Sawyer’s eyes crinkled as he laughed. “I wasn’t the only one who was into it. You were the prettiest pirate to ever wear an eye patch and wield a sword.”
Ava giggled. “We were quite a pair, weren’t we?”
“Best friends,” Sawyer said, his face taking on a somber quality as he gazed at her.
They had been best friends, until she’d married Billy. Her husband had been too threatened by her friendship with his cousin to allow the relationship to continue. And over a period of weeks, months and years, her relationship with Sawyer had grown weaker. Although they’d still seen each other on occasion, the bond between them diminished over time. And she had allowed it to happen.
“I missed you,” Sawyer said. His words didn’t need any explanation. They’d always had a language of their own, a special understanding that no one or nothing could breach. He’d just uttered the very words she’d been thinking. This past year without him had been almost unbearable.
“I missed you, too.” She looked away from him, suddenly afraid of the intense look in his eyes and the way it made her feel. Her stomach was beginning to feel as if a hundred butterflies were swirling around inside. Although part of her wanted to run from it, another part of her wanted to celebrate the raw feelings he evoked. It had been so long since she’d felt anything quite so powerful. “I’m feeling a little ashamed that I didn’t push harder for our friendship after I married Billy,” she admitted. “I should have been stronger.”
Sawyer shot her a knowing look. “It would’ve driven Billy over the edge.”
“It might have,” she acknowledged. “Or he may have just had to deal with it, to understand the ties that have always bound us together.”
After her marriage to Billy, Sawyer and Billy had continued to be close, but her husband had frowned upon her closeness to his cousin. “It just doesn’t look right,” he’d always said. Out of guilt and a desire to save her marriage, she’d pulled away from Sawyer. And doing so had wounded her terribly. She’d never wanted to consider what it had done to Sawyer.
“I shouldn’t have had to choose,” she whispered, her head bowed. “It wasn’t fair.”
He reached out and lifted her chin up with his hand. “You did what was right for your family. On the day you got married, you and Billy became one flesh. I understood that he and the twins came first before anything or anyone else.”
“There were times you seemed almost mad at me,” she said. “Were you?” She looked at him, curious to hear his answer.
“I could never be mad at you, Ava.” He reached out and caressed her cheek. “I was mad at myself for not speaking up before I went off to the Coast Guard Academy. By the time I came back, you and Billy were engaged.”
“Speaking up about what?” she asked. Her throat felt dry. She could barely push the words out of her mouth. What would Sawyer have spoken up about? Feelings she’d never suspected he was holding on to?
He smiled at her, a tender smile that went straight to her heart. “It’s all water under the bridge. What really matters is that I’ll always be here for you. No matter what.” He reached for her hand, giving it a little squeeze before letting it go. Something flickered in his eyes. She couldn’t be sure, but it looked a little like regret.
The sound of high-pitched screams had them both turning toward the beach. Casey and Dolly were running toward them from the path at breakneck speed, their little legs pumping through the sand. Dolly stumbled and landed on her knees but quickly picked herself up and kept going.
“Uncle Sawyer. Can you toss the ball with us?” Casey asked, his voice sounding slightly winded. Dolly held out a small rubber ball and she was grinning so wide at Sawyer that Ava thought her daughter’s teeth might break. Her kids sure knew how to pile on the charm when they wanted something.
“Of course I can play.” His eyes had a mischievous glint. “Why don’t we ask your mom to join us?”
She held up her hands and took a step backward. “Sorry, guys. I have to go up and help out before the bride and groom arrives.” She took a quick look at her watch. “Their session with the photographer should be ending soon. I have to make sure all the tables look pretty.” She held up a warning finger at the twins. “I don’t want to see any stains on either one of you. We still have a reception to get through.”
“We can still change before the clambake, right, Mama?” Casey asked.
She reached down and squeezed his cheek, earning herself a loud groan from her son. She didn’t know when it had happened, but her kids were growing up faster than she would like. As of late, Casey tended to resist cheek pinches and Mom kisses. At least Dolly was still good with them, she thought with a sigh.
“You can change into whatever you like for the clambake. By then you’ll have had your picture taken with Melanie and Doug, so you’ll be good.”
“Yes!” Casey shouted in triumph as he raised his arm in the air.
“Let’s go play before our time runs out,” Sawyer said with a clap of his hands. He ran a few feet down the beach with the twins racing at his heels. She stared after Sawyer and the kids, surprised by the rapid beating of her heart and the moistness of her palms.
Being alone with Sawyer had brought her back to the carefree days of her youth. Being near him made her feel more alive than she’d felt in years. His presence stirred up feelings she wasn’t certain she knew how to handle. Despite her best attempts to maintain a platonic relationship with him, it seemed as if her heart had a mind of its own. And it was leading her straight to Sawyer.
Chapter Six
Sawyer didn’t think he’d ever seen a happier couple in his life than his cousin and her new husband. The reception was in full swing, brought to life by a joyful bride and groom, Ava’s warm hospitality and a lively jazz band. All of Ava’s hard work had paid off, given the festive vibe in the air and the laughing, smiling faces of the guests. He was standing off to the side, watching Ava dance with the twins. Dolly was doing the mashed potato while Casey was waving his hands in the air and jumping up and down.
“Why don’t you go join them?” His best friend, Colby, had snuck up on him when he wasn’t paying attention. He’d been too preoccupied by the sight of Ava, Casey and Dolly cutting a rug to notice his approach. At six foot four and a head of copper-colored hair, Colby wasn’t often unobtrusive. He looked at him pointedly. “You know you want to.”
Sawyer shook his head. “Nah. It looks like they’re having a family moment.”
Colby frowned at him, his blue eyes darkening. “Aren’t you family?”
“Give it a rest, Colby.” He had the feeling Colby was seconds away from getting on his soapbox. His best friend was one of the few people who knew about his feelings for Ava. They’d attended the Coast Guard Academy together and had shared a tight bond ever since. It was Sawyer who’d invited Colby to move to Cape Cod from Washington State after they’d graduated. Although he’d assured him on many occasions that he was no longer in love with Ava, Colby wasn’t convinced. He believed that Sawyer was still smitten with the one who got away.
Colby jerked his head in the direction of Ava and the twins. “Go ahead. Live a little.”
Live a little. It was an inside joke between the two of them that went all the way back to the academy. Any time either one of them wanted the other to do something, he would utter those three little words. Knowing he wouldn’t get any peace until he acquiesced, Sawyer made his way onto the patio turned dance floor. When he reached Ava and the kids, he bent down so he was on eye level with Dolly. “May I have the pleasure of this dance, Dahlia?” He held out his hand and bowed his head as if she were a royal princess.
Dolly looked up at him shyly, her hazel eyes glistening with excitement. She giggled, then covered her mouth with her hand. She then grabbed hold of his hand, allowing him to twirl her around in circles. Not to be outdone, Casey re
ached for his mother’s hand and began spinning her around. He glanced over at Ava. She had her head thrown back, and the sound of her tinkling laughter sounded more beautiful than the live music. She was happy. He didn’t know if it was the wedding or the music or dancing with Casey that was making her so happy. And he didn’t care, either.
He was just so grateful that Ava was living in the moment and experiencing something wonderful.
He was thankful for this near-perfect day. There had been moments in Sierra Leone when he’d doubted whether his life would be spared. Clearly, God wasn’t done with him yet. He still had miles to go on his journey. Being back in the fold of his close-knit family was wonderful. Being able to spend quality time with Casey and Dolly was icing on the cake. And Ava. Mere words couldn’t express his gratitude that she’d squashed her anger and forgiven him. Not being part of her life didn’t feel like an option.
A tight knot formed in his stomach as a feeling of anxiety settled over him. Things were too perfect. Perhaps it was the calm before the storm. He couldn’t help worrying that when Ava learned about his argument with Billy, she’d find it impossible to forgive him. He could try his best to explain, but knowing her blind loyalty to her husband, she’d never want to talk to him again.
Blame. Sometimes when things got real quiet, he thought about his role in his cousin’s death. More times than not, as of late, he found it harder to blame himself. Memories of Billy’s drunken escapades—the DUI during his last year of college, his refusal to do a stint at rehab, his habit of always having a drink at social events—all pointed toward an underlying issue his cousin had never fully addressed. Sawyer had had this fog hovering over him for the past few years because of the trauma of losing his cousin. The grief within his family had been unspeakable. Coming home to Cape Cod had served as a healing balm. He was looking at things in his life with a new perspective. His experiences in Africa had allowed him to come back to Buzzards Bay with a fresh set of eyes. At some point, when he wasn’t paying attention, the fog had lifted.
And although he knew sooner or later he would have to come clean with Ava, he still held a kernel of hope that the truth would shine brightly rather than casting a dark shadow over their lives.
* * *
As the beautiful blue skies turned to pewter, the temperature began to dip into the fifties. While the guests headed down the path to the clambake, Ava switched up to more comfortable clothes—a pair of jeans, a short-sleeved shirt and an oversized sweatshirt. Dolly and Casey had already changed into their playclothes and ran ahead of her down to the beach. By the time she made her way down, everyone was standing around the cooking pit as chef Bob from the Lobster Boat began dishing out the food. Within seconds of her bare feet touching the sand, the happy couple made a beeline toward her.
Melanie reached out to embrace her, planting a warm kiss on her cheek. “Ava, Doug and I wanted to thank you for this lovely reception. It means the world to us.” Melanie was grinning from ear to ear, looking radiant in white linen pants and a matching top.
“You’re very welcome. It was my pleasure.” Although she didn’t want to dampen Melanie’s spirits, she needed to make mention of Billy on this sacred day. He’d been such a big part of the Trask family and she knew everyone was feeling his absence today. She turned toward Melanie. “You know Billy would have been over the moon about you finding the love of your life. He would be so proud of you today.”
Melanie’s eyes filled with moisture, and she blinked the tears away. “I miss him so much, Ava. He used to tell me all the time that I was going to find love when I least expected it.” She let out a chuckle. “And he was right. Who knew I would find my other half on a fishing outing?”
Ava laughed. “The Lord works in mysterious ways, doesn’t He?”
“Melanie told me that you used to do this for a living, Ava,” Doug said. He looked around at the tiki torches, the raging bonfire and the blankets scattered on the sand, his face filled with admiration. “If you don’t mind my saying so, I think it would be a shame if you didn’t get back to work real soon. You’re very talented.”
“Thank you, Doug. It makes me feel good knowing I’ve helped to make this day special,” she murmured, feeling pleased by the effusive praise. It had been a long time since she’d received a compliment on her party-planning skills. She made a shooing motion with her hands. “Go on and enjoy the clambake, you two. These memories will last you a lifetime.”
As they walked away hand in hand with blissful smiles etched on their faces, a million thoughts were racing through her mind. Working on this event had been challenging and invigorating. It made her realize how much she missed her party-planning business. After Billy’s death she hadn’t possessed the creativity or the wherewithal to continue working with clients. She’d been too busy trying to hold herself together and make sure the twins were happy and healthy. For the past two years they’d been living on the money she’d received from Billy’s life insurance policy. But that money wouldn’t last forever. It was a sobering thought. With a mortgage to pay, two children to feed and clothe, plus incidentals, she needed a steady income. Next year the twins would be in first grade, which meant they would be in school full-time. Pretty soon she’d have a lot of time on her hands to dedicate herself to building her business back up.
It was a little scary knowing that her family’s financial future rested on her shoulders.
“Penny for your thoughts. You look as if you’re trying to figure out how to accomplish world peace.” Sawyer walked up, juggling two plates in his hands laden with food. Lobster tails. Baked beans. Corn on the cob. Clams. Shrimp. Ribs. It seemed as if he’d taken a sampling of everything.
“Sure you can handle all that?” she asked with a grin. Her stomach growled as the scent of the food wafted in her direction, reminding her that she’d barely eaten anything all day. She hadn’t realized how hungry she was until this very moment.
“This one’s for you,” he said, offering her a plate while holding the other one steady. “You’ve worked really hard today. It’s time you took a load off your feet.” He nodded in the direction of one of the Adirondack chairs they’d set up near the cooking pit. Ava settled into the chair, letting out a contented sigh as her tired feet finally got a break. He quickly pulled another chair over and lowered himself into it.
Sawyer’s considerate gesture warmed her heart. Being thoughtful was his sweet spot. It was one of the qualities she found most endearing about him. When she was knee-deep in mourning he’d come to her rescue, doing things for her that she’d never be able to repay him for. He’d cooked for her, done her grocery shopping, taken her to doctor appointments and planned countless outings for Casey and Dolly. He’d offered her a lifeline when she’d been sinking, and she’d held on to it for dear life.
The truth was she’d had this weight on her chest ever since Billy died. Sometimes it felt as if it might pull her under. And now, because of Sawyer, the tight feeling was beginning to loosen up. She’d experienced more happiness today than in the past year combined. The wedding had served as a reminder of life’s beautiful moments, while Sawyer’s soothing presence had lifted her up.
* * *
As she watched Doug take Melanie in his arms and guide her across the sand to the rhythms of the jazz band, she felt a strong sense of community. For so long now she’d avoided social gatherings. Looking around her, she recognized old family friends, parishioners from Sea Street Church and a handful of classmates from high school. Sunny and Ella were being sociable and talking with a group of friends. The twins were running along the water’s edge with Daniel. Her in-laws were holding hands and swaying side to side to the music. It was nice to see the two of them so relaxed and upbeat. Losing their only child had been a devastating blow, one they were still struggling to recover from.
Beside her, she felt the full impact of Sawyer’s strong, powerful presence. Charmin
g, wonderful Sawyer. His arm brushed against hers, and she felt a shiver of awareness run through her. He was so solid, so incredibly masculine and reliable. She would trust him with her life and those of her children. His nearness was making her think thoughts she’d assumed were dead and buried.
After Billy, she couldn’t imagine ever wanting to be with another man, to press her lips against anyone other than her husband. Now her mind wandered back to a certain soul-stirring kiss with Sawyer that had nothing to do with friendship. Even though the kiss was a year old, she remembered it vividly. It had started out as comfort, then quickly blossomed into something powerful. They’d both been stunned into silence afterward, neither one of them knowing what to say or do to get things back to normal.
Right now she just wanted to lay her head on his chest or reach out and clasp her hand with his. Anything, just to be connected with him. The urge to reach out and touch him was making her fingers feel restless. Jolted by where her thoughts had taken her, she placed her free hand in her lap where it could do no damage. What was she thinking anyway? She needed to be realistic about the situation. The last time she’d shared an intimate moment with Sawyer, it had led to his abrupt departure from Cape Cod. If she was being honest with herself, she’d admit that forgiving Sawyer was still a work in progress. Although they were in a good place, there were still moments when she worried about him leaving again and what it would do to the twins. And her. What would it do to her if she didn’t have him in her everyday life? She couldn’t deny she had a huge stake in this. Having already lost Sawyer once, she wasn’t about to run the risk of losing him a second time.
* * *
As the reception wound down, guests began to wander off into the night, all of them heaping praise on Ava as they departed. Sawyer could see the pride on her face, filled with the knowledge that she’d executed a memorable and lively event. The twins were curled up on a blanket, half-asleep and rubbing their eyes. He gently hoisted Casey up in his arms, followed by Dolly. He felt a little hitch in his heart as Dolly curled up against his chest, her little head resting on his shoulder. Casey let out a contented sigh that made its way straight to his heart.
Forever Her Hero Page 8
