas presents so they’d have something to open tomorrow? Did you know that she arranged for Santa Claus to come see my kids tonight? Did you know that she arranged and paid for meals to be brought here every day so that they didn’t have to eat McDonald’s? Did you know that she sat and talked to my wife for hours and comforted her? That she took care of my family that she barely even knows? That she took care of them because of how much she loves you? Did you know all of those things?”
Bennett sat there, stunned. It took a moment for his brain to make his mouth move. “I knew a few of those things.”
“That should’ve been enough. Don’t ruin it, Bennett. Don’t ruin the best thing that’s ever happened to you. I almost missed out on my best thing, and I thank God every day I didn’t. Go to her. Go get her. Apologize for being an ass and beg that woman to come back into your life. You both deserve to be happy.”
“What if she doesn’t take me back?”
“Do you love her?”
“More than anything.”
“Then you try. You fight. You get off your ass and you get down there and you get on your knees and beg that woman for forgiveness. What is t
his what if she doesn’t take me back bullshit? You get her back. You do everything in your power to make that woman realize you are the only man for her. Do you want to look back on this, on her, and realize that you made the biggest mistake of your life? You see it now, so fix it now. At the moment, you’ve already lost her. So what else have you got to lose? Your pride?”
“No,” Bennett shook his head. “That’s long gone.”
“Good, because it’s going to take some massive groveling, my friend. But if it works, it’ll be worth it. Do you know why?”
Bennett nodded. “Because she’s worth it.”
* * *
Mel sat on the floor and stared at her Christmas tree. She’d dragged Bennett out to get one the day after Thanksgiving. It was right around when their relationship had started to change.
Bennett had spent a good hour fixing the strings of lights she had. A lot of the strings were only half-working, so he’d sat on the floor switching out fuses until he could get a whole strand to light up. Then they’d decorated it together, laughing and purposely brushing against each other as they went back and forth for ornaments.
Mel had spent the whole day trying to remove Bennett from her house. She’d put all his things in a bag and shoved it in the trunk of her car. But she couldn’t bring herself to move the presents from under the tree. She just couldn’t do it. She’d tried. She’d reached for them, held them in her hands, but she couldn’t pull them away.
No, she’d wound up plugging the lights in, putting on a thoroughly depressing CD by one of her favorite musicians, pouring herself a glass of wine, and sitting down in front of the tree. And that was where she’d sat for the past hour.
It was dark outside, had been for a while now. The sun was long gone and Mel was cold. She’d grabbed a blanket a while ago and wrapped herself up in it.
The presents weren’t the only thing she hadn’t been able to pack up. She was wearing his gray air force T-shirt. It was the same one she’d worn after the first time they’d had sex. The same one she’d worn more times than she could count. Bennett had laughed at her because she’d pretty much steal it the second it came out of the dryer. He’d given up all claims on it months ago.
Just like he’d given up all claims on her.
Damn, she was pathetic.
Teddy was lying down on the floor next to her, his little head resting on her thigh while she trailed her fingers through his fur.
“I think I need more wine,” she said, looking down at him. “I’m starting to feel sorry for myself again.”
Teddy stood up when Mel shifted. As she got to her feet, he stuck his butt in the air and stretched his paws out in front of him, yawning. He followed her into the kitchen, sat, and patiently waited for a treat that he knew was going to come. But before Mel could get one for him, his head perked to the side. He stood up and left the kitchen, heading down the hallway with his tail wagging.
“I just let you out. I’m not going out there again—it’s freezing!,” she called out after him.
Mel grabbed her wineglass from the counter, went back into the living room, and sat on the couch. She was tired of sitting on the cold, hard floor. She took another sip of wine as Teddy whined at the front door. “It’s too cold. I’m not standing there while you play around in the leaves.”
But Teddy didn’t stop. Instead, he got worse, getting up on his back legs and scratching at the door.
“Fine. Fine,” she said as she got up off the couch and put her wineglass on the coffee table. She slipped on her fuzzy slippers and pulled the blanket tighter around her. “I’ll take you out, but I swear, if you don’t do something productive I’ll…I’ll…I don’t know what.”
She opened the door—and that was as far as she got. Bennett’s truck was parked in front of her house. He was just getting out and slamming the door shut.
He stopped when he saw her standing there, and just stared at her for a few seconds before he said anything. “If you never want to talk to me again, I’ll completely understand and I’ll leave you alone.”
It took her a moment to remember how to speak. “I…I…um.”
He’d been holding his breath, and his whole body showed relief that she hadn’t ordered him away.
“How’s Danny?”
“Awake and coherent. He’s going to be okay.”
“Thank God,” she said, feeling a little relieved herself.
“Can I come up there and talk to you?”
She nodded, unsure of what to say or do. He quickly crossed the space to her and mounted the steps. The porch light illuminated him. He looked exhausted. It was etched all over his face, especially in those icy gray-blue eyes that she loved so much. He stopped a few feet in front of her and the distance felt like miles.
“I messed up, Mel. I screwed up so bad that I don’t even know where to start. Telling you I’m sorry doesn’t seem like it’s enough. It won’t ever be enough. Those two words can’t even begin to express the remorse that I feel. I was an ass. A colossal moron.” He took a step forward, but just one.
“Mel, you’ve changed everything for me. I didn’t think it would happen. When this started between us, I’d found that list of yours, of all these mottoes you wanted to live by, of all these things you wanted to do. These adventures you wanted to have. I wanted to be a part of them. I wanted to experience them with you. And in the process of doing all of those things, and in doing none of those things, I fell in love with you.” He took another step forward.
Mel couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t properly formulate words or remember how to move her mouth. She was dreaming. She had to be.
“I didn’t think I’d ever find someone that I’d fall in love with. But it happened. And it scared me more than anything else ever had. I didn’t know how to deal with it. When everything happened with the helicopter crash, when my life was torn apart, I let this overwhelming fear stop me from truly living. And then you came around, and I started living again.
“And then Danny’s accident happened, and I saw what the worst-case scenario was. He’s my best friend, and I didn’t know what I was going to do if he didn’t make it. And then I thought of you. Of losing you.” He reached out and caressed her arms. “All I could think about was that I wouldn’t survive. I wouldn’t survive losing you like that.”
“What changed?” she asked in a voice that was barely above a whisper.
“In my mind all I could think about was losing you like that, to some freak accident. But the thing is, I can’t survive not being with you at all, either.”
Mel wouldn’t have been able to stop the tears streaming down her face if she’d tried. Bennett gently pulled her to him. He brought his hands up to her face and swiped his thumbs under her eyes.
“You have to let me in,” she said as she put her hands on his chest and balled up his shirt in her fists. “You have to let me be a part of the good and the bad. To be a part of everything.”
“I know.”
“Do you really? You scared me up there. I didn’t know who you were or what was going on, and it was because you wouldn’t talk to me. When something happens you can’t push me away. You can’t say you don’t want to talk about it. You have to tell me. This, us, has to be more than one-sided, because I can’t do it this way, Bennett. I can’t do it alone.”
“I can’t, either,” he said. “Mel, if I were to write a list of everything I wanted to do, spending the rest of my life with you would be at the top. Without you in my life, none of it would mean anything. I stopped living before, but with you? With you I can’t stop living. You’re my big adventure. The best adventure I’ll ever be on.”
He leaned in and pressed his mouth to hers. His hands dropped from her face and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her flush against his body.
“I love you, Melanie,” he whispered against her mouth.
“I love you, too.”
He pulled back and looked into her face. “Enough to marry me?”
She fro
ze. “Are you asking?”
In the next moment Bennett was dropping to his knee in front of her, reaching for her left hand and holding it in both of his.
“You want to know my ‘I Didn’t Kick the Bucket List’? I want to wake up next to you every morning, even when you’re cranky and caffeine deprived. I want to come home to you every day. I want to have a handful of kids with you. I want to grow old with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. But the key in all of those things is you. I need you, Mel. I need you to be able to do any of it. I need you be able to do all of it. So, Melanie O’Bryan, will you marry me?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Now I can give you this.” He reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out a small box. He flipped up the lid to reveal an antique ring. It was white gold with a cushion cut diamond and two diamond filigree leaves on either side.
“It was Jocelyn’s mother’s ring. She gave it to me years ago so that I would have it when I found someone. I never thought in a million years I’d ever give it to anyone. But you changed everything for me.” He pulled the ring out of the box. “I don’t know if it’s going to fit.” He slipped it onto her left hand.
But it fit.
“I guess Jocelyn’s mother had thin fingers, too.” Bennett grinned at her.
“Get up here,” she said, pulling on his hands.
Bennett complied and got up off his knees. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her hard as he walked her backward into the house, Teddy following behind them. Bennett shut the door with his foot before he locked it. Mel grabbed his hand and pulled him down the hallway to her bedroom.
She turned to him when they were in front of the bed, and she let the blanket fall from her shoulders and puddle around her feet. As Bennett held her close, Mel reached up and grabbed his face.
“Don’t ever do that to me again. It hurt too much. I can’t do that again, Bennett.”
“Not ever. It’s you and me, Mel. I’ve got you. I promise.”
Epilogue
Unstoppable (A Country Roads Novel) Page 29
